The Mayer tattoo is hard to remove...

I just knew John Mayer had a hand in this. He must have the kavorkah.

Singer Jessica Simpson is said to be "sad, mad and confused" after being dumped by her boyfriend. Simpson has reportedly split with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo a day before her 29th birthday and reports have claimed that it was after she received a text message from ex-boyfriend John Mayer. That message was intercepted by the QB as he switched over to defense, according to some reports. Did Jon Mayer help break up Romo and Simpson. Friends are speaking out and they say that Jessica is all ove the place emotionally. [natl ledger]

Simon pulls his weight.

Earlier today, reports came off the wire stating that Paula Abdul was likely not going to return for a 8th season of American Idol. The new season auditions begin on August 6th and she still has not heard about her contract renewal. Well, when Simon Cowell got wind of this, he apparently put in his two cents:

After Paula Abdul’s manager said that it appears the American Idol judge would not return for season 8 of the FOX hit, her costars are singing a different tune. “She’ll be fine. She’ll be on the show,” judge Simon Cowell told Extra on Monday. “I don’t get a lot of say. I’ve just made it clear that I want Paula on the show. Full stop.” [people]

They're so doing it.

Boys will be boys...

Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson engage in a little greco-roman wrestling while on vacation in Italy--giving new meaning to the word bromance.

It's time for a fake bake

Note to Anne Hathaway. Self tanners are all the rage... try one.

Phoning it in...

OK. It's official. Paris Fashion Week should be renamed "Disaster Week." Christian Dior decided to phone it in. I mean, why bother finishing a dress? Seriously, how has no one sent laziness down the runway before now?

Karl Lagerfeld might wanna call it quits...

CoCo is rolling, scratch that, spinning in her grave. What has become of the House of Chanel? Something very wrong took place at Paris Fashion Week: Fall 2009.


Fireworks display gone wrong? Or serious skin rash? You decide.

Rejects from Tony and Tina's Wedding? Or acid-trip 80s flashback? Put me out of my misery.

Just what the hell is going on at Paris Fashion Week?

Sure, sweetie, darling -- Christian Lacroix was always avant garde and just a wee bit eccentric. But this, this is a bit much. Oui?




But this, my dears, is -- how you say: fab-u-lous! You'd never guess they were from the same runway. Ooo la la.

Really? Seriously?

So, it's a funny 10-second sketch, but a movie? Really? Seriously?

Will Forte's recurring sketch parody about an easily distracted MacGyver-type [MacGruber] has Ryan Phillippe and Val Kilmer in its sights for a full-length adaptation. Phillippe would play an Army colonel who recruits the jaded MacGruber (Forte) for a mission to stop a nuclear-armed villain, conceivably played by Kilmer. Kristin Wiig will reprise her supporting role. [entertainment weekly]

Three's Company if it's three bottles of wine...

Like i said earlier today, I totally blame Larry for this. He probably got her sauced up at the Regal Beagle. (Thank you folks! I'll be here all week. Try the shrimp.)

Police say Joyce DeWitt, who played the character Janet Wood on the popular show [Three's Company], was pulled over Saturday afternoon after she drove past a barricade near a park in El Segundo. Sgt. Danny Kim says an officer arrested the 60-year-old DeWitt after he observed signs she had been drinking and gave her field sobriety tests. [ap]

Don't need nothin' but a new bus

Damn, it's like someone has it out for him and his wigdanna...

Bret Michael's tour bus was involved in a five car pile-up in Toronto on the Fourth of July. According to a statement released by his Web site, the singer and his band were traveling from a Poison concert in Toronto to St. Paul, Minn. when a car lost control and slid into the side of the bus. The collision, which happened in Toronto, caused a five car pile-up on the highway. There was damage to all vehicles involved, but no serious injuries were reported. Michaels and the band were released from the scene following an investigation, the statement says. [us weekly]

I think the rock Gods are trying to tell him something... AND HE'S NOT GETTING THE HINT!

A truly touching tribute

Michael Jackson's memorial service, held today at LA's Staples Center was a moving, heartfelt and respectful tribute to a man some people consider the greatest performer to ever have lived. It was a carefully constructed event, performed with class and dignity -- no hamming, no upstaging, just genuine love and honor from a select few chosen to speak on his behalf and share their memories and thoughts about the King of Pop. Among those few was close friend Brooke Shields (who shared a very moving and private look into their relationship). But the truly tortuously sad moment came when MJ's daughter said a few words, then broke down in tears. For all that's been said, for all that's been surmised, it's clear people loved him. It's clear he had the support of his family, and maybe, in the end -- that speaks volumes. He was a complicated person, to say the very least. And I think my feelings about him will always be slightly conflicted. But, if his volume of work were to speak for itself, it tells the story of a deeply feeling soul who cared about this planet and the inhabitants who call it home. And, maybe that's the real story after all.

Jermaine, and all his brothers in attendance — as well as Janet Jackson — wore sequined gloves to honor their late brother, who famously wore a single glove. The Jackson brothers, who carried Michael’s casket onto the stage at the Staples Center, also wore yellow ties. [people]

The model-turned-actress spoke at the memorial about how they first met when she was 13 years old and instantly became friends...during her tearful eulogy, she smiled and said that "Michael always knew he could count on me to be his date." [us weekly]

“This is a moment that I wished I didn’t live to see come,” Stevie Wonder said at Michael Jackson’s memorial service in Los Angeles. “But as much as I can say that and mean it, I do know that God is good. And I do know that as much as we may feel, and we do, that we need Michael here with us, God must have needed him far more. Michael I love you and I’ve told you that many times so I’m at peace with that.” Wonder then performed “Never Dreamed You’d Leave in Summer.” [people]

Mariah Carey performs “I’ll Be There,”...Trey Lorenz... joins Carey onstage at the service. The pair riffed a little bit of the Jackson 5’s “Never Can Say Goodbye” into their performance while people in the audience wept. [people]

As the star-studded tribute to the King of Pop concluded, Michael Jackson’s own children, Prince Michael, 12, Paris Katherine, 11, and Prince Michael II (Blanket), 7, took the stage during a group performance of “Heal the World.” After the song, Paris gave an impromptu speech from the stage surrounded by the Jackson family. “I just want to say ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you can ever imagine,” she said through tears. “And I just want to say I love him so much.” Her aunt Janet Jackson then took her into her arms for a hug before the entire Jackson family then left the stage, closing the service that lasted more than two hours. [people]

Please, please, please tell me why people take these tools seriously???

Ugh, more from the vapid, useless wastes of space Heidi and Spencer. A muzzle -- my kingdom for a muzzle!!!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag Pratt shared some controversial views on a radio show earlier this week. In a Monday appearance on Alex Jones' radio show, Infowars, the couple revealed they feel 9/11 was an "inside job," say the idea that global warming exists is "mind boggling" and lament the "end of humanity."... "How are we so famous when...there's been nothing about the biggest bill since the Patriot Act being passed, [the Cap-and-Trade bill, which regulates carbon output, among other environmental issues] and nobody reading it," Spencer questions. [That's a good question: How ARE you so famous? - ed] "It's mind-boggling trying to say there's global warming right now." [Tell that to the polar bears, genius. - ed] Jones also brings up the idea of human microchip implantation to erase the need for credit cards or identification. Heidi is troubled by the idea. "This is very serious. It says in the Bible this is the mark of the beast, and that is a sign of worshipping the Devil. So over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body," she says. "My body belongs to Jesus Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus, and I will speak out to Christians....this chip is the end of humanity." [Has Jesus heard that God-awful CD of yours? Talk about the end of humanity. - ed] Spencer backs up Jones' belief that 9/11 was an "inside job." "From your research, it 100 percent is," Spencer says, adding later: "I want to throw up." He also compares The Hills to the government. "The narrator [Lauren Conrad] didn't get along with us. She skewed the information on the show, just like the American government can manipulate the media," he says. "We used to have a phenomenal relationship with the media, they've kind of turned on us now because they've created us into such a monstrous thing...like they made us too big, like they Obama-sized us...." [us weekly]

Hey Speidi, how about a nice cup of "shut the fuck up"?

Happy Family

The official pic of SJP, Matthew Broderick, James Wilkie and the new twins...
Very sweet...

Shit we don't care about...

Yawn...

Kevin Jonas Gets Engaged!

Hilary Duff Joins Gossip Girl

Bradley Cooper and Renée Zellweger on a Date?

Idol's Blake Lewis to Release Dance-Pop Album

Kendra Shares Her Honeymoon Playlist

Kim Kardashian Puts Her Closet on eBay for Charity

Real Housewives: Danielle's Soapy Past Revealed!

The media circus continues...

Michael Jackson's life was certainly a strange one, but just as he lived -- he died in much the same way. Details are now emerging about his death, his will and the plans for his funeral...

The Autopsy. Results were leaked by the UK Sun and later retracted, in part.

The Times reports, on L.A. Now, that the Los Angeles coroner's office has dismissed these reports. An autopsy was done Friday by the Los Angeles County coroner's office. Toxicology tests will take several weeks to complete...."I don't know where that information came from, or who that information came from. It is not accurate. Some of it is totally false," said coroner's spokesman Craig Harvey. Some? The Sun report describes Jackson as weighing 112 pounds. His stomach was completely empty except for partially dissolved pills. It claims his hips, thighs and shoulders were covered with needle wounds. ... According to one Sun source, the “injection marks all over his body and the disfigurement caused by years of plastic surgery show he'd been in terminal decline for some years." The Sun also reported fresh injections around his heart from attempts to pump adrenaline into it to jump-start it. [la times]

The Will. Jackson names his mother as guardian of his three children. Should she be unable to do so, the custody reverts to a close friend, instead of one of his many siblings.

The close, lifelong ties between Michael Jackson's and his friend Diana Ross are made dramatically clear in his 2002 will – he chose her to raise his three children if his mother is unable to do so. The Jackson family matriarch Katherine Jackson, who is now watching the children, is named as the primary guardian, followed by Ross, 65, if Katherine dies or "is unwilling or unable" to act as guardian, according to the will, released Wednesday. ...It was signed almost exactly seven years ago, on July 7, 2002, and predates a 2005 custody fight between Jackson and Debbie Rowe, 51, the mother of his two older children, Prince Michael, 12, and Paris, 11. Rowe's attorney claims Rowe now has parental rights over those kids, which she can exercise now if she chooses. (Jackson has a third child, Blanket, 7, whose mother is unknown.) [people]

The Funeral. Petition filed to bury Jackson on his Neverland Ranch denied.

Michael Jackson will not be allowed to rest in peace at his beloved Neverland Ranch. The singer's family, who wanted a funeral at Jackson's former home north of Santa Barbara, was not able to obtain a residential exemption required for a burial on private property. ... Colony Capital, the investment company that purchased Neverland in May 2008, tried to get an exemption for burial. "They couldn't get it in time," a Colony spokesperson says. [people]