A Classy Affair

Never let it be said that Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock don't know how to throw a weddin'. Just days after the announcement that the on-again off-again couple decided to tie the knot, they whisked themselves off to St. Tropez to get hitched real classy like -- aboard a yacht. (Hasn't she learned to avoid private yachts...? You'd think after that pesky tape loosed itself, she'd stay far the hell away from any kind of boating apparatus. But no...)

Much like her first wedding to Tommy Lee, the blushing, virginal bride wore a white string bikini. The groom wore white pants and a short-sleeved white shirt. He sprung for actual sleeves for his nuptials -- and decided to leave the wife-beater in his suitcase for the honeymoon.

The marriage, however, is not a legal union, according to the mayor's office in Saint-Tropez. "It was just a celebration," said a spokeswoman for the office, who explained that in France couples are required to have a civil wedding at the mayor's office in order for it to be legal. [people]

Nuff said. I'll let the pics speak for themselves.

From the Annals of the Fuckall Crazy and Batshit Insane: MEL GIBSON

Look, it was painfully obvious for the past couple years that Mel Gibson had flipped his nut. And, listen -- he was a mainstay on my Top Ten for 15+ years...so, it's no easy task for me to admit this fallen hero into the annals of the clearly friggin disturbed. But, something hasn't been right with the guy since he took up religion in a big way (here's some info about the church he's building). That Passion movie really threw him right over the edge of reality. So, was I surprised when this bit of news came off the wire? Nah. It just proves everything I was thinking all along.

Let's back track a little. On Friday, Gibson was arrested for a DUI. No big whoop as far as celeb infractions go. But, apparently, Gibson is a boisterous, belligerent drunk who likes to spew anti-Semitic slurs and chauvinistic ramblings, all while touting his Hollywood clout and how it was going to get him out of his self-induced mess:

"Gibson...was pulled over by a Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputy for allegedly speeding along Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. A bottle of tequila was reportedly found in his 2006 Lexus sedan; a sobriety test allegedly was flunked. But it was Gibson's words--a reputed, profanity-laced rant against the "f--king Jews," who "are responsible for all the wars in the world"--that has drawn the wrath of the Anti-Defamation League, a Hollywood power agent and more than a few others who suspected that the star's 2004 Biblical epic, The Passion of the Christ, was rooted in anti-Semitism" [e!]

Damage control ensued. Today, it was announced that Gibson is to enter a rehab program for alcoholism. He issued the following statement:

"I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said, and I apologize to anyone who I have offended."

Really not good enough, Mel. You gotta agree -- apology or not -- Gibson is probably (read: most definitely) an anti-Semite. Hollywood hotshots are calling for an all-out boycott of epic proportions. Which is probably not the worst idea. And if you really need proof he's a friggin lunatic, try this on for size:

Doesn't matter how trendy they may be...

White shades makes Becks look teh ghey...


...the leopard-trimmed towel he's holding isn't helping either.

For Joan's viewing pleasure

Becks has been frolicing on Roberto Cavalli's yacht. Here he is in a white banana hammock that he's rocking pretty darn well. He might want to invest in some SPF though.

Reasons Why Suri Doesn't Exist, Part One

It's about time we jumped on this bandwagon. The existence of Suri Cruise is turning out to be debatable, at best, and most likely a big 'ol case of 'that kid ain't real' at even better than best. It's a gossip monger's wet dream. This story just keeps getting better with age.

Why on Earth would a couple who practically had sex with each other on every red carpet the world over keep everyone from seeing pictures of their newborn? Especially when every aspect of their relationship was for public consumption? Why is it that they are now so very private? Shit, right after the birth of Suri -- Katie was rushed to the premiere of MI3 with the umbilical cord still attached. So, the BS excuses they’re selling us for not coughing up the baby pictures just won't suffice.

And, it's not just Tom's adoring fans that are being shut out. Fellow Scientologists, John Travolta and Kelly Preston, as well as good friends Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith have not seen this child. So, three months have passed and the only one to gain entry into the Cruise compound is.... drum roll please... Leah Remini. of King of Queens fame. Oh, suckah please. Who even knew they were friends? Leah said the most bizarre thing about the baby, something no one would think to mention after seeing someone's child for the first time: "She's a newborn and normal size!" Um, WTF? If that's not a Freudian Slip, then I don't know what is. Why wouldn't she be a newborn, unless she wasn't born in April? And why wouldn't she be of normal size, unless she's not a newborn? Mind-boggling.

In case you didn't know, Leah is a ... wait for it ... Scientologist. Who, was outted on the Stern show some time back. During that appearance, we learned an interesting tidbit about Scientology childrearing practices. Leah, because of her religious beliefs, chose not to breastfeed her child. Here's more info into this practice from a Scientology-stance:

“Hubbard also wrote that breastfeeding should be avoided (in contravention of common medical advice, which stresses its importance for the health of both the mother and the child^[34]). As an alternative, Hubbard offered a concoction which he called the "Barley Formula", made from barley water, homogenized milk, and corn syrup or honey. Hubbard claims that "I picked it up in Roman days." ^[35] However, this formula is potentially unsafe; honey can cause infant botulism when given to infants under twelve months of age.^[36][37][38] Apart from safety issues, the formula would lack vital nutrients, IgA antibodies, and other components of human breast milk.” [Wikipedia]

Interesting, though -- that not long after Suri was born, we saw Katie running errands wearing a loose fitting garment that revealed her *gasp* nursing bra. Hmm. If Katie is on the fast track to becoming a high-level operative Thetan, then why would she be flagrantly disobeying a cardinal rule of Scientology? Furthermore, if she is following the rules then why would a woman who isn't nursing need a nursing bra? Methinks I smell a rat. Perhaps the same person responsible for that mysterious "now you see it, now you don't" pregnant belly is also responsible for the mysterious “nursing bra”.

What we've got ourselves here folks is a good, old-fashioned hoax. There's no baby. Or if there is, it ain't their biological child. And I bet what they ordered ain't what they got. And these three months of seclusion have been spent trying to figure out how to make the public sign this deed.

When Joan & Melissa are bored...

This is what ensues. This week's email chain:

M: Holy crap, I’m zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…… what’s new?

J: Lol. I know. Me too. Such a Monday.

Nothing really.

M: This day is crawling….

J: I know. Soooooo slow.

Ok. We’ll play a game:
You can have viggo mortensen. But he has a terrible case of hemorrhoids and scoots around on the living room rug (bare assed) to relieve the itch. Do you take him?

M: Oy vey, how the hell did you come up with that?!?!?! Pretty awful… I’m revolted by the smell! LOL!!!

Ok, he’s got the ‘roids but they will go away, right?

J: Lol. This is game (born of the cheese/brad pitt thing from yrs ago) we have been busying ourselves w/at lunch.

No, the condition stays that way, always.

M: Oh god, so he’s got fire-ass for life??? Oh, I’m gonna have to still take him… it’s VIGGO!

Ok, now you… Hugh Grant or Jackman, no matter. Fortunately they are fine, looks-wise. But their manhood is compromised. I’m talking small, like 2 inches.

J: Oooh, hughs... Well. I’m taking either of them. There are ways around this. And... Believe me. This is nothing compared to what the girls cooked up for me one time. Picture this: hugh grant, kid n play hair, fubu wearing, brooklynese accent... I had to let him go.

Ok. Now you...
You can have matthew mccono-hey hey... But.... He has a booger that he can’t get rid of, and it’s always there... No matter what. Hanging right out of his nose.

M: We can get it surgically removed. So yes, I’ll take the Hey-hey.

You, Paul Rudd… Baked bean teeth, a la homeless gym teacher that George had on Seinfeld.

J: Ok. That’s a no. lol.

I’m letting you slide on the surgically removed snot — since you’re not familiar w/the rules we’ve established on the east coast. From this pint fwd, there can be no altering of the disgusting condition... I say that, cause the nxt one is a doozie:

You can have thom, but... He has both male and female genital, and webbed feet.

M: Holy crap, I luuuuurve Thom and you KNOW IT!!!

Dang, both male and female. Shit… I can do with the webbed feet, but the genitals???
I’m gonna have to pass.

Ok, Chris Martin, but he’s permanently cross-eyed and his voice is like Mickey Mouse/Michael Jackson.

J: Lol. Gotcha!

No, I pass. Lol. U know me and the voice thing. I might be able to live w/the cross-eyes. But...

Ok. I’m blanking out on guys here. So I’m gonna repeat: Matthew, but... He has the worst case of halitosis ever. Nothing cures it. And he’s a close talker.

M: Oh HELL NO! I cannot stand bad breath. No way to the Hey-hey.

And you said, you know me and the voice thing. Are you back to hating the baby voice???!?!? Welcome back, chickie. Girl after my own heart… lol.

Ok, Peter Saarsgard but with so much ear wax, it needs to be sucked out or candled 4 times a day. He’s got so much, it’s oozing a lot. (in case you’re not familiar with ear candling: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ear_candling)

J: Omg. I so heard you say that as I read it. Lol.

Lol. Yes, yes. It lasted a brief moment. Brief.

Omg. That is so funny... I do know what ear candling is... At yellow book we had a bunch of new-age service ads and one place offered this. Michelle and I were like: wtf is ear candling? We looked it up and realized how ridic it was. The, in her travels, she found an at-home ear candling kit and gave it to me for my bday. Lol. Sooooo funny.

I think I can live w/it if I don’t have to see it.

Hmm. Ok. What will it take for you to say yes: hmmm....

Ok. This one works if you think christian bale is hot: you can have him, but his actual skin is the batman suit... Mask and all. It cannot be removed.

M: LOL!!!! I know what you mean, especially the J&M entries you post make me laugh even more cause I totally hear you saying them!!!

Ear candling is NAS-TAY. They sell the tubes at Henry’s, an organic supermarket here. When John and I saw them and it said ear candles, we thought they were some organic, new-age candles made from ear wax. We were super grossed out till we read the back of the box. Then I did some looking up on the web cause I was just so freakin’ baffled by the whole thing.

But Peter’s, you’d be the one cleaning out his ears…

Christian Bale is the hotness but I cannot have him looking like Batman all the time, for Christ’s sake. So no!

Now you, Jon Stewart. Has a flatulence problem. Silent but deadly. He farts every 15 minutes.

J: Lol. I’m dying. From all of it. Omg...

If I’m the one cleaning out the ears, then no. no thank you.

Lol. I might have to live w/Jon’s flatulence... I think, after a while, you’d get used ot it... Or, your sense of smell would be deadened... And since they’re silent, you can always blame them on someone else... Removing all embarrassment from the farter and the farter’s spouse...

Ok... So... Let’s see... Let’s go back to thom, you can have him, but — he thinks he’s a pirate. And he wears a patch, gold teeth, and says argh — to everything.

M: Dang, you got around the Jon one pretty good…

Ok, Thom, the gold teeth can’t make things that much worse, that Brit has some pretty bad teeth to begin with… the patch, I can live with cause it’s not sewn to his head, right? I mean, he wears it a lot but it’s removable sometimes? And the Argh I can get used to…

Back to the Hughs, they wears tights…all.the.time. waking, sleeping. the only time they remove them is when they shower.

J: Oh, god... Hmm...
No.
That’s too femme for me. Do they remove them u know when?

M: they’ve got an opening for you-know-what… so they do not remove them.

J: Lol. Eiw. Skanky. No thanks.

Ok... You can have matthew... (and i’m stealing this one from donna) But, right after sex, he turns into a skeleton and he likes to cuddle. The skeleton form last only 5 mins. But, it’s immediate upon climax.

M: Ok, that’s freakin’ nasty. Nasty and freaky. How did she come up with that one?

That’s gonna be a big, huge, n-o. Cuddling with a skeleton? Oh, hell no.

Continuing right along, Matthew Fox and Scott Foley are conjoined twins. They have one body, but two heads, two completely independent, fully-developed brains. The heads talk separately and to each other, they can turn toward one another.

J: Omg! That’s friggin’ evil. You know I don’t like circus freaks. That shit makes me uncomfortable. God... And I can’t remove one head?

M: Nope, that would almost be weirder. You have to take them as is.

J: I am not going to take the scott/matthew hyrbid — no can do. That’s tres disgusting. I’m sure some kinky bithc would be into that, but I am not that kinky bitch.

Ok... Now you:
You can have sawyer from lost, but... He’s exactly 1 inch tall. He can fit in your pocket. He looks exactly the same... But, scaled down to one inch...

M: Yeah, 2 heads is a bit much.

Oh lord, I cannot do with a 1-inch Sawyer. That’s tiny. He’d get lost……….

Now you, Keith Urban but only how he looks here, and that’s how he’s going to look till the day his dies…

J: I don’t like him that much. And I hate the 80s. You know that. Since he looks like flock of seagulls, clearly, I pass...

You can have sawyer, but... He has a terrible case of tourette’s. Mean, vile language. And it’s constant... Yes or no?

M: Tourette’s is a piece of cake. I can handle dirty language. It only gets tricky if he’s got really violent tics, body movement-wise. Otherwise, verbal outbursts are nothing.

You…David Beckham. He’s got red eyes and a snake tongue, it’s forked. And his ears are pointy, like Spock.

J: Lol. Yeah. You’re right. That one was lame.

Hmm. I don’t think I could take him. Wait... I can get him contacts for the eyes. The ears, how often do you see the tips. And maybe, maybe I could live w/the tongue. It might work... ;)

Ok. Thom. But, he’s decided to chalk off his radiohead career and only sing hasselhoff songs.

M: You see the tips of his ears all the time. He keeps his hair short or shaved. You can get him contacts but he’s allergic to them and can keep them in only a couple of hours a day.

If Thom scraps his Radiohead career and decides to sing Hoff songs, no f’ing way.

J: You’re very good at this game — you have hardly said yes.

And I said no f-ing way to david.

Ok. Matt mconconocnocno. But, he had big buck teeth, and wears glasses that are taped in the middle. And his pants are always cuffed too high.

M: The Hey-hey as Urkel, no thanks. I think this game has proven that I am indeed very shallow and that looks do matter a ton to me…

Another David… we’re talkin’ Duchovney. He’s got a disgusting habit. When he gets food stuck in his teeth, he pulls out a hair and uses it to floss. He does this in public as well as in the privacy of your home.

J: Lofl. I’m noticing...
Lol

Hmm. Is his hair long enough?

M: Yup, he’s got the floppy do that he had a few years back so it’s def long enough.

J: You know, I’m thinking I could live with this.

M: WHAT??? That’s nasty!!!!!

J: Lofl. Well. I don’t have to look while he does it.... And I’ll switch him to a liquid diet.

Ok. You...
You can have (I NEED MORE MEN FOR YOU!) sawyer, but... He’s incapable of performing his husbandly duties...

M: a liquid diet will eventually make Duchovney’s teeth fall out so that’s something else to consider.

Sawyer sans husbandly duties…NEXT!

You… Paul Rudd, he is thinning but his passion is that spray-on hair color for his bald spot. He uses it constantly and you can never get him to stop.

J: Hmm. Caps. Or veneers. It’s workable.

No... I’d still take paul. That’s ok. He might actually look cute completely bald.

You’re a tough nut to crack. What is your achilles heel? Hmm. I will find out. There must be something you can live with.

How about this?
Thom, but... He’s a nose picker. He’s in up to his elbow. In public places and shit.

The Hoff: Mulleted?

The Hoff attended Wimbledon last week in London. He sported what looks like a mullet. Can it get any worse? No, I don't think so.

Urban/Kidman @ Target

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were spotted leaving Target in Nashville yesterday. Keith picked a box of Clairol Highlights to retouch up his locks since coming back from the honeymoon. Nicole got some Clorox to further lighten her hair cause it's just not white enough.

Oh...and that's gotta be a freakin' baby bump, huh?

So Much for Scientology's Hollywood Stranglehold

In a fabulous twist of fate and a clear "fuck you" to Scientology, the Emmy academy has chosen to nominate South Park's "Trapped in the Closet" episode...

Thursday's Emmy Awards nominations may have taken a swipe at Tom Cruise with the now infamous South Park... episode that has sparked so much controversy....The Nov. 16, 2005 episode of the hit Comedy Central show...featured Stan being hailed as a savior by a 'Scientology' group....In the episode, Stan finally reveals that he is actually not the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, and that "Scientology is just a big fat global scam." His followers grow angry, and threaten to sue him. [national ledger]

I guess this finally means that Scientology's supposed control of Hollywood was friggin' bogus. If the Emmy nominating committee was bold enough to make this statement, then it just might be that Scientology is on the decline. At the very least, it's painfully obvious that the entire "religion" is a scam and a joke.

I can't think of a sweeter revenge than if Matt and Trey were to win this award. Imagine the acceptance speech. Play it safe and DVR the Emmys on 8.27. ;)

Trainwreck waiting to happen

It's official: Barbara Walters has gone friggin' mad. It's now perfectly clear to me she wants The View to be turned into Celebrity Deathmatch. What other possible reason could she have for selecting Shannen "I've been fired from every job I've ever had" Doherty?

...Shannen Doherty will fill in as a co-host on talk show The View later this month. The actress joins a growing list of guest co-hosts sitting in after the abrupt departure of Star Jones Reynolds last week, after her contract was not renewed....Doherty will guest co-host The View on July 31 and August 1. Also scheduled to sit in as co-hosts are American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee, Dancing With The Stars winner Kelly Monaco and judge Carrie Ann Inaba. A permanent replacement for Jones Reynolds is expected to be named in the autumn. [imdb/wenn]

Catfight will ensue...

I'm sorry, when did this happen?

Was I living under a rock...? I'm always the last to know. (Well, at least they share good taste in music. ;)

"From a romantic helicopter ride to a Radiohead concert date night, the goofball duo of Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are getting serious with each other...[Carrey's] romance with McCarthy, 33, ...began quietly a few months ago but has shot into public view in recent weeks...The 44-year-old comedian, says a source close to him, "is very happy." As is McCarthy, who has been uncharacteristically mum about her new love. "I'm so brutally honest and tell people everything about my personal life, it's really hard not to," she told Access Hollywood, adding that Carrey is "an amazing person.'" [people]

It just...might...work.

It's Emmy Time Again...

The nominations for the 58th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards (to air on 8/27) came in early this morning. Here's what's in store (snarky comments and observations in parentheses):

Drama Series: Grey's Anatomy, ABC; House, Fox; The Sopranos, HBO; 24, Fox; The West Wing, NBC. (Since it was West Wing's last season, I'm hoping they take home the Emmy. But, I have a feeling this one is going to be a standoff between Grey's and 24.)

Comedy Series:Arrested Development, Fox; Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO; The Office, NBC; Scrubs, NBC; Two and a Half Men, CBS. (It never ceases to amaze me how much critical acclaim and support Arrested Development gets, meanwhile, the fabulous show can't catch a break in ratings or contracting deals. Just a shame. The fact that 2 1/2 Men is even on this list is a sad, sad thing. Very unfunny. And methinks Charlie Sheen's personal life will keep the show out of the running. This award will, no doubt, go to The Office.)

Reality-Competition Program:The Amazing Race, CBS; American Idol, Fox; Dancing with the Stars, ABC; Project Runway, Bravo;Survivor, CBS. (Clearly, Idol will win. This award category is bogus -- reality programming doesn't deserve award recognition, since there's so little creative effort involved.)

Variety, Music or Comedy Series:The Colbert Report, Comedy Central; The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central; Late Night with Conan O'Brien, NBC;Late Show with David Letterman, CBS; Real Time with Bill Maher, HBO.(Wow. Stewart vs. Colbert. It makes me insanely happy that Leno was shut out. Fab. I feel Stewart will win -- and let's face it, those video montages prior to the announcement of the winner are going to be friggin' hee-larious. Can't wait.)

Actor, Drama Series: Denis Leary, Rescue Me, FX Network; Peter Krause, Six Feet Under, HBO; Kiefer Sutherland, 24, Fox; Martin Sheen, The West Wing, NBC; Christopher Meloni, Law & Order: SVU (Natch, I want Sheen to win. But he won't. It's most likely Keifer. Though, Leary could pull out a shocking win.)

Actress, Drama Series: Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer, TNT; Geena Davis, Commander in Chief, ABC; Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, NBC; Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under, HBO; Allison Janney, The West Wing, NBC. (Doubtful that Davis will win since her show was canned. I'm envisioning a Kyra win with a possible Mariska standoff.)

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: William Shatner,Boston Legal, ABC; Oliver Platt, Huff, Showtime; Michael Imperioli, The Sopranos, HBO; Gregory Itzin, 24, Fox; Alan Alda,The West Wing, NBC. (Shat happens.)

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Candice Bergen, Boston Legal, ABC; Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy, ABC; Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy, ABC; Blythe Danner, Huff, Showtime; Jean Smart, 24, Fox.(Even though Huff was canned, Danner may pull this one out because of her body of work. But the award will most likely be a tight race between Sandra Oh and Candice Bergen. All I can say is: Thank God not one lousy Desperate Housewife was nominated. Finally, that shit has cooled off.)

Actor, Comedy Series: Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO; Kevin James, The King of Queens, CBS; Tony Shalhoub, Monk, USA; Steve Carell, The Office, NBC; Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men, CBS. (There is no way Sheen stands a chance. Surprising that Jason Lee was left out. Carell should win. But Shaloub might give him a run for his money.)

Actress, Comedy Series: Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback, HBO; Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm in the Middle, Fox; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine, CBS; Stockard Channing, Out of Practice, CBS; Debra Messing, Will & Grace, NBC.(Now, is it me -- or is the judging committee waxing nostalgic? There's no reason why Dreyfus and Kudrow should be present in this category... Ideally, Messing should take home the award. But, don't underestimate the appeal of Kazmarek -- though I've never understood the draw.)


Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Will Arnett, Arrested Development, Fox; Jeremy Piven, Entourage, HBO; Bryan Cranston, Malcolm in the Middle, Fox; Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men, CBS; Sean Hayes, Will & Grace, NBC. (Sorry Sean, it's going to the Pivs. His rocket to fame has finally taken off.)

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Cheryl Hines, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO; Alfre Woodard, Desperate Housewives, ABC; Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl, ABC; Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds, Showtime; Megan Mullally, Will & Grace, NBC.(I just have an odd feeling Jamie Pressly is going to take the award home. If not her, then Elizabeth Perkins. If the buzz is accurate.)

If this is true, then it's pretty fucked up

Hacks have made it into Us Weekly's email system. SUPPOSEDLY some hot gossip might be revealed. An insider says this:

"I know exactly what Us Weekly is now terrified will eventually come out in the investigation. Do you remember the Ryan Seacrest/Teri Hatcher in Malibu kissing pictures taken on March 25, 2006, that ran EXCLUSIVELY in Us Weekly? No surprise to savy media watchers, but it seems the pix were a set up, (without poor Hatcher's knowledge) between Us' West Coast Editor Ken Baker and his longtime BFF Ryan Seacrest. There is serious concern that there are now copies of those incriminating e-mails now floating around cyberspace that prove the two were involved in setting up the Desperate Housewives star."

That's messed up, yo. Poor Teri. It's time for Ryan to break down that closet door.

Vaughniston Sets the Date???

Could it be? According to WENN, it be:

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are planning a secret wedding after the actor proposed... in Paris, France, according to US reports. Friends claim Aniston has invited her former mother-in-law, Brad Pitt's mum Jane...A Pitt family source tells...Life & Style that Aniston has told her former sister-in-law Julie, who has also been invited to the wedding, that although a date has not been set, the actress would like it "sooner rather than later." Vaughn reportedly went down on one knee ...Vaughn is so serious about looking his best when he weds Aniston, he has started the Zone diet...Aniston is reportedly waiting for the fuss about her ex-husband's new baby with Angelina Jolie to die down before exchanging vows with her reported new fiance. But an insider insists Aniston is getting serious about her wedding plans: "Jen's already asked Courteney Cox to be her matron of honor." [imdb]

Only time will tell if it's true. Seriously though, the fact that Jen is still close w/Brad's family has to be a major thorn in his side. Makes one wonder... is Aniston rushing to the altar to one-up her former flame?

oh, suckah please...

The Pride and Prejudice star has denied reports that she is anorexic, telling reporters on Tuesday that she is "quite sure" she doesn't suffer from the eating disorder and that she was surprised to even be questioned about it. "[The press] said to me yesterday, 'How does it feel to be called anorexic?' and I had no idea that I was. I can safely say that I'm not," she said at a press conference. [eonline]

...if she ain't anorexic, then they need a new word that means anorexic to describe what she is -- WHICH IS FRIGGIN' ANOREXIC! Come on, look at that lollipop head! Look at the boney-ass sunken in rib cage she's got poppin' out her dress! Come on... Girl, eat a friggin' sandwich.

Check Nuray's blog out for the 'skinny' on this story and more pics...

The Pitt-Jolie-Rossdale-Stefani Play Date, Vol II

More pics...
Um, isn't Maddox a little young for an ATV?

Smoke if you got 'em

Well, when the shit hits the fan, the shit really hits the fan. Looks like Hollywood's gone to pot, quite literally. Today's scoops offer a veritable treasure trove of substance abuse problems and emotional revelations. First, from squeaky clean actress/activist Ashely Judd:

"she underwent a 47-day stint in a Texas treatment center in February to overcome a host of emotional problems... Judd says she completed nearly two months of treatment to come to terms with her history of depression, isolation and codependent relationships.... Ashley Judd also revealed in the interview that she had frequently used sleep to deal--or rather, not deal--with depression, and fought compulsive tendencies throughout her adult life, detailing her habitual behavior of cleaning, needing to constantly wipe down plastic surfaces on planes and in hotel rooms." [eonline]

Hey, Ashley, it's cool yo. We've all been there now and again. Could be worse, you could be the Hoff... who seems just a tad outta control as of late. First, that ugly divorce -- the legal papers which detailed his apparent violent tendencies and drug abuse. Then that weirdo shaving incident. Now this:

"Reports around the web today state that BAYWATCH star David Hasselhoff was allegedly thrown out of Wimbeldon this week for 'being drunk'. However, officials at the All England Club deny such claims" [hollywood news]

Hmm, I bet he was liquored up but good. I ain't buyin' it. Well, on to younger brother to Rob, Chad. Seems Hillary didn't dump him because she got to big for her britches -- nope turns out Chad had a little problem with the sauce:

"I knew something was happening but I didn't know what," Swank tells Vanity Fair magazine. She also says her ex has been fighting his problem for years, and he is sober now. She does not name what substance he abused. But, she says in excerpts from the interview obtained by the New York Post, "When I found out, it was such a shock because I never thought he'd keep something from me. And yet, on another level, it was a confirmation of something I was feeling that was keeping us from being completely solid." [people]

Well, thanks for sorta revealing a whole lot of nothing there Swank. I wonder when he started using -- I have a feeling it was post-Oscar speech for Boys Don't Cry. Oh, snap.

;)

Something's Fishy...

Odd. According to the cracking-good (or shall I say on-crack) staff at Britain's EVE magazine, Kristin Davis, of Sex and the City fame, has been voted the world's most beautiful woman. Check out the list to see who she beat out for this 'coveted' title:

World's Most Beautiful Women top 10:

1. Kristin Davis

2. Catherine Zeta-Jones

3. Halle Berry

4. Nicole Kidman

5. Charlize Theron

6. Kate Beckinsale

7. Kate Winslet

8. Eva Longoria

9. Jennifer Aniston

10. Angelina Jolie

Here's the logic, according to "Eve editor Sara Cremer said: "Kristin's natural beauty combined with her on-screen presence make her a woman with style and substance. "She exudes sex appeal without compromising her intelligence and independence." [lifestyleextra]

So, clearly something's off, right? Angie, at number 10? and Kristin at number one...beating out Catherine Zeta Jones? And how the fuck did Eva Longoria, that cheap slut, end up on the list? Granted, this isn't People magazine's list -- hell even they've made some questionable choices (remember Nick Nolte???) -- but come on... She's pretty, granted. But number one? We think not.

I'll have my baby call your baby

Wasn't even aware these two couples traveled in the same circles. But then again, when you're famous it's like one giant petri dish of fame...

...KINGSTON...and SHILOH...came together...for a baby playdate on Sunday...ROSSDALE and...STEFANI joined ...JOLIE and... PITT at the couple's Santa Barbara, California retreat during the long fourth of Julyholiday weekend. The new mums were seen sporting matching baby slings and chatting, meanwhile, Pitt and Rossdale enjoyed a bit of jet skiing....MADDOX was seen hanging out with the boys, while...ZAHARA, was spotted toddling about enjoying the sun. Security at the luxury compound was on high alert and the estate was heavily guarded by officers on dune buggies, patrol boats and rafts, as well as dogs posted around the properties perimeter. [contactmusic]

Happy Birthday, Crazy!

July 3rd is...
This fuck-all crazy bastard's birthday.
Happy 44th. Nutso.

More Proof that Germans Love Hasselhoff

How is this even considered 'newsworthy'?

David Hasselhoff "underwent emergency surgery in London Thursday after slicing a tendon in his right arm during a freak shaving accident...[he] was attempting a post-workout shave in the gym at London's Sanderson Hotel when he hit his head on a glass object, pieces of which cut into his arm." [eonline]

Just exactly what was he shaving? He's very, very hairy. It could have been anything. I'm actually becoming a bit sick to my stomach and need to stop thinking about this... asap.

Just cause I'm a sucker for a wedding....

...although, there was one juicy scoop... Castmates Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan did not attend the wedding... Meoooow. ;)

Ouch... That smarts

Oof, Angelina -- why so cold? You got the man. Now, let it go.

Angelina Jolie has allegedly demanded Brad Pitt clears all traces of ex-wife Jennifer Aniston from his Malibu mansion.Â…[Jolie] is determined to remove all reminders of Jennifer from the house as she and Brad settle in with their new baby daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, and the couple's adopted children, Maddox, four, and 16-month-old Zahara. It means the 'Troy ' star will have to ditch his pricey furniture and various items he and Jennifer bought during their five-year marriage. "The pieces Brad collected with Jen were among the first to go. Then the child-unfriendly stuff was ditched - all the pointy corners and sharp edges." Meanwhile, Angelina reportedly offended her 'in-laws' by refusing to dress her new daughter in the clothes they bought her. [LifeStyleExtra]

Have to say, this is the bloodletting, wound inflicting, fully-clothed jumping-in-the-pool Angelina I remember. You know, the Billy Bob Angelina we all knew and loved before she went all charitable on our asses...? Man, not a week went by when there wasn't some new, crazy-ass Angelina rumor... first she'd tongue kissing her brother at the Oscars ("I am so in love with my brother right now."), then she's cutting herself during sex... She breaks up with Billy Bob ("We just had sex in the limo on the way over here.") and takes an about face... Now she's more Madonna than whore. Well, I guess we all learn from past mistakes -- even if they involve voluntary incest. Gotta tell you -- I miss the old Angelina, if only for the pure value of the currency I trade in: Gossip.

Shameless Plug

Look, I could care less about Football (read: Soccer)... But the fact remains... Beckham's a hot piece of ass and any excuse to post a hot-ass picture of him is ok by me. (Salivate now ladies...)


This just from Times Online (UK):

THE tears continued to flow in the England camp yesterday as David Beckham brought a dignified but sorrowful conclusion to almost six years of captaincy.... He became perhaps the most influential captain in the history of the national team, some thought too influential....It was a moving resignation, even if it did amount to jumping before he could be pushed....“I came to this decision some time ago, but I had hoped to announce it on the back of a successful World Cup,” he said. “Sadly, that wasn’t to be. This decision has been the most difficult of my career to date. But after discussing it with my family and those closest to me I feel the time is right.”