America is on crack

After last night's American Idol results, that's the only excuse we're willing to accept. Totally bogus Top 12. I'm sickened by the choices (not all, but a good 3 of em make me woozy and light-headed -- and not in that good ganga-smokin' kinda way.) So, let's discuss:

In place of Sabrina, who can sing the pants off of LaLohan, BritBrit and Mandy Moore comined, we get HALEY??? Mother f-r. How did that sugary, no-talent bitch get saved? Now we have to sit through God knows how many weeks of bad-ass obscure Whitney and Olivia Newton-John songs. It's just not right. She needs to be puttin' on her Cinderella costume and singing "When You Wish Upon a Star" in FantasyLand... Not singing center stage on Idol.

In place of Jarrod, whose sultry R&B tones and classic vibe, we get Phil Stacey -- who looks and sounds like a giant, circumcised penis. I am truly mortified.

In place of Sundance (who frankly we could live without, but not when it means having to withstand...) SANJAYA for who knows how many bad weeks of Barry Manilow covers and stiffened dance moves. Just what the fuck is going on here? Are we being punked? WHERE'S ASHTON?

The only saving grace last night was that Antonella got booted -- justly. We've ragged enough on her sorry ass, so we'll refrain from trashing her here. Suffice to say: DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT, SKANKY!

Uh, so... next week is looking a little grim. This Top 12 is less than worthy. They should honestly cancel the competition now and just give Melinda Doolittle the title...cause she's shines above the rest.