I just lost my breakfast

The poster for the upcoming J.Lo/Skeletor flick. Brace yourself.

The years have not been kind to Val

Uh, WTF happened to Val Kilmer. He's lookin' like a beached whale.


The hottie Val from yesteryear seems long gone.

Makes a great gift

The Alec Baldwin Talking Doll.

An Open Letter to Alec Baldwin

In light of recent events, I've been inspired to pen the following epistle to the most famous of Baldwins:

Dear Alec,

GO F*CK YOURSELF...
Sincerely,
--Joan.

For those of you unfamiliar with Alec's most recent rant, here's some back story: As part of Alec Baldwin's custody agreement, he has set times to speak with his 11-year-old daughter via telephone. Here's what happens when Ireland Baldwin isn't around to get her dad's call:

An enraged Alec Baldwin unleashed a volcanic tirade of threats and insults on his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland, calling her a "thoughtless little pig," and bashing her mother Kim Basinger -- and TMZ has obtained the whole thing unfiltered and raw. And we've learned, a family law judge was so alarmed after hearing the tape, she has temporarily barred Baldwin from having any contact with his child. After Ireland failed to answer her father's scheduled morning phone call from New York on April 11, Alec went berserk on her voice mail, saying "Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone," adding, "you have insulted me for the last time." Switching his train of thought, Baldwin then exercised his incredible parenting skills and took a shot at his ex-wife, declaring, "I don't give a damn that you're 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn't care about what you do." The irate Baldwin went on to say, "You've made me feel like s**t" and threatened to "straighten your ass out." "This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother," screamed Baldwin, "and you do it to me constantly over and over again."Before hanging up, Baldwin warned the child, "You better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me." That's tomorrow. [tmz]

I'm done defending Alec Baldwin... when taken in conjunction, his cumulated tirades conclude he's both insane and a friggin' bastard. He's certainly not going to win father of the year. But you know what suffers most from all of this: 30 ROCK. It was just gettin' good, dammit.

The effects of TC sucking the life out of Katie

Even after a steak dinner, Katie still looks like she hasn't slept in days.

Papa Joe's head probably exploded

Jessica went out the other night and had the girls out, front and center.

Goatboy has a really hot girlfriend

Elliot "Goatboy" Yamin from last season's American Idol has a really hot girlfriend. I do remember reading somewhere that she's a model. That ain't no lie. She's pretty damn hot. Here they are at the third annual Beach Ball Festival (whatever that is) in Miami.

They would make a cute couple

Jake awarded Jen with the Vanguard award last night at the GLAAD Media Awards. I'm not exactly sure why Jen won the Vanguard since it's for people that spread gay awareness and I'm not sure how she does that. But regardless, here they are looking kinda cute together.

The hotness

I first saw Olivier Martinez in Unfaithful which contained some pretty hot sex scenes with him and Diane Lane. Then he was Kylie Minogue's boyfriend. Now he's a hotty kicking around a soccer ball in Malibu. Yum.

Sangay's twins

Looks like there are a couple of dudes that can pass for Sangay's long-lost brothers: Pedro, from Napoleon Dynamite, and Nacho Libre's friend.

TC's car won't start

This is just the sort of thing that brightens up one's day. TC and Katie are leaving Mastro's Steakhouse last night and TC can't get his vintage Vette to start... After many embarassing seconds, the car finally starts and they can make their way through the paps. Katie kept a very stoic and demure face through the whole thing, just like she was programmed to do. See the video here.




And OMG! WTF is up with Katie's belt??? Did she realize she needed a belt at the last minute and grabbed one of TC's? It looks like a man's leather belt. And it looks like it was too long so she looped it over. Wow, I'm appalled.

Sangay creeps everyone out on Idol this week

Sangaya performed Emilio Tuero’s “Besame Mucho” on Idol and I think he may have been at his creepiest. He was rockin' some adolescent fuzz on his face that looked like someone drew it in with eyeliner. His hair was a curly bob, nothing spectacular.



Looks like the kid is safe again, judging from the judges comments on his performance:

Randy said, “You’re one of the smartest contestants I’ve ever met. That was actually really good! It was!”

Paula said, “Yeah! Pretty good pitch. Smooth. Nice. It was very, very nice.”

Simon said, “I couldn’t understand a word of it. You sang like a 14-year-old and I’m going to hate myself for this. It wasn’t horrible!”

And I was pleasantly surprised with J.Lo's involvement in mentoring the kids. I was expecting a whole lotta non-advice a la Gwen Stefani but J.Lo was engaging, helpful, animated, and passionate.

Do it, Sangay, DO IT!

The people at KFC first wanted Sangay to appear last week with a bowl cut haircut, promising him a lifetime supply of chicken bowls. But he didn't and now KFC has upped the ante. Do it, Sangaya!

April 9, 2007

An open letter to Sanjaya Malakar:

Congratulations on surviving yet another tough elimination.

Last week, Kentucky Fried Chicken® offered you a free lifetime supply of KFC Famous Bowls® if you donned a bowl hairdo. You chose instead to wow the judges with a slicked-back do, a white tuxedo and your trademark showmanship.

The judges and critics may think you're a long shot for a recording contract, but at KFC, we think you're a real "original." And as the experts in Original Recipe® Chicken, we know an original when we see one! In fact, today, I would like to sweeten our tasty offer by serving you up your very first recording deal.

If you sport a bowlcut hairdo in a nationally televised performance, KFC will grant you a free lifetime supply of KFC Famous Bowls and a charitable donation in your name - plus $5,000 in cash and your own starring role in our next KFC Famous Bowls advertisement.

Now, that's an offer almost as juicy as our KFC world famous chicken and a deal that could help provide young people with much needed college scholarships via our Colonel's Scholars charity.

Win or lose, we're confident that KFC's deal will help turn millions of viewers around the globe into "fanjayas."

Your Fan,
Gregg Dedrick
President of KFC

I need the REAL tell-all

Some author has written a chick-lit book that supposedly mirrors the happenings of Katie's life to a tee. And supposedly Katie's real pissed about it after someone got her a copy of the book. Veddy interesting...

Sources close to Katie Holmes say the actress is "furious" about the main character in the book - fashion writer Lori Culwell's recently-released satirical novel about the industry, "Hollywood Car Wash."

"Someone gave her a copy last weekend, and she's been reading it non-stop ever since," said one of the actress' friends. "She's already having problems with Tom, and now she feels like her private life has been exposed. She's really upset."

"Hollywood Car Wash" focuses on the rise of a young actress on a tv series who is forced to lose weight, takes drugs, is hounded by paparazzi, and gets into a contracted relationship. "Katie can't believe the similarities," said the source.

Author Lori Culwell denies that the character is based on Holmes, though on her MySpace page she does maintain that all the scenarios and people in the book are 100% real. [Glitterati Gossip]

Hey Joan, why does he look so teh ghey?

Jon Bon has an action figure of himself coming out soon. The pose is questionable and in no way man-like. If I were him, I would have demanded a redo.

Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayer supposedly humiliated his daddy

Wow, Elizabeth Hurley's daddy-in-law is pissssssssed...

The Indian father-in-law of British actress Elizabeth Hurley said in an interview Sunday that he had cut ties with his son, Arun Nayer, amid anger over their lavish wedding.

Vinod Nayer told the Sunday Mirror from Mumbai that he and his wife Joanne felt "publicly humiliated" and treated "like social outcasts" at the event, which took place in Britain and India last month.

"Liz and Arun have treated us very shabbily. My heart is heavy with pain," the newspaper quoted him as saying.

Nayer senior, a textile magnate, claims that the couple seemed to disrespect Indian relatives and did not act with consideration towards him and his wife.

"We were pushed into the background like poor relations. This has broken my heart," the 66-year-old added.

"I have decided to cut all ties with my son...I feel that Liz and Arun behaved shamefully and placed more importance on showing off than their own family," Nayer senior added.

He said that he had not spoken to his son since the wedding and had sent him a letter accusing him of having "disregarded me like one of your office boys."

"You have shown disrespect to me and my family, plus my dear friends who have been with me since your birth," the letter reportedly said. [Yahoo]

Fresh Meat

Justin got out just in time. Now BritBrit stands to ruin another good musician:

"The duo [Spears and Day] met at Promises rehab and are now said to be having a spring fling. Day was arrested in Wisconsin in 2004 for locking a woman in the bathroom of a tour bus after she refused his sexual advances. He pleaded no contest to a charge of disorderly conduct. A year later, Howie was arrested at Boston's Logan Airport for harrassing flight attendants while on a flight from Dallas and was eventually ordered to one year's probation as part of a plea deal." [tmz]

sheesh... who knew Howie was such a bad-ass? Judging by his music alone, he always seemed so passive and zen... so what gives? Seriously, he's gotta be better that KFed? Right? Right? Only tine will tell.

How Haley dodges the bullet

See for yourself. And how a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g is Batboy? I so wish these two would go already. Poor Gina was sacrificed on last night's Idol.

Wondering if it's true

This is Photoshopped but I have heard a lot of buzz speculating that these two probably are this "close." You KNOW Ryan wants in on this action. But he's not supposed to fraternize with the contestants until the season is over.

Nice Jewish Boy with manboobs

Here's Jeremy Pivan running through LA. Hey Joan, he's walking past the Newsroom Cafe... We ate there TWICE and didn't see ANYONE.

For the love of god, make it stop

Oh god, the arms-up-in-the-air thing is back. Exposed armpits, I thought we got away from all that...



And I don't care if this is the newest trend, HOT PINK lipstick doesn't look good on anyone. Here is Beyonce demonstrating how bad of an idea it really is...