Where's that red-hot poker...?

Cause I'm gonna need to render myself blind. Vern Troyer (aka Mini Me) has a sex tape. I did not stutter. He has a sex tape. I'm going to let the facts speak for themselves lest I say something I completely regret:

Per TMZ
Yes, that's Mini-Me Verne Troyer in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple's apartment. A third party has snatched up the tape and although no deal has been made, we hear dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris' video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness.

Heaven just got funnier...

Even though George didn't believe in an 'invisible man in the sky,' ya gotta think, if there's a heaven -- he's headlining the main stage. I am totally beside myself over this loss -- he was still so irreverent and energetic; it just wasn't time. He had so much more to say. I'm so glad I got to see him on what ended up being his final tour. Good on ya, George. God rest ya.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain and died later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas. "He was a genius and I will miss him dearly," Jack Burns, who was the other half of a comedy duo with Carlin in the early 1960s, told The Associated Press. The actor Ben Stiller called Carlin "a hugely influential force in stand-up comedy. He had an amazing mind, and his humor was brave, and always challenging us to look at ourselves and question our belief systems, while being incredibly entertaining. He was one of the greats." [yahoo]

Thank God for video -- where George will be able to make us laugh for eons to come... Enjoy his genius, won't you?

• George talks about STUFF
• George on Airplane Security
• George on the 10 Commandments
• George talks about Children
• George on Things you Never See

Musta Missed These

When the hell did Toys r Us stock these celeb dolls? Can you guess who they are? Submit your guesses in the comment field. Good luck ;)

Dr. Drew Waxes True

Dr. Drew made some interesting comments recently that pissed Tom Cruise off so much, he had his lawyer make a statement. Meow. He'll probably end up suing Dr. Drew, too. He's definitely not been opposed to doing so in the past when people say shit about him. Word to the wise: Tommy -- I ain't got no cash. So, don't waste your time.

In next month's Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky... says: "A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that's a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect." Cruise's lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: "This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels."

Um, so it's OK to compare Dr. Drew to a Nazi for having an opinion, but not OK to suggest that Tom Cruise's erratic and very public weirdness has something to do with deep-seated personal issues? Yeah, that seems fair. That's some lawyer ya got there, Cruisie.

It's all beginning to make sense...

I not a big John Mayer fan. He just don't do it for me. So, naturally -- I've always wondered what all these chicks see in him -- especially someone like Jen Aniston. Well, it's all beginning to make sense:

"John is good in bed," a pal of the 30-year old singer-songwriter tells OK!. "Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry." [ok]

Intrigued? Indeed, I am.

Happy Birthday to... ME

;) just for shits and giggles...

Hollywood's gone to the babies...

Two births to announce...

Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott welcomed their second child, a daughter, on Monday, PEOPLE has confirmed. Stella Doreen McDermott was born in a Los Angeles hospital via C-section, weighing 6 lbs., 8 oz.












Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren have welcomed a baby girl. Honor Marie Warren was born June 7 in Los Angeles, her rep, Brad Cafarelli, confirms. This is the couple's first child. [people]

Sucker

Charlie Sheen actually suckered another broad into marrying him. This will end badly.

On a beautiful spring day set against the backdrop of a sprawling Beverly Hills estate, Charlie Sheen and his lady-love Brooke Mueller said 'I do' in an intimate and romantic ceremony surrounded by family and close friends, and only OK! was there! ... Celebrity event designer Yifat Oren incorporated nature themes for the couple's wedding theme and reception, using bowls of pears, oranges and chocolate-hued candles to adorn the dining tables. ... "I was telling a couple of friends last night that this feels like my first real marriage, Charlie confessed to OK!. "The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal." [ok]

Viva la Vida

Last night's Coldplay's performance (of the title track of their new cd, due out June 17) was a-maz-ing. Watch it here.

R.I.P. YSL

This week's shoe and bag installment is in honor of famed designer, Yves Saint Laurent who has passed at the age of 71.

I have often said that I wish I had invented blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity - all I hope for in my clothes.

We must never confuse elegance with snobbery.

To be beautiful, all a woman needs is a black pullover and a black skirt and to be arm in arm with a man she loves.

Fashion isn't just to decorate women, but to reassure them, give them confidence.

Is elegance not totally forgetting what one is wearing?^[8]

A woman who has not found her style, who does not feel at ease in her clothes, who does not live in harmony with them, is a sick woman.

The silhouette counts more than anything. It should never be overloaded.

Leopard print calf leather; white trim. Goldtone hardware. Top handles with rings. Detachable key tag. Zip closure; framed top.

Black leather. Open toe. Raised ankle strap with adjustable buckle. 4" covered peg heel. Made in Italy.

Adam Sandler is a Funny F@ck

If you saw last night's MTV Movie Awards, then you no doubt found the Adam Sandler segment hee-larious. If you didn't, get yourself checked. Sandler came out singing "Nobody Does it Better" changing the lyrics to: "Baby I'm the best." All while a giant screen played random images of celebrities Sandler is 'better' than and a bevy of golden-clad dancers shimmied on the stage. Rob Schnieder's and Kevin James' cameo was perhaps, the icing on the cake. (Why MTV chose Tom Cruise to present Adam with the "lifetime achievement" award, is beyond me. Odd choice. Was Tim Meadows busy?)

HOLY HOTNESS, BATMAN

Does Johnny Depp have a time machine? Or the Dick Clark disease? Because, last night at the MTV Mvie Awards, he looked like he stepped off the set of 21 Jump Street... HAWWWWWWTTTTTT.

Joy Behar Opens Up

I saw Joy Behar perform last night... She was quite candid about a few of her co-hosts and some recent View guests. I'm paraphrasing here, but you'll get the gist. Funny stuff:

Joy On:

BARBARA WALTERS: Barbara's off selling her book door-to-door now. Barbara's a nice gal, You know she washes out her own panty hose. What's crazy is, she's still wearing them when she washes them. Which proves she's not only talented, but a magician as well.

WHOOPI GOLDBERG: We have Whoopi on now. They wanted someone less confrontational and sensational as our last host, Rosie O'Donnell.

ELISABETH HASSELBECK: [The crowd booed] Come on now, she's a nice kid. She just had Cheney's baby.

STAR JONES: What's she doing now? Who knows, the bitch got so skinny she disappeared.

[SHE NEVER MENTIONED SHERRI. TAKE FROM THAT WHAT YOU WILL ;) ]

SHARON STONE: That's one crazy bitch. Did you hear what she said about the Chinese -- that they were punished because of their involvement with Tibet? She sang a different tune when they pulled her Dior ads and apologized quick enough: 'Fuck the Dalai Lama, I love the Chinese!' She went on to share a story about Sharon berating a hair stylist backstage at the View.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR: I don't like him, you know why? Because I heard that he was on the Kennedy yacht with all the Kennedy women and was walking around in the nude. Like the Kennedy women haven't suffered enough.

ROBERT WAGNER: He hit on me when he was on last. This is who I get hitting on me now, 80-year-old men. He comes up to me in the dressing room and says: 'Lookin' good, Joy. What perfume are you wearing?' and I said 'Gardenia.' He said: 'That's what Natalie used to wear.' I said: 'I get seasick.'

American Idol Dating Buzz

Looks like one of season's past top 12 has dug her claws into the current Idol's crown:

Monday, on ABC's "Live with Regis & Kelly," Cook admitted he took "Idol" Season Two finalist Kimberly Caldwell out on a date to Ruth's Chris steakhouse. Apparently, the date went well. Later, the 2008 winner told ABC News Radio, "She's great, and I look forward to seeing her again." Caldwell and Cook bonded over their joint "Idol" journey. "We got a chance to talk a little bit about the whole experience, and it's nice to get a fresh perspective," Cook said. "For me, all this is new." [abc]

R.I.P. Mr. Pollack

Another great one leaves us. Director of such masterpieces as The Way We Were and Out of Africa, Sydney Pollack dies of Cancer at the age of 73.

Avery nice tribute to his life and career at NYT:
Sydney Pollack’s career as a director blossomed in the 1960s and ’70s, but in many ways he was a throwback to an earlier era in American movies....

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS UP IN FLAMES

BREAKING NEWS!
The back lot of Universal Studios is on fire. Details from Reuters:

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Hundreds of firefighters are battling a large blaze that broke out on Sunday on a back lot at Universal Studios, site of movie and television production, a spokesman for a neighboring fire department said....A spokesman for the L.A. County Fire Department was not immediately available, but Capt. Frank Reynoso told CNN that at least one explosion had been heard at the scene.