Kal-el Coppola Cage Superman Kent Lane

Well, another case of poor judgment in baby naming has reared its ugly little head in La La Land. Here is a conversation between me and a couple friends. --Joan

JL: Okay, people. The OFFICIAL worst celebrity baby name EVER has just come down the pike. You ready? Nicolas Cage, 41, and his 21-year-old wife have apparently officially gone off the deep end and named their precious new baby son Kal-el. Yes, you read that correctly. Kal-el. As in, the birth name of Superman.
I can't... I just... too many things...my head has just exploded.

JR: Wow. I thought it would be Elvis Aaron Presley cage... But who knew he was a bigger superman fan than an Elvis one.

PHM: Even Jerry Seinfeld didn't go that far. Granted, he picked a wacky name... but Kal-el is probably the worst I've heard. And that brings us to this question:

Is it worse to name your child after a piece of fruit, or after a fictional movie character? Either way, the kid's screwed...but who's MORE screwed?

JR: I think this might be worse... Cause not only does it say your parents are weird, but that they're comic-book weird as well. And that ain't right.

PHM: Maybe it would've been less weird if he'd gone with Superman's assumed identity. His kid could've been Clark Kent Coppola Cage. It's nice and alliterative.

JR: Why is he adding Cage anyway? It's his acting persona. Not his given name. Look, here's the reasons why Cage is a fah-reak:

He is an Elvis fanatic; and I'm not talking he knows all the lyrics and has been to Graceland... I'm talking: he dropped thousands upon thousands to buy one of Elvis' credit cards... (which is essentially, just a piece of plastic.)

He married Elvis' daughter...for 4 months. Her marriage to Michael Jackson lasted longer... That says something.

He married Patricia Arquette, asked her to marry him on the 1st date, and after getting married, the two lived in separate homes.

Now this...

There's more... I just can't remember.