Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The alien from the UK has descended upon us
Posh-Bot and Becks are out partying. At the end of the night, Posh-Bot glides across the pavement to the mothership that is waiting for her.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Did someone say Picnic?
I don't know about you -- but I prefer dining out wearing a table cloth -- that way, when I spill something on myself, no one will notice.
Working the corner
LOL. Reminds me of the time I wore my white bra under a dark shirt -- and entered a room lit only in black light. Yeah, that was a good look. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce to my BRA!"
Enough with this kid
OK. This cryin' Idol fan needs to get back to selling girl scout cookies and get off my damn TV already. Why they're spending so much time on this non-story is beyond me. As if it's not enough that she's going to be on the season finale, we gotta put up with her crying jags for God knows how long.
You might not recognize her with dry eyes, but we followed 13-year-old “Idol” fan Ashley Ferl and her brother, mother and father as they hit New York City like Sanjaya Malakar hits the salon — with energy. She signed her first autograph and after talking to the TODAY show it only took a few minutes for a sightseeing bus to recognize Ashley from her memorable TV debut....“I got all their autographs,” she enthused. “I got earrings from Paula Abdul. [NO DOUBT IT'S THAT CRAP SHE'S HOCKING ON QVC] They’re like hearts.”...Ashley does have her toes and braces coordinated in “Idol” blue. And, she is Sanjaya Malakar’s biggest supporter despite his many critics. “I just like go ‘you’re wrong,’” she says when confronted with a Sanjaya doubter. “Or, I ignore them.” So what is it about him that she likes so much? “His voice and his hair and his personality, just everything,” she said. “He’s just like — phenomenal.” [msnbc]Oh, suckah please.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Gettin' catty about AI
First off, Melinda will teach you how to pull the "aw, shucks" act to perfection.
Then, check out The Sangaya on some Hollywood A-listers if it were to catch on like The Rachel. (Click on image to enlarge.)
Then, check out The Sangaya on some Hollywood A-listers if it were to catch on like The Rachel. (Click on image to enlarge.)
Friday, March 16, 2007
Adventures in Xenuland
Where do we begin? How do we even try to sum up our Scientological Adventure? The best way to divulge large amounts of information is to give you the blow-by-blow in a bulleted list… We’ll then wax philosophical in closing. Buckle your seatbelts and prepare for the ride of your life:
• We parked a short distance from the Scientology Celebrity Center, just off Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles. We walked up to the valet, who had a “guest list” in hand. He asked how he could help us. We said we had an appointment with so-and-so. And, he just let us go in… no further questions asked. No security check of any kind. (The center restaurant is open to the public, btw.)
• We entered the lobby which had a grand piano in the middle and a HUGE bust of L.Ron with flyers all over the place, reminding everyone that L.Ron’s birthday celebration was coming up at the Shrine Auditorium in LA. We found our guide and let the adventure begin…
• We made our way to L. Ron’s private office/library – which is now on display much like a museum. We then walked to the bookstore, which carried a large selection of audio, video, and printed merchandise for the avid scientologist.
• A small freight elevator (since the real elevator was stuck on some floor and did not come down when we called it) took us to the 5th, 6th, and 7th floors – which house suites for visiting scientologists from around the globe. These suites once housed stars like Humphrey Bogart in the Golden Age of Hollywood, when the mansions of Beverly Hills had not been built yet. Back then, the celebrity center was called Chateau Elysee and/or the Manor Hotel.
• Our guide took us out on the rooftop terrace where they hold events and it was undoubtedly gorgeous. There were views of Hollywood and the Hills. The guide made it a point to direct our attention to the Hollywood Hills where all the celebrity mansions are and said, “This is where a lot of our people live.” Good to know…
• Along the way, our guide pointed out various plaques and posters that adorned the walls throughout the building. There were descriptions and photos talking about the various programs Scientology practices: drug and alcohol rehab programs, programs that cured firefighters from 9/11 with just doses of vitamins, Psychiatry Kills posters. One poster showed an old-school picture of the Dianetics book from the 80s. I (Joan) remarked that I remembered the commercials. He said: This is the book that started it all. Then what irked us the most: the Scientology Center’s acting as missionaries. There were photos of Scientology Centers around the globe, mostly located in the far corners of the world: Thailand, India, South America. Photos of the people of these countries lined up in front of a center with rich, white Americans flanking them looking quite proud of themselves. Sickening.
• Then we headed downstairs where our guide took us into the health club. He had told us earlier that the narcotics program consisted of taking large doses of niacin, sitting in a sauna, then running on a treadmill to sweat out all the evil toxins in your body. There were a couple of young people wandering around, one girl had just a towel covering her boobs but our guide STILL had to get us in there to show us around. One of the posters we’d seen before showed a picture of Tom Cruise with the rescue workers of 9/11 – the poster claimed to have cured these men of the asthmatic and other problems they have had since working at Ground Zero. Our guide pointed to Tom – but never referred to him by name. He merely said: “This guy is doing a lot of good work.” Uhhh…there’s an elephant in the room, might as well acknowledge it!
• Our next stop were the floors that only members could visit but our guide took us there anyway. They were the Auditing Floors. When you exit the elevator, there was a sign on the facing wall that read: “Shhhh….Auditings in progress.” Each room has a plaque on it that said “Auditing Room 203, In Session.” All of the rooms were in session, apparently lots of people getting audited. There were also a lot more people walking around than I would have thought. People coming and going, it was like watching ants in an ant farm. Everyone was basically in a white button-down and black slacks and almost everyone seemed to be between the ages of 16 and 30. They catch ‘em young apparently.
• At this point, he began opening the doors to show us the goings-on inside each room. One room was a library, where students were feverishly writing things down. The next room acted as a ‘counseling’ type room, where two people would sit in front of each other and ask each other questions. (For all the negative talk regarding psychology, a lot of what takes place here is very psychological in nature. Discussing feelings and personal wrongs/pains.)
• When we walked into the next room, the first thing we saw was a woman, seated up close to the wall – facing it – with a book open on her lap. She was reciting, softly, something, by rote. Prayer-like. Our guide immediately explained that she was committing to memory the information she needed to speak at a conference… she was going about it in this way, so as not to forget her lines when she spoke in front of the crowd. (A bit hardcore, we thought). In that same room, there was an “E-meter” (according to the booklet we were given, an E-Meter – which is really just a modified lie detector – “measures the mental state or change of state of a person, helping the auditor and preclear locate areas of spiritual distress or travail so they can be addressed or handled.”
• The E-Meter is basically two tins cans, each attached with a wire to the machine with the meter that measures your mind activity. Our guide passionately boasted on and on about how it works: You hold a can in each hand and it creates a closed circuit from your hands up your arms, through your mind, and through the machine. You are asked questions during this auditing process.
• Then we were taken to a waiting room of sorts and on the wall was the process chart, the levels that you go through to reach the different levels of Scientology. The desirable level to reach is Clear, the level at which, our guide told us, you don’t think for yourself, instead, the spirit takes over. And the body is merely a vessel. O-kaaay…
• While Melissa and I were looking over this convoluted chart, entailing many steps to becoming a full-fledged member of Scientology, our guide was trying to locate an empty auditing room to show us. At this point, I (Joan) became weirded out by the entire thing and decided we’d best let on about our other ‘plans’ lest we get audited ourselves. We were “meeting John at the Biltmore for dinner at 6:30,” which happened to conveniently be located 20 minutes from the Centre, thus requiring our guide to wrap it up quicker. Realizing he had very little time left with us, our guide hurried us up a very narrow stairwell and let us into the auditing room. It was what we’d just seen before, only empty. On the desk was the E-meter and there were a few folders and a test left open on the desk. I (Melissa), of course, snuck a peek. The questions were very psychological: Who has failed you in your life? What is the one thing you would go back and change? Etc. On the floor, in front of the chair where the person being audited would sit was a cushion, as if for kneeling. On the chair there was a donut, you know, the kind you sit on when you have ass issues. We looked to our guide and the woman who had unlocked the door. She looked at us and said in the perkiest of tones: “Isn’t it great?” Uh… sure… great.
• At this point, knowing that we needed to get to our aforementioned ‘plans,’ our guide took us outside to see the front entryway and then showed us out the way we came in – telling us if we ever require more info or would like to join to feel free to contact him. The entire time he was very nice, respectful, and not pushy. But he clearly bought into every last word that L. Ron ever said.
Closing thoughts:
Melissa: I believe that he believes that we used our architectural curiosity about the building as an excuse to get more info about Scientology without being candid about it. But at the same time, it’s not all that surprising that he spent about 20 minutes talking about the actual building and an hour explaining how Scientology works.
Joan: Yes, I believe that, too. I also believe they are the nuttiest bunch of fruitcakes on the planet. That being said, I don’t think the core teaching of Scientology is all that bad. Now, hang on… I’m not sayin’ I’ma gonna join up. I’m just comparing it to other religions – and in that sense, there’s very little difference. They believe that the body is a vessel for the spirit and that once we’re done living this life, we transgress into another earthly body (a la reincarnation, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc.) It’s about bettering yourself and releasing all the mental and bodily harms done to you in this and past lives to progress to a better nature and existence. Really – not so much different than most other religions. However, it does differ in that you have to fork over oodles of cash to join and to rise through the levels. (That, and they think a space monkey resided on the liquid magma core of the planet.) It’s like a pyramid scheme in that sense. And Melissa said it best when she said: It’s like a little bit of Buddhism, a little bit of Christianity, and a whole lot of Science Fiction.
• We parked a short distance from the Scientology Celebrity Center, just off Franklin Avenue in Los Angeles. We walked up to the valet, who had a “guest list” in hand. He asked how he could help us. We said we had an appointment with so-and-so. And, he just let us go in… no further questions asked. No security check of any kind. (The center restaurant is open to the public, btw.)
• We entered the lobby which had a grand piano in the middle and a HUGE bust of L.Ron with flyers all over the place, reminding everyone that L.Ron’s birthday celebration was coming up at the Shrine Auditorium in LA. We found our guide and let the adventure begin…
• We made our way to L. Ron’s private office/library – which is now on display much like a museum. We then walked to the bookstore, which carried a large selection of audio, video, and printed merchandise for the avid scientologist.
• A small freight elevator (since the real elevator was stuck on some floor and did not come down when we called it) took us to the 5th, 6th, and 7th floors – which house suites for visiting scientologists from around the globe. These suites once housed stars like Humphrey Bogart in the Golden Age of Hollywood, when the mansions of Beverly Hills had not been built yet. Back then, the celebrity center was called Chateau Elysee and/or the Manor Hotel.
• Our guide took us out on the rooftop terrace where they hold events and it was undoubtedly gorgeous. There were views of Hollywood and the Hills. The guide made it a point to direct our attention to the Hollywood Hills where all the celebrity mansions are and said, “This is where a lot of our people live.” Good to know…
• Along the way, our guide pointed out various plaques and posters that adorned the walls throughout the building. There were descriptions and photos talking about the various programs Scientology practices: drug and alcohol rehab programs, programs that cured firefighters from 9/11 with just doses of vitamins, Psychiatry Kills posters. One poster showed an old-school picture of the Dianetics book from the 80s. I (Joan) remarked that I remembered the commercials. He said: This is the book that started it all. Then what irked us the most: the Scientology Center’s acting as missionaries. There were photos of Scientology Centers around the globe, mostly located in the far corners of the world: Thailand, India, South America. Photos of the people of these countries lined up in front of a center with rich, white Americans flanking them looking quite proud of themselves. Sickening.
• Then we headed downstairs where our guide took us into the health club. He had told us earlier that the narcotics program consisted of taking large doses of niacin, sitting in a sauna, then running on a treadmill to sweat out all the evil toxins in your body. There were a couple of young people wandering around, one girl had just a towel covering her boobs but our guide STILL had to get us in there to show us around. One of the posters we’d seen before showed a picture of Tom Cruise with the rescue workers of 9/11 – the poster claimed to have cured these men of the asthmatic and other problems they have had since working at Ground Zero. Our guide pointed to Tom – but never referred to him by name. He merely said: “This guy is doing a lot of good work.” Uhhh…there’s an elephant in the room, might as well acknowledge it!
• Our next stop were the floors that only members could visit but our guide took us there anyway. They were the Auditing Floors. When you exit the elevator, there was a sign on the facing wall that read: “Shhhh….Auditings in progress.” Each room has a plaque on it that said “Auditing Room 203, In Session.” All of the rooms were in session, apparently lots of people getting audited. There were also a lot more people walking around than I would have thought. People coming and going, it was like watching ants in an ant farm. Everyone was basically in a white button-down and black slacks and almost everyone seemed to be between the ages of 16 and 30. They catch ‘em young apparently.
• At this point, he began opening the doors to show us the goings-on inside each room. One room was a library, where students were feverishly writing things down. The next room acted as a ‘counseling’ type room, where two people would sit in front of each other and ask each other questions. (For all the negative talk regarding psychology, a lot of what takes place here is very psychological in nature. Discussing feelings and personal wrongs/pains.)
• When we walked into the next room, the first thing we saw was a woman, seated up close to the wall – facing it – with a book open on her lap. She was reciting, softly, something, by rote. Prayer-like. Our guide immediately explained that she was committing to memory the information she needed to speak at a conference… she was going about it in this way, so as not to forget her lines when she spoke in front of the crowd. (A bit hardcore, we thought). In that same room, there was an “E-meter” (according to the booklet we were given, an E-Meter – which is really just a modified lie detector – “measures the mental state or change of state of a person, helping the auditor and preclear locate areas of spiritual distress or travail so they can be addressed or handled.”
• The E-Meter is basically two tins cans, each attached with a wire to the machine with the meter that measures your mind activity. Our guide passionately boasted on and on about how it works: You hold a can in each hand and it creates a closed circuit from your hands up your arms, through your mind, and through the machine. You are asked questions during this auditing process.
• Then we were taken to a waiting room of sorts and on the wall was the process chart, the levels that you go through to reach the different levels of Scientology. The desirable level to reach is Clear, the level at which, our guide told us, you don’t think for yourself, instead, the spirit takes over. And the body is merely a vessel. O-kaaay…
• While Melissa and I were looking over this convoluted chart, entailing many steps to becoming a full-fledged member of Scientology, our guide was trying to locate an empty auditing room to show us. At this point, I (Joan) became weirded out by the entire thing and decided we’d best let on about our other ‘plans’ lest we get audited ourselves. We were “meeting John at the Biltmore for dinner at 6:30,” which happened to conveniently be located 20 minutes from the Centre, thus requiring our guide to wrap it up quicker. Realizing he had very little time left with us, our guide hurried us up a very narrow stairwell and let us into the auditing room. It was what we’d just seen before, only empty. On the desk was the E-meter and there were a few folders and a test left open on the desk. I (Melissa), of course, snuck a peek. The questions were very psychological: Who has failed you in your life? What is the one thing you would go back and change? Etc. On the floor, in front of the chair where the person being audited would sit was a cushion, as if for kneeling. On the chair there was a donut, you know, the kind you sit on when you have ass issues. We looked to our guide and the woman who had unlocked the door. She looked at us and said in the perkiest of tones: “Isn’t it great?” Uh… sure… great.
• At this point, knowing that we needed to get to our aforementioned ‘plans,’ our guide took us outside to see the front entryway and then showed us out the way we came in – telling us if we ever require more info or would like to join to feel free to contact him. The entire time he was very nice, respectful, and not pushy. But he clearly bought into every last word that L. Ron ever said.
Closing thoughts:
Melissa: I believe that he believes that we used our architectural curiosity about the building as an excuse to get more info about Scientology without being candid about it. But at the same time, it’s not all that surprising that he spent about 20 minutes talking about the actual building and an hour explaining how Scientology works.
Joan: Yes, I believe that, too. I also believe they are the nuttiest bunch of fruitcakes on the planet. That being said, I don’t think the core teaching of Scientology is all that bad. Now, hang on… I’m not sayin’ I’ma gonna join up. I’m just comparing it to other religions – and in that sense, there’s very little difference. They believe that the body is a vessel for the spirit and that once we’re done living this life, we transgress into another earthly body (a la reincarnation, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc.) It’s about bettering yourself and releasing all the mental and bodily harms done to you in this and past lives to progress to a better nature and existence. Really – not so much different than most other religions. However, it does differ in that you have to fork over oodles of cash to join and to rise through the levels. (That, and they think a space monkey resided on the liquid magma core of the planet.) It’s like a pyramid scheme in that sense. And Melissa said it best when she said: It’s like a little bit of Buddhism, a little bit of Christianity, and a whole lot of Science Fiction.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Plucked, coiffed, and ready for his close-up
Sangaya's MySpace has surfaced and so have these photos. Amazing work on those brows, girlfriend.
Monday, March 12, 2007
A little beefcake action for Joan
Hey Joan, what's your boy, Ace, trying to do here? He's about one Train song and one vomit-inducing smoldering look away from teh ghey-ness.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Some damn funny shizz
OMG... people are so friggin funny. I mean, how can this be topped? Honestly, there are no words. Bravo!
Batman vs Xenu
It's a fight of epic proportions: Batman vs Xenu, the space monkey. And this round goes to the man in black...
Maggie Gyllenhaal is in final negotiations to join the all-star cast of "The Dark Knight," Warner Bros. Pictures and Legendary Pictures' sequel to "Batman Begins." Gyllenhaal is being tapped to play D.A. Rachel Dawes, the love interest to Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale). In the first movie, Dawes was played Katie Holmes, who, like Gyllenhaal, is repped by CAA. But reps for Holmes said she was unable to reprise her role because of scheduling conflicts. [hollywood reporter]
Riiiiighhhht. "scheduling conflicts." Suuuuurrrre. If those scheduling conflicts just happen to be that she's a terrible actress and no one involved w/the movie could stand her husband and his ranting and raving. More on the movie...
"Knight" finds Christopher Nolan back in the director's chair, joining "Batman Begins' " Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Gary Oldman. Heath Ledger is set as the Joker, while Aaron Eckhart will play D.A. Harvey Dent, also known as the villainous Two-Face." [ibid]
Dang
Wow... who knew she was even dating anyone? She's always hanging around with Penelope Cruz or jumping from guy to guy to guy. {Check out this guy -- I bet he's asking himself about 10x a day: How the f did i land Salma?] Apparently this is serious. I just hope she doesn't breastfeed -- the kid stands to be suffocated by those gigantic bazongas:
Mexican actress Salma Hayek is expecting her first baby with her fiancé, businessman François-Henri Pinault, her rep confirmed to People magazine. It's the first child for Hayek. The mom-to-be, 40, won't be hurting for sexy clothes or handbags, and her kid might be the best-dressed child in Hollywood — Hayek's fiancé is the CEO of luxury goods company PPR, which owns Gucci, Stella McCartney, Balenciaga and Yves Saint Laurent. [usa today]
Mexican actress Salma Hayek is expecting her first baby with her fiancé, businessman François-Henri Pinault, her rep confirmed to People magazine. It's the first child for Hayek. The mom-to-be, 40, won't be hurting for sexy clothes or handbags, and her kid might be the best-dressed child in Hollywood — Hayek's fiancé is the CEO of luxury goods company PPR, which owns Gucci, Stella McCartney, Balenciaga and Yves Saint Laurent. [usa today]
America is on crack
After last night's American Idol results, that's the only excuse we're willing to accept. Totally bogus Top 12. I'm sickened by the choices (not all, but a good 3 of em make me woozy and light-headed -- and not in that good ganga-smokin' kinda way.) So, let's discuss:
In place of Sabrina, who can sing the pants off of LaLohan, BritBrit and Mandy Moore comined, we get HALEY??? Mother f-r. How did that sugary, no-talent bitch get saved? Now we have to sit through God knows how many weeks of bad-ass obscure Whitney and Olivia Newton-John songs. It's just not right. She needs to be puttin' on her Cinderella costume and singing "When You Wish Upon a Star" in FantasyLand... Not singing center stage on Idol.
In place of Jarrod, whose sultry R&B tones and classic vibe, we get Phil Stacey -- who looks and sounds like a giant, circumcised penis. I am truly mortified.
In place of Sundance (who frankly we could live without, but not when it means having to withstand...) SANJAYA for who knows how many bad weeks of Barry Manilow covers and stiffened dance moves. Just what the fuck is going on here? Are we being punked? WHERE'S ASHTON?
The only saving grace last night was that Antonella got booted -- justly. We've ragged enough on her sorry ass, so we'll refrain from trashing her here. Suffice to say: DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT, SKANKY!
Uh, so... next week is looking a little grim. This Top 12 is less than worthy. They should honestly cancel the competition now and just give Melinda Doolittle the title...cause she's shines above the rest.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Crap that somehow qualifies for news:
WTF? Who? What? Do we care??? Uh, NO!
Captain America, Marvel Comic Book Hero, Dies in Current Issue
[Bloomberg]
Genesis plans stops in North America
[Monsters and Critics.com]
'N SYNC Singer Lance Bass writes memoir
[Monsters and Critics.com]
Captain America, Marvel Comic Book Hero, Dies in Current Issue
[Bloomberg]
Genesis plans stops in North America
[Monsters and Critics.com]
'N SYNC Singer Lance Bass writes memoir
[Monsters and Critics.com]
ShotGun Weddin'
I guess it's a good thing Liz and Arun had those 80-gazillion lavish weddings, cause it would seem she's knocked up! (Let's hope this time she chooses a less demonic name for the child... Though, irony will prove the baby-naming to be somewhere along the lines of Jason or Mike Meyers).
"Los Angeles, CA (BANG) - Although she went on an extreme diet in order to get a flat stomach for her big wedding day, Liz Hurley has sparked pregnancy rumors after arriving at an Indian airport with a noticeably rounded stomach. Liz arrived in Jodhpur for the next stage of her lavish wedding to Arun Nayar wearing a low-cut figure-hugging dress - revealing what looked
suspiciously like a small baby bump. However, friends of the actress-and-model insist they would be "astonished" if Liz was pregnant." [all headline news]
AI: Ladies night
Joan and Melissa comin' at ya from the same coast, the left coast.
Jordin: A bit pitchy in spots. Not your best performance. I’m not as enthusiastic as these two.
Ryan’s black turtleneck just accentuates the fact that he is a pinhead. He is the tiniest person on the planet. His belt buckle looks huuuuuuge. But it’s most likely a regular sized belt buckle.I’d feel like Gulliver around that shit. Raiding his closet would be like raiding the Keebler elves closet. (But he still floats Melissa’s boat.)
Sabrina: Not your best performance. You did your thing. Big ol’ voice. You can sang. You go girl!
Ms. Blow-Job (Antonella): She’s lucky she’s hot cause girl can’t sing for shit. It’s like someone is taking a big steamin’ dump IN MY EARS. Snooooooozefest. Someone needs a punch right in the noggin. She got a big ol’ horse face – Hillary Swank lookin’ sassy talkin’ bitch. Her singing makes me feel like aliens are poking at my body.
Princess (Haley): Wedding singer. I’m melting from the cheese factor of this performance. She blows. Beauty pageant contestant. “She cries, too, which I love…” –Melissa. She really needs to get a job as Sleeping Beauty at Disneyland.
Stephanie: Sing it, girl. Makes me wanna put my hands in the air. But get a new haircut.
LaKisha: Big ol’ voice. Girl brought da house DOWN. LaKisha just made Paula’s high even better.
Ryan’s harem embroils him in a pillow fight – and he throws like a girl.
Gina: Needs to stop thinking she’s the chick from Evanescence. (I SWEAR I WROTE THIS BEFORE I HEARD THE SONG CHOICE). The 80s called, they want their lace, fingerless gloves back. Avril Lavigne called, she wants the fake goth-thang back..
Melinda: OCD never sounded so good. (Except when it’s your boss…)
"Cheerio, me lasses."
Jordin: A bit pitchy in spots. Not your best performance. I’m not as enthusiastic as these two.
Ryan’s black turtleneck just accentuates the fact that he is a pinhead. He is the tiniest person on the planet. His belt buckle looks huuuuuuge. But it’s most likely a regular sized belt buckle.I’d feel like Gulliver around that shit. Raiding his closet would be like raiding the Keebler elves closet. (But he still floats Melissa’s boat.)
Sabrina: Not your best performance. You did your thing. Big ol’ voice. You can sang. You go girl!
Ms. Blow-Job (Antonella): She’s lucky she’s hot cause girl can’t sing for shit. It’s like someone is taking a big steamin’ dump IN MY EARS. Snooooooozefest. Someone needs a punch right in the noggin. She got a big ol’ horse face – Hillary Swank lookin’ sassy talkin’ bitch. Her singing makes me feel like aliens are poking at my body.
Princess (Haley): Wedding singer. I’m melting from the cheese factor of this performance. She blows. Beauty pageant contestant. “She cries, too, which I love…” –Melissa. She really needs to get a job as Sleeping Beauty at Disneyland.
Stephanie: Sing it, girl. Makes me wanna put my hands in the air. But get a new haircut.
LaKisha: Big ol’ voice. Girl brought da house DOWN. LaKisha just made Paula’s high even better.
Ryan’s harem embroils him in a pillow fight – and he throws like a girl.
Gina: Needs to stop thinking she’s the chick from Evanescence. (I SWEAR I WROTE THIS BEFORE I HEARD THE SONG CHOICE). The 80s called, they want their lace, fingerless gloves back. Avril Lavigne called, she wants the fake goth-thang back..
Melinda: OCD never sounded so good. (Except when it’s your boss…)
"Cheerio, me lasses."
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Josh Duhamel is too hot to be doing this for Fugie
Josh flosses Fergie's butt so she can tan her ass.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Yup...definitely new jugs
This side-by-side comparison of the Pickle from the season she was on to her appearance last Thursday definitely confirms store-bought cans.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
TomKat's Movin' on Up...
...to the eastside, to a de-luxe apartment in the sky-y-y. I don't think New York's ready for this...crazy. Gawker's insiders are reporting that TomKat are making a deal to move into the Dakota, which is a case of life imitating art (Cruise's character in that yawnfest Cameron Crowe film Vanilla Sky also lived at the Dakota). The Dakota is famous for its celeb residents. Over the years the Dakota has housed (per Wikipedia):
- actress Lauren Bacall
- composer/conductor Leonard Bernstein
- rock star Bono and his activist wife Ali Hewson
- actress Judy Garland
- composer/singer John Lennon
- singer Sean Lennon, son of John and Yoko
- artist Yoko Ono
- comedienne Gilda Radner
- singer / songwriter Paul Simon
...and baby makes a litter
Brangelina has continued on the quest to adopt the entire free world. If you're wondering when you're going to be adopted, sit tight and wait it out -- they'll get to you soon. But for now, here's the latest:
Angelina Jolie has filed papers to adopt a child in Vietnam, the country's top adoption official said Friday. According to the Associated Press, the director of Vietnam's International Adoption Agency said an American adoption agency representing Jolie had submitted the paperwork. "She just filed the papers this week," Vu Duc Long said. However, a source close to the actress tells PEOPLE, "The process began shortly after Shiloh was born." The source adds: "It has been a long process and she is now simply waiting for further information." [people]
Liz Hurley's Wedding Palooza
Why get married once, when you can get married three times!? (Liz is a gal after my own heart...) Hurley's wedding palooza began with a civil ceremony (see photo), followed by an English wedding, to be then followed next week--by yes another ceremony in Arun's homeland, India. The Guardian, UK gives us a peek:
Elizabeth Hurley married an Indian businessman in a private civil ceremony at a 15th-century castle...Gloucestershire County Council confirmed that Hurley and Arun Nayar married Friday at Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe...The pair held a blessing and party at the castle Saturday evening, with guests including Elton John, Kate Moss, Elle Macpherson and Hurley's ex, Hugh Grant. Security guards on Saturday patrolled the castle grounds, set amid the Cotswold hills of western England. A large tent had been erected on the grounds, and a covered walkway led from the gardens to the building.More from People magazine:
A guest tells PEOPLE that [Elton] John gave Hurley away at the service, which was to open with the hymn "Praise My Soul." Bride and groom and the entire bridal party were outfitted in Versace, and the rings were by Chopard.
Hello mag has exclusive right to the wedding pics -- check back here soon!
BritBrit Tries to End it All
If this is true, clearly what BritBrit is going through is too serious for rehab to be able to fix. Girl needs intervention and therapy, fast.
Britney Spears has reportedly tried to kill herself while in Promises Rehabilitation Clinic according to reports. Spears, who entered rehab for undisclosed reasons, reportedly wrote the number 666 on her head after screaming "I am the Antichrist!" throughout the clinic. "Later that night she tried to kill herself." a source told News of the World magazine. "She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt." After the near-death event, Spears called her ex-husband Kevin Federline on the phone and was begging for him to father another child with her. "Britney has realized what a rock Kevin has been to her, and how out of control she has acted recently." a source at the clinic told News of the World. "She just wants to be with him again, and thinks having another baby will seal their marriage." "She has been talking to Kevin every night for hours on the phone, telling him she still loves him." [ac]Um, so, here's why this is probably untrue:
*No one, not even Brit, can claim that KFed is 'a rock' -- since he's a disaster himself.
*She's the one who thinks having another baby will solve everything? When we're pretty sure he knocked her up cause he has magic sperm -- hell, I don't even wanna be in the same town as KFed, lest his mere proximity should impregnate me.
*Can you even kill yourself with a bedsheet? It would take some doing, methinks. Not impossible, but I don't think she has the skill to pull it off.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The subtle Ryan Seacrest
The 45-year-old Pickle made an appearance on Thursday night's elimination show of American Idol this past week and brought along her two new best friends. While shoes may arguablely be a girl's best friend, these were clearly the newest store-bought additions to the ever-annoying Pickle, her enormous jugs to match her enormous face and awful hair-do. Ryan set it up so well, my respect for him just ballooned to great heights. He asked her if she spent any of her money on anything. She replied, "Shuuues, go figure." He proceeded to ask again, "Is that it?" while staring right at her rack. Girl did not git it. It was awesome. Check it out HERE.
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