You can't have just one...

Right now, I'm struggling between the obvious nutritional drawbacks that exist in a bag of Doritos and eating one cricket, much less handfuls of them. In the Jolie-Pitt household, this is apparently not an issue:

"My boys love to eat crickets. It's their favorite thing," the 36-year-old actress says..."When I first gave it to them . . . I wanted them not to be turned off by something that was of their culture. They ate them like Doritos, and they wouldn't stop," Jolie says of Maddox and Pax, 7. "They brought to-go boxes home and I had to actually ban the cricket eating at a certain point because I was afraid they were going to get sick from too many." Jolie herself has even indulged in the Southeast Asian countries delicacies. "They're good. They're like a potato chip." [us weekly]

Who am I to judge? One man's Cheeto is another man's Gryllus assimilis.

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She's putting on her Louboutins -- and he's just gonna hafta deal with it!

Details are emerging regarding the split heard 'round the world. For those of you who thought JLo had the upper hand in the relationship, apparently that wasn't the case. According to some reports, Mark Anthony was a big ol' control freak -- even when it came to what JLo was wearing.

Ever since the couple tied the knot seven years ago, the Latin crooner strove to curtail his wife's famous style choices. "He would make her feel terrible about herself if she wanted to wear something sexy," says another source. "He likes her to dress in a demure, 'wife' style. He hated the fact that she was a sex symbol." [us weekly]

Well, one thing for sure -- he had good taste. His being a dbag aside, I do think JLo's wardrobe was far nicer during her marriage. I guess her choice of attire to meet the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on their American tour was her way of bringing tacky back and a huge FU to her soon-to-be ex hubby:

Will I be watching?

That's a big FAT yes.

Yes! Ricky Gervais, the creator of The Office and Extras is teaming up with former Dexter showrunner, Clyde Phillips, for a new show called Afterlife, about an atheist who dies and goes to heaven. [ew]

Love him or hate him, who better than Gervais, a self-described atheist, to pen such a plot? This is sure to be equal parts thought-provoking and hilarious. Cannot wait for it to materialize.

#he'sback @thethingthatwon'tgoaway

Just when you thought Charlie Sheen's latest 15 minutes of fame were up and it was safe to come out of hiding -- BAM! He's baaaaaaack. He's producing his own sitcom and found a distributor. Guess misery really does love company. I think it's pretty safe to say this will be a #hugefriggindisaster.

Charlie Sheen is developing a pilot for the small screen: Anger Management, a sitcom based on the 2003 movie starring Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler. "I chose Anger Management because, while it might be a big stretch for me to play a guy with serious anger management issues, I think it is a great concept," Sheen said in a statement...."It also provides me with real ownership in the series, a certain amount of creative control and the chance to be back in business with one of my favorite movie producers of all time, Joe Roth," Sheen says....Lionsgate's Debmar-Mercury will distribute the new series. [USA TODAY]

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Splitsville

Gotta admit, didn't see this one coming. Especially when as far as anyone could tell they seemed like an inseparable power couple. Always showing up at each other's events, supportive of each other's careers, close-knit family... Now comes this news:

After seven years of marriage, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have split, their rep tells Us Weekly." We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters," they said in a statement. "It is a painful time for all involved, and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time." [us weekly]

Oh well.

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ahhh, what a breath of fresh air.

Finally, the tide is turning.

She's been around for years, but if you saw Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then you know she stole the show -- which is no easy task considering how phenomenal Kristen Wiig is in everything she does.

...the voters at the Television Academy of Arts and Sciences who spread the love in their Primetime Emmy Award nominations on Thursday to a slew of actors who smash the stereotype of wafer-thin blondes and tall, dark handsome men. Few nominees were more surprised than plus-sized actress Melissa McCarthy, who scored her first Emmy nod for her lead role in "Mike & Molly" -- a romantic comedy about two people who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group. "Yikes", gulped McCarthy, 40, who was announcing the nominees live on U.S. television when her own name came up. "Ok. Keep it together! Wow!" she added. The Emmy nod is icing on the Hollywood cake for McCarthy, whose show was initially criticized for making fun of fat people but went on to become one of the most popular new comedies on U.S. television. McCarthy, who has labored for years in bit parts, is also a scene-stealer in the raunchy summer hit movie "Bridesmaids". [reuters]

Congrats to Melissa! Let's hope this trend continues...

Melissa McCarthy learns she's just been nominated for an Emmy.

Ouch, that's gotta hurt: Part Deux

Whoa. I repeat: WHOA! Looks like Chris Colfer and Cory Monteith have more in common than just being stars of the hit TV show Glee. They both found out they were canned, not by their bosses -- no, cause that would be the usual way of doing things -- but in another way altogether.

In Colfer's case, his bomb was dropped on Twitter. (What's the hashtag for that? Must have looked something like this: @ChrisColfer Don't bother coming 2 wrk on Mon. Nice knowin' ya! #you'recanned.)

For Monteith, it seems the deed was done via Hollywood Reporter:

Only the most sadistic manager would ever look forward to telling an employee that he is about to be out of a job, but virtually all managers recognize that, uncomfortable though it is, they have to deliver the news to the redundant staffer face-to-face. However, "Glee" creator Ryan Murphy went a different way with series star Cory Monteith: The readers of The Hollywood Reporter found out that Monteith wouldn't be back for "Glee" Season 4 before Monteith himself did...."Murphy acknowledged that while he hasn't discussed graduation plans with Monteith yet, he presumes he's aware that Finn will be among those graduating." ...Murphy on Monteith: "He knows he was a sophomore when the show started." [yahoo]

So, now all that's left to figure out is how Lea Michele was notified. (I'm thinking she probably heard it from Guilliana Rancic who heard it from Ryan Seacrest who heard it from Joel McHale.) Methinks morale on the set this season is gonna be awfully low.

Way to go Fox and producers of Glee. You're both class acts, 100%. Fabulous way to treat the stars who made your TV show a hit. No, no. Keep raking in the cash and enjoying the ratings. Don't let a little thing like being total douchebags bother you none. *pats on the back* Sleep well tonight knowing you have no idea how to handle matters such as this in a professional, humane manner. Well done! *thumbs up* #assholes

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Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

Getting the old pink slip is never easy. But, of all the ways to be laid off, finding out via Twitter has to take the cake. 

Chris Colfer "says he learned of Kurt Hummel's fate – Glee's co-creator Ryan Murphy announced several principal actors would be "graduating" – only recently via Twitter. "I didn't necessarily know that it was going to be our last season next year," he tells Access Hollywood. "I knew something like that was coming up eventually. I mean, we can't be there forever." [people]

Dang. Well, at least he won the Golden Globe. 

This again?

Must be a slow news week, 'cause Us Weekly's pulling out the Wed Card again. If Brangelina (anyone still calling them that?) do actually get married, I'll eat my words. But this ain't happenin' people. Nope. Yes, yes... there have been little tidbits hinted at here and there ("the kids want them to get married"), but I still don't buy it. Do you? [Sound off in the poll to the right.] 

Us Weekly has reported this news, which naturally is shared in much more detail in print since it’s the magazine’s cover story this week. The report says that three sources — none of them named, of course — have confirmed that the couple plans to marry either later this summer or in September, and may do so at their chateau in France. Reps for Pitt and Jolie have not commented on all this; I reached out to one myself and have not received a response yet. [wp]

Awwwwwkward.

So, Miranda Kerr (aka Mrs. Orlando Bloom) admits to having named her child after her late ex-boyfriend. Now, THAT had to be one uncomfortable conversation. She says Orlando's cool with it. Maybe so, but you know one day it's just gonna hit him and he's gonna be like: Wait, whoa...That was kinda effed up! 

...there’s another special man who Flynn — full name: Flynn Christopher Blanchard Copeland Bloom — takes after: Kerr’s high school sweetheart, Christopher Middlebrook, who died in a car accident when he was a teenager. “Chris and I had been dating for two years,” she says. “After he died, I wrote him a letter that said I hoped to name my first child after him in some way. I told Orlando, and he was the one who said he’d be happy to do that. Orlando’s a good guy.” [People]

...and together they will take over the world.

If they breed, God help us all. Why? Well, have you seen a more gorgeous gene pool in all of your life? I don't think it exists, frankly. And, it's just not fair to humanity. It's too much pressure to contend with. We average-looking, just-passing-muster people can't compete with that.

A source tells the new issue of Us Weekly (out Wednesday) that the Green Lantern star [Ryan Reynolds], 34, and Charlize Theron, 35, "have been dating -- for months! They're exclusive, and it's very hush-hush." While the two haven't been photographed together, a witness noticed Reynolds' motorcycle at Theron's home all morning on June 5, then saw the actor exit her house around 3 p.m. -- and she left just minutes later.

BAFTA Brits to Watch Gala

So, let me get this straight -- the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge make their very first trip to America and this is the best JLo and Dana Delaney could manage to pull out of their closets? Hmm? I know two stylists who will be fired faster than you can say: Cheerio!

In case you've forgotten how to show up looking glam at a Hollywood event, this is how you do it:

Princess Catherine in Alexander McQueen

 

 

 

 

Seven Costanza

David and Victoria Beckham named their new child "Harper Seven." Why? Well, supposedly:

Harper is an old English name that Victoria has always loved, PEOPLE has learned, and seven is considered a very lucky spiritual number.

And now, proving there is a Seinfeld reference for EVERYTHING in life, I give you: Seven Costanza. 

 

By George!

 Today started like any other day... until Melissa sent word:

George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis Splitsville!

Like music to my ears. A sweet serenade to the tune of schadenfreude. I imagined her packing her bags, tears in her eyes and waving a sad ciao to George, then speeding away on her vespa -- after which he breathed a deep sigh of relief. 

Gotta hand it to her -- two whole years. Not a bad run. But, this chippy put a nail in her coffin when she spilled it to an Italian magazine that she knew one day she'd be married. EPIC FAIL. Everyone -- and I mean EV-ER-Y-ONE knows you do NOT mention the M word around George "I Invented the Term Bachelor" Clooney. This is the kiss of death for any Clooney bedfellow. You can be sure as shit if that was me, I'd exclude all M words from my vocabulary on the off chance I might accidentally slip and say the actual M word and blow it. Shit...I know a good thing when I see it. I'm no dummy.

Now, where did I leave my passport... I have a flight to book. Lake Como's lovely in summer.

Can you Cannes Cannes? Fashion Report

The celebs are flooding Cannes -- hocking their latest projects and flaunting their latest looks. And some of those looks, shall we say, are hard to look at. Case in point:

Brooke Shield in Roberto Cavalli: That's one super-expensive muumuu.

Gwen Stefani in Giorgio Armani: Not one bow, but two -- and that awkward cut-out just makes for a cheapened look. 

Penelope Cruz in  Marchesa. This gown is having an identity crisis. Am I shear? Am I beaded? Amy I sexy? Am I tacky? Obviously this is from Marchesa's "Sybil" line.

Kirsten Dunst in Haute Couture Chanel. Dreadful. And you know if cost an arm and a leg. 

Milla Jovavich in Prada. Now this is just stupid. I can see where they're going -- with the 20s/flapper inspiration -- but this all amounts to an EPIC FAIL. 

Paz Vega in Azzaro. Nothing is dumber than a jumpsuit than a jumpsuit that cinches at the ankles. If you wanna look like an asshole, here's all the instruction you'll ever need. 

Selma Hayek in Gucci. Is that plastic? No really -- is that plastic? Not OK. 

Sarah Jessica Parker in Elie Saab. OK, who slipped Elie Saab a ruffie and stole his sketch pad to craft this fashion disaster? I want names.  

Angelina Jolie in Versace. This is clearly not a fashion disaster, I'm just so surprised she's not wearing something boring or black. FINALLY. 

Zoe Saldana in Vionnet. Boy, muumuu's are big on the red carpet this season. Better tell mom she's en vogue!

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The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala 2011

The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala went off last night like a hot mess. Some background:

"The theme for Monday night's event was "Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty" to coincide with an elaborate new museum exhibition that highlights the work of the late designer, who committed suicide in February 2010 at age 40."

OK, to be honest, most of the gown were to die for. However, some of the gowns were deliciously dreadful -- and that's where we come in. Feast your eyes on these crimes of fashion.

Beyonce in Pucci
Can she move? No, seriously. She's trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey. I think her circulation is cut off. It's safe to assume the only blood moving in her body is in her ankles and wrists. But, thank God, she was wise enough to give her breasts some breathing room. Priorities, you know.

Frieda Pinto in Chanel (Haute Couture)
I love Haute Couture. It's French for "Sucker." So, was she coming to the gala straight from her board meeting and neglected to remove the tie while hoofing it down 5th Avenue? Is that what happened? Cause that's the only excuse.

Jennifer Hudson in Vera Wang
Jen, Jen, Jen. You're covering up the Weight Watchers' endorsement here. Poorly done! Not to mention this dress is clearly from Vera Wang's Bridesmaid-On-the-Prairie collection. Really? This was the dress to choose? Out of all the available dresses? This? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Jennifer Lopez in Gucci
Now, did she get caught in a rose bush? Or is that a shrug of some kind? Who knows, maybe she stopped off at Michael's or A.C. Moore on the way -- saw it and just hadda have it! In any case: FAIL. Ditch that shawl-castrophe, and you got a gorgeous dress.

Miranda Kerr in Marchesa
Oh, honey, you're not a fucking ballerina and stop trying pull this off. Dress your age, not your shoe size, mama. And speaking of shoes, are those sneaker heels? Cause that's not OK. Stop it.

MaryKate Olson in Givenchy
It's not a MET Gala without this batshit insane broad. This time, she's raided Mrs. Roeper's closet and is heading to the Regal Beagle post-event. No doubt, she's gonna hook up with Larry -- then drunk dial Jack after, crying in her beer.

Naomi Campbell in Alexander McQueen
Naomi, dear, we're trying to "honor" his memory -- not remind everyone of his terrible mistakes. I should probably hold my tongue. She probably has a cell phone in that bag and is more than likely to beat me with it.

Rihanna in Stella McCartney
Excepting the fact that the dress has some obvious structural issues and could be at any moment subject to a wardrobe malfunction, it's not the worst thing I've seen Rihanna in. That being said, I hope she gets the part in the live-action adaptation of Pippi Longstocking. I'm really rooting for her.

Taylor Swift in Mendel
Why the long face, honey? Could it be because the bottom of your dress got caught up in your roto-tiller? That's OK, Jake will kiss and make it bett--oh, wait. Never mind.

Christina Ricci in Zac Posen
Gotta love Posen. He's the most accessible designer who's allowed to go batwing-balls insane and everyone just accepts it. This is NOT a dress. This is a CONTRAPTION meant to ensnare the wearer. Sometimes, I picture Zac, hovering over his design board cackling like an evil genius. Cause he knows, whatever shit he cooks up -- they're wearin' it. Case closed.

One last observation of the night...
Nice try Seacrest, but standing on the top step isn't fooling anyone.

Until next year... Fashion wisely, people.

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Hats Off! The Royal Wedding Headgear Breakdown.

Let's talk, shall we, about the glorious English tradition of millinery -- or, more commonly referred to as: crazy-ass hat making. The Royal Wedding brought out some of the best-of-the-best (and the worst-of-the-worst) in "fashionable" fascinators.

(Click to enlarge.)

Where to begin? Oh, yes -- with Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice (aka the ugly stepsisters -- yeah, i said it). Holy effing crap: is Philip Treacy on crack? That thing on Beatrice's head looks like something from the set of Aliens about to attack every royal in the abbey. OK, I get it, you want to make a statement. Fine. But, statement aside, when you have to crouch over in the car the entire way to your destination, something's gone seriously wrong with your fashion sense. (Listen up Lady GaGa.) I think I said it best when I said (and I did, me, I said it): "She is so desperate to get married but she is wearing an I.U.D. on her head. The hat is like she's trying to make funnel cakes." --Joan Rivers

(Click to enlarge.)

Who's next? Oh, yes. Posh. Ms. Victoria Beckham: wearing a self-designed schmatta to cover her baby bump, yet still sporting 9-inch heels ('cause that's safe). Posh sported a frontal headpiece with two long shards of stiffened reeds threatening to poke out any onlookers' eyes. Overall, the outfit should have been condemned for reasons of public safety.

(Click to enlarge.)

Oh, you have to love a socialite with an alleged drug problem. The rumor here being that Tara Parker Tomlinson needs a nose job because of her coke problem, hence the attempt to draw attention STRAIGHT TO HER NOSE with a truly and utterly ridiculous hat. Or, maybe she did a line or two the morning of and forgot that hats are supposed to rest on the scalp and not the forehead. Who knows?

(Click to enlarge.)

This brings us to the rat's nest of a situation that is Chelsy Davy, Prince Harry's gal. First, she looks like she's doing the walk of shame. I'm sorry, does she not own a comb? And considering all the magnificent fascinators she could have chosen, there is NOTHING fascinating about this choice. Ooof, and they call her a socialite? Damn, I look better on the first day of my period than she did attending the royal wedding -- and believe me, that's saying something.

(Click to enlarge.)

But, aside from all the hats that bordered on fashion injustice -- the greatest injustice of all was NOT wearing a hat at all. GASP! Yes, the Prime Minister's wife showed up sans hat. Now, I mean this with all due respect, but -- when the invite expressly says that "ladies are to wear hats," bitch, you best be showing up in an effing hat. That is all.

Cheers to the Royal Couple

From beginning to end, yesterday's Royal Wedding was pure and utter perfection. It was equal parts pomp and circumstance and demure understated elegance (well, as understated as royal weddings can be, that is).

Kate (now officially the Duchess of Cambridge) arrived at Westminster Abbey by car, as a commoner, and left by carriage with her prince, a royal. Every possible detail of yesterday's nuptials was a delight to take in -- from the tree-lined majestic aisle of the historical Abbey to the timeless elegance of the Alexander McQueen gown.

So many moments to touch on. The dress. Sigh -- what a masterpiece. What a smart choice -- because this gown will hold up over time. In 50 years, this gown will still be relevant (unlike Lady Diana's, for instance, which very much typifies 80s style). And, it's also a nice nod of respect to one of England's best designers, whom we lost so tragically.

That procession to Buckingham Palace -- a true fairytale moment. Followed by not one, but two kisses on the palace balcony. But what had to be my favorite moment of the entire day, when Wills and Kate left Buckingham Palace in his Aston Martin (all decked out thanks to brother Harry) and made their way to Clarence House for a bit of rest and a costume change before the evening's reception. Delightful.

Cheers to the happy couple!