There are no words...

...except that, I guess Scientologists don't believe in the dangers of excess exposure to radiation. A healthy dose of vitamin C should take care of that.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Not every family can afford one at a price tag of up to $200,000 but actor Tom Cruise says he bought a sonogram machine for his pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes so that they can monitor the development of their child.

In an interview with ABC's Barbara Walters to be aired on a November 29 television special about the "most fascinating people of 2005," Cruise said: "I'm going to donate it to a hospital when we are done."

A sonogram machine, which uses ultra-sound to look at a fetus's development, can cost between $150,000 and $200,000, according to People Magazine which published excerpts from the interview on Wednesday.

Cruise said he did not know the gender of the child but said if he did, he would not reveal it. Walters then asked him, "So what do you see?" and he answered "a little baby."

It's OVAH, Part ... Oh, I've lost count.

After just three short years of wedded bliss, Nick and Jessica have called it quits. (Melissa, what was our over/under in the pool on this? I think one of us won some cash.) Frankly, I'm surprised it lasted this long, what w/her vacant stares and clear mental incapacity and his waning career... there was bound to be tension. And let's face it, he was mainly in for the poon. Once the novelty of that wore off, he realized he was stuck w/an airhead, whose bottle of bleach was smarter than she was.



Here's E! Online's scoop:

This time it's for real. Honest.

After months of speculation on their marital status, Newlywed duo Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have come clean and announced they are breaking up.

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways," the couple says in a joint statement issued by their respective publicists, Meredith O'Sullivan and Rob Shooter.

"This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

There was no immediate word on whether a divorce was in the offing.

God knows what her crazy father, Joe Simpson, is going to do now that his daughter is getting divorced. Will he make her wear that crazy ring again? Does she have to become a "re-virgin"?

So, I wonder if this book (left) is going to go out of print. "How to Achieve your Dream Wedding." Maybe she should have been more concerned about a "Dream Marriage" instead. Hmm. Maybe I should snatch one up on Amazon. It might be a collector's item soon. --Joan.

Vince dishes over coffee

I don't have actual proof that the nose hair situation has been tended to, but a girl can dream, right?

Shop-a-Holic

On November 11th, yours truly attended the Lucky Shops event, hosted by Lucky Magazine -- a favorite of both Melissa and I. The event took place at Gotham Hall in NYC, and although I spent less than a planned (never a bad thing) it was a fab time.

Encircling the pantheon were 50 or so vendors, namely Chaiken, Marc Jacobs, Mblem, Delman, Bliss, Siegor Morrison, Lauren Merkin, and the Bluefly shop.

I picked up a fabulous Lauren Merkin bag for a steal (almost 75% off the original price!)...similar to this one. And some various other sundries.

On to the next shopping event ... Ciao! --Joan

Once in a lifetime...

The 11th Hofstra Presidential Conference: The New Democrat from Hope, President William Jefferson Clinton. November 10th, 2005. Hofstra University: Hempstead, NY.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I have a deep and abiding love for the man I feel was this nation's greatest president, Bill Clinton. That's why I'm so proud that I was able to hear him speak at my alma mater, Hofstra University. (Thank God for Francis... ;)

President Clinton addressed nearly 5,000 students, alumni, faculty, guests and former cabinet members/colleagues at the Hofstra Arena on November 10th. After a brief introduction by former Secretary of State Madeline Albright, Clinton quickly had the crowd enthralled...his command for public speaking is simply remarkable...

He spoke on many subjects, tailoring his speech to those would be politicians in the audience. He detailed his administration's successes and owned up to the mistakes that were made along with things that could have been done somewhat differently. It is rare to hear a politician accept responsibility for their policies and shortcomings (something our current administration is certainly having a hard time doing).

Clinton discussed his impeachment, in a now famous and much bandied about statement...which I will refrain from discussing here, since I feel "My bobby" has suffered enough on this topic. By the end of the speech, Clinton had stirred the crowd to a frothy mixture of hope, pride and excitement. I was absolutely buoyed up by the idea I had just witnessed a once in a lifetime privilege. Something I will always be thankful for and look back on with extreme pleasure.

Post speech, Clinton was awarded and honorary doctorate in Humane Letters by Hofstra's president. After which, there was some mulling around on the stage. What happened next, no one could have expected, especially since the secret service was in such great force. Clinton began walking down the steps of the platform and headed for the crowd. "The president's going to shake some hands," said a voice from the microphone. I knew one thing, and one thing only -- I HAD to get down there...

But, as I was in the first level of elevated seats, the security guards were not allowing anyone floor access. Keeping an eye on the progress down on the floor, I managed to work my way thru the throng of people, raced down the steps to the first floor, ran out onto the floor sections and to the crowd of people Clinton was shaking hands with. He was almost near the exit by the time I arrived...and I managed only to get 3-4 people deep from him... Although I didn't get to shake his hand, I did get to see him up close -- and, can I just say, the man is stunning. My Bubba love has only deepened.

*Sigh* It was a good night. :) --n

Our NY correspondant...

Our girl, Joan, is making her rounds at the Clinton appearance at Hofstra University in LI today. She'll be back with more!

Does this man ever sleep?

Vince Vaughn looks perpetually sleep-deprived. Here he is making an appearance at the Zathura, A Space Adventure premiere this weekend at the Mann Village Theatre.



And homeboy seriously needs a freakin' nose hair clipper.



Source: Just Jared

Eating my words...

Congratulations! Sienna Miller, you are the winner of this year's Dumb Shit Award! The winner of the 2005 Dumb Shit Award receives a lifetime of unhappiness, constant paranoia, and deep-seated insecurity in your relationship with a known cheater. We, on the panel of Dumb Shit voters, trust you'll be happy with this award for a short time -- but no doubt you will come to regret the decision that has made you the 2005 Dumb Shit Award recipient.

From Softpedia:

The romance between Jude Law and Sienna Miler restarts. The two have had an on-and-off relationship since Jude confessed to cheating with the nanny. Rumors also talked of a fling between Sienna and next Bond, Daniel Craig. In spite of all this, the actress, her mum and Jude were seen at top London restaurant Raoul's, where it seems that the couple decided to start over again.

Got Spunk?

Well, if you're itching to get knocked-up in one of two ways: naturally (which, in this case may make the second way more desirable) or through IVF...then today's your lucky day. Independent actor/director/lunatic Vincent Gallo is making his sperm available to those who want to ensure their offspring will be insanely eccentric and a blight on the face of humanity. Here's the scoop from IMDB:

An internet site is offering controversial film maker Vincent Gallo's sperm for sale for $1 million. VGMerchandise.com - which calls itself "the official website for Vincent Gallo merchandise" - includes a detailed agreement whereby wannabe mothers can pay for Gallo to inseminate them by in vitro fertilization (IVF) or even naturally for an extra $500,000, a fee it alleges he will waive if he deems the woman attractive enough. The site details the actor/director's physical attributes: "Mr. Gallo is 5 feet 11 inches and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy (eight inches if he's like his father)." It also recommends his sharp features would "blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female."

Here's more from the site's description of this...um...potential transaction (and I hope you're prepared to be offended):

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

...I wonder if Roger Ebert will give this performance two thumbs down? --Joan

Tom Pulls the Purse Strings

Looks like batshit insane Tom Cruise is asking his brainwashed and knocked up wife-to-be, Katie Holmes, to sign a prenup...*GASP* Guess all those gratuitous PDAs and couch-jumping exploits do have monetary worth after all... Can't expect a Scientologist to part with his cash so quickly, unless of course it's to be donated directly into the reliquary that is L. Ron Hubbard's urn. Here's what MSNBC has to say about the prenup negotiations:

Holmes's father, Martin, is a lawyer and is representing his daughter in the negotiations, reports the upcoming issue of The Star.

Martin Holmes is playing hardball with the prenup negotiations, according to the tab, which quotes a source as saying that Holmes wants to make sure that his daughter will receive "a lump sum payment in the millions if the marriage should dissolve before the five-year mark."

Such terms are unusual for a prenup, which usually awards a spouse more money for a longer marriage, but, the source tells the mag: "The Holmes family would never tell Katie if they thought her marriage was doomed from the get-go, but they are pressuring her to hold out not only to protect her interests, but those of her child."

Stay tuned, there's bound to be more. ;) --Joan