Joan and Melissa

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Live Blog: GOLDEN GLOBES 2010 Red Carpet Arrivals

It's officially Award Season. Tonight's Golden Globes will be airing at 8pm (EST), but the stars are arriving right now. So, let's not waste another second!

It's a wet and squishy red carpet -- the first time ever in Globe history that it's raining. All of the umbrellas are putting a damper on the usually festive event, but we'll make due.

Lisa Edelstein arrives early, as usual.

Not loving this gown, but the color works.

Olivia Wilde from House. This gown does nothing for her.

Rose Byrne from Damages. Lovey color, nice accessory use on the hip.

Hair's not great -- but hey, it's raining.

Sofia Vergara looks complicated.

I want to solve this dress, but I'm not sure it's possible.

Gorgeous in Oscar DeLarenta, Lea Michele from Glee.

Such a throwback to the 50s. You can't see the appliques on the bottom in this photo.

Look for it on the Best Dressed list tomorrow ;)

Lauren Graham in pink. And she means it. Ooof.

Look, Melissa and I both love pink, but this is way too much pink for its own good.

Oh, Maggie G. You sometimes hit, but usually miss.

And, this -- this is a miss. A mess in coral.

Toni Collette in gold mesh... Not loving it, but

she's one of the better dressed so far this evening.

Christina Hendricks from Mad Men.

Look, I know it's a bit much -- but I kinda love this.

It's old Hollywood glamour -- Rita Hayworth meets Marilyn Monroe.

Mickey's in the house. And, he brought a very tall and tacky friend.

Neil Patrick Harris, looking fab, and his equally adorable partner, David Burtka.

Oh, my. What happened to Diane Kruger.

Usually, she's a candidate for Best Dressed.

She can count that out tonight.

Sandra Bullock. The top is fab. The bottom...not so much.

Vera Farmiga, looking lovely in black.

Much prettier on TV than photographed.

Newly engaged, Emily Blunt and John Kraskinski. Love her dress.

Jane Krakwoski -- lovely in deep purple.

Done right, unlike Sandra.

The ladies from Mad Men really got it wrong tonight.
Here are Elisabeth Moss and January Jones,
proving they should leave the fashion decisions
up to the Mad Men fashion designer.

Tom Ford (hotness) and Julianne Moore

(wearing what appears to be the skin of a long dead Wall St. businessman.)

Clooney and his gal pal from Italia -- who is a bit of a horse face.

YEAH, I said it. And talk about a tacky dress.

God help me, Fergie's my Best Dressed so far.
I HATE it when shit like that happens.

Love the top on this dress, worn by Penelope Cruz.

The party has officially started!
TRACY MORGAN IS IN THE HOUSE!
I can just hear him saying: "I love the Golden Globes so much,
I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant."

Ooof. That chick from Glee.
We might have a contender for Worst Dressed.

Marion Cotilliard. I don't hate this. I don't love this.

I'm indifferent.

Oh, look. Mariah brought her two friends AND her husband. Classy.

Look, I love Tea Leoni -- but is she going shopping to the Gap

or attending the Golden Globes??? Come on, girl.

Drew Barrymore. Hmm.
If it wasn't for that protrusion on her hip, this would be lovely.

Kate Hudson. I'm not sure what is going on here, actually.
The top is quite lovely, with the lacey ruffle peeking out from behind the structured bodice
(although you'd never know it in this photo).
But, what is going on at the bottom there is quite disturbing.

Tina! In your own words: WHAT THE WHAT?
This is a hot mess. And, dare I say it?????
Yes, Worst Dressed.
Oh, how this pains me.

Incidentally...

Joan's BACK!!!!

Joan Rivers, the mouth that roared on E! for 10 years, is coming back to bust badly dressed celebs in a series of awards-season Fashion Police operations. The clothes-minded critiques begin with Fashion Police: The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Jan. 18. Joining Rivers on the red carpet beat will be E! Network personalities Khloé Kardashian Odom, Giuliana Rancic and Jay Manuel —and Joan is clearly stoked for the gig..."I am delighted to be back on E! and to have the opportunity to say what I think about the fashions on the red carpet. Most of all, I am thrilled to have my daughter Melissa producing. I know with Melissa at the helm, I can relax and say what I really want." [e!]

Finally, things are back to normal!!!

For the record...

Joan and Melissa are Team CoCo.

Live Blogging the GOLDEN GLOBES 2010 Red Carpet...

Head here tonight at 5 to 8 pm (EST)

for live blogging of the Golden Globes Red Carpet.

Sure, you could watch E! and stuff,

but this is snarkier and more truthful,

since we don't have sponsors. ;)

See you later!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You might wanna reconsider, Natalie

So Natalie Portman showed up to some event in a $40 Target dress. Evs.

A) she looks 12.
B) eat a hamburger.
C) the color doesn't work. it would have been better in black.
D) i appreciate the sentiment, but who cares?
E) can anyone say "lollipop head"?

Huffington Post

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Deja Vu

I don't know why anyone's surprised. NBC pulled the same shit on Letterman, forcing him to leave and take his act to CBS. A wise, and profitable, move. Now, just 7 short months after Conan's debut as the Tonight Show host, NBC is shaking things up again.

But, Conan's planting his feet firmly. He issued the following statement regarding the possibility of once again, following Leno (who may get the primo spot of 11:30 back if he keeps complaining like a friggin' baby and manages to change some minds).

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,
Conan

Toodles Simon

Simon Cowell is doing the honorable thing and taking the last lifeboat off that sinking ship known as American Idol. (Frankly, I think his main reason for doing so is that he didn't like the way the whole Paula thing went down and the new direction of the show is just not what he'd bargained for.)

Simon Cowell announced Monday that he is quitting "American Idol" in order to judge the show he created, "The X Factor," when it debuts on Fox in 2011...While "X Factor" will be yet another singing competition on network television, there are some notable differences between it and "Idol." Contestants audition — either alone or in groups — in front of an audience, like they do on "America's Got Talent." They can also be any age above a minimum, which Cowell said will likely be 14 or even lower. The most notable difference is that, as Cowell told TV critics, "the judges mentor a selection of contestants" and "the judge is judged as well as the singer." [msnbc]

It won't be the same without him. Then again, it won't be the same without Paula. Who knows? Maybe he's bringing Paula over to the X-Factor to right some very wrong wrongs.

Joan and Melissa Get their Globe On: 2010 - with RESULTS (1/16/10)

The Golden Globes will be airing this weekend. So, in preparation, here is a breakdown of the nominees and who we think will win and why. Buckle up.
REVISED 1/16/10 -- RESULTS.

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Joan: This is a toss up between Precious and Up in the Air. Oscar is much fonder of war/military movies than the Globes, so I'm counting out The Hurt Locker and Inglourious Basterds. Avatar -- doubtful.
Show's ya how much I know.

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical

Joan: Wow, The Hangover. Really? Nine? Hmm. Proof the Globes LOVE Daniel Day Lewis. I'm going with either of the Streep choices.
THE HANGOVER???? WTF???? I, uh. I -- just ... there.are.no.words.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

Joan: Jeff Bridges is getting a lot of buzz for his role in Crazy Heart. But, I think this one's going to Clooney. From the initial reviews, this role has been consistently considered monumental -- proving he's got acting chops as well as star appeal.
Oh, boy. If this is a precursor, looks like Clooney won't be getting the Oscar.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Joan: I'm going with Sidibe on this. While Bullock got a lot of great reviews for her portrayal, Sidibe is a newcomer and Globe loves newcomers. Not to mention, it's universally agreed on that Sidibe was a force to be reckoned with in Precious.
Sidibe was robbed!

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Joan: It's between Tucci and Waltz. Tucci may well win, for his total resume. He's been unrecognized for his body of work these many years. It's just a shame this is the role that will do it for him.

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Joan: While Farmiga and Kendrick will battle it out for Up in the Air, this one clearly goes to Mo'Nique. Hands down.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Joan: Shoe in -- Robert Downey Jr. And, if he doesn't win -- then he was robbed.
FINALLLLLLLYYYYYY!!!!!

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Joan: It's either Streep or Streep here, folks. While Bullock was great in The Proposal, she just doesn't stand a chance in this, Meryl Streep's best year yet. She was amazing in both roles, but will most likely get the Globe for Julie and Julia.

Best Television Series, Drama

Joan: Ugh, this one's rough. Considering all the friggin' hype this year over vampires -- it just might go to True Blood. God forbid.
Phew... That was a close call.

Best Televison Series, Comedy or Musical

Joan: Globe loves a fledgling series -- especially if it's flailing. It's gonna be Glee.

Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama

Joan: I don't know why, exactly, but I'm thinking this year -- it's Bill Paxton. (Even if he is one of the worst actors in creation.)
Bill Paxton??? WTF was I thinking?

Best Actress in a Television Series, Drama

Joan: There may be a special Globe presented for the space between Anna Paquin's front teeth. While she actually has a shot at this, based solely on the popularity of that God-awful series, it's only right that Glenn Close should bring the Globe home, based on merit.
I'm just happy Anna Paquin didn't win.

Best Actor in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical

Joan: Globe is fascinated with David Duchovny. I just don't get it. He won two years in a row and is nominated yet again. I'm beginning to think that there's something nefarious going on here. If all is right with the world, then Alec Baldwin will win. And rightly so.

Best Actress in a Television Series, Comedy or Musical

Joan: Possibly Toni. Better off with Tina.

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

Joan: Lithgow was killed off last season, correct me if I'm wrong here. He may just get the award because there won't be another opportunity to recognize his truly creepy portrayal of Dexter's nemesis. Though, I'd love to see Niel Patrick Harris win.

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television

Joan: Oh, how I'd love to see Jane Lynch get this.I sincerely hope she does, as recognition for her amazing career. A truly funny woman.
WOW - JANE LYNCH WAS ROBBED! ROBBED, I TELL YA.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

RIP Brittany Murphy :( :( :(

1977-2009

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Whatever Mimi Wants, Mimi Gets

God, I hope this is true. Mimi was on a British talk show recently and now tongues are wagging about Mimi's backstage/off camera behavior. Let the games begin:

A British TV host says the rumors are true: Mariah Carey is a diva. Kate Garraway of London's Good Morning Television tells Now! magazine that the singer, 40, made crazy demands when she was recently in the UK to promote her new film Precious on GMTV, according to London's Daily Mail. Garraway claims that Carey arrived with an entourage to ensure she looked perfect on air -- and even required two people to lower her on to the morning show's sofa to keep from crushing her dress....Garraway adds that Carey even "brought her own toilet roll as well. Have you ever heard anything like it?"...Just last week, reports surfaced that she insisted on being surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 white doves for her appearance at a Christmas lighting event in London. She also reportedly demanded to be showered in butterfly-shaped confetti during the end of her performance....But Carey has claimed most of these reports are overblown. "I am baffled, shocked and appalled when I am called a diva," she has said. "I've never done a diva-ish thing in my life." [us weekly]

Hmm. Never done a diva-ish thing in her life, eh? Hmm... Perhaps she's never seen her episode of MTV Cribs?

Oops She Did it Again...

...but this time, he ain't having it. BritBrit popped the question to her agent/boyfriend and according to MTV (UK) he turned her down.

Britney Spears has reportedly been turned down after asking her boyfriend Jason Trawick to marry her. It’s claimed the 3 singer proposed recently but was turned down flat because he “takes marriage very seriously.”

So, he's not above cashing her checks, but apparently still has some morals. Interesting. He may be the last agent in Hollywood that actually has dignity. Go figure.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Me and Orson Welles: Review

Our dear friend, and now guest blogger at Joan & Melissa, Helena, went to see a preview of the new Zac Efron film, Me and Orson Welles. Here's a glimpse at the goings-on!

Earlier this week I was treated to a private screening of Me and Orson Welles and was pleasantly surprised by how much I loved the movie! Knowing little about Orson Welles other than Citizen Kane, I went into it with an open mind, hoping to learn something new about such an iconic film legend. By the time the movie was over, I could understand why Welles has garnered such a lofty reputation as an eccentric filmmaker.

The film stars Christian McKay as Orson Welles – who was a dead ringer, by the way – and Zac Efron as a plucky actor who lands a role in Welles’ fledgling production of Hamlet. Now, I’m no screaming tween – but Zac was flat out awesome in this role! He really stunned me with his acting here, and made his character so likable that I found myself rooting for him throughout the entire movie. Claire Danes also co-stars as Welles’ ambitious assistant who quickly takes a liking to Zac’s character. I haven’t seen her in much lately, and I thought her role was refreshingly playful here.

This was a great period piece that really captured the excitement of the theater and the whole process all of the actors went through in order to put Welles on the map as a director. After the movie, we were treated to a Q&A session with director Richard Linklater, Christian McKay and Zac Efron. Christian was charming in his retelling of his “discovery” by the director, Zac dodged a potentially awkward marriage proposal on behalf of an audience member’s niece, and director Richard Linklater discussed the process of creating a film around such an engaging character. All in all, it was a fantastic experience, and I would definitely recommend this movie to anyone interested in learning a little more about Orson Welles!

Martha, you make it so hard for me to like you...

Oh, Martha. I do love your candid commentary and your gorgeous creative expressions. But dammit -- sometimes, you make it so hard for me to like you!

Case in point -- when you slammed Rachel Ray recently, I was like -- YEAH! WOO HOOO!!! Cause let's face it, Rachel Ray is realllllllllly grating. But then, Rachel responded in a truly classy and self-deprecating way, well, it made you look like an even bitchier uber-bitch!

"Well, to me, she professed that she could -- cannot bake," Stewart says of Ray in the interview, airing Thursday. "She -- just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She -- and that's not good enough for me." When it comes to writing a book, Stewart says she want to publish something that "is a unique and lasting thing. Something that will really fulfill a need in someone's library." Ray, she says, "is different."Stewart says Ray is "more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be."

Do Stewart's remarks make Ray mad? "Why would it make me mad?" Ray asks. "Her skill set is far beyond mine. That's simply the reality of it." Ray adds that "that doesn't mean that what I do isn't important too... I don't consider it needling. I really just think she's being honest. She does have a better skill set than I do when it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal." Says Ray, "I'd rather eat Martha's than mine, too." [yahoo]

Ouch!!!!!! Now, if only we can mix a ham-throwing Paula Deen in to this mess, then we'll have a real food fight! (Yes, I went there. I said that. But corny is my milieu.)

The scent of...

If you're a diehard Avon fanatic like me -- no doubt you've seen the celebrity endorsements-a-plenty. Avon has worked tirelessly scoring some of the biggest celebrities to endorse their perfume and makeup lines. From Reese Witherspoon to Jennifer Hudson -- everyone is feeling the Avon love these days.

I suppose it's not odd that Avon bigwig Jillian Dempsey's husband, Patrick, has been making an appearance in the catalogs of late... I just had to screen shot this, because it's a pretty steamy McDreamy moment, but it does beg to question -- what IS the scent of Patrick Dempsey? That, my friends, is an open-ended question of which I'm willing to get to the bottom. ;)

BTW: Stop by my favorite Avon Lady's shop to experience After Thanksgiving steals ;) Love ya, Terese!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Hamming it up

The life of a celebrity chef is filled with danger. Few know it, but it's a profession filled with constant peril. Case in point: Paula Deen has been struck by a wayward ham. You read that right... a ham.

Celebrity chef Paula Deen was in Atlanta helping the Hosea Feed the Hungry charity load up food when an errantly tossed ham hit her in the face, leaving her with a sore nose but no other apparent injury. [people]

So, enter the kitchen with caution. Let that be a lesson to you.

2009 AMAs... Musings

Where does one begin to wrap up last night's AMAs? Considering the award show included an embarrassing fall for JLo, Lady GaGa in a flesh tone shrimp costume and Adam Lambert engaging in staged fellatio... there is no one place to start, so I'm gonna jump right in.

JLo Goes Boom
Everyone was waiting for JLo's comeback performance, during which she actually "changed" costumes and slipped on a pair of Louboutins on stage. All seemed to go well, until she fell right on her million-dollar ass. Hats off to her though, after she got up (in a split second mind you) she didn't miss a beat. The mark of a true professional.

Lady GaGa Sleeps with the Fishes
Was her outfit supposed to be an exoskeleton or a shrimp? Either way, she should fire her costumer. That being said, she was, as usual, compelling to watch. Like a train wreck, I cannot take my eyes off her weird-ass performances. (Not to mention, for the 1st half of the performance I was sure she had a dildo crammed into her leotard. It turned out to be a strap on her costume.)

Whitney Wants You to Know She Won't Break
In what was basically the antihistamine of AMA performances, Whitney Houston talk-sang, stood completely still and yet managed to sweat it up like she ran a 5K. Yawn... if this was a comeback, she might wanna give it another try.

Adam Lambert is All Up in Your Face, Yo
Look, I'm no prude. And, by now you know I'm a huge advocate for gay rights. However, I do think that certain performances are better left for your paying customers than for prime time television. If you wanna S&M your way through a terrible song, fine. But do it at a not-for-prime time hour. Frankly, I think the risque performance was just a way to camouflage a terrible song with some shock value. Oh, and Adam...enough with the screaming. It's not 1987 and you're not Ronnie James Dio -- so stop it.