Well, it's about damn time...

The sham of a marriage is ovah!

Don't tell me I'm gonna have to smack a bitch....

Jessica Simpson acted up at bf Tony Romo's bday party... Let's just say her and the cake became intimate. So classy:

Really?

oh, i dunno. this might not be a good choice. i mean, can anyone stand a solid hour of rich little-esque aping? i mean, he's cute and loveable, but... he's no letterman. but i'd love to be proved wrong:

NEW YORK (AP) — Jimmy Fallon appears to be inching closer to Conan O'Brien's "Late Night" chair. For months, Fallon has been widely considered the top choice to succeed O'Brien when he steps down next year. On Thursday, published reports said Fallon has signed, or soon will sign, a deal with NBC....Fallon taking over "Late Night" is the only part of this talk-show turnover that remained in any doubt. The succession plan at the "Tonight" show, including Leno's departure, was announced by NBC in 2004. [yahoo]

Oh, Amy...

oh, amy... you just cannot stay out of trouble, can you? girl, get it together....

A man was quoted in tabloid newspapers as saying he was hit by Winehouse when he got in her way while she was playing pool at a bar in the Camden neighborhood and then head-butted another who was trying to hail her a cab in the early hours of Wednesday morning. [yahoo]

You hadda see this coming

I smell a publicity stunt. Are they getting a pay cut from Divorce Court? We all know Gary Coleman's a publicity whore, so being on the air may be payment enough. As for her -- she's probably looking for face time, too. Well, I hope he got a piece at least. Little fella.

Newlywed Gary Coleman brings marital woes to `Divorce Court'

The honeymoon is over for Gary Coleman and his new bride.

The 40-year-old actor and his 22-year-old wife, Shannon Price, are set to appear on TV's "Divorce Court" on May 1 and 2. The couple wed in August after meeting on the set of the 2006 comedy "Church Ball."

Among the problems the pair discusses with Judge Lynn Toler are Coleman's anger and intimacy issues. Coleman and Price agree they have "ugly" monthly fights.

"If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does," Price says, according to a transcript of the show provided to The Associated Press. "He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too." [yahoo]

CAPTION THIS

Get catty and caption this. ;)

6 Months???

Here's Nicole Kidman at the CMT Awards over the weekend. This is 6 months pregnant. HOW? WHAT? WHO?

This is gettin' to be rigoddamndiculous

Kristie Lee Cook is connected somehow to either the mafia, the Hollywood intelligencia, the CIA or the Mormons... because there's no other reason she should be safe and my sweet, hot Aussie should be gone... I have been debating writing this post, because denial ain't just a river in Egypt. But, I'll tell ya this much -- he's lucky to be rid of that circus of a competition. He'll do better without that yoke around his neck. Screw 'em. He'll go and get a Daughtry-like deal and career. And Kristie will be back under her horse in no time flat. ;)

Michael Johns' boot from American Idol may be the best thing that ever happened to him. Johns tells reporters he has been contacted by everyone from Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban to his own idol Dolly Parton—all of whom have offered their condolences and support. And now even AI host Ryan Seacrest has apologized to the singer for the misleading delivery of the ousting announcement. [e!]

How'd she bag him?

Oh, right... She's filthy friggin' rich. But not as rich as the Donald -- who let her get hitched at his Florida mansion. More pics to come, I'm sure. Have the sick bag handy.

Guests at Ivana Trump's wedding were given strict instructions: Check your cameras – and cell phones – at the door. But PEOPLE has this sneak-peek photo of the elaborate ceremony in Palm Beach in which Donald Trump's ex-wife wed for the fourth time Saturday, marrying Italian model-actor Rossano Rubicondi before 500 friends and family members. ... At the wedding itself, a helicopter drowned out the wedding vows at the poolside ceremony conducted by Judge Maryanne Trump Barry, Donald's sister, Leach reports. But it couldn't drown out Neil Sedaka once he took to the piano. In the gold and white Grand Ballroom at Trump's Mar-a-lago estate (the same locale The Donald married Melania in 2004), the singer played a romantic rendition of his song, You, serenading the couple at the wedding dinner that consisted of stone crab, lobster crepes, rack of lamb and Chilean sea bass. After the feast, guests danced until 2 a.m. [people]

Shotgun Weddin'?

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged. (Yeah, that'll last.) Now rumors of her being knocked up. (That makes sense.)

In an e-mail Pete sent to MTV News, he denied reports that surfaced Monday , April 14, on the websites of OK! and Us magazines saying he and Ashlee Simpson, 23, are expecting their first child. "There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood," wrote Pete, 28. "This is all news to me. I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. ... I mean really, this is crazy. ... I mean we're engaged, that's true, and happy about it." [la times]

Everyone's got a sex tape -- even the dead!

Poor Marilyn Monroe will never rest in peace. As if the recent LaLohan and JessaMess Simpson reinterpretations of her famous photo shoots weren't sacrilege enough, now comes the surfacing of a sex tape wherein Marilyn is seen engaging in felatio. I'm sorry, but that totally trumps BigAss Kardashian and MoleFace Hilton's sex romps. Sorry gals, keep trying.

The secret footage depicting famous actress Marilyn Monroe engaging in oral sex isn’t secret anymore. Since it was sold for $1.5 million to a wealthy New York businessman a month ago everybody knows of the film’s existence, but the new owner firmly stated that he'ill keep the footage secret out of respect for Monroe. So don’t try to search it on YouTube, because you won’t find it, yet … However, it seems that it will only be a mater of time until the video will make it to the public eye....However, if the businessman who bought the 15-minute, black and white film did it to make sure that it doesn’t fall in the wrong hands, why was the whole story of the movie revealed....The story published by the New York Post says that the film was recorded in the 1950s and shows the blonde actress on her knees and engaging in oral sex with an unidentified man. Monroe is with her clothes on in the film and the man’s face is cut from the frame for the entire 15 minutes. The details also hint that the film might be the result of the efforts made by then FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, a big Kennedy rival, to prove the affair between JFK and Monroe was real. [eflux]

OMG. Imagine if that's Kennedy's wang? Damn. The 60s were swingin'!

I smell a big, fat flop

Oh, Cruisey--is that flopsweat we see starting to develop in and around your latest effort... Seems like Cruise's pet project Valkyrie is doomed to failure. First the controversy regarding his being a Scientologist and portraying a German war hero on German soil, then they manage to start filming and the celluoid catches fire, then one release date after another postponed... Now come the rumors that Cruise's acting job and the script is/were so bad, he'll be deemed a laughing stock... Well, it's enough to make Cruise go running back to Sumner Redstone. You remember Sumner... he's the one who wouldn't renew Cruise's contract with Paramount because he didn't like his cra-zazy behavior whilst courting femmebot Katie. Tommy boy, you're sure gonna have a lot of ass kissing to do -- pucker up, baby:

According to the Huffington Post:

Has one of the legendary feuds in Hollywood come to an end? Tom Cruise and Sumner Redstone may be on the mend, according to reports in the NY Post and Wall Street Journal. The pair very publicly dined together in Los Angeles on Thursday, and may be ready to work together again.
Writes the Post:

Redstone, the cantankerous head of Viacom and CBS, fired Cruise two years ago after Cruise jumped on Oprah Winfrey's couch to demonstrate his love for Katie Holmes and then went on "Today" to promote "Mission: Impossible III," but instead went on a tirade against prescription drugs. But the two had lunch yesterday at the Polo Lounge in the Beverly Hills Hotel, one of LA's most public places for a rapprochement. "Tom is missing Paramount. He needs a hit," explained one Angeleno.

According to the Wall Street Journal:

At a lunch at the Beverly Hills Hotel, a venue chosen by Mr. Cruise, Mr. Redstone said they "agreed the past is the past and we would put it behind us and renew our relationship."

...Redstone cut ties with Cruise in August 2006. He told the December 2006 issue of Vanity Fair, "He was embarrassing the studio. And he was costing us a lot of money... He turned off all women, and a lot of men."

Delish... I'll have seconds. ;)

Daily Derision

• This idiot's back in jail.
• This idiot's back on TV.
• This idiot's gettin' sued by her bodyguard.

Ezah you in or you auf!

Achtung! Ach du lieber gott! Project Runway is jumping networks! Verum???

No one said the fashion world was boring. In a major TV shakeup, Project Runway will say auf Wiedersehen to Bravo and jump to cable rival Lifetime this fall, it was announced Monday. Bravo and NBC Universal, which owns Bravo, were not amused. They declared war on former Miramax honchos Harvey and Bob Weinstein, whose new venture sold the series to Bravo in 2003, and filed a breach-of-contract lawsuit against the brothers' namesake company. (View the lawsuit.) In a statement, NBC Universal said it had dibs on future seasons of Project Runway, and charged the Weinstein Co. of sealing a deal with Lifetime before Bravo had the chance to match the offer. "NBC Universal regrettably had no alternative but to bring legal action to enforce its rights to this program," it said in a statement....Lifetime said its math wasn't in error, indicating a fifth Runway season will play out on Bravo between now and November. Heidi Klum will continue as host on the show's Lifetime version; Tim Gunn will continue as mentor to the designers. Klum and Gunn were both quoted in the release—Klum reminding that "fashion is about change," and Gunn dropping his catchphrase, à la "Lifetime and I will definitely 'make it work' together." Deals with judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia haven't been closed yet, a Lifetime spokesman said. [e!]

I think Lifetime's an odd choice. I mean, of course Project Runway has a mostly female appeal... but Lifetime is soooooo not cutting edge. Bravo makes Lifetime look like Public Access. But, vere they lead I vill follow! Jetzt!

In other Runway news... Didja hear they won a Peabody? A PEABODY? Really? Bi-zarrrrre.

When in doubt, blame it on the nanny...

Rob Lowe's controversy level has been at low since that awful performance at the Oscars and his infamous sex tape surfaced in the late 80s. But he's picking up steam with his lawsuit:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor Rob Lowe and his wife have sued two former nannies and an ex-chef, claiming they violated confidentiality agreements and in one case lied about having sex with the star of television show "Brothers and Sisters."...The couple's lawsuit against Jessica Gibson, which was filed in Santa Barbara County where they live and posted on the celebrity Web site TMZ.com, claims Gibson "made false statements to others to suggest that she had a personal and intimate relationship with Rob Lowe." In the breach of contract and defamation suit, which seeks unspecified damages, they also claim Gibson falsely portrayed Lowe's wife, Sheryl, as an overly demanding and abusive employer and "violated their personal space for her own sexual trysts." "The Lowes are informed and believe ... that (Gibson) would bring men with whom she was sexually involved into the Lowes' home after hours without their knowledge, permission or approval," the couple says in the lawsuit.

Unbreak my heart?

Toni Braxton rushed to hospital...

Worldwide known R&B singer Toni Braxton was reportedly admitted in a Las Vegas hospital and there are speculations that she suffered a heart attack.... She was rushed to the hospital after she performed in a show at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino. She is in good condition, Vegas.com wrote on its Web site. However, hospital officials didn’t provide details on why she is there. The R&B singer who won six Grammy Awards and has sold over forty million records worldwide found out that she was suffering from pericarditis, an inflammation of the sac surrounding the heart, after she gave birth to her second son, a spokeswoman for the American Heart Association said. [eflux media]

Beyonce Brides it Up, Part 2

People has pics of the arriving guests at Friday's reception for Jay-Z and Beyonce. (The paps really did a heck of a job scoring these photos... real professional like and all. Yeesh.) Anyway, you'll notice everyone's in white... I'm guessing that was a request, otherwise I'd be all up in their shit -- wearing white on my big day. F that, bitches.

The intimate affair was attended by about two dozen friends and family members. Among those present: the parents of the bride and groom; Knowles' kid sis, Solange; Jay-Z's mother, Gloria Carter; former Destiny's Child mates Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams; and Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who has collaborated with Jigga. Most were dressed in white. Also present: the Knowles' family minister from Houston, who presumably officiated....The previously subdued festivities finally got raging at 2:30 a.m. ET when the Jackson 5 tune "I Want You Back" started blaring from the penthouse, followed by a steady stream of hip-hop music. The tunes were still blasting at 4 a.m. with no sign of the bash slowing down. ...According to various media reports, the Roman numeral IV was also prevalent throughout the party, in honor not only of the wedding month and day (4/4/08), but because the number holds special significance for the couple, each of whom was born on the fourth of the month—September for Knowles, December for the man born Shawn Carter. [e!]

Welp, we got 'em...

...but not saying how we're actually gonna see any of the show, considering our fab seats. JLev and I will be in the same room as George Michael this coming July, but we're gonna need a heat-seeking device, some binoculars and an infrared camera to find his ass on the stage. LOL. We're about as far away from the stage as you can physically get... in fact, I'm not even sure it's technically inside the building. We may be on the roof. These are perhaps the worst seats in the garden, and yours truly snagged 'em. Jealous? (I hadda call Asheville NC for these babies. That's how fast these tix were sellin' -- so take that all you naysayers... George is back in a big 'ol way. Now, let's just hope he doesn't get involved in another DUI before then and have to cancel our show.) To give you some idea of how fucked up our seats are, I've organized a handy chart for your perusal. Enjoy ;)

Effing funny

Never one to let a good joke die, Sarah Silverman took out a full page ad in Variety to congratulate Jimmy Kimmel on his late show's 1000th episode.

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Douche chills commence:
These guys are back together
and coming to a town near you.

She's at it again

Naomi Campbell just cannot stay out of trouble. She's opted for spit over her former favorite weapon, a cell phone. The girl can't help it.

Naomi Campbell was released on bail just after midnight Friday – while London police ponder charges over her alleged airport assault. The supermodel, 37, was arrested shortly after 5 p.m. Thursday, when police were alerted to a disturbance onboard a plane at Heathrow Airport's problem-plagued Terminal 5. Two sources tell PEOPLE the model spat at cops before being taken into custody for investigation of assaulting a police officer. Read the rest here...

Beyonce Brides it Up

It's official, Jay-Z and Beyonce got hitched Friday. No doubt the wedding pics to come are gonna be fab. Here's the scoop from People:

After years of speculation, singer Beyoncé Knowles wed her longtime boyfriend, rapper Jay-Z, on Friday, a friend of the couple tells PEOPLE. ...The ceremony was followed by a lavish party at the rapper's Tribeca apartment that drew Beyoncé's mother Tina Knowles, her father/manager Mathew, her sister Solange, her Destiny's Child mates Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, and the couple's friend Gwyneth Paltrow. The wedding buzz began when the couple went to get a marriage license at a village hall in Scarsdale, N.Y., on Tuesday. ... Early Friday morning, workers erected a white tent atop the building in Tribeca, where Jay-Z owns a penthouse apartment. Not long after, an SUV carrying what seemed to be AV equipment arrived, followed by deliveries of party rentals and flowers.


A source tells PEOPLE that Amy's Orchids was hired to provide 50,000 to 60,000 white orchid blooms from Thailand for a "big party." At the apartment, waiters were seen practicing their service.

Idol's Bottom Three: Week Four

Last night was kinda brutal and boring... Whose bright idea was it to pick Dolly Parton as a mentor? It's not like her songbook is versatile enough to suit American Idol. A couple songs, sure. But c'mon. Anyway... The people that were best last night were good because they chose good songs: Brooke, Carlye... Sayesha and Michael... who was amazing...ly hot.

Bottom three sucked it up good. Here's how it might look:













Ramiele's goin' home.


In other idol news...

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A top "American Idol" contestant was taken to a hospital emergency room after Tuesday night's show suffering from heart palpitations and high blood pressure, a source close to the show said on Wednesday. David Cook, who performed country legend Dolly Parton's ballad "Little Sparrow" on Tuesday's broadcast as one of the nine "Idol" finalists, was driven to a local hospital on the recommendation of a staff medic, the source said. Cook, a rocker who sports a "soul patch" on his chin and has been pegged by the judges as a possible dark horse to win the massively popular Fox television talent competition this year, was treated at the hospital and released.

Ya Gotta Love The Onion

Sources: George Clooney Looking Good