...and God created GaGa. Yes, she's in there. And, has officially run out of ways to "arrive." So many jokes. Let's break this down:
- Which came first? The Gaga or the Egg?
- The only GRAMMY nominee to arrive by U-Haul instead of limo or Prius.
- Do I smell latex? Yes, those are definitely latex hotpants I'm smelling.
- "Centurians!? Do I have any openings that this man might fit?"
- The working title for this Red Carpet arrival? Jurassic Fart.
I lied... It's not enough.
Well, that's a relief. I'm glad they punched a hole in that thing so doesn't suffocate. But that's gotta be one sweaty bitch up in there.
Kelly Osbourne. LOVE THIS. Love, love, love THIS. It's so early to call it -- but this may be my Best Dressed.
RED CARPET OBSERVATION: Why? Why the fuck is the cast of Jersey Shore invited to this shit? Are they recording artists? No -- they're talentless hacks sucking the life out of the creative industry and mooching off of fame. GO AWAY.
OK -- so, the deal with GAGA is that she's in "creative incubation" and won't be released from the egg until her performance. I say, crack this bitch open and scramble it up already.
Miranda Lambert. Looking pretty darn awesome.
Nikki Minaj. Bride of Frankenstein meets Open Season.
Florence Welch. Love this. It's so very Tori Amos. If you look closely, it's two swans.
Ciara. NO! NO, NO NO NO.
Crystal Bowersox. She cleans up. Who knew?
Janelle Monae: GET A NEW LOOK! This one's had it.
Jewel. Yawn. Yeah, I know she's preggars, but she really phoned it in tonight.
Kathy Griffin. Can't believe she's 50! Wow! Rockin' it.
Matthew Morrison. Sigh. Admitted. I'm a Gleek. And, I wanna be on him.
Monica. Kelly Osbourne has competition for Best Dressed. She looks AMAZING. This dress is incredible.
Anna Nalik. Very retro, which would be lovely -- except her eye makeup is scaring the crap out of me.
Eva Longoria. Now just why the fuck is she there? Hey, Eva -- not for nothing, but it's OK to stay home from one red carpet once in a while. Especially the ones you have not a fucking thing to do with.
Jennifer Hudson. Looking great. But the dress is a little boring.
John Mayer. Look what the cat dragged in. Wah, nobody loves me. Wah, I can't find someone to love. Eh, put a sock in it.
K-Cup. Ugh. Again, why are people who have nothing to do with the industry there??? Is she a recording artist? NO. Is she a waste of space? YES.
Lenny Kravitz. Holy shit, Lenny. Are you trying out for the next installment in the Mad Max series? If so, you're a shoe-in.
Leann Rimes. Ladies, lock up your husbands! Yeah, I said it and I'll say it again.
Mya. This may not look great here, but on camera -- fab.
Natasha Beddingfield. The hair has got to go. And, wherever you take it, also bring the dress.
Ricky Martin. In liquid-silver jeggings. I think I just died inside.
Posts
1 comment:
"Why? Why the fuck is the cast of Jersey Shore invited to this shit? Are they recording artists? No -- they're talentless hacks sucking the life out of the creative industry and mooching off of fame. GO AWAY."
HAHAHAHA YES
Post a Comment