Live Blogging the OSCARS 2011 Red Carpet

It's the big night... and they're starting to arrive. Let's get to it!

Jennifer Lawrence. Yawn... in Calvin Klein. Booooorring.

Melissa Leo. Ehhhhhhhhhh. Not thrilled. And she's going to win in this. I might have chosen something else if I were her.

Hailee Steinfeld in Marchesa. Very retro. Very pretty. Such an improvement. 

Mila Kunis in Elie Saab. Lookin' good in pale lavender. She is spilling out a little too much. Hope there's no wardrobe malfunction.

Anne Hathaway. That red floral bump on the side is unfortunate.

Michelle Williams in Chanel. Eh... So far, I'm not wowed. how boringggggg is michelle williams? so boring. sooooooo boring. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

Amy Adams in L'Wren Scott. It's a great color. I wouldn't have done the necklace on top of all that bead work. Otherwise, home run!

Jennifer Hudson in a tangerine Versace gown. Really very pretty, if a little too low cut.

Javiar showed up with Penelope. who, of course, doesn't even look like she gave birf a month ago.  Penelope's dress is Miss America material. or it looks like something sofia vegara (or whatever her name is from Modern Family) would wear.

same with celine dion, who pushed out twin pups like 3 months ago. WTFFFFFFFFFFFF? hey, it's celine and her grandpa. i mean, her husband.

Nicole Kidman snatched the runner off the table at the hotel and draped it around her. awful.

Scarlett looks like something the cat dragged in.

mila is my fave dressed, so far.

marisa tomei may tie nicole kidman as my worst dressed.

gwennie looks great. love that silver dress. she looks like a futuristic column.

is it weird that guiliana isn't interviewing celebs and only ryan is? you'd think with the number of celebs turning out for this thing, they would need both of them doing it.

kelly osbourne is useless.

russell brand showed up sans katy perry and with his mom. like joan told me.... perhaps the rumors of trouble in paradise are true?

halle berry is gorgeous and never ages, but i'm sooooo bored of her as well.

cate blancett looks like a space cadet who was painting the ceiling of her space ship yellow when some paint dripped on her shoulders. and that circular cutout in front of the dress is just plain odd.

natalie portman showed up. she's played this award season well -- timing her pregnancy with all of the hoopla that the movie has gotten. people don't love anything more than a knocked up hollywood darling making all the rounds and appearances with an out-to-there bump. well played, natalie. well played. good dress too.

Sandra Bullock. Missing what would have been her best accessory... Ryan Reynolds.

BAFTA Red Carpet Highlights

It's the Brits' turn. The big winner at this year's BAFTAs was The Kings Speech (surprise!). Now let's look at the important stuff -- what they wore:

Jessica Alba -- looking gorg in this shade of blue. Really suits her. 

Annette Benning. After her Golden Globes mishap, she turned it around and has been looking fab.

Emma Watson -- love everything, except the boy hair. GROW IT OUT!

Emma Stone. Much, much better than the SAGs. Well done.

Helena Bonham Carter. Oh, I get it. You can dress normal in your neck of the woods, but here it's a free for all. 

Julianne Moore. Velvet... eh.... not loving it.

Thandie Newton. Love this. Bold color and print. Lovely lines. She always looks good.

Amy Adams. Aside from some fitting issues, the dress is lovely and she looks great.

Live Blogging the GRAMMY Awards 2011 Red Carpet

OK. Let's get ready for the freak show...

...and God created GaGa. Yes, she's in there. And, has officially run out of ways to "arrive." So many jokes. Let's break this down:

• Which came first? The Gaga or the Egg?
• The only GRAMMY nominee to arrive by U-Haul instead of limo or Prius.
• Do I smell latex? Yes, those are definitely latex hotpants I'm smelling.
• "Centurians!? Do I have any openings that this man might fit?"
• The working title for this Red Carpet arrival? Jurassic Fart.

OK. That's enough...

I lied... It's not enough.

Well, that's a relief. I'm glad they punched a hole in that thing so doesn't suffocate. But that's gotta be one sweaty bitch up in there.

Kelly Osbourne. LOVE THIS. Love, love, love THIS. It's so early to call it -- but this may be my Best Dressed.

RED CARPET OBSERVATION: Why? Why the fuck is the cast of Jersey Shore invited to this shit? Are they recording artists? No -- they're talentless hacks sucking the life out of the creative industry and mooching off of fame. GO AWAY. 

OK -- so, the deal with GAGA is that she's in "creative incubation" and won't be released from the egg until her performance. I say, crack this bitch open and scramble it up already. 

Miranda Lambert. Looking pretty darn awesome. 

Nikki Minaj. Bride of Frankenstein meets Open Season.

Florence Welch. Love this. It's so very Tori Amos. If you look closely, it's two swans.

Ciara. NO! NO, NO NO NO.

Crystal Bowersox. She cleans up. Who knew?

Janelle Monae: GET A NEW LOOK! This one's had it.

Jewel. Yawn. Yeah, I know she's preggars, but she really phoned it in tonight. 

Kathy Griffin. Can't believe she's 50! Wow! Rockin' it.

Matthew Morrison. Sigh. Admitted. I'm a Gleek. And, I wanna be on him. 

Monica. Kelly Osbourne has competition for Best Dressed. She looks AMAZING. This dress is incredible.

Anna Nalik. Very retro, which would be lovely -- except her eye makeup is scaring the crap out of me.

Eva Longoria. Now just why the fuck is she there? Hey, Eva -- not for nothing, but it's OK to stay home from one red carpet once in a while. Especially the ones you have not a fucking thing to do with.

Jennifer Hudson. Looking great. But the dress is a little boring. 

John Mayer. Look what the cat dragged in. Wah, nobody loves me. Wah, I can't find someone to love. Eh, put a sock in it.

K-Cup. Ugh. Again, why are people who have nothing to do with the industry there??? Is she a recording artist? NO. Is she a waste of space? YES. 

Lenny Kravitz. Holy shit, Lenny. Are you trying out for the next installment in the Mad Max series? If so, you're a shoe-in.

Leann Rimes. Ladies, lock up your husbands! Yeah, I said it and I'll say it again.

Mya. This may not look great here, but on camera -- fab.

Natasha Beddingfield. The hair has got to go. And, wherever you take it, also bring the dress.

Ricky Martin. In liquid-silver jeggings. I think I just died inside.