Are they OR aren't they?

What's the real scoop here? Jolie has always been overly affectionate for the camera in the past...so why should this picture cause such a flurry of suspicion? The timing, for one. It followed hard upon the news that Brad and Jen's marriage dissolved. But Aniston made a recent statement stating that her inability to deal with Brad's fame was the dealbreaker. Odd, no? Considering her enormous fame. Hollywood, as we all know, is incestuous...I wouldn't doubt for a minute these two are halfway to the alter as we speak. Tell you this much -- they'd make uber-babies. Melissa?
--Joan

It's true, if these two spawned, the children would be gorgeous. I don't believe that Jen was so insecure with his fame that that was what caused the break-up. It's gotta be more than that. I've heard Brad just wants to settle down and have kids and Jennifer's career is going along, even with Friends over, she's got movie deals so supposedly she doesn't want to stop and get preggers and risk losing the momentum. Brad, on the other hand, can disappear and re-emerge years later and people would want to see him in a movie. --Melissa

Now, these two know fashion...

Don't let the picture fool you... Stacy and Clinton of TLC's WHAT NOT TO WEAR, (the American version of the BBC hit show) know fashion inside out. If you haven't caught the fab show on TLC -- do... you won't be disappointed. --Joan

Having the most gorgeous genes helps...

Becks has come out and is revealing how he stays beautiful. Seems real high maintenance. But then again, he's got an amazing blank slate to begin with. It ain't like you can be a joe schmoe and do all that he does and end up looking like this:




David Beckham has revealed details of his beauty regime - including moisturising, eye cream and manicures. The Real Madrid star came clean after being voted the world's Most Beautiful Sports Icon by America's People magazine. Beckham is the only British sports star in the annual 50 Most Beautiful People poll.

He admitted to taking tips from wife Victoria, who is equally obsessed with looking good. Beckham, 30 next month, said: "I've learned a lot. Being out in the cold and rain doesn't help your skin, so moisturiser in the morning is a big thing. "And at night it's the eye cream. A manicure is probably my favourite pampering splurge."

He also denies his wife's infamous suggestion that he wears her G-strings. "I wouldn't get them past my knees," he said.

Last year, Victoria Beckham revealed she smothers beauty creams on her husband at bedtime. She said: "David is very much a new man, totally in touch with his feminine side. He loves having his face and nails done." He also plucks his eyebrows and has spray-on tans, and famously wore pink nail polish at the christening of Elizabeth Hurley's son Damian. Beckham is said to favour La Prairie eye cream, which costs more than £50 for 15ml. The footballer also regularly changes his hairstyle and says his biggest regret was when a dye temporarily left it black.

The England captain also boasts that his wife says his best feature is his bottom. "She likes it because it's firm," he said. However, Beckham told the magazine he doesn't like the look of his feet. [ThisisLondon.com]

His hotness makes me dumb with dizziness. If ever there was a case for stem cell research and human cloning, Becks is it. Yum. --Joan

Are they kidding with this guy?

I gotta tell you, Melissa... The guy they replaced us with on E!'s Fashion Police sucks ass. He knows fashion like Mariah Carey knows sanity. Plus, they paired him with Kathy Griffin...I wonder whose genius idea this was. If they tried to find two completely clueless-about-everything "C" celebs to talk about fashion -- well, they struck it rich. --Joan.

P.S. Go ahead, try and find us on that cock-a-mamie TV Guide Channel... Three people get it and they're busy watching The Weather Channel. Why did we leave E! again?

Ever since they put him and Kathy Griffin on Fashion Police, I haven't been watching. It's awful and this guy just irritates that crap outta me. He's almost as grating as Finola Hughes on the STYLE networks How Do I Look? --Melissa

As if his life wasn't bad enough right now...

Klein up on DUI charges, according to E! Online:

This is not shaping up to be Chris Klein's best year ever. While ex Katie Holmes and new squeeze Tom Cruise embark on their international-headline-making European coming-out tour, the American Pie actor was on the wrong end of a DUI sentence, E! Online has learned.... The actor was sentenced to five years' probation, 150 hours of community service (which Klein's lawyer indicated the actor would like to fulfill at the Red Cross), a 90-day license suspension and an $1,800 fine.

Read more here: http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,16457,00.html?eol.tkr

Tooooom, keep your hands to yourself!

Come on, Kate, let me get a piece...


Tom, I just want to feel your heart and your warmth...


Ok, ok...well, at least just kiss me then...


Looks like Italy is agreeing with them, eh? There are 2 options here... they will either crash and burn out real quick... or marry. This isn't going to be another Cruz a Cruise affair. --Joan

Katie's keeping Tom Far and Away...

Note: Go here if you can't see the pic.

Are We Actually Supposed to Believe This Crap?

Here's a blurry shot of them kissing:


OK, here it is better, courtesy of people.com:


According to AnaNova.com:

Katie Holmes is saving herself for Tom...

Tom Cruise's new girlfriend says she will not have sex until she gets married.

Actress Katie Holmes has reportedly told friends she will remain a virgin until her wedding night.

Read the rest here: http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/story/sm_1374982.html?menu=entertainment.film


Now, I don't know about you... but I wasn't born yesterday... Are we to believe she spent all those years with hotty Chris Klein and didn't do the deed? I think not... Unless she's one of those Born-Again Virgins... and I'm still not buying it! Melissa? --Joan

For some reason, this whole stepping out thing seems so phony to me, like it's a publicity stunt or something. I mean, the "relationship" he had with Penelope Cruz was said numerous times to be a stunt for the most part. Who knows with these two? Katie is so sweet and Tom is so smug and cocky although (in the voice and accent of Rosie Perez from Untamed Heart), "I'd do him." And the whole virginity thing, that's a crock of shit. She does seem like a nice, wholesome girl but there's no way in hell I believe she's still a virgin.

And check this out, talk about FAH-REE-KEEEEY! You know those bios they have on IMDb with a list of quotes that the actor said? Well, here's a quote from Katie's bio on IMDb:

"I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise."

What the fuh???
--Melissa

GET THE FRIG OUTTA HERE. That's some good investigating on your part, Melissa. Old Joan raised ya right, eh? I'm truly mystified by this entire development. Do you think she dumped Klein for Cruise? It's possible...and more plausible now, considering this info from IMDB. Well, anyway... regarding her supposed virginity... I just spoke w/our mutual friend, Herr Rizzo, and he said: "She'll be getting a taste of Xenu any day now." LOFL.
--Joan

Ah, yes, Herr Rizzo must be quite disappointed by the Holmes/Klein relationship demise. I know he was pulling for those two to make it. I'm not sure if Katie dumped Klein for Cruise, I'm not entirely sure what happened there. But I'm hoping Katie and/or Tom talk and SOON!
--Melissa

Cocaine, pot? Whatever your pleasure, Bo's got it, or at least had it, at one point

The Smoking Gun revealed another bad-doer from this season's American Idol and it's one of my fave contestants. Apparently Bo "was once arrested for felony cocaine possession, but had the charge--and a separate marijuana count--dismissed last year after completing a so-called "diversion program," The Smoking Gun has learned. Harold "Bo" Bice, 29, was busted in June 2001 by Huntsville, Alabama cops and hit with the drug count, a Class C felony, according to the below warrant. He was arrested again in July 2003 near Birmingham and charged with marijuana possession, public intoxication, and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to court records. He pleaded guilty to the latter two misdemeanors in December 2004. The pot charge was dismissed after Bice's successful completion of the same diversion program that covered his prior cocaine bust."

Go here to the Smoking Gun to read more about Bo's brush with the law and to see copies of his court papers.

Here's a photo of his grandparents:

It's like someone reached in and ripped my heart out...

OK, some of you may remember how much Constantine annoyed and bothered us in the beginning of American Idol. Joan and myself wanted to take turns punching his cocky and smug face, but to think we ended up liking the dude and are beyond baffled and actually affected by his departure last night is pretty amazing. Constantine improved over the last few weeks, endearing himself to us and even looking attractive. But it was over for him and what was even more unbelieveable was that Scott didn't even end up in the bottom three! The top three were Bo and Carrie and the bottom three were Anthony and Vonzell. Scott and Constantine were the two left up on the couch and when Ryan announced that Scott was to go stand with Bo and Carrie, I was so certain that at least Anthony would be getting booted. But nope...

Joan: Last night was un-be-lieve-a-ble. I don't think there's been a more shocking results show. And I can't believe we have to sit thru another week of Scott. Ugh. I bet he wins the frickin' competition at this point! I almost called you last night to rant and rave... But realized you're three hours behind... I was so shocked beyond belief!

Melissa: I was sooooo close to calling you, Joan, so close! But it was 12:30 AM there and I figured you were sleeping. But I am beyond baffled. I mean, I started off not liking Constantine in the slightest bit but he grew on me and I didn't want him to go! Scott and Anthony need to go before any of the others. Unbelievable. But I'm glad to say that Constantine was very, very gracious both last night and on FOX news this morning when they interviewed him.

Joan: I'm still shocked. It's all we could talk about this morning. So crazy. I'm really not looking forward to next week's results show.

Melissa: I swear, if I have to look at Scott's face once before with his stupid facial expressions and dumb hats and glasses and the shout-outs to God, I will throw stuff at the TV.

Joan: You know... Elvis used to shoot his TVs to smithereens whenever Robert Gulet came on... It may come to this.

Paula was bawling...BAWLING, yo!

Scott! Roll on outta here already!

Melissa: OK, Joan, let me hear it. What did you think of last night's performances?

Joan: Last night was a grand snoozefest. I had to stick toothpicks under my eyelids just to stay awake. Overall, the night was disappointing to say the least. And, I agreed with Simon most of the night. Bad song choices all the way around. It was, as they say: Ca Ca Poo Poo. Melissa?

Melissa: Let me start from the top. It was interesting to see where these kids came from, see their parents and homes, etc. I think the parents tearing up over their kids will be effective heartstring-tuggers and produce more call-ins than usual for people who normally wouldn't have gotten as many. But onto the contestants: Carrie, I'm so over the country thing. Never liked it, never will. She's good but so pigeon-holed and I gotta say, I was reflecting on how lucky I am to be from a great place like NY cause I wouldn't want her bum-fuck nowhere, farm upbringing for anything in the world. Constantine stank. And didn't look as attractive as he had in the last couple of weeks. He chose a horrible song by a horrible band, Nickelback. Seriously? Vonzell is cuuuuuuuute! I would carry her around in my pocket, she's so sweet. And she sung that Xtina song pretty darn well. Anthony, well, he did okay. Picking a Celine Dion song was a great marketing tactic at this point in the game. Girls and mums who luuuurve Celine Dion were probably swooning and Ryan mentioning the fact that Anthony's been working out twice a day also secured him some more votes. Bo, oh Bo. While he kicked ass on the song, what was up with that horrible shirt and shades??? Like Simon said, "Ditch the Lenny Kravitz sunglasses, that look is so over." He seems like a very nice boy with a fun Southern family. And now...ugh, Scott. I really did not need to see his baby and childhood photos. I'm not sure if it's just me, but didn't the photos look like those of serial killers when they are wee-little ones? And the commentary from his parents, really, no amount of parental gloating will ever make me like Scott. And them saying that he's the average Joe and then Scott saying that if you go to Cleveland, you'll see hundreds of Scotts walking around? LORD, I pray to thee that that is not true!

Joan: LOL on all your baby photo/home video comments. Just the same, I could do w/o all that crap--just sing already--who cares??? Yes, for the people who vote, it will make a difference... but my God... And Scott... if he don't go tonight... Watch, Vonzell will end up in the bottom three and he'll be safe. Overall, the best performance last night had to be Vonzell. I thought everyone else was crappy. Even Carrie (who I admit to liking). You're like Simon: "I don't understand this music. I'll never get it. Really." LOL. But you have to admit, she's got an amazing range. Still, all the same, I'll be glad to see this week go in AI history and move on. Hopefully, someone will coach these people to pick better songs. Sheesh. So, my pick for getting the ax tonight is: Scott. Bottom three will be Scott, Anthony and dare I say it: Constantine. ;) Joan?

Melissa: YES!!! Simon's comment on the country music and him not getting it was so reminiscent of my sentiments on it. My picks for bottom three are Scott, Anthony, and you may be right: Constantine, although I don't think he'll be the one to go. It's gotta be either Anthony or Scott. I'm hoping that the judges' blunt comments on Scott's performance, especially Simon's comment, "If I were you, I'd pack my suitcases tonight," influences the results and gets that creep outta there. If any of the others besides Scott or Anthony go, then something is definitely wrong.

Joan: Constantine is definitely safe. I don't know why, but the chicks dig him. To me, he's just smarmy. LOL. So true... The judges were brutal w/Scott--almost like they were told to be in sync on their comments regarding his departure. And he didn't seem to take it well... looked weepy. Well, only time will tell, Melissa.

Melissa: Good! Let that mother-trucker (as Sebastian Bach so well put it) weep his little freakin' eyes out. He sucks and it's about time he was shown the door. It sucks that we have a time difference, you and me, cause if he doesn't go tonight, I'll feel so compelled to give you a call and it'll be 12:30 am where you are! I'm sitting here with my fingers crossed till then. We'll reconvene tomorrow on the results, Joan.

Joan & Melissa -- OUT!

Paula Abdul: "Don’t screw me or you’ll be sorry."

Dang, girl's fiesty! This is supposedly according to Corey Clarke, the contestant from the second season of American Idol who got ejected after FOX found out that he faced charges of assaulting his teenage sister and clashing with police while resisting arrest, and had withheld this information from the producers. He's out to write a book and is shopping it to publishers.

While totally interesting and catty (that's just the way Joan and I like it!), it's also kinda gross. Here's some of the stuff that supposedly went down, according to an article in the new issue of Globe magazine:

Clarke reportedly is claiming that he had sex with Abdul in the guest room of her house, that she paid some of his expenses and promised to fund his career to the tune of $2 million, and that she made him vow to keep their relationship a secret.

"[Abdul] told [Clark] she wanted to look out for him and be his 'special friend,'" according to the Globe article. "But he claims she warned him that he couldn't tell anyone or she'd make things very hard for him, cautioning, 'Don't screw me or you'll be sorry.'" The proposal apparently also describes how Abdul once came up behind Clark, rubbed his neck, and then they began "kissing passionately and feeling each other up" as they moved to the guest bedroom.

Read more here. You'll need a barf bag.

And for an explanation of Paula's loopiness, go here. Supposedly she suffers from a neurological disorder, folks, she's not addicted to pills. I don't know...

It was a "dread"ful goodbye

Although Joan and I aren't too terribly upset or surprised by Anwar's departure from American Idol last night, we're totally and utterly baffled and pissed by Scott's staying power. Seriously, folks??? What's the freakin' deal here? Who is keeping that annoying idiot in this competition?

Go here to read about Scott's ridiculous endurance on AI.

Scott: Please don't shake what yo momma gave you!

Joan: Well, Melissa... you missed the last couple... so why don't you start off the wrap-up with your thoughts...

Melissa: Overall, I gotta say that I'm pretty pleased at this stage of the game. Granted, I absolutely hate the 70's disco genre but a lot of the songs really seemed to work out for the contestants and many of them did very well vocally. Bo rocked it with the deep rock edge, the animalistic quality of his voice added something different to the theme. Constantine is actually improving quite a bit as each week goes by. I may not hate him as much anymore. He was wearing eye make-up and they highlighted his hair. I'm so bored with Carrie but I know, I know, everyone loves her, blah, blah, blah. Scott, well, you know how I feel; I hope he goes but I bet he won't. Anthony is so annoying. And can he be wearing any more make-up? I think he has mascara on. Vonzell is cute and pretty good. She rocked it well on "I'm Every Woman." What are your thoughts, Joan?

Joan: I agree with you. This week was pretty entertaining. I happen to love disco/funk... it's one of my guiltiest pleasures... gulp. ;) I thought Carrie's song choice was poor – since there are so many better Donna Summer songs... she would have done "Last Dance" very well. Missed opportunity. And as cheesy as she looked – she fit the 70's era look well. I'm glad you mentioned Constantine... cause I was thinking someone slipped me a micki – since I thought he was fab last night (and almost, dare I say it: attractive). Oh god... what is this world coming to. And Bo... such a great rendition. Overall, the tankers were Scott (who's rendition wasn't terrible, just boring) and Anthony (who picked the worst song he could pick). For the bottom three, I'm thinking: Scott, Anthony and possibly Anwar (even though I friggin' love that song!) Melissa?

Melissa: Man, oh man, I know what you mean, I squirming to admit it, but Constantine is starting to grow on me. I can't even believe I'm having this change of heart. He has been looking more attractive lately. I don't know what it is... Ugh! Anyhoo, I thought Carrie looked a little too dressed up, too stylized, and contrived. I know that the theme was 70's disco and it's all supposed to be off the wall and crazy, but still. She just didn't fit that look. What did Simon say? Something about 70's meets the Stepford Wives or something. She just looks like such a young, sweet, innocent country girl, I couldn't really see her with all that hair and make-up. And can I just say that I can't stand Anwar more and more as each week goes by? He just annoys me, everything about him. And last night, he had his shirt unbuttoned so low that I thought we were gonna see his nipple through all the gyrating he was doing, trying to conjure up stage presence. And Scott, yes, how freakin' BORING! And how smug too. ARGH! I'm hoping tonight's bottom three is Scott, Anthony, and Anwar. And even more hopefully, Scott gets the big ole boot! Back to Ohio wit his ass.

Joan: Yes, it's time for Scott... that smug bastard better not stick around a week longer. How he got picked over Nadia... I'll never know. But it is proof that America is heavily medicated.

Melissa: I know I say this now and there's no chance I'll stick to it, but I'll boycott American Idol if Scott doesn't go tonight. Thing is, if he doesn't, then who will? No one besides him really deserves the boot yet. Except maybe Anthony but at least I like Anthony and don't really want to slap him like I do with Scott.

Joan: I've said that a million times and it never sticks... but if those three mentioned don't land in the bottom three tonight... my thoughts regarding American mentality will have been confirmed. Welp... We shall see tonight and post, perhaps angrily, tomorrow.

Melissa: I look forward to it, Joan.

Joan & Melissa - OUT!

Ugly Ass Boots...

I'm sensing a theme. And I'm not liking it. --Joan

I'm tellin' y'all, these designs are working out great for my streetwalking part-time job. --Melissa

Lookin' Good....

If only I could have one more stab at the Prom... --Joan.

It looks like a scrubber at a gay car wash. --Melissa

Some Funny Shiz

Gotta tell ya: People are scary. Check this out:

"As stated in the posting from an anonymous seller in Ames, Iowa, about Item No. 7505627192 -- "Kelly Clarkson's Used Bottled Water from Omaha Concert" -- on the e-Bay online auction site: "I am auctioning off (1) 16.9 fluid ounce bottle of Dasani bottled water that Kelly Clarkson drank"--TeenPeople.com

So, I was curious... did the good folks at eBay take the item down? Nope:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=85960&item=7507074651&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

In case the item is taken down, here's some text from the description:

OKAY FOLKS, THIS IS A RELISTED AUCTION FROM BEFORE THAT EBAY UNFAIRLY CANCELLED. THEY CITED THAT I HAD BROKEN SOME RULE ABOUT LISTINGS INVOLVING HUMAN REMAINS, WHICH CLEARLY THIS ISN'T.

THIS AUCTION IS FOR A BOTTLED WATER...

ON APRIL 2 I ATTENDED KELLY'S CONCERT AT THE OMAHA MUSIC HALL. I WAS IN ROW 1 SEAT 14, WHICH PUT ME RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE, ABOUT THREE FEET AWAY FROM KELLY.

AFTER ABOUT THE THIRD OR FOURTH SONG, SHE OPEN UP THIS 16.9 FLUID OUNCE BOTTLE OF DASANI AND DRANK FROM IT. AFTER THE SHOW ENDED, WHILE THE ROADIES WERE TEARING DOWN THE STAGE, I ASKED ONE OF THEM FOR THE BOTTLE AND HE GAVE IT TO ME.

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO OWN THIS GREAT KELLY CLARKSON MEMORABILIA. HER LIPS TOUCHED THIS BOTTLE! WHO IS THE BIGGEST KELLY COLLECTOR OUT THERE? YOU HAVE TO OWN THIS BOTTLE IF THAT IS YOU!

THE WINNER GETS THIS BOTTLE, GUARANTEED TO BE KELLY'S BOTTLE, ALONG WITH MY TICKET FROM THE CONCERT PROVING I WAS IN THE FRONT ROW, RIGHT IN FRONT OF KELLY.

And, what's really sad about the whole thing -- no one's bidding. There are 2 days left, and there are no takers. Yet, if you're in the market for "used socks", then you're in luck: http://search.ebay.com/used-socks_W0QQfromZR40QQsojsZ1 But the bidding is competitive -- get your bids in before it's too late...

Yeesh... all of the above is proof the world is coming to a swift end. --Nicole

Nikko Go Bye Bye

Last week's American Idol was a cross to bear. The potential for an entertaining hour was there, but this group of contestants couldn't pick a good song if it were underwear wedged between their ass cheeks. Quite a boring yawnfest; I couldn't wait for it to end. The best performances, by far, came from Carrie (whose song choice was albeit boring, but well-sung) and Nadia (who gave the show salvation with the last performance; her choice and rendition were extremely well done). Vonzell did well too, but Streisand is always thought to top. However, her performance certainly didn't warrant her being cast into the bottom three, on the following night. Anthony should have been in her place, but it's clear his teenaged fan base is keeping him in the running, regardless of his ability to grow and improve as a performer.

Also in the bottom three, and rightfully so, were Nikko and Scott. I had a feeling Scott might be cast off, since the bombshell news of his former criminal record. Nope. They chose, instead, Nikko. Who, ironically, wasn't terrible the night before. Who was terrible? I'll tell you...and Melissa ain't gonna like this -- but Bo was positively unremarkable and quite literally stinky. His song choice, which he said he chose by closing his eyes and pointing to w/his finger (hindsight is always 20/20) was so very bad, it was hard to watch. And he seemed to be going thru the motions...he knew he did poorly. Also in the stinker were: Constantine, who everyone seems to love...his performances are always, consistently shitty...I don't see what all the fuss is about. And someone should really smack that God damn smug look off his face. Anwar...bad, bad, bad. For some reason, he's sticking around... but his register was all off and the judges really need to playback the tape to see he didn't really hit the note they were all raving about. Crack city. And so, another week of AI comes to a close. Let's hope they pick a better genre for next week -- or send in a coach to make sure they pick listenable songs.

You may be wondering, where's the other half of this duo... well, Melissa went on sabbatical, no TV/no radio...cut-off entirely from civilization... that is... until she gets her cable hooked up in her new digs. She'll be back with AI commentary soon... don't you worry ;) --Joan.

The photos don't lie

Remember the Posh Spice pics from a few posts ago? If there was ever any doubt as to the validity of the date and time lapse after Posh's pregnancy that they were taken, here's a photo showing her with their two toddler boys and Hotty Becks carrying the youngest, most post-natal spawn. Posh looks amazing, after only a little over a month of giving birth.



WTF? Is she a robot? Is she an amazon? There had better be some stretch marks under there -- there has to be some after-effect of childbearing? And three, no less. She must posess some damn good genes. And speaking of good genes -- how f-ing hot is Becks? Mah Gawd. --Nicole.

Baby fever

Celebrity Baby Blog is posting that Nadia is the second American Idol contestant this season with offspring. Scott Savol is the first with a 4-year-old son.

Nadia Turner, 28, is also a parent, although it hasn't been discussed on the show. Us Weekly says that she is mom to a five year old, "absolutely adorable" little girl. The father is unknown, and Fox declined to comment on the situation.

Nicole: I feel like I heard her mention this once. I wonder who's taking care of these kids while they're rehearsing...

Awwww...and this is very cute:

Chris tells Us Weekly that "My baby [Apple] is so fucking cool." Asked if he and Gwyn will take her on tour with Coldplay, Chris jokes, "She'll come and go as she pleases!"

Nicole: So, I guess the rumors aren't true. They're sticking together after all. Hope so. So sick of celebrity couples breaking up all the time -- give it a real shot, for crying out loud.

Scott Savol + ex-girlfriend = domestic dispute

There's always gotta be something up with at least one of them. I'm actually surprised this isn't causing an ejection of Scott from American Idol.



Read about the charges and the actual police report here at The Smoking Gun.

Oh, no he did-n't? Wow. I thought the "rough" exterior was just a facade. Turns out, he's a dirtbag. I guess I'm not completely shocked, though. He s/b taken off the show, if he never revealed this info to American Idol/FOX. --Nicole