Live 8 -- 2 days to go!

MTV and VH1 will be airing footage live from 12 to 8pm. London's performances promise to be the best, featuring U2 and Coldplay.

Sign the petition, have your voice heard and learn more at: http://www.live8live.com/

Bo Gets Hitched!!!

Melissa, he's officially taken. In his post-Idol interviews, Bo Bice mentioned his girlfriend back home...but didn't let on about the wedding they'd been planning. Today, comes this news from Yahoo:

"[Bice] tied the knot June 15 with longtime girlfriend Caroline Fisher in their hometown of Helena, Alabama. The newlywed news was confirmed Thursday...They swapped vows in an intimate ceremony at the New Hope Presbyterian Church with just immediate family present...The duo managed to keep the ceremony as hush-hush as possible. Their hometown paper, the Shelby County Register, just got around to announcing the duo's engagement this week. Perhaps it was Bice taking out the marriage certificate under his legal name, Harold Elwin Bice Jr., that helped keep the nuptials under the radar....News of Bo's wedding comes a day after his first single, "Inside Your Heaven"/"Vehicle," opened at number one on the singles charts...The Bices have a few weeks to honeymoon before he is due to hit the road with his fellow finalists on the eight-week American Idols Live Tour."

Pitt & Jolie Tighten The Bond

Looks like the relationship between Angelina and Brad is definitely deepening. Jolie was reported in a recent interview as saying she's very fussy about who she introduces her child to. She must be confident Brad will be a mainstay in her life to let her son become attached to him. Above is one of the most recent pictures, taken at Jolie's English country home. More from Yahoo News:

"In the six pictures featured in the July 11 issue, Jolie stands in a field near her Buckinghamshire, England, estate while a shirtless and bleached-blond Pitt rides a dirt bike with her safety helmet-clad son Maddox. Other photos show Pitt, Jolie and 3-year-old Maddox at Luton Airport outside London....For months, rumors have been circulating about the extent of Pitt and Jolie's off-screen relationship. In April, photos published by Us Weekly of the couple with Maddox on a beach in Africa fueled speculation about a possible romance, though Pitt and Jolie weren't shown being affectionate with each other."

Bennifer2 United

They finally made it legit. The secret wedding took place today in the Caribbean. It always surprises me when celebrities manage to pull a huge event like this off in secret.

"Representatives for both actors confirmed the marriage to The Associated Press on Thursday. Their publicists, Ken Sunshine and Nicole King, also confirmed that Garner is pregnant with her first child. The confirmation came after Us Weekly reported that Affleck, 32, and Garner, 33, were wed Wednesday at the Parrot Cay resort in the Caribbean islands of Turks and Caicos. The National Enquirer also released photos it claimed showed Garner arriving on the islands..." [AP; Yahoo News]

Wedding pics to show up shortly, I presume. --Joan.

The Wedding Spot

A typical view at Parrot Cay in the islands of Turks and Caicos where the Bennifer nuptials were held.

You Gotta Get Up Pretty Early In The Morning...

...to believe the crap he's selling. I've been noticing that anyone, any Scientologist that is, who comes out of the woodworks lately to defend Scientology and Tom Cruise's recent statements, professes the same things to be true or untrue about the medical community and Scientology. Its almost like they're reading from a script...or, more likely, have been coached. On tonight's installment of Anderson Cooper 360, a Scientologist came on to defend Cruise and claim that "psychiatry is a psuedoscience" (which Cruise also said in his interview with Matt Lauer) and that "communication is the universal solvent" (which Tom Cruise said in an interview on The Early Show. The more I listen to the argument, the more I hear the same catch phrases uttered over and over again -- as if repeating these diatribes will make them true. Food for thought.

Here are some of the more interesting excerpts from The Early Show interview:

Cagle: ...Why, especially in recent years, have you become so vocal about Scientology, about psychiatry, which you're against?
Cruise: Communication is the universal solvent. That's why I talk about it. What I believe in is that people should be able to think for themselves, and they should be able to make decisions, based on information, on being informed. I don't believe that children should be forced on drugs. I think parents should be informed on the effects of these drugs.
Cagle: I think what upsets some people when you talk about this, what upset Brooke Shields, for example, is that you imply that someone's own experience with psychiatric drugs was, they were mistaken by the way it helped them; that other studies that are done that contradict what you believe are erroneous
Cruise: What do you mean?
Cagle: Other studies that show that maybe Ritalin does help some kids.
Cruise: When you see a study done, you have to look and see who did the study. When someone's on these psychiatric drugs, they have to try and step off these drugs, and I've stepped people off these drugs, Jess. They can go into seizure. All right, it's easier to step someone off heroin. It's more dangerous. They need a medical detox on these drugs.
Cagle: And yet some people have said they've taken them for a while, and then they've gotten off them, and it's helped them through a rough time.
Cruise: Jess, it's a point of, you look at something and you go OK. I've been on the other side of that, when people's lives have been torn apart, where you talk about suicides, where we're looking at now Ritalin is street drug; it's a study drug, because it's an amphetamine. Look, you don't have to believe me. I'm just saying, look at the data and where does that data come from? Now you need to evaluate" What is help, Jess? Is "help" that that person will sit there quiet? Did you really get to the root of the problem?

http://www.cbsnews.com/st/27/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main704512.shtmories/2005/06/27/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main704512.shtml

Cruise: We Are Not Alone

More insight from TC:

Asked in an interview with the tabloid daily Bild if he believed in aliens, Cruise said: "Yes, of course. Are you really so arrogant as to believe we are alone in this universe? "Millions of stars, and we're supposed to be the only living creatures? No, there are many things out there, we just don't know." [Reuters]

Just to recap...

Since Scientology has been in the news so much as of late, due to TomKat's recent declarations...I thought it relevant to recap a recent statement made by a semi-high-profile Scientologist. Jenna Elfman made a bizarre statement in Jan. 05 and kind of just dropped off the the face of the earth. Here's the quote, from Scientology's publication: Celebrity...

"I intend to make Scientology as accessible to as many people as I can. And that is my goal," Elfman said. To do this, she says, it is my "duty to clear the planet." By "clearing"” she means to rid the world of '“body thetans'— aliens who Scientologists believe inhabit the earth from a nuclear explosion 75 million years ago."[MSNBC]

Yeah, that sounds perfectly reasonable. --Joan

PDA Central...

At the NYC premiere of War of the Worlds. She might consider tossing her heels for flats. I'm convinced TC is a midget. There has to be at least one woman who doesn't tower over him. --Joan.

At this rate, they'll be celebrating their Golden Anniversary tomorrow.

It gets 'curiouser and curiouser'...

"The besotted pair that are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have made another proclamation of their love - with Tom declaring that he wants kids with his fiancee. He didn't beat around the bush when he was asked whether he wanted children with her, confidently replying "yes". "We would have to talk to our families about it," he added." [Sky Showbiz/sky.com]

I don't understand this... Why would they have to talk to their families about having children? They're adults. And, correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't planning to have children something that's between the couple -- and no one else? So, I'm not clear... are they seeking permission? Are they requiring something else from their families...like DNA? Rumor has had it for quite some time that Cruise is infertile, which is why Nicole Kidman and he decided upon adoption. Furthermore, there were rumors that Nicole became pregnant -- thus proving her infidelity and leading to the ultimate dissolution of their marriage. Tom was quoted as saying: "Nic know what she did wrong." Even still, these rumors died down quickly enough...giving them less credence.

Should Tom and Katie decide to adopt or conceive by other means, other than the conventional kind...then it's safe to assume many, if not all, of these rumors have been confirmed.

We'll keep watching. --Joan

Celebrity Idol? Yes, please :)

Breaking news on the Idol front, from E! Online:

"Instead of watching gifted nobodies battle for fame and glory on American Idol, fans of the talent search may soon be able to watch their favorite stars duke it out on the newly minted Celebrity Idol. ... Ten famous folk would make up the cast, pitting their vocal stylings against one another for a $1 million prize, which would go to the winner's charity of choice...there would be no embarrassing auditions to determine who made the cut. The show would reportedly be broadcast as a 10-episode miniseries of sorts over a two to three week period. Viewers would still vote by phone to determine which contestant would be eliminated and the results would be revealed on the next performance show. Producers are working on attaching Idol judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson, as well as host Ryan Seacrest, to the project. Fox exec Mike Darnell told Daily Variety that the plan was "to go for the biggest talent possible," in terms of the celebrities who would make up the cast. "We're looking for people who can sing but aren't known for singing," Darnell said."

God knows, Melissa and I will be glued to the screen. ;) --Joan

Armchair Preacher

As if you thought the Tom Cruise freakout couldn't get any weirder, Cruise sat down with Today show host, Matt Lauer to discuss the recent events in his life, and -- oh yeah -- push that new movie he's in. Such a multi-tasker, that Level 6 Operative Thetan. Cruise proceeded to be downright condescending to Lauer in what was an uncomfortable segment for the usually light celebrity spotlight. Here are some of the more awkward moments, as stated in the CNN wrap-up [http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/24/people.cruise.ap/index.html]:

On Katie and Love:

"I have never worried ... about what other people think and what other people say." ... "I have to tell you. It's just a great time in my life," ... "I'm really happy. And, you know, I'm engaged. I'm going to be married. I can't restrain myself." The actor, whose marriages to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman ended in divorce, declined to say what Holmes has brought to his life that wasn't there in the past." I don't want to compare things," Cruise said. "It's that thing where you just -- in life when it just happens. ... You meet someone. And it's -- I can't even describe it."

On Katie and Scientology:

"When asked if he could be with someone at this stage in his life who doesn't have an interest in the Church of Scientology ... "Scientology is something that you don't understand. It's like you could be a Christian and be a Scientologist."It is a religion. Because it's dealing with the spirit. You as a spiritual being."

On Brooke Shields, anti-depressants and psychiatry:

When Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants, Cruise told the "Today" show co-host he didn't know what he was talking about. "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do." ... "Matt, Matt, you don't even -- you're glib," Cruise responded. "You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done."

Phew. Hard to read. Even harder to watch, I presume. So glad I didn't have to catch this en vivo. I would have gotten that "embarrassed-for-him/feel-like-i'm-hanging-off-a-cliff" feeling I always get when someone is making a complete ass of themselves in public.

To CNN's credit, they posted an interesting poll alongside this story. Here are the results so far:

Tom Cruise calls psychiatry "a pseudoscience." Do you agree?

Yes 21% 8745 votes

No 79% 33434 votes

Total: 42179 votes

© 2005 Cable News Network LP, LLLP.
A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved

--Joan

Blood is thicker than water...

Does anyone have trouble believing Lindsay's career may end up being the focus of a Very Special Episode of Jerry Springer? --Joan

"Lindsay Lohan's uncle Paul Sullivan has been arrested for allegedly misusing a government loan. Sullivan's company the Ropa Group acts as exclusive agent for the Hyundai Motor Company to the United Nations, but vital trade was lost after the September 11th terrorist attacks - leading the business mogul to apply for a $1.5 million loan in an attempt to revive the company and its subsidiaries. The Ropa Group was granted a loan of $647,000 on the understanding that $98,000 would be used for working capital and $548,300 for outstanding debts and liabilities. However, the complaint alleges debtors were never paid, and that their endorsements on the checks had been faked. Sullivan, who was tried at US District Court in Central Islip, New York, was released on a $250,000 bond. Sullivan denied the charges, insisting, "Everything is fine. It's a misunderstanding." [IMDB]

Hermes says: My Bag...

It would appear the world's most famous talk-show host can't even get a friggin Hermes bag... which means Melissa and I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell. This comes from the people at IMDB:

" Oprah Winfrey isn't likely to return to any of Hermes' stores in the near future after being humiliated by store bosses in Paris, France. The luxury goods company was forced to issue an apology to Winfrey earlier this week, after the talk show host was turned away at the door of the Paris store last week, while she was shopping for a gift for pal Tina Turner. Security staff informed Winfrey that the store was closed for a public relations meeting, but the TV star's best pal and traveling companion Gayle King insists Oprah was treated badly. King says, "People were in the store and they were shopping. Oprah was at the door and she was not allowed into the store... It was one of the most humiliating moments of her life." Winfrey's pal also states that Oprah is upset by the Hermes' apology because "it implies that nothing offensive happened". Winfrey has called the president of Hermes in America, Robert Chavez, to inform him she will no longer be shopping in his stores. Oprah has also cancelled a bag she had on order from the store."

Now, I understand's O's gal pal feeling the need to defend her friend...but, "one of the most humiliating moments of [Oprah's] life"??? I think that's going a little too far. -Joan

Come on, come on, come on, come on...take it...take another little piece of my heart now, baby

First of all... Sunglasses should never be that large and round. She looks like a bumble bee. 2nd... Is that the woman "Rodriguez" who is "coaching" her? Or is it his sister? --Joan

Ugh...

she is so damn talented, but has no goddamn fashion sense. damn. --joan

This dress is awful for her body type. --Melissa

Batman Begins and Ends for Holmes...

Seems like Katie Holmes' On-Cloud-Nine romance with Tom Cruise is affecting her career...negatively. This from IMDB.com:

Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman have signed to star in a second Batman movie, but love interest Katie Holmes has been dropped. Movie bosses are thrilled with the response to Batman Begins - it took $46.9 million in its first weekend at the US box office - and have snapped up the film's stars for a sequel. Bale as Batman was the first to put pen to paper, followed by Caine as butler Alfred and Freeman as Bruce Wayne's business associate Lucius Fox. But Holmes won't reprise her role as district attorney Rachel Dawes - reportedly because Warner Bros is angry her engagement to Tom Cruise has stolen media attention away from the movie. A source tells Pagesix.Com, "Everyone is in agreement that the movie's strength is with Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman." Adding of Holmes, "She won't be in the sequel... the next romantic interest will be a much stronger actress. Warner is happy that people are now focusing on who'll be playing the Joker rather than Katie and Tom."

I wonder if that woman's face froze like that

Butterscotch Stallion...

[This is all over the blogs this morning: Owen's nickname is The Butterscotch Stallion. We need to know why and how it came about.]--Early on 6/21/05

Mystery Solved... Sorta. The well-known blog Defamer seems to have coined the term "Butterscotch Stallion" in reference to Owen's blonde locks and rustic charm. Melissa and I, search as we might, were unable to find any other derivation of this nickname...to prove what was heard on this morning's Stern show. Per Stern and his cohorts, the NY Post's Page Six column mentioned Wilson's nickname and a story that has him engaged flagrante delecto w/a woman, who claims he "licked her ass for 2 hours straight." Thus, coining the nickname. Wilson denies this story. Until there's more to tell...that's all there is. --Joan, later on 6/21/05

Jennifer Garner is a very lucky woman, part two

Jen G. waits for B.Aff to unlock the door for her while he's sucking his ciggy on the other side.




Also see the original Jennifer Garner is a very lucky woman.

Well, this couple gets my vote to replace Britney and Kevin as this year's BEST IN WHITE TRASH. First of all, she shouldn't be drinking anything from Starbucks while she's pregnant. And him... who the f smokes anymore? I mean, get a friggin' life... at least he's not smoking in the car, w/the windows up, w/his pregnant girlfriend next to him. I predict these two will have their own reality show in a few months time -- PREGNANT: WITH BENNIFER2. --Joan

Joan, I cannot even believe that after all this, you'd still take Ben over Matt. From day one that these two came on the celeb scene, I was always about Matt and will forever be. He's just so much hotter and seems the smarter of the pair and more put-together. Joan, you disappoint me with your Ben preference. And judging from the length of that ciggy, it looks like he just lit it...Jen's gonna be waiting for a while before these two drive away, if he indeed isn't going to smoke that cancer stick with her right there. --Melissa

Everyone's Wondering...

...has Tom Cruise flipped his nut? Here's some interesting insight from Richard "Two Thumbs Up/Down" Roeper:

Earlier this year, though, Cruise fired his longtime and fiercely protective publicist Pat Kinglsey, and replaced her with his sister. I don't want to lay all this on the sister-publicist, but something tells me Kingsley would have at least advised Cruise against making out with Holmes on red carpets; acting like a 15-year-old by hopping on a sofa and doing an I'm-in-love-dance with Oprah; ripping Brooke Shields on "Access Hollywood," and getting into all sorts of debates about Scientology and its crusade against psychiatry.

Can you imagine a 43-year-old Clint Eastwood falling to his knees, pumping his fists, holding hands with the host and dancing on Merv Griffin's chairs to declare he was in love?

Yeah. Me neither.

To read the rest, go here:
http://www.suntimes.com/output/roeper/cst-nws-roep07.html

His most recent press appearance at the London premiere of War of the Worlds had him soaking wet:

Tom Cruise was squirted in the face by a man posing as a reporter. Four men were released on bail after being arrested and were ordered to return to a police station Monday....

Cruise initially appeared to laugh at the incident but then asked the prankster: "Why would you do that?"

As the man gave a barely audible excuse, Cruise said: "Do you like thinking less of people, is that it?" The prankster tried to walk away but Cruise reached across the metal barrier, held his arm and said: "Don't run away. That's incredibly rude. I'm here giving you an interview and you do that ... it's incredibly rude." [yahoo news]

Go here to see the video of him reprimanding the guy who did it!

And, Melissa has this to add:
Did you hear the latest? I don't know if this is the real reason or a rumor but it's juicy nonetheless. You know how Scarlett Johannson was picked to play opposite TC in MI3? She just recently dropped out cause supposedly TC gave her a three-hour spiel on Scientology on the set and then took her upstairs to a dining room where high-level Scientologists were gathered, waiting to have dinner with TC and SJ! She left the set and then dropped out of the film.

To which I replied:
Get the frig outta here!!! I heard she dropped out, but didn't know y. I also heard they're thinking about replacing her w/katie. Big surprise!!!

What's really going on? Who knows... But we'll be on it when the next outburst bursts!

--Joan

For more info on the TC/SJ debacle, go here. According to this article, TC is on a rampage trying to find new blood to recruit. When SJ didn't return his phone calls, he turned to other young Hollywood stars. GET A LIFE, TC! --Melissa

Katie, Do you take this Level 6 Operative Thetan?

Well... it's official: The engagement that is. Tom and Katie are gettin' hitched. Yahoo News provides the scoop:

"Cruise said he and girlfriend Katie Holmes are engaged, after he popped the question early Friday morning atop the Eiffel Tower....

The couple often shared smiles and blushes as Cruise turned to look at her, with a massive diamond ring on her finger.

"It was early this morning at the Eiffel Tower, so I haven't slept at all," he said. "Today is a magnificent day for me, I'm engaged to a magnificent woman."

Asked why he chose the famed Paris landmark, he said: "I've never been to the Eiffel Tower. It's Paris, it's a beautiful city, it's very romantic."

Cruise said no date for a wedding has been set: "We haven't discussed that — one step at a time," he said. "Let's see. We're not sure." ... Holmes did not speak to reporters, but at one point, Cruise whispered to her: "Are you OK?" Afterward, the two hurried into a car before leaving for a promotional event in Marseilles, southern France. ...

Holmes was in London earlier this week to promote her new film, "Batman Begins." She had also dismissed accusations that the couple had staged a relationship for publicity.

Holmes said then that she was embracing Scientology — Cruise's religion."
[By SOPHIE NICHOLSON, Associated Press Writer]

And, there you have it. Together, they'll save the world. --Joan

I gotta put this out there...the proposal on top of the Eiffel Tower, although it's probably one of the most common and played out, is also sooooooo romantic! But that aside, these two are bananas, like Gwen S. says, "b-a-n-a-n-a-s." --Melissa

Here are some pics of the ring, I'm sure Xenu helped TC pick it out...



"Hi, I'm Tom, I just asked Katie to be my pretend wife. I'm so high on vitamins right now. Holy cottonmouth."

Xenu! Yeah, I Said It! And I'll Say It Again!

Tom Cruise with David Miscavige, Chairman


Well, this thing with Tom Cruise just keeps getting weirder and weirder. While driving in to work this morning and listening to Stern, as I'm wont to do, a whole new world was opened to me: The World of Xenu.

What, pray tell, is Xenu? Well, I hope you're sitting down for this... According to the convo on Stern's show this morning (and backed up by the site: www.xenu.net, Operation Clambake)... Xenu is a Space Monkey. And, not your average run-of-the-mill Space Monkey either (That's him up in the right-hand corner of the above picture). See, the story goes like this:

75 million years ago, Xenu came to Earth to deal with the over-population problem. He placed Earth's population near all of the volcanoes and set off H-Bombs simultaneously. But the thetans, or souls, remained. And... well... it's really quite convoluted. I suggest you go to xenu.net to read the rest...

What does this all have to do with Tom Cruise? Well, this is the core belief of Scientology. And, being a mid-level Scientologist, Tom is able to "control energy and affect space and time." It's his mission, as for all Scientologists, to free the world from Xenu's control. I shit you not. From xenu.net's FAQ on Celebrities and Scientology, a court testimony/statement states the following:

127.  The purpose of auditing at the OT III level, such as Tom

Cruise has received, is to contact and audit the bts and clusters so

that the bts and clusters leave the body of the auditor.  The purpose of

this is to free the person from the determinism of the bts and clusters.

However, the bts and clusters that are released by the solo auditor are

now back at the beginning of their implant which they received 75

million years ago.  Survival then retriggers the basic implant which

then picks up a body, or attaches to one that is already occupied, and

re begins the whole cycle.

 128.  The ultimate goal of auditing is the return of self

determinism and abilities of the person being audited.  In other words,

to return the person to the state they were in 75 million years ago

before Xenu handled the over-population problem.

Go here to read the rest of this testimony: http://home.snafu.de/tilman/faq-you/celeb.txt

Now, as for Katie. Well, she is being chaperoned at her publicity events by a woman who is on the same level in the church as Tom Cruise. They are "grooming" her as she accepts Scientology into her life. (As heard on Stern this morning.)

--Joan

Jennifer Garner is a very lucky woman

From being married to the sweet Scott Foley to bearing the child and being betrothed to the frattiest of frat boys...

Actress Christina Applegate still can't believe Ben Affleck deliberately displayed his genitals to her while shooting a movie scene. The 33-year-old was working with the eccentric heart-throb on Surviving Christmas last year, when she saw more of him than she expected. She says, "They were doing a shot of a briefcase and Ben put his stuff on the case. It was gross." And Applegate is not the first Hollywood star to witness his racy humor, director Kevin Smith had to endure Affleck's favorite prank - resting his scrotum on the back of the movie maker's neck during breaks on the set of movie flop Jersey Girl. [IMDb]

Jesus Juice anyone?

Melissa: Well, well, well...another day of utter disappointment in our country’s judicial system, more so our jury system, which I’ve always have been uncomfortable with. I’m just not confident enough that 12 Joe Schmoes starring at the face of one Michael Jackson, international superstar, child molester or not, Jesus Juice provider to the underage or not, can properly decide the fate of such a deviant mind (and I truly believe he is deviant). Someone who has defiled young children is now free to walk the planet along with the likes of OJ who murdered two people. On the flip side, Martha who pulled out of her stock based on an inside tip, went to jail for it. While that is wrong too, it is money, M-O-N-E-Y. With the MJ thing, we’re dealing with people--children. While I can’t rant totally on MJ for what he did, which is wrong no matter who was at his house or in his bed (YUCK!), the parents of these children are absolute retards for letting them sleepover at this freak’s house in the first place. No way in hell would I ever, ever let my 10-year-old stay over at a 47-year-old man’s house unsupervised. For what??? What can a 47-year-old man possibly want with 10-year-olds sleeping over??? That is a gigantic red flag. Obviously, something is wrong. But you know why these parents let their kids sleepover? Cause it’s MJ. Had it have been any other 47-year-old man, these parents would have been like, "Ew, get away from my child, you child molester freak!"

Joan: Melissa, I can’t agree w/you more. This entire freakshow is really just the most ridiculous fiasco I’ve seen recently. The fact that this jury of MJ’s peers exonerated him only gives him license to go ahead and do it some more. He will, no doubt, continue this abhorrent behavior – and probably to a much higher degree. How many times can one man be tried/brought up on similar charges and not have to pay for his crime? If I had a nickel for every person who has said: Oh, well…he’s sick. He doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. Bullshit. He knows full well what he’s doing is wrong – for crying out loud – he built his estate into a kiddy park to lure them in! The only adults this man deals with are the ones he employs and his shady family. Another thing I hear is: Oh, you can’t send a man to jail just cause he’s weird… Um, it’s not just cause he’s weird – cause if it was he’d be serving 20 consecutive life sentences. It’s because, as he admitted on national TV, he SLEEPS W/BOYS!!! My God – has the idea of celebrity colored people‘s minds so much they are incapable of seeing what’s obvious??? How is it that celebrities, like OJ, Robert Blake, and MJ, don’t get put in prison when they commit crimes against humanity – but Martha Stewart gets put in prison for stock fraud. Just goes to prove that the laws of this land do not protect women and children... Money, my dear Melissa, is much, much more important and held to a higher degree than life.

Melissa: Oh for crying out loud! I cannot believe there are MJ supporters crying out of joy that this mofo’s been cleared on all charges. I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that there are supporters and true believers in this freak of a man. And those who think that he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong are warped, sad human beings who would hand over their children to him so they can "play" with MJ. Give me a break! I’m just so baffled. There is not a doubt in my mind that MJ is completely sane and knows exactly what he’s doing.

Joan: Such is the state of our population… And I blame the press, too. They can’t multi-task. This will be on TV for another week to come—at least. Legal analysts from around the globe are gathering to discuss the intricacies of this case…and meanwhile, the world’s going to pot. The headlines on CNN don’t fairly represent the true breaking news happening that this moment... And frankly, I’m sick to death of it.

And, on that note...

I heard Katie Holmes is embracing Scientology...

Melissa: ...And that Paris has decided to give herself two more years in the limelight before bowing out. Can't happen soon enough, IMO.

T is for Tom Thumb

Hi, I'm Tom. I love women and Scientology rules.

We know TC luvs the younguns...

...but this is just ridiculous.


Of course, the FUG girls do it best.

Something's going on...

June 2004:


June 2005:

You.Will.Never.Forget.

TomKat made another appearance at the Batman Begins premiere in LA the other day. Of all the photos of the premiere HERE, more than half are of TomKat and there are barely any of Christian Bale, who, um, actually.............plays BATMAN.

G'day, Mate... No, really... Relax, Mate.

If you've been following the news of late, then you're aware that Tom Cruise has lost his mind... Here's yet another Cruise-flying-off-the-handle incident, courtesy of IMDB...

"Tom Cruise displayed a darker persona during a recent interview with an Australian TV reporter when a journalist quizzed him about his relationship with ex-wife Nicole Kidman. The Top Gun hunk, who famously grins and giggles through tough questions, wasn't smiling when Peter Overton's probing questions "crossed a line". After berating Overton for poking fun at his chosen religion, Scientology, Cruise got serious when the reporter asked one too many questions about his family. When Overton posed, "Do you have a relationship where you talk... a parenting relationship and talk professionally about each other's work?" Cruise glared at his interviewer and stopped him dead in his tracks. The movie star said, "Listen, here's the thing, Peter, you're stepping over a line now... and you know you are." When Overton insisted he was only asking questions the public wanted to know, Cruise shot back, "Take responsibility for what you want to know... This is a conversation that I'm having with you right now. So I'm just telling you right now, OK, just put your manners back in." Overton was quick to apologize to his guest. "

Happy birthday, Joan!

72 years young!



72? IN DOG YEARS.... Jeezy Creezy, Melissa...could you find an older picture of me? I look like I'm being strangled by the 80s. What's the difference anyway...better this picture than one of me now... I am single-handedly keeping Botox in business. Can we talk? --Joan

Set those VCRs, DVRs, TiVos, whatever...

Tom Cruise on Leno tonight. Hopefully, for our entertainment, he will act insane. And perhaps pluck Katie from the backstage area?

Identify this pit-sniffer

Oh SNAP!

The words between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise are heating up. Here's the latest from Brooke's mouth:

Actress Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise's ongoing feud has intensified - after the Suddenly Susan star mocked the16 year age-gap between the actor and his new girlfriend Katie Holmes. Cruise - who has helped people fight drug addictions through his controversial Scientology religion - recently attacked Shields for becoming dependant on anti-depressant Paxil, following the birth of her daughter Rowan. And Shields has continued her war of words against Cruise following his "dangerous" comments, by offering him a child ticket so he can take Holmes to see her in hit London musical Chicago. She says, "If he wants to see Chicago, I've left him two tickets - one adult, one child." The actress recently took a swipe at Cruise's religious beliefs, by saying she wouldn't take advice from someone who devotes his life to aliens. [IMDB]

She's pleading for your help...

If you're interested, you can order here.

You have to love good old fashioned American ingenuity...--Joan

Tom Cruise is crazy

First this:

May 29th--KATIE Holmes is not sporting a ring yet, but she is engaged to Tom Cruise. Just a month after the two started publicly canoodling to express their "love," Holmes packed her bags and moved in with the star and, pals say, she's accepted a marriage proposal. We also hear that Holmes, a Christian, is converting to Scientology. One pal said, "She had her initial meeting with Tom
at the Scientology Center in L.A., and she goes with him now a lot. She is converting." Holmes has also switched agents at the Creative Artists Agency - from her longtime rep to Cruise's rep. Cruise's sister/rep, Lee Anne DeVette, was traveling and didn't return calls. [Page Six]

Now this:

June 2nd--TOM Cruise continues to impose his Scientologist views on Katie Holmes. She was set to star in "Factory Girl," about doomed Andy Warhol protégé Edie Sedgwick. But Cruise told Holmes to nix it, insiders said. "Edie was in and out of mental institutions and on all sorts of psychotropic drugs," said our spy. "Tom doesn't believe in those drugs because of Scientology." Another insider said, "Tom didn't want her to take the role because it portrayed her as a victim and he said she should only take strong roles." Holmes' rep said: "Katie is not attached to that project." [Page Six]

George Carlin put it best: "A CRAZY PERSON DOESN'T REALLY LOSE HIS MIND. IT JUST BECOMES SOMETHING MORE ENTERTAINING." Ain't that the truth.

Calling all John Hughes Fans...

All of you Breakfast Club fans...listen up. In case you haven't heard, here's the scoop...courtesy of IMDB.com:

"The stars of cult 1980s movie The Breakfast Club are set to reunite at the upcoming 2005 MTV Movie Awards this weekend. Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson and Anthony Michael Hall have agreed to reunite for the awards show at the Shrine Auditorium. Emilio Estevez wasn't confirmed for the Movie Awards get together as we went to press. Meanwhile, pop punks Yellowcard will perform Simple Minds' hit single "Don't You Forget About Me," which was the theme from the 1985 John Hughes movie. Mariah Carey and Eminem are also scheduled to perform at the show. Rockers Nine Inch Nails pulled out of a performance last week over a disagreement about a President George W. Bush backdrop they intended to use for their set."

What's Emilio's deal? I think we can all agree, Hall's career is more happening than his at the moment. -- Joan.

Note: Kudos to NIN.

411Mania.com lends the scoop:

"As Reznor stated on the band's website: "Nine Inch Nails will not be performing at the MTV Movie Awards as previously announced. We were set to perform 'The Hand That Feeds' with an unmolested, straightforward image of George W. Bush as the backdrop. Apparently the image of our president is as offensive to MTV as it is to me.'"

There goes MTV's rep as being cutting edge and a voice for the youth. Nice going. Really.
--Joan.

Why am I not shocked?

Angelina Jolie is a sex maniac? Nooooo. You have to be kidding me. Sure, she's cleaned up her act. But everyone must remember the cutting-herself-during-sex/wearing-billy-bob's-blood-in-a-vile-around-her-neck days, right? Come on... it's not that long ago. I have shoes older than her divorce papers. So, really, this news from IMDB.com should come as no surprise:

"Angelina Jolie dumbfounded Mr. And Mrs. Smith director Doug Liman with her eagerness to make sex scenes in the movie as eye-watering as possible. Liman instructed the sexy 29-year-old to perform the kinkiest sex acts he could think of, just to shock her - but none of his suggestions were new to the saucy star. He says, "I suggested she should perform the most graphic, crazy sex act I could imagine for the love scene just to try to shock her. Like 10 steps beyond anything I'd consider doing in my own life. She starts furrowing her brows. I'm like, 'Oh, never heard of that one?' She's like, 'No, actually I'm just trying to figure out whether I've done that one.'"

Now, I ask you...does anyone believe Pitt and Jolie didn't...you know...do I have to spell everything out for you? --Joan.

Oh god, you know they effed.--Melissa

What were the odds...

...of her finding, dating and marrying a man who shares her name? Is this shit for real? And what crazy bastard would marry her...? More from Hollywood.com:

"Heiress Paris Hilton has got engaged to her Greek shipping heir boyfriend of eight months, Paris Latsis.

Latsis, 27, proposed to Hilton, 24, on May 25 after she returned from a three-week trip to Europe to promote her new movie House of Wax--and they marked the engagement on May 29 with a barbecue for 75 friends at their Hollywood home."

Paris is quoted as saying: "I'm happy to have found someone to spend the rest of my life with." Hmm. If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you. --Joan

Katie Starts Damage Control

...when she must clearly realize, she got robbed... Who wants the crazy "old" Tom Cruise...when you could have had the pre-flip-out Tom? This from Hollywood.com:

"Actress Katie Holmes has angrily hit out at accusations her burgeoning romance with Tom Cruise is a publicity stunt....Holmes is hurt by the criticism, insisting she is genuinely in love with the hunky actor. She says, "I couldn't be happier. I'm so happy. He's the most amazing man in the whole world.""

Well, she has to say that...what else is she going to say? Ride that gravy train, girl! Ride it hard! --Joan.