Ryan Seacrest has to be gay

Teri Hatcher's memoir is coming out today. It's called Burnt Toast: And Other Philosophies of Life, the "burnt toast" part being a reference to a childhood metaphor for coping with life. "If you go ahead and eat that blackened square of bread, then what you're really saying - to yourself and the world - is that the piece of bread is worth more than your own satisfaction." [celebrity nation]


This is the worst metaphor I've ever heard. How can you even begin to compare a slice o' bread to life and its satisfactions and dissatisfactions??? Can anyone say CUCKOO? This chick is nuts.

Anyhoo, USATODAY has posted some snippets from this tome. Teri has dished on some of the buzz that has surrounded her this past year. Mainly, what interests me, is her rendez-vous with Ryan Seacrest during which Us Weekly snapped some pics of these two making out.

On her date with Ryan Seacrest: "Interestingly enough, I haven't seen him since that day. We knew that the (pictures) had been taken, which must have bothered him enough. An hour after he dropped me off, he called to say, 'I don't think I can do this with you.'"

Oh my god, can you say gay? I mean what kind of pansy is Ryan??? Any (straight) red-blooded male out there wouldn't give a shit who's taking pictures... they'd go ahead with sticking their tongue down Teri Hatcher's throat and would just resort to plowing her behind closed doors. Oh, but not Ryan, he can't do that. I think we have our proof here, folks. Ryan has to be gay.