Gettin' it while she can

Since Catherine Zeta Jones sleeps next to a bag o'bones, she probably misses what it feels like to cuddle with some who has some meat on their bones. Enjoy it while you can, Catherine, cause Michael's waitin'.

These crazy kids just might make it...

...yeah, right. Coo Coo Cah Choo Mrs. Robinson -- Courtney Love managed to snag one of LaLohan's sloppy seconds:

Less than six months after Lindsay Lohan, 20, was seen making out with James Burke, who's also 20, Courtney Love, 42, has been spotted doing the same! Courtney and James had dinner on Oct. 22 at Beverly Hills eatery Mr. Chow and left hand-in-hand, kissing... [life and style]

I don't know what's creepier: this May/December romance or the fact that James Burke looks like a girl I used to know in HS. Oooof.

Shit...

So, it looks like Melanie Griffith got old all at once. Like, one morning, she woke up and officially became Antonio's old lady... She's looking old enough to be his mother. The pic on the left is sans makeup and the pic on the right is all made up... if you ask me, they're both equally fucked up. Time to visit one of LA's many qualified plastic surgeons.

God, I hope this is true

It's been too long... I have a deep and meaningful desire to be custom-fitted for a pair of Manolo Blahniks...STAT. But, can this rumor be true? And has Kim Cattrall finally gotten over herself and realized that SJP was indeed the star of the show...?

After many delays, denials and rumored diva trips...the feature-film version of Sex and the City is back on track! It had been thought that the much talked about project would never get off the ground as talk of behind-the-scenes drama between the stars, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon, kept on surfacing... substantial negotiations have opened with each of the star’s teams this week. [ok!]

This one goes out to...

...my co-worker, Meri...
Who prefers to be referred to as
"Mrs. Jake Gyllenhaal".
Looks like Jake's got a little junk
in his tr...um...boxers. ;)

Click the images for the full effect.

It's worth repeating:

How do you spell loser?

K.A.T.E.
M.O.S.S.

Supermodel Kate Moss confirmed speculation she is to wed rocker boyfriend Pete Doherty at a London party on Tuesday night. The catwalk beauty sparked rumors of an imminent marriage when she was photographed wearing an engagement ring in Florence, Italy last Thursday. And when the couple attended the Moet & Chandon masked ball in the British capital earlier this week, they confirmed they're getting wed. Moss said, "We are engaged," while Doherty added, "We are getting married." [imdb]

Hey, good luck with all that. --Joan.

Anna Nicole Pulls Up Stakes

Have you ever seen someone fuck up as much as Anna Nicole Smith? I mean, even the people she surrounds herself with manage to either help/let her make terrible decisions or are completely inept themselves. Case in point -- her new hubby/lawyer Howard K. Stern. If he was worth his weight in salt... wouldn't he have been able to secure the proper legal precautions so that this wouldn't happen??? Anna Nicole can't be trusted to pour a bowl of cereal, much less manage legal residency...

Anna Nicole Smith has already been orderedto vacate her Bahamas home by Oct. 31, and now authorities there are investigating whether she legally obtained permanent residency there. Vernon Burrows, the immigration director in the Bahamas, said authorities are focused on the $1 million home that Smith's lawyers claimed in an application for residency that she had purchased...The law in the Bahamas states that a person owning a house there valued at more than $500,000 and having the means to reside without being employed and being of good character can be eligible for residency. "If she doesn't own the house, then she would not have met the policy conditions which the government of the Bahamas has with respect to the grant of permanent residence," Ingraham said of Smith. [people]

Add to this that frigged up wedding. The weird circumstances surrounding her son's death and burial. The paternity of her baby. And the tell-all book written by a close family member... well... I give up. --Joan.

Limbaugh Needs to be Put Down

As if it's not enough that this radical blowhard is a rabid hypocrite (Google his viewpoints on drug use [vs] his own drug charges -- that's his mug shot to the left) he's now attacking Michael J. Fox... For what, you ask? For having Parkinson's Disease.

Limbaugh suggested "that Michael J. Fox, the actor, exaggerated the effects of his Parkinson’s disease in television advertisements for Democrat candidates that highlight the issue of stem-cell research. Rush Limbaugh said: “He is moving around, and shaking, and it’s clearly an act.” [times online]

The poor excuse for a "journalist" tried to mumble an apology... but like everything he does, it was veiled in hatred:

Limbaugh said on his radio show, "If this was not an act, then I apologize." He went on to say, however, that Fox is allowing his illness to be exploited. [people]

Um, Rush -- I know apologizing for the ridiculous things you say is not something you're accustomed to, but -- that's not a proper apology. Try again, fucko.

Naturally, Fox's response was all class. Something Rush will never have. Why this crazy bastard still has a platform to spew his brand of misinformation and twisted opinions is beyond me. He needs to be put down.

To get the facts... go to Michael's foundation.
Peace, brother. Be well.

Preston Burke Eats Crow

Although the character he plays on Grey's Anatomy is unable to apologize or admit his faults, Issiah Washington has finally come clean and admitted wrongdoing:

"I sincerely regret my actions and the unfortunate use of words during the recent incident on-set," Washington, 43, says in the statement. "Both are beneath my own personal standards. … I have nothing but respect for my coworkers … and have apologized personally to everyone involved."
...
So what actually happened between Washington and Dempsey? A set source says that when Knight, 33, was late to film a scene, a debate ensued between Dempsey and Washington, with Dempsey insisting on waiting for Knight before starting the scene. The argument quickly intensified, and the source says that yes, the alleged slur was used, but Knight was not present at the time. "Isaiah was running his mouth off," says the source. "Isaiah verbally attacked Patrick – he tore into him. Patrick's voice escalated and he did tell Isaiah to 'f– off, (but) that was as heated as Patrick got." [people]

I'm not sure the apology was enough... fans are kinda sick of his 'tude. They'd better beef up his plotline fast if they wanna maintain interest.

Well, how about that?

Right now Nicole Kidman must be weighing her options: Crazy ex-husband who believes that an space monkey is trapped in liquid hot magma at the center of the earth... or new husband hopped up on illegal substances, yet again, not 6 months post-blissful nuptials...?

The 38-year-old musician, who married Kidman in June, said in a statement that he "deeply regrets the hurt this has caused Nicole". It also stated that the Oscar-winning actress was with Urban when he voluntarily entered the facility. The Grammy winner has previously disclosed an addiction to cocaine...."One can never let one's guard down on recovery, but I'm afraid that I have," the singer's statement continued. [bbc]

Hmm. If I were her, I'd take the druggy. Druggy's curable. The kinda batshit, fuckall crazy Cruise is -- well, that could take years to cure, if at all. So, no hard feelings Nic, don't call the divorce lawyers yet... this one might still work out.

Doctor, Doctor...Gimme the News

I’ve got a fever...and the only cure is more Grey’s Anatomy. (So hooked, it’s really not even funny. But I digress...)

By now, I’m sure you heard about the recent rumble that took place on set between Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey, Issiah “Burke” Washington and innocent bystander T.R. “O’Malley” Knight. Well, the Grey’s PR team quickly dismissed the incident as “stress on the set” and “personality conflicts” and the tiff seemed to get brushed under the rug rather quickly... but it turns out, that the ‘tiff’ was more serious than anyone could have imagined and Dr. Burke is apparently a large variety of male genitalia:

“A simmering feud between the two actors bubbled over last week, when Washington reportedly got in Dempsey’s face, said some ‘disgusting things,’ then allegedly pushed ‘McDreamy’ against a wall and choked him. We’re told the incident was so intense it shut down production for a short time....As for the ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ melee, there are reports that Washington taunted Dempsey by saying, ‘I’m not your little faggot like [name redacted],’ referring to a fellow cast member. Yesterday, ‘Grey’s’ cast member T.R. Knight revealed to PEOPLE magazine that he’s gay, possibly prompted by public revelation of Washington’s outburst.” [TMZ]

So, the case may very well be that T.R. Knight, feeling that the word might spread about his sexual preference, figured he might as well come out on his own terms instead of being outted by Washington. In which case...Washington needs a swift kick in the ass... and frankly, if they fired him from the show, I wouldn’t be all that choked up. Buh-bye.

P.S. Izzy, cash the damn check already.... you’re making me nervous. You’re gonna lose the damn thing.
P.S.S. Meredith, for chrissakes, it’s not all about you – can’t you see that McDreamy was on the receiving end of some bad-ass news?
P.S.S.S. McDreamy -- a little communication might not hurt. Sheesh.
P.S.S.S.S. McSteamy: Call me. ;)

More Undergarment Issues for LaLohan

I mean, seriously, folks...what is with this chick? She scores points for actually putting on some undies this time... but the skirt is still too short... plus, there's some odd "bunching" going on there... She is seriously banged up. I think I just threw up a little, in my mouth.

I had my suspicions...

So, I'm thinking: John Mayer might be a "furry." That's him, up there, in the bear suit. Not familar with the term? Allow Wikipedia to explain:

Fursuits are animal costumes associated with certain subgroups of furry fandom. They range from simple tails and ears to full costumes cooled by battery-powered fans. Similar to mascot suits, they allow the wearer to adopt another personality while in costume....A portion of the furry fandom exists that considers a fursuit a sexual item. Some fursuits are sold with or modified to contain provisions for sexual activity, such as openings, removable panels, and anatomically correct artificial genitalia.

Why have I come to this conclusion? Well, were it for the above picture alone, I would have thought -- Hey, it's a gimic. He showed up on stage in a bear suit. Hah. But then, this isn't a one-time only gig... it's something he does on a regular basis...

John Mayer Has A TV Show features the Grammy-award winning platinum musician as host of his very own talk show....Shot during Mayer's most recent summer tour, the show gives us a glimpse of how John spends his day when he's not singing to sold-out crowds....He disguises himself in a bear suit costume to get a fresh perspective on how his audience preps for his concerts in the venue parking lot. [VH1]

...and from Mayer's site:

I Like Cross (Species) Dressing
Posted Sep 25th 2006 8:50AM by JMZ Staff
Filed under: Stupid A**hole
What the hell is wrong with me? On a rare leisurely day at the venue in Portland, I decided to bring out the bear suit that was featured in"John Mayer Has A TV Show", a pointless and insipid 22 minutes that could have been better spent getting a closed MRI. Here's a shot of me [below] rolling around in the grass while dozens of other hardworking crew members break their backs all day just to stage another show for my overprivileged self.

I rest my case.

By the beard of Xenu, we will have a Scientology wedding!

Whether Katie's parents like it or not, TomKat will be having a Scientology-based wedding ceremony. Katie, raised a Catholic, converted to Scientology for her shrimpy leading man. Apparently, all that fancy book learning she got in Catechism didn't stick...she dropped her upbringing like a hot plate when Tom wooed her. Imagine that ultimatum.

Rumor has it, the couple will be wed in Italy this November. Her dress is apparently bought and paid for. But, will Daddy walk her down the aisle? That is the question:

Katie's parents...are reportedly really outraged of the involvement by the Church of Scientology, rather than in the Catholic tradition. Some have said the family Holmes is threatening not to show up for the wedding to try to convince Katie to have a proper Catholic ceremony, even if she does go through the Scientology program also. (c) PCN

Bracelets much?

In a fruitless attempt to add some weight to her ever-shrinking frame,
Nicole Richie piles on bracelet after un-matching bracelet.

My Brain is Exploding...

Two of my Top Ten Humina Huminas are currently filming a movie in NYC titled The Tourist, "An accountant (McGregor) is introduced to a mysterious sex club known as The List by his lawyer friend (Jackman). But in this new world, he soon becomes the prime suspect in a woman's disappearance and a multi-million dollar heist." [IMDB]

Also filming in NYC, Definitely, Maybe starring (hotty) Ryan Reynolds and Rachel Weiscz. "A political consultant tries to explain his impending divorce and past relationships to his 11-year-old daughter." [imdb]

Garsh Dang It!

Ok. I'll admit it. I watch Dancing with the Stars. Poke fun. Go ahead. Make jokes all you want, but the show just got interesting -- in a fabulously gossip-like sorta way. Country singer, and stiff-as-a-board "dancer", Sara Evans has decided to drop out of the competition -- just one day after her ass was saved from being voted off. Why? Her husband filed for divorce:

Country star Sara Evans...has accused her husband of adultery and inappropriate conduct, court papers reveal. In divorce papers filed Thursday in Williamson County, Tenn., and obtained by TV's Extra, Evans, 35, cites adultery as the grounds for divorce, along with irreconcilable differences and inappropriate marital conduct. Evans alleges friend and former nanny to her children, Alison Clinton, is the woman with whom Schelske has had an affair, according to court documents. [people]

Nannies. Always the nannies.... When are people gonna realize, you gotta get yourself an old hag of a nanny -- or a manny? Now, unless your man gets his freak on for geriatrics in bonnets, this is what a nanny should look like:

Papa Don't Preach...I'm Keeping YOUR Baby

Madonna seems to have been bit by the Brangelina Bug -- in so much as she's taken to adopting children from third-world countries. But, with one -- glaring -- difference: The children Angie adopted (and Brad later followed legally became their father) were orphaned. Madonna, on the other hand, decided she found a baby she liked and figured she'd take it home with her... never mind the fact that the kid had a father.

The father of the Malawian child pop star Madonna wants to adopt said on Sunday he had not originally planned to give up his son for good when he handed him to an orphanage after the death of his wife last year....he put his son David in an orphanage when he was just over one month old, fearing that he was ill with malaria, which killed his two other sons. "I suppose deep in my heart I always imagined that when he was better, or I had got another wife, I would go and take him back," Banda told the Mail on Sunday. "I did not think anyone would want to take him away." But Banda, 31, said he and his family had agreed to allow Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie to adopt the child, believing it would give him the chance to receive a good education and grow up healthy....

Malawi's High Court granted the 48-year-old entertainer and her filmmaker husband an interim order allowing them to take custody of the boy less than a week ago but the adoption plan has sparked anger in Malawi and elsewhere. Malawian law prohibits adoptions by non-residents, but officials granted an exemption or waiver to Madonna. Human rights groups are challenging that decision and plan to seek a court injunction on Monday to stop the adoption. [reuters]

I guess the Material Girl figures she can have just about anything she wants.

The inflation mechanism... Part two

Apparently the inflate mechanism on Patricia Arquette's dress has failed just like Katie's did last week. Everyone stand back! SHE GON' BLOW!

Try to keep your lunch down

People mag has compiled a list of the too-many-buttons-undone offenders. Here are the most vile of them all... Shield your eyes and turn the chilldren and the elderly away.

What is wrong with Mena?

Pretty face, pretty eyes, nice skin, cute smile. Yet what is the excuse for this? Mena fugged it up last month too.

Juicy!

Fox News claims to have uncovered a few secrets about the beginning to Tom Cruise's relationship with Katie Holmes. "Talking to insiders recently, I discovered that Cruise - when he invited Holmes to join him in Rome right after they met in April 2005 - gave the young actress a credit card with a $100,000 spending limit," said the correspondent. "He told her to go back to New York and buy whatever she needed for the trip. Additionally, Cruise, friends say, did indeed have Katie's car overhauled the day he met her. The order of events seems to have been an eight-hour meeting - yes, an eight-hour meeting - with Cruise to discuss Mission: Impossible 3. During this time, Cruise told Holmes he didn't like the dents and scrapes on her car, and took it from her. When he returned it the next day, it was like a miracle body lift had taken place. The rest is history. I've said it before, and I will say it again: no one whom Holmes knew prior to her meeting Cruise has seen or heard from her since then. None of her close friends ever received word of her relationship, pregnancy or birth of baby Suri. And nearly none of them expect to be invited to the wedding."

What drug is everyone on?

While looking very medicated and weirdly sedated, the Fembots are at yet another Paris runway show. But looks like Posh and Katie aren't the only ones on meds, I wanna know what the KRAZY KOOK in the heart-shaped glasses is smoking.

Growing at a rapid rate...

Is what lab-created babies do...like their lil' Suri, who was a product of the Scientology Labs and was completed on April 18, 2006 when she was presented to TC and Katie. Now at only 6 months, Suri must be huge judging from the toddler-sized pink jacket Katie bought in Paris.

Is the baby an "in" for Tori?

Since Tori Spelling managed to get knocked up by her "stole-from-another-woman, married-his-ass-while-he-was-still-legally-married-to-said-other-woman" hubby, I figured the baby would soften things between her and her mother,Candy, who was keeping every cent left by the mega-rich Aaron Spelling away from horseface. Tori managed to only get less than one million dollars from Aaron's multi-billion dollar stash.

Well, as expected, the upcoming baby is softening things between mother and daughter. Could the cuteness of this baby possibly have Candy throw a few Schekels in Horseface and Horndog's Hubby way?

Tori Spelling's mother, Candy, has commented for the first time about her daughter's pregnancy – and she sounds like any proud grandmother-to-be.

"I'm thrilled and ecstatic," she tells PEOPLE, "and if Aaron were here, I know how thrilled he would also be to share in such a happy occasion."

Aaron Spelling – Candy's husband and Tori's father – died in June at age 83. On Tuesday, sources confirmed to PEOPLE that Tori is 14 weeks pregnant with her first child with husband Dean McDermott.

Candy Spelling's comment could signal a thawing in what has been a tense relationship between mother and daughter. In June, Tori, 33, told PEOPLE she was upset that she first heard of her father's death from a friend: "I was devastated. I thought I had some time (to see him). And I was saddened that the news had not come from my mother."

Candy quickly responded with a statement reading, "We are deeply saddened that, during our time of loss and grief, we are forced to respond to the media frenzy caused by the mean-spirited and surprising comments made by Tori to the press." [People]

While the cat's away...

The mice will play...

Here is Becks picking up his son from school while his wife and fellow Fembot, Katie, vamp it up in Paris at Fashion Week. This photo brings to mind a catty, catty quote from fellow Brit, Jordan (who is basically the UK's version of Pam Anderson): "She hires ugly nannies because she can't trust her husband ... I feel sorry for her." Sizzle!

The inflation mechanism...

On the Fembot-Series Katie-Model 666 has malfunctioned. Alert, alert, malfunction alert.

There are simply no words

For this...

The fembots walk the walk

Katie and Posh are chillin' in Paris, making appearances at various runway shows since it's Fashion Week in the City of Lights right now. What the fuck are these two wearing and what the hell do they talk about? Katie probably dishes on how delish the vitamins TC makes her eat are. Posh probably dishes how she hasn't eaten a thing since 2003.




Don't you think they can pass for lesbos? Like Katie is totally the guy and she leads Posh to wherever they are going.

Oh no he did-nt

Janet Jackson has gone on record saying her brother Michael was repsonsible for affecting her poor self image, as a child and as an adult:

And Joe [father to Janet] wasn’t the only man in the family giving Janet a hard time. She confesses that brother Michael damaged her self-image by teasing her constantly about her weight, calling her “big butt.” “After a while, it went beyond name-calling. It really affected me.” [us weekly]

Um, EXCUSE ME MOTHER F-ER??? He has some goddamn nerve teasing anyone when he's a friggin freak and a 1/2. "It went beyond name-calling?" HOLY F-ING SHIT...! This shit enrages me to no end. Let me get this straight... this is the person who was making fun of Janet Jackson's image?

Yeah, that makes sense.... Prick.

Hair Apparent

Look, I like a goatee or a neatly trimmed beard, perhaps some scruff, as much as the next gal... but just what the fuck is going on here???


Matthew is beginning to look like a cast-off from Survivor... this hairiness must be stopped.

Anna and Howie Hitch up their wagons...

Seriously, no one believes that Howard K. Stern is the father of Anna's baby girl. But, belief be damned...the wedding went off anyhow. It's just so weird how soon the nuptials followed on the heels of Daniel Smith's untimely death. Why couldn't this wedding wait? Was Anna's previous bf, Birkhead, close to proving his paternity? According to Bahaman law, if a man claims he is the father and the couple marries -- there is no parternity test required. Anna and Howard are making their official home in the Bahamas... I guess that puts an end to any further discussion...

Holy fake eyelashes batman!

I see crazy is still en vogue...

I'm Spicey!

Looks like the pre-production talks on the Beckham biopic are under way... in Paris? Hmm. You know, I'll never get used to the idea that the Beckhams and the Cruises are close friends. There's just something not right about it. I suppose any day now we'll be hearing the Posh and Becks are on the Scientology fast track. Evs.

btw: who knew Katie was such a giant? Melissa's totaly right -- those vitamin shakes she's drinking are giving her a growth spurt.

Katie: Super-sized, Part Deux

Whatever vitamins TC is feeding Katie is working, she's getting bigger by the minute. It's like Alice in Alice in Wonderland. Pretty sure TC is gonna be nipping at her ankles.