Call me Ismael

What is with the Late Night facial hair? They go on strike and are so bored they feel the need to experiment with a full beard? Weird.

More wedding pics...

She looks gawgeous, but the dress is a tad tacky...


Apparently the wedding isn't legal... so they'll have to have a civil ceremony.

If Jennifer Aniston is banging this... then she is my new idol

Apparently Jennifer Aniston's new flavor-of-the-week is Jason Lewis. Hot damn! If that's in any way, shape, or form true, then major props to Ms. Aniston... Joan & Melissa salute you.

Two days before New Year's Eve, OK! was the first to report that A-list actress Jennifer Aniston had jetted off to Los Cabos, Mexico, with pals Courteney Cox and David Arquette — and a goateed mystery man. Now, sources are revealing to OK! that this man is likely hunky model-turned-actor Jason Lewis.

It's been rumored for weeks that the former Mrs. Brad Pitt, 38, and the 36-year-old Sex and the City stud have been dating. And if Jason is indeed the tall, fedora-wearing passenger who escorted Jen onto a private, Mexico-bound jet in Burbank, Calif., on Dec. 28, then they've obviously taken the relationship to a whole new level. [OK!]

Wedding photos of people we don't give a shit about

OK! Mag probably wasted their money in getting the pics of the Hiegl wedding. Who cares about seeing these? Ultimate snoozefest. WHY is this girl always photographed???

Mark your calendars, folks

Cause The View is about to get even worse, as if that were possible. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is slated to return on Monday. It's going to be an hour of Hot Topics... get ready for some really dumb shit to be said.

Maternity leave is nearly over for The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who returns to the show on Monday, ABC announced.

Hasselbeck, 30, has been away since Oct. 23. She gave birth to son Taylor Thomas on Nov. 9, her second child with Arizona Cardinals quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.

The conservative co-host's first day back at the table with Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar and Sherri Shepherd will be an hour-long "Hot Topics" episode, with a surprise guest, ABC reports.

"She's never shy about expressing her view, so "Hot Topics" will be getting a whole lot hotter – especially with the upcoming presidential election," says ABC. "Whoopi Goldberg and Sherri Shepard joined the show shortly before Elisabeth left, so there wasn't much opportunity for all five co-hosts to interact. Now there will be a new dynamic at the "Hot Topics" table."

Can you say bizarre?

News that makes you go: whaaaaaa?

Everybody loves Knut, the polar bear at the Berlin Zoo, who turned one in December....So it's no surprise that Hollywood is now interested in turning Knut's life into an animated feature – starring one of his famous visitors. ...Shah added of his plans, "I see the heartwarming relationship between Knut and his caretaker, Thomas Doerflein at the center of the movie ... Suri [Cruise] could speak the English voice of Knut." Knut has been raised by Doerflein at the zoo since his mother rejected him at birth on Dec. 3, 2006. And no, Shah hasn't heard from Suri's agent yet. [people]

Does she even speak yet? Is this OK with Xenu?

What was the rush?

Eddie Murphy hooked up with Tracey Edmonds not long after his affair with Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice), which produced their daughter. (Mel's no slouch either, she hooked up with Harry Belefonte's son pretty quickly too.) Anyway, everyone's wondering why Tracey hitched her wagon to Eddie -- it ain't about cash -- she's loaded, as the ex and business partner of Babyface Edmonds.

Well, Eddie got hitched on New Year's Day... here's the scoop:

Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were married on New Year's Day on a private island off Bora Bora in French Polynesia in front of 25 friends and family, their reps tell PEOPLE. In a sunset ceremony on the beach Tuesday, Edmonds walked barefoot down the aisle to Gladys Knight's "Makings of You." The bride wore a custom-designed form-fitting dress by stylist and designer Sugia Nazel and Jill Baracci, designer and owner of Baracci boutique. Murphy wore a cream suit and vest with an off-white handkerchief. Among the guests were best man Johnny Gill, maid of honor Nicole Avant, matron of honor Julie Lev, as well as Edmonds's parents Jacqueline and George McQuarn, her brother Michael, Murphy's mother Lillian Lynch and his brother Vernon. Edmonds, 40, gave her bridesmaids gold and diamond earrings from XIV Karats in Beverly Hills, and Murphy, 46, gave his groomsmen D.Atlantis watches. The wedding was designed by event designer Colin Cowie, who created a gazebo on the beach made out of 6,000 shells for the ceremony. After the ceremony, guests celebrated at a private dinner and after-party, where DJ Darrin Ebron from Los Angeles kept the guests dancing. [people]

Would someone please muzzle her dumb ass?

I gotta say... I have never been so disappointed. I really liked Sherri Shepherd on Everybody Loves Raymond and 30 Rock. But, when The View introduced us to the real Sherri Shepherd it proved only that she's a decent actress -- albeit a waste of space as a member of society. Actually, the more I watch her on the View, the more I realize how talented she is...

Of course you'll all remember Sherri's now infamous comments regarding planet Earth ("Do I know if the world is flat? I don't know, Whoopi, I never thought about it. I thought about how I'm going to feed my child.") and history as it relates to religion ("There is not history before Jesus.") Well, she's opened her dumb mouth again...this time, in case you were doubting the dope she is, it should firmly solidify any misconceptions:

On, Monday, cast member Sherri Shepherd tells the story of taking her son to a "rich white folks' store," where the toddler had something of a meltdown. [BTW the meltdown was caused because she deprived him of a nap so she could go shopping. She admitted this on air. --ed] Much to Shepherd's chagrin, because of the socioeconomic-racial dynamic of Giggle, she couldn't physically discipline her screaming child. Whoopi Goldberg attempts to save her, but Shepherd, who has earlier professed doubt about the world being round, just keeps digging herself deeper. As she put it, in an ever-so-Christmasy way: "This wasn't a store that looked like they beat the kids. So I had to do as the Romans do when I was in the Roman store." [Washington Post]

Watch the ridiculousness here.

I bet Babs is regretting that whole decision to hire her right about now. If you watch, you also know that Joy and Whoopi clench their teeth whenever she has the floor. They're petrified she's going to say something stupid. They also disagree with her on a regular basis. Reminds me of the ol' Metanopolous days...

Happy New Year, H to the Os

Promising to keep you entertained in '08 ;)

Sting isn't the only one eating toe jam

Nicolette Sheridan is at it too. She's lovin' the Bolton Toe Cheese. Nasty shit.

Two good reasons for stem cell research...

Let's start on them...

You don't have to put on the red light

I kinda friggin love this... I normally don't like it when the paps invade private time... but this is sweet. Sting and Trutie totally still dig each other. Love it ;)

Ah, oui...

Just yesterday, I was reading an article about the new President of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, divorced his 2nd wife (pictured below), who is a real class act and handling the press like a pro. Thought it was interesting that the couple waited until post-election to air their marital troubles.


(Life imitates art, if you've seen The Valet.) But it looks like the President had a chickie waiting in the wings, according to People mag:

Mother knows best: "My daughter is living a true love story," Carla Bruni's mother, Marisa Borini, tells France's Le Parisien for its front page Sunday, about the ex-supermodel's relationship with French President Nicolas Sarkozy. ... Earlier this month, Borini told Italian news outlets that her daughter had received a marital proposal from Sarkozy – with a New Year's acceptance deadline. ...To say the couple's rapid romance has been a coup de foudre (stroke of lightning) is an understatement. The 52-year-old Sarkozy, divorced from his second wife Cecilia in mid-October, has been inseparable from Bruni, 39, since Nov. 23, when he met the former supermodel-turned-singer-songwriter at a Paris dinner party. [people]

Can you picture something like this happening in the USA? Our heads would explode. In case you're interested to see what the President's gotten himself into... well, take a gander at this:

...Yeah, that's first lady material.

UPDATE: Nicki Kidman may not be knocked up

Now the publicist is coming out saying that it's a total rumor...

However, Kidman's Australian publicist yesterday denied the reports, saying it was simply a rumour made up over the silly season.

The Daily Mail's respected entertainment editor, Baz Bamigboye, reported the Oscar-winning actor, 40, and her husband, Keith Urban, broke the news to their families over the holidays after Kidman finished work on Baz Luhrmann's epic romantic adventure film Australia on December 21.

Kidman's spokeswoman said: "It is incorrect. She must have had about 30 babies by now. She's in Australia making a film and her family are in Australia. She's happily ensconced away somewhere having a few days' break. As far as we're concerned it's another rumour out of London."

But one of Kidman's friends said it was "conceivable" the actor was almost three months pregnant. "She did have a small baby bump a month ago, so it would be reasonable she'd now be three months and telling her friends and family," the friend said. [Courier-Mail]

Nicole Kidman: Knocked Up!

Looks like the Daily Mail is reporting that Nicole is knocked up! Awesome news but no other sources are reporting it yet so...

Nicole Kidman and her husband of 18 months are expecting their first baby, the Daily Mail can reveal. The Oscar-winning actress and Keith Urban, the country and western singer she calls the "love of my life", broke the news to their families over the Christmas holiday.

The 40-year-old Australian star had already spoken of "winding down" her film-making activities as much as possible next year. The baby, whose expected arrival date has not yet been revealed, will be the actress's first natural child. She adopted Isabella, 14, and twelve-year-old Conor during her first marriage to Tom Cruise.

Miss Kidman was stunned when he filed for divorce in 2001. Shortly after they split, she revealed that she had suffered an ectopic pregnanacy and a miscarriage during the marriage.

Miss Kidman spent her Christmas holiday in Syndey, after finshing work on Baz Lurhmann's epic romantic adventure film Australia on December 21. She is due to film The Reader with Ralph Fiennes and British director Stephen Daldry in Berlin next month, but has no more cinema work planned after that.

"I just want to spend as much time as possible with my husband," she told the Daily Mail. Earlier this month the actress also dismissed the idea of returning to the stage next year. "It wouldn't fit in with the logistics and dynamics of my family", she said - a remark given extra meaning by the news of her pregnancy.

Also when the Daily Mail visited the set of Australia in Sydney earlier in December the actress was shooting scenes in a long ball gown,so again, much could be kept out of view. In between takes on set Nicole took to a bed in one of the studio's dressing room's complaining that she felt 'constantly tired.' [The Daily Mail]

Will the 2nd Mrs. Cruise please kick some ass...

Nicole Kidman's gonna have to put her foot down when it comes to the children she shares with her former husband, batshit insane TC. Check this shit out:

Holmes...has been moving more and more into the role of mother to stepchildren Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13. "They call me Mom," she tells Parade. As Us Weekly reports...this coincides with 40-year-old Kidman's confession on a British TV show that her two kids with Tom Cruise no longer "call me Mummy." "It's Mum or sometimes Nicole. I'm like, 'Hey!'" she said. (Kidman's rep tells Us she was only "joking around.") "Isabella especially took to [Katie] right away," a source close to the family tells Us. Adding to the tension is the fact that Cruise is raising his children as Scientologists, something the Catholic-raised Kidman is "not cool with," an insider tells Us. [us weekly]

Where does he get off raising them as Scientologists when their mother doesn't agree with the teachings? She should take his ass to court.

Saw this one coming...

Heidi Klum has a new jewelry line out... and some of her designs have a pretty close similarity to Van Cleef. See for yourself [below]:

Well, Van Cleef ist saying achtung, Heidi! Nein! Ist Verboten!

Van Cleef & Arpels filed suit against the Project Runway host in Manhattan's federal court last week, claiming that her jewelry line ripped off their clover design. The papers claim that the designs created by Heidi Klum GmbH and Mouawad USA are so similar to Van Cleef & Arpels's vintage Alhambra line, they create "confusion in the marketplace." ...The luxury jewelry house is suing Klum, 34, for copyright infringement and asks for damages in excess of $25,000. Designer Pascal Mouawad, head of Mouawad USA, dismisses the claim, telling PEOPLE: "We believe this claim has no merit. It's clear that shapes like clovers, hearts, crosses, etc, are universal symbols and are commonly used in jewelry." He adds, "Heidi has been wearing her pieces on Project Runway and we've seen them become quite popular. The clover has always been in fashion and you can see that many other luxury jewelry houses have their own interpretations of this wonderful shape such as Louis Vuitton and Chopard. " [people]

Van Cleef & Arpels's vintage Alhambra

Heidi Klum GmbH and Mouawad USA

Wow...

I didn't see this one coming. Very surprised. They seemed so stable.

Divorce papers have been filed in Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn's separation – with the actor and actress both filing papers on separate occasions.

...

Penn's divorce papers list Nov. 30 as the date of their separation. Wright's petition, filed Dec. 21, say they separated Dec. 1. Both list "irreconcilable differences" as the reason and ask for joint legal and physical custody of their two teenagers, Hopper Jack, 14, and Dylan Frances, 16.

...

Penn and Wright were married in April 1996. [people]

2007: The Year Britney Went Batshit Insane

2007 has certainly been a year of crazy. The crazy was unleashed in epic proportions. Let's reminisce, shall we?

Britney goes batshit insane...

It would take a committee of hard-working Britneyologists to catalog the bullshit and craziness that Britney got herself into this year. So, let's just highlight the major crap...

1. Britney divorces K-Fed

In a surprising move,
Britney loses the K-Dead weight that's been dragging her down.
The word around town is,
she's finally seen the light and is getting her act together.
Little did we know that in just a few short months, KFed would prove to be the responsible, mature person/parent of the two.

2. Britney shaves head
During a weird night of partying , Britney stops by a local LA hair salon and asks for the Curly Stooge. When the owner of the salon refuses, Brit takes the shears into her own hands and does the deed. Days later she sports various ridiculous wigs, later followed by even more ridiculous hair extensions.

3. Britney enters/leaves/reenters rehab
On the advice of family and representation, Brit enters rehab for her obvious addiction issues. But she leaves after a few days. The goes back in. The Promises rehab center soon installs a revolving door for her convenience.

4. Britney's VMA appearance
Oh, what a douche-chill inducing thrill this was. Everyone said Brit wasn't ready for the performance. And they were right. She came out to a befuddled and confused audience, wowing them with an awful lip-syncing job and drunk-like dance moves.

5. Britney's Vaj-a-pocalypse
For the better part of 2007, Britney had a hard time keeping her vajayjay concealed. I'm now taking a cocktail of mood enhancers and tranquilizers to aid in the removal of the images from my cerebral cortex.

Mischa hits the sauce

Yet another young Hollywood starlet DUI... it's the latest rage!

Mischa Barton has been arrested for DUI, possession of illegal narcotics and driving without a valid license, according to a police report obtained by Usmagazine.com. The actress, 21, was pulled over early around 3 a.m. this morning in West Hollywood, Web site Hollyscoop.com first reported. She is still in custody, TMZ.com reports, and is being held on $10,000 bail. [us weekly]