Looking Back on 2008

Joan & Melissa’s Year in Review: 2008
Time to get catty, bitches...

Amy Winehouse Cracks Out

• Joan: Oof. Amy went from most promising “new” talent to batshit insane in record time. She became Britain’s Britney. What with her love for “Blake incarcerated” to her revolving hospital door…we didn’t know one second to the next if she’d pull a Janis Joplin on us. Let’s hope she doesn’t. She’s too damn talented to lose.
• Melissa: She’s got TB or sumthin’. Living in that kind of drugged up squalor can’t be the cleanest way to live.

The Writer’s Strike

• Joan: As much as I support the writers and the concept of striking – I wish it didn’t mean the death of excellent shows like Pushing Daisies.
• Melissa: Plus the ridic hiatus of LOST. WTF?

Brit’s Sis Gets Knocked Up

• Joan: For once, albeit a brief moment, the spotlight was off BritBrit and on her younger sister. Jaime Lynn managed to soil her good-girl image by getting knocked up. But she high-tailed it out of HWood, which may have saved her. Brit shoulda been so smart.
• Melissa: Jaime probably hightailed it outta Hell-A cause she needed momma spears’ help in raising the newest spears offspring. I want to know what’s gonna happen with zoey 101?

LaLohan Swings Both Ways

• Joan: First, they were just friends. Then the PDAs started. And they said they were just friends. Sorry, I don’t tongue kiss my girlfriends… Obvi, something more was going on. Then Lindsay kinda sorta affirms she’s a lesbian, sorta. Kinda.
• Melissa: I’ll bet LaLohan goes back to the peen. Maybe Ronson already has one.

Jolie-Pitt Clan Reaches Record Numbers

• Joan: How many are they now? 32? I forget.
• Melissa: it’s 87.

Clay Comes Out: No One is Surprised

• Joan: This was like when Nathan Lane came out. Everyone was like: Yeah, and? I’m just glad he can live his life to the fullest now and not have to hide it.
• Melissa: 2008 was also the year for gay dads. Clay… Ricky Martin.

Ellen & Portia Tie the Knot

• Joan: I’m beginning to realize this was a big ol’ gay year! Once gay marriage was legalized in Cali, Portia and Ellen wasted no time. They had an elegant, intimate wedding…which Prop 8 then f’d up and overturned. It still hangs in the balance – LOVE NOT H8! Grow up, people and get with the program. Everyone’s equal. Everyone.
• Melissa: while their wedding pics were beautiful, I couldn’t get over the fact that Ellen looked more mother-of-the-bride rather than the other half of the bride duo.

Britney Redux

• Joan: You know, I am too lazy to do the research and it’s all really a blur. I can’t remember when Britney went from English-accent talking loon to almost fully put back together… All I know now is E! ran out of graphics to exploit her situation in 2007.
• Melissa: no one is giving a rat’s ass about this new cleaned up brit. Once she starts showing her cooch again, shaving her head, driving with her kid on her lap, then people will start to care.

Hef Gets New Broads

• Joan: Not caring about his reality show contract with E!, Hef decides to dump his three dumb bunnies and upgrade to some new silicon. Hey, he’s not getting any younger.
• Melissa: so don’t give a crap about this bag of bones and his Barbie doll girlfriends.

Madge and Guy Splitsville

• Joan: Look, 11 years in Madonna years is like 50 in regular normal person years. So, good on ya, Guy. You deserve a friggin’ medal.
• Melissa: wonder what life under the Madonna regime was like? Between all the muscles and bulging veins, how did Guy not go blind?

Tina Fey Rocks Our World

• Joan: Everyone finally realizes what a genius Tina Fey is and we couldn’t be happier for our favorite gal.
• Melissa: a pure joy. So glad she’s getting the recognition she deserves.

Heath Ledger’s Shocking Departure

• Joan: Still not quite over this. Too young. Too soon. Guess his light shined too bright and we’ll have to imagine what greatness would have come.
• Melissa: I remember Joan’s voicemail for me about Heath Ledger being found dead. So sad. And he left behind such a small child – basically a baby.