Looks like my casting job is done

Wanted: three uber annoying douchebags to play the three douches in The Three Douches.

Quick, someone wind her up

PoshBot looks like she's winding down. Good thing Eva Longwhoria was right there to catch Baby Harper before she fell from PoshBot's arms. Someone bring the charger around back and let's bring this robot back to life!

I dunno know who the crazy lunatic is here

But one of these two is a sick fuck. Maybe both -- that's the only reason I can find for why SJP would subject herself to looking like a complete asshole in these Phillip Treacy "hats".

Is that what they're calling it these days?

"Partner" yoga = not something I'd sign up for....

Wonderin'

I'm wondering if the reason why Christain Louboutin creates such high-heeled shoes is cause he secretly wants to carry the broads that wear them and cannot walk. I reckon he's got a lift-and-carry fetish. If you don't know what that is, Google it for christssake.

Just sayin'

Dia Frampton's cover of Heartless is the most sublime thing I've heard in a longggg time.

PAN AM On Location 10/28/11

They're filming PAN AM in my neck of the woods this week. Sneaked behind the gates to snap these exteriors. Word around town is there are cast members on set, but no one could tell me exactly who. Ah, well. Fun to see the shooting nonetheless. Not to mention how weird it is to see the PAN AM plane sitting there on the runway. It's like traveling back in time.

Meth Teef

If this isn't a walking anti-drug PSA, then I dunno what is? All's I gotta say is: The More You Know.

So going to hell for thinking what I'm thinking while looking at this picture

RIP Steve

Truly one of the brightest minds of this generation. The Edison and DaVinci of our time.

Emmys 2011: Red Carpet Live!

OK, let's get this party started.

Kelly Osbourne, looking pretty good. Love the color on this gown, but it's fitted poorly at the top. Still, she looks great considering her father's the Prince of Darkness.

Emmanuelle Chriqui in a red stunner from Donna Karan, but the bottom looks like a bunch of cocktail napkins tacked there with a hasty stitch or two.

Julia Stiles. Love this very feminine silohuette. Lots of pretty draping on the bodice.

Cobie Smulders in a gorgeous teal-y, robin's egg blue chiffon gown with flowing train. So far, my favorite look for the evening.

Jayma Mays in a well... in something I'm pretty sure one of my 1980s Barbies wore. Ooof, this is a hot mess. It's a near antebellum-catastrophe, all that's missing is the hoop.

Jennifer Carpenter channeling Jennifer Lopez, but without the curves and the entourage. It's a little Vegas-y for my taste. I'm not averse to bling, but I dunno. I'm on the fence here.

Christine Baranski. I kinda love this. She looks fab in this daring plunging neckline. The sleeves are constructed in an unexpected way and the collar is a nice touch. It's not your average LBD. Well done. 

Joel McHale, who's obviously put getting on the worst dressed list on his agenda for this evening. 

Lea Michele, looking fabulous as usual. The back is a draped plunger. The sleeves are origami-esque. Fits like a glove. Exact same color as the red carpet. Lovely. 

Christina Hendricks, who should be playing Marilyn Monroe in the upcoming biopic -- not Michelle Williams, but I digress. This color washes her out and I'm not crazy about the fit on top, but with a top like that -- it's always hard to get the fit right. 

Cat Deely in Monique Lhullier. Eh. Terrible bag. Beach hair. She looks like she rolled out of bed. 

Michelle Forbes. Some might find this boring, but the detail is to die for. The bust line is really flattering, as are the soft rosettes on the skirt. Really lovely. 

Juliana Margolies. And we have a contender for WORST DRESSED. On film, this dress is a complete disaster. Trust me when I say a still photo does not do this catastrophe justice. Those jeweled embellishments on the bodice look like the giant teardrops of a sad hobo clown. 

Kaley Cuoco. This is a terrible photo of a really adorable dress, which is even cuter from the back. Some might chastise her for doing the red bag and shoes, but I think this is adorably retro -- sue me. 
 

Claire Danes. Ick. That is all.

Jane Krakowski in a silvery ivory number. She always looks fab. Rarely ever gets it wrong. 

Naya Rivera in a gorgeously retro formfitting gown. From the hair to the silhouette, she got it right.  

Kerry Washington. Great up top, falls apart by the bottom. Did they run out of lining? 

Elizabeth Moss in Marchesa, which might actually be one of my favorite dresses of the evening. 

Gwyneth Paltrow in Pucci. Yet another contender for WORST DRESSED. WTF is with the midriff? Really? So tacky.
 

 

Heidi Klum in Christian Siriano. I had to slam Siriano, but I gotta do it. I just gotta. The effing ruffles on this schmattah look like wilted broccoli. If this walked down the Project Runway, Heidi would tear it a new asshole. 

Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang. Gor-ge-ous. Nuff said.

Katie Holmes, who obviously stopped by the Emmy red carpet just after working out at her gym.

Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Winslet. Yawn. They bore me.  

The 2011 Emmy Nominees

The competition is fierce this year. 
Here's our two cents, with our picks in pink. 

DRAMA

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
Mad Men

Outstanding Actress in a Drama
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: SVU
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress in A Drama
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Margo Martindale, Justified
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Outstanding Actor in a Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
John Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Walton Goggins, Justified
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andrew Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

COMEDY

Outstanding Comedy Series
Big Bang Theory
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
Parks and Recreation
30 Rock

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot In Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Louis C.K., Louie
Steve Carrell, The Office
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

REALITY
 
Outstanding Reality Show
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef

Best Host for a Reality Series
Phil Keoghan, Host- The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, Host- American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Host- Dancing with the Stars
Cat Deeley, Host- So You Think You Can Dance
Jeff Probst, Host- Survivor

VARIETY

Outstanding Variety, Comedy Or Musical Series
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy
Idris Elba, The Big C
Nathan Lane, Modern Family
Zach Galifianakis, Saturday Night Live
Justin Timberlake, Saturday Night Live
Matt Damon, 30 Rock
Will Arnett, 30 Rock

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy
Kristin Chenoweth, Glee
Dot-Marie Jones, Glee
Gwyneth Paltrow, Glee
Cloris Leachman, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
Elizabeth Banks, 30 Rock

Live Blogging the 2011 EMMY Red Carpet

Beginning 6pm tonite, J&M will be Live Blogging the Emmy Award Red Carpet. Stay tuned (and keep refreshing)!

The EPIC FAIL of Bad Ideas

Here's something that shouldn't be happening: Charlie Sheen and ex Brooke Mueller are patching things up -- proving that misery does indeed love company. God help the city of Los Angeles, nay -- the world!

Charlie Sheen's newest goddess? His ex-wife Brooke Mueller! The divorced duo was spotted in L.A. Friday hopping aboard a private jet, and a source tells Us Weekly Sheen, 45, and Mueller, 34, are "thinking of getting back together."... A source tells Us the parents have been "getting counseling and therapy [with] the boys" and Mueller, who has struggled with substance addiction, is "actually responding to treatment." [us]

Run and tell that.

Like buttah...like a big stick of buttah.

God, I love a cat fight. I'm not proud of it, but I do like a good, juicy morsel of hot gossip now and then. But you knew that already, didn't you?

Well, then you should know this tidbit made my effing day. Anthony Bourdain, acid-tongued chef-turned-author/TV personality and Paula Deen, the self-imposed Queen of Down Home Cooking are having at it tooth and nail as we speak. And let me tell you -- this volley is worth every single sinfully delicious calorie:

Sniped Bourdain to TV Guide: "(She is) the worst, most dangerous person to America. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations, and she's proud of the fact that her food is f---ing bad for you. I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks."

Deen's not going down without a fight. The mayonnaise-loving, down-home cooking Georgia peach responded with an angry statement to Page Six, telling the column: "Anthony Bourdain needs to get a life. You don't have to like my food.... But it's another thing to attack our character. I wake up every morning happy for where I am in life. It's not all about the cooking, but the fact that I can contribute using my influence to help people all over the country. In the last two years, my partners and I have fed more than 10 million hungry people by bringing meat to food banks." She adds, "I have no idea what Anthony has done to contribute besides being irritable."

Humbled but unapologetic, Bourdain tweets: "Resolved: Next time I'm asked (for the millionth time) who the worst cooks on Food Network are, I'll just shut up. Who cares?" [yahoo/omg]

Someone hand me a Mint Julip already, 'cause goodness gracious, I've got the vapors.