R.I.P. Harvey

Another great one gone. You'll be missed, Harvey Korman. Rest in peace... Heaven just got a lot funnier...

OH, HELL TO THE NO!

This is a physical impossibility... no? Come on. Really? Stop.

Clay Aiken is going to be a father, PEOPLE has confirmed. "The story is true,” a rep for David Foster, told PEOPLE Wednesday, of the TMZ.com report that Aiken, 29, impregnated David's sister, music producer Jaymes Foster. "It is true Clay is the father. She was artificially inseminated by Clay. She's due in August." The rep added of Aiken and Foster, "They have been friends ever since American Idol, when they worked together." [people]

"She was artificially inseminated BY Clay." Does that mean he did the 'turkey baster' deal? It clearly means he didn't do the real deal. Someone explain this to me. PLEASEEEEEEEE!

Inside Chateau Brangelina

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a fly on the wall at Chateau Brangelina? Well, Star mag has the scoop (which I'm sure is totally founded in truth...) Here's a peek:

• The kids eat pizza and chocolate for breakfast
• The kids have regular screaming matches
• The kids have regular dart-gun wars
• The kids all speak in different languages
• The kids will all be in the delivery room when Angie gives birth
• The kids take baths late at night and get water everywhere
• Brad and Angie like to skinny dip at 2am

Don't tell me I'm gonna have to look elsewhere for my iced coffee...

...cause I'm a Dunkin' Donuts gal. Don't gimme none of that fancy shit Starbucks sells (Cafe Americana... say what?) -- cause I like my iced coffee to come in giant cups that cannot fit in my Sentra's cupholder. But now, Dunkin Donuts went and made a stoopit. (Y'all know I hate Rachel Ray... that coo-coo is way too hyper for my ass to take). But that being said, SHE'S NOT A TERRORIST SYMPATHIZER BECAUSE SHE WEARS A SCARF! (Today, Dunkin pulled the ad from circulation -- lest they piss off some crazies over NUTTIN'. If you wanna read Michelle "Horseface" Malkin's recent irrational rant (one of just many to entertain you on long winter nights when you've decided mental torture is a new parlor trick you'd like to try out, click here. I will not link you to her page, because I refuse to type her name into a search engine, lest I catch some of the crazy.) I mean, how friggin' stoopit is everyone making a fuss over this. Give me a large break, an iced decaf coffee light and sweet and a pumpkin donut. To go.

Lance bags another famous blonde...

Lance Armstrong may have one ball, but he has BALL -- if you catch my drift. He has elephantine BALL. He has brass BALL. This guy, who btw happens to be a friggin' cad, has been making his way through all of Hollywood's elite blonde population (Sheryl Crow, Tory Burch, Matthew MacConoughey ;) Now, he's on to Kate Hudson. Frankly, any dopey broad who takes up with him after what he did to Sheryl is a dumbass and gets what she deserves. Good on ya, Kate. You're gonna need all the luck you can get.

Joan gets an early birthday present...

You know, I'm turning the big 35 this year... and was feeling pretty down about it. But this has definitely perked mah ass up a bit:

George Clooney and his girlfriend Sarah Larson have split up after a year of dating, a source tells PEOPLE. The actor's rep, Stan Rosenfield, would only say: "We do not comment on George's personal life." [people]

Could George Clooney, who in 2001 was voted People Magazine's Most Eligable Bachelor, be back on the market? In Touch and People are both reporting on their Web site that the 47-year-old actor and his 29-year-old girlfriend Sarah Larson have called it quits after a year of dating. "George is relieved to be single again," an unidentified source told In Touch. "He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down." The "Ocean's" star recently left his Los Angeles home while Larson moved her stuff out, her unidentified friend told In Touch. [fox]

Ahhh. George. Smart, smart boy. Some day you'll realize that what you really need is a zaftique. liberal old bag from Long Island. I'll be waiting ;)

Very Wrong Headlines

Click if you dare:

• Porn Star Jenna Jameson: "I'm Following in Angelina's Footsteps"
• EXCLUSIVE: Christina Aguilera Reveals Her Bra Size
• UPDATE: Denise Richards Denies Asking for Charlie Sheen's Sperm
• VIDEO: Watch NKOTB Perform Their Old Hits

Someone give Ellen an award...

...cause after John McCain's appearance on her talk show, she deserves one. Ellen eloquently explained why it's only natural and human to give gay people the same rights as straight people. Oh, Mr. McCain -- your view on gay marriage happens to be segregationist. Look it up if it's unclear to you. (And that goes for Hill and Barack, too.) It's about time Washington catches up with the rest of the world. Watch it here.

MCCAIN: I just believe in the unique status of marriage between man and woman. And I know that we have a respectful disagreement on that issue.

ELLEN: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that it is looked at and some people are saying the same that blacks and women did not have the right to vote. Women just got the right to vote in 1920. Blacks didn't have the right to vote till 1870. It just feels like there's this old way of thinking (that) we are not all the same. We are all the same people. All of us. You're no different than I am. Our love is the same. (applause) To me what it feels like just, you know, I will speak for myself...it feels when someone says you can have a contract and you'll still have insurance and you'll get all that. It sounds to me like saying well you can sit there (points in one direction), you just can't sit there (points in another direction). That's what it sounds like to me. It doesn't feel inclusive. It feels isolated. It feels like we aren't owed the same things and the same wording.

MCCAIN: Well, I've heard you articulate that position in a very eloquent fashion. We just have a disagreement and I, along with many, many others wish you every happiness.

ELLEN: Thank you. So you'll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you said?

MCCAIN: Touché

Well Looky Here

It's dumb-ass plastic lips Daisy (ROL 2) dating Dave Navarro... I think these crazy kids are gonna make it...

Sayonara

Some of your favorite TV shows have gone on the chopping block... Here's a list of the sitcoms and dramas that won't be making it back this fall... (Cue the dirge)

• LAS VEGAS (Now all Josh has is Fergie and her incontinence problem)
  
• MEN IN TREES (Anne Heche is reportedly working on her latest personality disorder)
• OCTOBER ROAD
• NOTES FROM THE UNDERBELLY
• WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB (Better luck next time, Jim)
• OPRAH'S BIG GIVE (Guess altruism is not en vogue)
• CAVEMEN (There is a God)
• BIG SHOTS (A male Sex and the City? Surely you jest...)
• MISS/GUIDED (Oh, Judy... something else will turn up :(
• CASHMERE MAFIA (A Sex and the City rip-off? Surely you jest)
• JERICHO (There's not enough peanuts to save it this time)
• SHARK (James Woods is so depressed about the cancellation, he's actually dating women his age.)
• MOONLIGHT
• VIVA LAUGHLIN (1 episode strong)
• BACK TO YOU (Won't be back to you...)
• NEW AMSTERDAM
• UNHITCHED (Rashida, you shoulda never left The Office for a Fox sitcom)
• GIRLFRIENDS (Sheesh, they coulda given it a peaceful demise)
• BEAUTY AND THE GEEK (Such a loss...)
• BIONIC WOMAN (Not so bionic after all)
• JOURNEYMAN (Going nowhere apparently)
• QUARTERLIFE (Back to myspace with ya)

Much to everyone's surprise...

David Cook wins Idol by 12 million votes... Poor Monchichi. (Idol producers are now securing restraining orders against Mr. Archuletta....just in case.)

Oh, My. What will the bitch wear?

George "Oh My" Takei is taking advantage of California's new law to legalize gay marriage. But the question on everyone's minds is: What will his devoted papillion wear to the wedding? Oh My...

George Takei, the original Sulu from "Star Trek," announced over the weekend that he and his longtime partner Brad Altman will tie the knot this summer. The announcement comes on the heels of the California Supreme Court ruling that same-sex marriage is legal there. "Our California dream is reality," he wrote on his Web site. "At long last, the barrier to full marriage rights for same-sex couples has been torn down." [fox news]

Shotgun Wedding

She's so knocked-up.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were married Saturday evening in an intimate ceremony, their spokesperson tells PEOPLE exclusively. "We're delighted to confirm that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were married this evening in front of family and close friends," said the spokesperson. Simpson, 23, wore an ivory lace wedding gown by Monique Lhuillier and jewels by William Noble as she and Wentz, 28, exchanged vows in front of 150 guests at her parents' Los Angeles area home. Dad Joe Simpson performed the non-denominational ceremony, while sister Jessica served as maid of honor. Wentz's English bulldog, Hemingway, was the ring-bearer. Guests included Jessica's boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, as well as actor Donald Faison with girlfriend CaCee Cobb. some thing." [people]

Dear God, her creepy father performed the ceremony. Ugh. Ick. Phooey.

Radiant Moms-to-Be

It's the great white way for Kat-ay

Broadway fans, get ready for a yawnfest...

Katie Holmes will be spending a lot more time in New York City this fall: The actress has signed on to make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons....Holmes will play a woman who visits the family of her former lover, a missing pilot. It will be her first play since high school and Holmes will be on stage six nights a week. [people]

If she gets a Tony -- someone please just put me out of my misery.

You tell us

Is she Plus-Sized?

America's Next Top Model does. Whitney's been crowned ANTM. Why? Cause she's healthy? Because she's a 'normal' size? Because she's not emaciated, like the other contestants? Yeah, this is a real milestone for fat chicks... Suck it, ANTM, when you crown someone like this beautiful plus-sized model, who actually represents the majority of American women size-wise:


...then maybe we'll congratulate you for your open-mindedness...

Strange Bedfellows

WTF? This is by far the oddest Hwood twosome in history... BritBrit and Crazy Mel are on vacation together.... Who? What?

ET breaks news that BRITNEY SPEARS and MEL GIBSON are currently en route to Costa Rica on vacation together! Britney arrived on time, about 5 minutes after Mel, and the plane departed at 9:05 a.m. We spotted them leaving on a private plane to the Central American state early this morning. Sources tell us that Mel is taking Britney and her father JAMIE for a mini-vacation. We've learned they will be guests at Mel's home in Costa Rica. [et]

Cannes Can

The French Riviera has gone Hollywood... Here are some Cannes Film Festival arrivals... Some hits, and some very obvious misses... Oof. ;)

Angie's HUGGGGE

Rumor has it Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman opened their big mouths at Cannes the other day -- revealing that Angie is due on 8/19 with twins. Bet she and Brad were as pleased as punch with them both. She's obvi due soon, judging from the pics taken at Cannes -- she looks like she's gonna splode.

WHAT NOT TO WEAR

Posh needs a visit from Stacy and Clinton... who will, no doubt, give her a lesson on why it's always a good idea to visit your friendly tailor.

Two states worth living in: Massachusetts and California. Why? Because they had the BALLS to overturn the ban on gay marriage. The rest of ya wimpy states oughtah follow suit...

I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.

P.S. I’m registered at Crate & Barrel.

--Ellen Degeneres

You hadda see this coming

BritBrit may be on the mend, but her former boytoy Adnan the pap is still on the money train. Word comes of a sex tape he's "shopping" around Hwood:

Is Adnan Ghalib, the former paparazzo boyfriend of Britney Spears, trying to make one last grab at Britney Spear's cash? The National Enquirer is reporting that he's shopping around a sex tape that was filmed during their trip January trip to Rosarito, Mexico.

"Word is that the video starts with Britney undressing," said the insider. "She was wearing some cheap clothes that she bought down there in Rosarito. The sex wasn't particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout. At one point in the tape Adnan asks the singer to remove the pink bob but she refused. "Adnan tells her to take it off at one point and she says coyly, 'Take what off? There's nothing left to take off.'" [splash]

who, what, where?

SJP needs to fire her stylist. If that twit from the SATC movie is styling her in her private life now too... she's needs an intervention. This will not do. Look at how she showed up to the premiere of the SATC movie in London... (You can see it in her castmates' eyes -- can't you? The embarrassment and shame...?)

We're all over this like white on rice

In theatres July 25th
THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE

More pap pics from Jen and John's Tryst

Yet another bad choice

Jennifer Aniston needs an intervention. Where are her gal pals when she needs them? Someone needs to tell her that her taste in men is awful. Sure, they may be cute and attractive. They may be good in the sack -- but, if she's looking for a real relationship... Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson and now John Mayer ain't it. That being said: If she's looking for some fun... go on girl. ;)

Thursday May 08, 2008 01:45 PM EDT

He's....back! John Mayer arrived at the Mandarin Oriental hotel in Miami Beach at 12:30 p.m. today, Life & Style can reveal exclusively. It's the same hotel where the new woman in his life, Jen Aniston, is staying! [life and style]

9021-NO

What's that saying: Never swim in the same river twice? Something like that... you know I suck at remembering sayings... but you get the gist.

Kelly Taylor is returning to that exclusive zip code, 90210. As was rumored, Jennie Garth will make special guest appearances on the CW’s new spinoff of Beverly Hills, 90210, playing a guidance counselor at her alma mater, West Beverly High, the network announced Saturday. Garth is the first original cast member to sign on to the spinoff — though many former stars (including Tori Spelling and Ian Ziering) are lobbying for parts. [people]

MonChiChi's Dad banned from Idol

Idol's most timid top three finalist is probably a nervous wreck and shy kid cause of his overbearing 'dadanger'... see below:

TMZ has learned David Archuleta's dad, Jeff, has been officially banned from "American Idol." Here's how it went down. "Idol" sources tell TMZ Jeff has been a complete pain in the ass, interfering with the entire production. He has badgered producers, the band, vocal coaches and even other contestants. The final straw came this week, when Jeff wanted to change the lyrics to David's first song, "Stand By Me." Jeff insisted on adding a verse from Sean Kingston's hit, "Beautiful Girls." Producers sent him an e-mail telling him the lyrics could not be changed. They were beyond pissed when David sang the song with Kingston's lyrics during the live show. We're told by changing the lyrics, it created problems with the song's publisher and cost "A.I." a lot of money. Jeff was ordered to sit with "A.I." lawyers on Wednesday, who told him he was "banned from being in the rooms where David was learning or rehearsing his songs." It's "Idol's" position, since David is 17, he does not need a guardian -- just a teacher. Jeff will be allowed to sit in the audience during the live show but he's 86'd from anything backstage. [tmz]

meow. ;)

I need a cigarette

Jesus, take a look at that rock! OOOOF. Does he have that kinda cash? He's not Mimi rich, yet. After the divorce he'll be Mimi rich.

Bag of the Week

This week's installment comes from famed Italian designer: Prada...

Fashion Designer Prada was founded in 1913 in Milan, Italy as a manufacturer of leather bags. What is known today as Prada is mostly the work of the founder's grand-daughter Miuccia Prada (our picture). Miuccia Prada was born in 1949. After university, she entered the family business 1978 and soon revolutionized the appearence of its products. Her interest in unusual fabrics led to the distinctive trademark of Prada products: the surprising combination of materials. There are usually two discoveries to be made when dealing with Prada products: First, the surprise to see the use of a specific material in an unusual context and in consequence, the astonishment how good it fits the purpose. In 1989, she introduced women's wear with instant success, men's wear followed equally sucessful in 1995. Prada is said to be the most prominent example of a new form of inward-directed luxury. While in the eighties luxury was explicitly displayed, today an understated luxury is sought, only recognizable by insiders. Thus, Prada clothes avoid very loud clouring and easily appealing appearences. They are described as cool, comfortable, pure, graceful, and minimalistic. [citation]

Prada Small Rose Satchel

Shoe of the Week

Since Melissa and I aren't the REAL J&M, our financial status does not allow us the freedom to purchase delicious items from the creme de la creme of haute couture. So, we salivate via window shopping. On a weekly basis, Melissa and I will be bringing you the "Shoe of the Week" and the "Bag of the Week" -- based strictly on our own likes and inestimable taste. Enjoy envying the rich and famous with us, won't you?

This week's installment comes to us from Christian Louboutin...

Christian Louboutin was interested in women's fashion since he was a small child. In 1979, as he was walking alongside the streets of Paris, he noticed a billboard that instructed women tourists not to scratch the wooden floor in front of the Museum of Oceanic Art. Louboutin felt personally bothered by this sign, and, as a consequence, he would draw shoes with compressed buckles and with soles. He admits to having spent a lot of time as a teenager drawing these types of shoes in his school notebooks. These shoes would become the base of Louboutin's sales as a designer. Later on, Louboutin began attending parties and dance halls in Paris, offering his shoes to women at these events and venues. Most of the ladies rejected his shoes, claiming to have no money. Louboutin then decided to attend various designing schools, such as Chanel's and Saint Laurent's. Louboutin later opened a boutique shop in Paris; his store became distinguished not only because of his clientele, but also because he offered free coffee to shoppers. Such other sellers such as American company Neiman Marcus began to sell Louboutin's designs. Louboutin shoes also have a trademark red leather sole, making them instantly recognizable. Louboutin, who has been interviewed by fashion reporters such as Jacques Brunel, has seen his celebrity expand to such places like Monte Carlo, Singapore and the United States, among others. [citation]

La Donna Mary Jane Pump
Priced at a mere $600, a bargain.

Minnie stays Mum

Minnie's baby daddy's identity still a secret...

The British-born Riches star – who is in the U.K. promoting her second album, Seastories – will only say that he's English and "sort of in the same business." (She also revealed that they have no plans to marry in the "near future.") ... "I want to shield the baby's dad as much as I can because it wasn't his choice to get roped into all this stuff," she told the paper – adding that her first pregnancy way "unplanned" but "very happily received."

Hmm. So, he's English and in the business. We can narrow this down... can't we? Submit your guesses in the comments section.

pot smoking he is

THANK GOD HE'S GONE!!!!!

We're not surprised

Headlines that are not shocking us:

• Amy Winehouse Arrested

• CSI's Gary Dourdan Slapped With Three Felony Drug Charges
• Madonna Kisses Another Woman (Again!)
• Bad Night on American Idol for Jason Castro

So, maybe it's true after all?

People Mag's next issue will have the details on Mariah's wedding to Nick Cannon. I still am not buying it. They were probably just trying on outfits in one of her many walk-in closets and some unwitting pap got the wrong idea...

Met Costume Gala

Every year, the most glamorous NY event is, without a doubt, the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Gala. It brings out the cream of the crop of Hollywood elite and the big names on the roster of urban elite. Last night's gala was no exception... (Though some garments were questionable in taste and logic.)

NEW YORK — L.A. might have the Oscars, but Manhattan's social event of the season is the annual Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala, which draws bold-faced, glammed-up names from both coasts and across the pond. This year's theme? Superheroes, a fitting one given the massive box-office hit that was Iron Man, and the upcoming flicks The Dark Knight, featuring the Caped Crusader, and The Incredible Hulk. Designer Giorgio Armani served as this year's honorary chair, while George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Vogue editor Anna Wintour chaired the benefit extravaganza. [usa today]

Maggie Gyllenhal looking worse for wear, in a Coal Miner's Daughter getup. Oof. Someone fire her stylist.

Tee hee. She's made of wax. This get-up may evoke 40s glamour, but it also screams Leona Helmsley.

Near wardrobe malfunction ensues when Giselle almost reveals her boob to the salivating paps.

Oh, seriously? Seriously? For such a pretty girl, she does herself no justice. She has serious, consistent, fashion issues.


Flawless. Just gaw-geous. Where's skeletor?


Julie looking a bit boring and haggard.


Dear Lord. Who told her to put on the blue shoes? And could that dress be any 'oranger'?

Not loving the hair, but the gown is delish.


Oh, really now? Really? Someone forgot the order of dressing. Corset 1st. Dress last.

Nauseating. Where's the pepto?

Fergie has decided to change her stage name to "Morticia."



Argh. Is this witch still hanging around?