oh, it don't get better than this

The only thing better than two celebs forming an alliance is when they break up... Then follows the fabulous tiffs and childish name calling...sometimes culminating in a Smoking Gun mug shot. Ya never know.

Monday's Golden Globes bore witness to the awkward tension between recently broken up pair Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. Their publicists coreographed their arrivals -- timing it so the two wouldn't end up walking the red carpet at the same time. Once inside the Beverly Hilton's ballroom, the two stars sat at different tables...and, it appeared, managed to avoid each other successfully. That is, until the after parties...

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz's amicable split took a turn for the worse on Monday night when the former couple had a heated public argument at Prince's Golden Globes afterparty....things started to go badly later when Diaz approached Timberlake at Prince's Beverly Wilshire hotel bash, while Timberlake was chatting to actress Jessica Biel. Witnesses tell People magazine that Biel stepped away and the former couple were soon spotted in an intense 40-minute face-off in a side room. Diaz emerged from the room looking composed, but Timberlake was seen holding his head in his hands and, according to a witness, "slammed his fist into a cabinet."

Also... Diaz will move back in with her parents as she gets over her split, according to British newspaper reports. She reportedly has decided she needs some home comforts while she gets over the break up. [san francisco gate]

OK. You mean to tell me, with all the press squirming around these parties, no one was in that room to overhear this fight???? Dammit! What are you people good for??? You disappoint us. Sheesh. Well, since you paparazzi obviously can't handle your job, here's how the convo between Justin and Cameron probably went down:

Cameron: I hear your dating that Jessica Biel slut.
Justin: I'm bringing sexy back, bitch.
Cameron: I hope you get crabs.

P.S.
There are also rumors that Justin is dating Scarlet Johannsen. He's not letting any grass grow under his feet, eh?

Joan & Melissa's 2007 Golden Globe Wrap-Up

Joan: Ahh, nothing like a red carpet to get my juices flowing... Last night's Golden Globe Awards were mildly entertaining, but the fashions were something to behold. Some people should really stand in front of a mirror before leaving the house... (Don't these people have stylists?) Melissa, thoughts?

Melissa: Bad Looks 101, a lot of actresses had it going on in that category. Vanessa Williams' hair was outta control. I love an afro but it was a half-ro, the front was straight and the back exploded. Beyonce looked hideous. There are no words. Jennifer Love Hewitt looked like a disaster in that god-awful copper gown she wore. Sienna looked like a butterface. All bad, very bad.





Joan: It really was a suckfest... Sienna Miller is down for my worst dressed. Along with Cameron Diaz (consider another shade of red lipstick, girl) Jennifer Garner (you might want to have the dress fitted before wearing it) and Beyonce (too much is too much). As far as men – well, they were just as bad – but the worst, by far, was Jeremy Irons – who looked like a reject from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And as far as Sean John – he might have to hand in his design license – cause P. Diddy was Tack to the Y. Ick.




Melissa: Oh, I did forget Jennifer Garner, agreed, awful dress and do your hair a little! And I was disappointed with Cate Blanchette who normally looks so well put-together. I didn't like her plain hair and I don’t think the black lacey, uneven hemmed dress suited her. A little too goth. Evangeline Lilly disappointed as well. I hated that pastel 80's looking gown. I also think Salma Hayek didn't quite pull it off this year when she usually looks so good. I didn’t like the white gown, it basically looked like she took a bedsheet and wrapped it around herself. It was too bulky and made her look bigger than she really is. But I agree with Jeremy Irons. I think he was taking fashion tips from Steven Seagal. Awful. Other than that, I think the men did an overall good job.



Now my bests: Reese. What a breath of fresh air in that bright yellow dress and awesome red shoes. I also loved her straightened hair and bangs. I liked Drew's dress a lot as well.


Joan: I loved Cate's dress, but not the whole look. It could have been done better, I agree. I loved Sheryl Crow. She looked fab...great dress, great color... all good. I also liked Sarah Paulson, very nice in white and Kate Walsh, shimmery in gold. Best male – it’s hard to say – but who can go wrong with Clooney?



Melissa: Best males: Justin Timberlake, Clooney, Leonardo, and Djimon Hounsou all looked delish.



Joan: On to some dirt... did you notice how sullen and moody Angelina seemed on Brangie's first Hollywood-type appearance? She was soooooo cold to Ryan on the podium... She just seemed very above it all – like she was too good to be there. I heard she sent all the St. John dresses back and made them send her something she approved of... Ick. Am not liking this.


Melissa: Angelina was pretty cold, I did notice that and was disappointed by it. Wonder why? Some people would interpret it as her appearing like she was above it all, but maybe she didn’t feel well? Who knows? I didn't hear about her sending the St.John dresses back though. Catty, if it's true.

Onto other gossip, how delicious is it that Justin and Cameron's people had them scheduled to arrive at separate times. I guess they ain't "friends."

Joan: And the separate tables? Imagine the party planners losing their shit – praying that these people don’t break up prior to the show – just so they don't have to rearrange the seating charts. LOL. Oof.

Hey, did you notice that Hurley (LOST) is actually heavier than he was? I mean, how are the writers going to account for this? What is he eating on that island? Sheesh.


Melissa: Yes, good call!!! He did seem heavier. And why can't they get that dude to lose some weight? Seriously, at his size, he can easily shed a good 50 pounds just by cutting calories. Then it would be realistic that he’s losing weight cause HE’S STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND. How cute did Jin and Sun look? And Sawyer? Humina, humina, humina.



Did you catch that awkward interview with American Ferrera and Maria whateverhernameis after America won the GG and was just coming offstage??? About a minute after she won best actress for Ugly Betty, Maria Menunos reminds America Ferrera that she wasn't first choice for the role.


Joan: Yes! It gave me douche chills! Yeesh. The funniest moment had to be Sasha Baron Cohen's acceptance speech for Borat:


This movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigourating parts of America but I saw some dark parts of America an ugly side of America, a side of America that rarely sees the light of day. "I refer of course to the anus and testicles of my co-star Ken Davitian Ken, when I was in that scene and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled golden globes on my chin, I thought to myself, 'I'd better win a bloody award for this.' And then, when my 300 pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice death or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today.

Melissa: Yes, very, very funny! And more hilarity ensued with Hugh Laurie's acceptance speech: "Logically not everyone can have the best crew, someone out there works with a crew of drunken thieves. But my crew really does smell like freshly mowed grass."


Joan: LOL. Yes, good stuff. Let's hope the Oscars pull out a more fashionable crowd... Overall, I wasn't impressed. Hollywood: Get your act together... you're on notice.

Melissa: Overall, I wasn't impressed all that much either. Hopefully the SAG's and then the Oscar's make up for what this red carpet was lacking. Till then, get your stylists working overtime!

Posh gets edumacated

Now that PoshBecks are going to infest LA with their presence, Posh has accelerated her Scientology edumacation in preps for mingling with the Hollywood Scientology big-wigs that is TomKat. Becks did after all ask TC for his advice as to whether he should accept the offer to come to the US, cause you know, TC's deluded state probably made him think he was qualified to answer questions like that since he played a sports agent in Jerry Maguire. Here is a Scientology agent showing Posh some literature.

More teeth issues among the famous

Looks like Paris is missing a tooth... You'd think with all the money she's got, she'd get that fixed.

Goat Boy's veneers are outta control

Yikes, Elliott got his teeth did but like Ross' over-whitened glowing grin, it's huge!

Whet your appetite

...for Monday's Golden Globes with some terrible fashion choices from Globe's past:

Doesn't everyone remember when the one thing people
could expect from Cameron was bad clothing choices?
God, she looks a bit like that Nick Nolte's mug shot...

Oh, my breasts hurt just looking at this...

A corsage would have been a better option than this get up.

When I was a kid, I'd play dress up with bedsheets,
and I looked so much better than this.

Summer, Highland Falls

Awww, now I like him even more. Zach, baby... I can relate. (Not to the being a successful millionaire and shit, but the depression...and all.) Call me... ;)

"I think I suffer from some mild depression," [Braff] tells Parade magazine in an interview to be published on Sunday. "So to have millions of people go, 'I watched your movie and related' was the ultimate affirmation that I'm not a freak." ... "I don't have any famous friends other than the guys I work with on Scrubs, he says. "I don't care about image and all that nonsense. I'm in sweat pants every day. I don't play the game at all." But some aspects of Braff's Hollywood life do garner public attention – especially his relationships. The actor recently dated singer Mandy Moore, who is now in the early stages of dating Adam "DJ A.M." Goldstein. "We were together for a while, and that is the only true thing that has ever been written about my romantic life," he jokes to Parade. Nevertheless, Braff says he wants to start a family. So what does he look for in a woman? "(Someone) who is funny and energetic and passionate about what she does," he says. [people]

*sigh* he's so on my list...

Just Desserts

You might recall, not too long ago, how stage/screen actor Billy Crudup left then-pregnant girlfriend of 7 years Mary Louise Parker for his co-star Claire Danes. What an impossible cad. He quickly made the top entry on women's shit lists all across the country. Well, it was nice to see Parker's star rise while Billy faded into oblivion. Sure, he had roles here and there -- but no one really gave a shit. Then came this delicious bit of irony...

Hugh Dancy, a British actor, is "the other man" in the Claire Danes / Billy Crudup breakup - although some might be surprised he went after her, reported the New York Daily News. "An unnamed Daily News eyewitness says Danes and Dancy got together November 2nd, a month before the split with Crudup. According to the unnamed Daily News source, "they shared a bed 'with the door two feet ajar, and everybody listening' in his suite at the swanky hotel where the cast was staying while filming "Evening" in Newport, R.I." Allegedly Hugh is an equal opportunity lover, who eats oysters AND snails. "The cast was pretty much drunk every night," says the unnamed Daily News snitch. "Hugh also made out with [screenwriter] Michael Cunningham in the lobby." "Plus, he was seen snogging the gay hotel manager, who lost his job." [monsters and critics/uk]

Hang on... just a sec... I'm taking a deep breath. That's quite a bit of delectable gossip... I think I need a cigarette. Phew. OK. So... In case you don't know what Dancy looks like, ladies, here's a gander:

Yeah, looks like he's worth the trouble that will inevitably ensue... for just a little while, anyway. ;)

Coming to America

No one should be shocked. This was inevitable. When TomKat and PoshBecks hitched their wagons to one another, it was only a matter of time before someone crossed the pond. And, PoshBecks didn't let any time get wasted... This week, it was announced that Posh and Becks would be coming to America (mainly because his career is in shambles in England and he has to go where he's wanted). So, who did Becks turn to for career advice?

"Former England captain David Beckham sought the advice of his actor friend Tom Cruise before agreeing his big-money move from Real Madrid to Los Angeles Galaxy worth $1 million a week over five years. "I was on the phone to him (Cruise) for about an hour last night and an hour the night before," Beckham told reporters on Friday. "Obviously I asked him for his advice because he is a very wise man and a very good friend of mine. It's going to be a big help for us to have friends when we arrive in LA." Beckham, who announced on Thursday that he would be joining Major League Soccer side the Galaxy in August, appeared via satellite from Madrid at a Los Angeles news conference." [sports illustrated]

Oh, you didn't know that Cruise is an expert on soccer? Yeah... in addition to his vast knowledge about psychiatry and piss-poor acting, he's a bona fide go-to guy on all things soccer. Suckah please... how many people are going to be suckered in by this guy? I mean, we al know Posh and Becks are not the brightest bulbs, but still -- WHO THE FUCK GOES TO TOM CRUISE FOR SPORTS CAREER ADVICE? I mean, if you want advice on being fuckall crazy and batshit insane... Tom's your man... But soccer? No.

W.O.W. Paula is utterly fucked up

Holy crap, what is this woman on?!?!?!?!


And seriously? Technical difficulties? Poor excuse to cover the ass of a woman who is clearly high and drunk.

While promoting the upcoming season of American Idol Paula Abdul made a bizarre appearance on a local Seattle station in which she swayed, bobbed and winked at the anchors.

Abdul's spokesman, Jeff Ballard, tells PEOPLE the incident is "really much ado about nothing."

Asked whether the Idol judge was drinking or under the influence of drugs during the appearance Ballard says: "Absolutely not."

The interview was just one of at least 20 Abdul did that day, according to Ballard. "This is the only one that went bad due to technical difficulties. The sound dropped not once but twice. She was totally distracted by the whole thing." [People]

And check out this little gem of a lie:

“She was exhausted. This was at the end of three days of press (interviews and appearances), and she has had cameras following her around for a reality TV show too. She was sitting in a room with just a camera and a mic on, and the controllers dropped the sound twice, which is why she rolled her eyes. She never drinks. I have known Paula Abdul since she was 13, and I have never seen her drink.”

In anticipation of the arrival of Posh and Becks

The Hollywood sign has gotten a makeover. I'm diggin' it.

Hope they're not gonna eat it

Brooke Burke and her ex-Melrose Place boyfriend had a baby girl earlier this week. Here is a pic of David packing up the car for her return home. Check out the white box. Click on the image to enlarge.

You know that little fucker deserved it

Here is the little punk with his dad talking about how Tigger hit him upside the head. I think Tigger didn't hit hard enough.

Trump's latest letter to Rosie O

Oh man, this just gets better and better...

Dear Rosie,

I hope you had a wonderful vacation with your wife — you needed the rest.

An article in today’s New York Post, indicates that you blew up at BARBARA WALTERS for being a ‘liar.’ Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could ‘patch things up’ (I said no). To be exact, she said that ‘working with her is like living in hell’ and, more pointedly, ‘Donald never get into the mud with pigs’ and, ‘don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.’ Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!

In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how ‘Rosie was doing,’ ’she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said ‘Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.’

In any event, you have a good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!

Sincerely, Donald J. Trump

P.S.

I was surprised that you let your spat with Barbara get into the newspapers, but, as I have always said and as you proved with Rosie, the magazine, you are very self destructive. You must work on this for your own good!”

WTF is up with these two???

First off, Keira needs to eat. Holy skinny. That shit ain't sexy, it's scary. And her boyfriend? He looks like a crackhead.

WTF is up with Anna Nicole and that fug-face maybe baby-daddy???

God, they gross me out. I guess not much has changed since the days of the fat Anna Nicole when she'd whine to Howard K. Stern to fetch her some Cheetos and muffins. Here he is feeding her some Squirt. Gross.




Ugh...and she will really hook up with just anyone, huh? Double gross.

It Just Gets Worse...

...as if things weren't shitty enough for Nicole Kidman (relationship wise...) now comes a report that Keith Urban was carrying on a torrid affair with another woman, as recently as just before their wedding (and other reports as late as just before his 2nd stint in rehab).

SIX months after she and Keith Urban married in a candle-lit ceremony in Sydney, friends of Nicole Kidman are worried her tumultuous private life is once again heading for heartbreak. [Daily Telegraph/AU]

Here are a few snippets from the article to whet your appetite for tawdry gossip, but you'll want to read the whole thing here:

• "I feel sorry for Nicole. Keith cheated on her repeatedly with me, right up to just before they got married,'' Wyatt says....

• Wyatt says she and Urban were inseparable early in their relationship, which continued until May, 2006 - less than a month before his wedding to Kidman. She temporarily moved into the home he was renting in the suburb of Brentwood, and even met his parents, Bob and Marienne, who had arrived from Australia to spend the 2004 Thanksgiving holiday with their son....

• perhaps even more disturbing than Urban's sexual infidelity to Kidman was Wyatt's claim that he was constantly drunk and a heavy drug user throughout their affair....

• "He drank constantly; his favourite was Crown Royal Reserve whisky. And he did drugs: ecstasy, cocaine, pot - you name it.

• Keith told me: 'Everyone thinks I have everything, but I can't be happy. I'm just not happy. I have this huge, gaping hole inside of me I just can't fill.'...

• "When we made love, he never used protection. I sometimes wonder if he said the same thing to Nicole. I never wanted to trap him. I could have done, but I didn't.'...

• "I tried not to fall in love with him, but we were together throughout the whole time he was dating Nicole and engaged to her, right through 2005 and until around May, 2006....

What a shocker...

Who didn't see this coming? I mean, they seemed like your average, stable, run-of-the-mill couple:

After just over a year of marriage, burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese has filed for divorce from rocker Marilyn Manson, according to court documents obtained by PEOPLE.

That's one angry Plushie

Melissa...at last we have an answer: This could be why the plushies at Disneyland are always supervised by park "cast members":

"A Walt Disney World employee dressed as the character "Tigger" was accused of hitting a child while posing for a photo, a spokeswoman for the theme park said Saturday. Park officials temporarily suspended Michael J. Fedelem while they investigate the accusations, Disney spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez said. "Naturally, physical altercations between cast members and guests are not tolerated," Suarez said. Jerry Monaco of New Hampshire videotaped his son, Jerry Jr., posing with the costumed character at Disney-MGM Studios on Friday and recorded the confrontation, according to a statement from the Orange County Sheriff's Office. The father said Fedelem intentionally hit his son "on or about the head," said sheriff's spokesman Carlos M. Padilla. "The tape only shows a fraction of what happened. Now it's up to us to find out what led up to that.'" [Miami Herald]

OK. Just give me a minute to stop smirking... I don't know about you, but I find this incredibly funny... Since I'm already on the bus to hell, why should I try to be offended by this. Don't deny it -- you find it funny, too. And the kid probably deserved it.

Here's a photo of the the kid...you make the call: Does that face say he deserved it?