The EPIC FAIL of Bad Ideas

Here's something that shouldn't be happening: Charlie Sheen and ex Brooke Mueller are patching things up -- proving that misery does indeed love company. God help the city of Los Angeles, nay -- the world!

Charlie Sheen's newest goddess? His ex-wife Brooke Mueller! The divorced duo was spotted in L.A. Friday hopping aboard a private jet, and a source tells Us Weekly Sheen, 45, and Mueller, 34, are "thinking of getting back together."... A source tells Us the parents have been "getting counseling and therapy [with] the boys" and Mueller, who has struggled with substance addiction, is "actually responding to treatment." [us]

Run and tell that.

Like buttah...like a big stick of buttah.

God, I love a cat fight. I'm not proud of it, but I do like a good, juicy morsel of hot gossip now and then. But you knew that already, didn't you?

Well, then you should know this tidbit made my effing day. Anthony Bourdain, acid-tongued chef-turned-author/TV personality and Paula Deen, the self-imposed Queen of Down Home Cooking are having at it tooth and nail as we speak. And let me tell you -- this volley is worth every single sinfully delicious calorie:

Sniped Bourdain to TV Guide: "(She is) the worst, most dangerous person to America. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations, and she's proud of the fact that her food is f---ing bad for you. I would think twice before telling an already obese nation that it is OK to eat food that is killing us. Plus, her food sucks."

Deen's not going down without a fight. The mayonnaise-loving, down-home cooking Georgia peach responded with an angry statement to Page Six, telling the column: "Anthony Bourdain needs to get a life. You don't have to like my food.... But it's another thing to attack our character. I wake up every morning happy for where I am in life. It's not all about the cooking, but the fact that I can contribute using my influence to help people all over the country. In the last two years, my partners and I have fed more than 10 million hungry people by bringing meat to food banks." She adds, "I have no idea what Anthony has done to contribute besides being irritable."

Humbled but unapologetic, Bourdain tweets: "Resolved: Next time I'm asked (for the millionth time) who the worst cooks on Food Network are, I'll just shut up. Who cares?" [yahoo/omg]

Someone hand me a Mint Julip already, 'cause goodness gracious, I've got the vapors.

Too much Tiger's Blood will do that to a person

 Gotta hand it to CBS and the producers of Two and a Half Men. When scripting Charlie Sheen's big exit from the show, they wanted to make completely certain he couldn't -- ever -- come back. Now, the only way to possibly make that happen (should Charlie ever regain his senses) would be getting the cast to pile into a big ol' time machine or having him return to haunt Jon Cryer as the Ghost of Christmas Past. 

Here are some of the gory details of Charlie's funeral:

Charlie Sheen's character on Two And A Half Men will exit the series in a bloody bang. Earlier this week, pictures were released showing a funeral scene, complete with flower arrangements, church pews and one of the iconic bowling shirts worn by Charlie Harper throughout the show. Now new details have emerged revealing Charlie will die a violent death when he is mowed down by a subway trained. Chuck Lorre the show creator reportedly considered several scenarios, including having Charlie drive off a cliff, but he settled on a bloody subway accident. [dailymailuk]