Joan and Melissa: Live Blogging the Golden Globes 2011 Red Carpet

You know the drill... let's jump right in:

Kelly Osbourne. I like the lines of this dress and it fits her well, but I find that streak rather distracting.

Olivia Wilde. Too much dress. Nice celestial-like details, however.

Jennifer Love Hewitt. NEEDS TO SIMMAH DOWN NOW. The hair, the color... the dress. Girl, this is the Golden Globes, not Miss America. NEXT!

Katie Lee (formerly Joel). Not even sure why she's here or warrants a run down the red carpet. But... she might have consulted a stylist instead of Mrs. Roeper. I blame Larry for this.

Julie Stiles. Yawn. The top is nice. But seriously, is she THE most boring person on the planet?

RED CARPET OBSERVATION: Darren Aronofsky really needs to lose the pornstache.

Oh, look. It's Rupert Murdoch and his nurse...er...wife.

RED CARPET OBSERVATION: Jake G. just showed up. He appears to be riding solo. AND Helena Bonham Carter is clearly on crack -- she's wearing two different shoes. I just... there ARE no words.

Julianne Hough, aka Ryan Seacrest's beard. The neckline's a bit much and the dress is a tad old for her.

Helena Bonham Carter. One can only assume the level of dementia that goes into creating an ensemble such as this one. Brava, my dear! Brava!!!!

Julie Bowen. The color may be too muted, but the details are gorg.

Eva Longhoria (formerly Parker, now removing the tattoo both literally and figuratively). Love the neckline callback to 40s screen queens and the broach on the waist.

Lea Michele. A little too cream puffy, but still pretty.

Natalie Portman. Everyone's saying how nice she looks. I think she looks like a reject from that episode of I Love Lucy. She's showing quite a bit! Apparently someone was keeping that secret well kept for a long time....

Emma Stone. Proof that Hollywood can ruin a good thing. She never should have gone blonde. And this Calvin Klein schmatta is just a drag. Boo.

January Jones. Welp, she's my contender for Worst Dressed (not counting Carter). This looks like a poor attempt at light bondage. Ooof.

Scarlett "Thank the good Lord she's freed Ryan Reynolds from her grasp" Johannsen. You can't appreciate this based on the photo -- but I assure you, she looks quite mad. The hair alone is a little Bride of Frankenstein. And the dress is too pale to appreciate the detail.

Julianne Moore. Oh for crying out loud, she should just never leave the damned house. She can't be trusted. Her dress is having a personality crisis -- and apparently her stylist is having one, too.

Nicole Kidman. Look, we know you're tall. Stop making it so obvious. Oh, and the dress...BOOORRRRRRINGGGGGG.

Mila Kunis (who's now officially Home Alone -- ha ha ha ha. Oh, that was corny). Lovely in this jewel tone emerald green... looks especially great w/her black hair.

Catherine Zeta Jones. In Monique Luhillier. Lots of green tonight. Just spied Angelina Jolie in green as well -- SHOCKING.

Jane Krakowski. Showing off her baby bump. Those are some high-ass heels for 2nd trimester, mama.

Angelina Jolie. I'm stunned. Not because it's a special dress or she looks all that special. But because she's actually wearing something other than white or black.