Judge for yourself

The latest photo of newlyweds, Nicky Kidman and Keith Urban, on their honeymoon in Tahiti. Rumors have been going around that Nicky may be preggo. We see she's obviously wearing a bikini and judging from what looks like a very toned abdomen, I'd say Nicole is not preggers. What do y'all think?

Do you know where you are?

You're in the jungle, baby. And I'm gonna bite your leg off! Huh!

Seriously, can someone tell Axl Rose this isn't 1989...?

Rose got into an altercation with a woman at the hotel's bar around 8 a.m., and when a hotel security guard tried to stop the fight, Rose attacked him. "He bit him on the leg and then the hotel staff called the police and we came and apprehended him," Hagg said. During the brawl, an enraged Rose broke one of the hotel's mirrors, but due to the ongoing investigation, Hagg could not give details on what Rose said to the arresting officers that could land him a charge of threatening a police official. That crime is punishable by jail time, but it is not likely Rose would be incarcerated in this case. [mtv]

Between this and the bitch-slapping of Tommy Hilfiger, Axl's on a roll. I heard he's going to start f-ing old ladies and killing hobos. Rock on!

and the bride wore, wtf?

*yawn* Patricia Arquette got married. *yawn*
whoa, wtf is that on her head?

oh, go blow it out your...

Seriously dude, you need to chill:

...agent-turned-documentary maker Pat Dollard has attacked George Clooney's outspoken anti-war stance. Dollard - the former agent ...Steven Soderbergh - is currently making a pro-war documentary about Marines fighting in Iraq. He was furious when Clooney urged more Democrats to speak out against the war and 'congratulated' himself for doing so. He tells PageSix.com, "I read something on the Internet in which someone was patting himself on the back for having the courage to oppose the war. They actually equate bravery with speaking out against the president because (losing fans) might cost them one less servant at their Italian villa ... It put me into a black rage and made me sick to my stomach." Dollard, a Republican, also attacked the way supporters of the party in the entertainment industry have been ostracized, adding, "Being a Republican in Hollywood today is not much different than being a communist in Hollywood in the 1950s. I'm not trying to overstate the case, but the reality is there is a blacklist in Hollywood. It's very McCarthy-like. It just shows the hypocrisy of the left." [imdb]

To compare his 'plight' with McCarthyism is not only insulting, it's stupidity in its basest form. What he claims to be going through is nothing in comparison to what entertainers in the 1950s had to endure. Notice, he never touched upon the fact that a republican actress, Melissa Gilbert, was the president of the SGA for years... Course not. If he's so miserable he should start a self-pity club with Chuck Norris, Wayne Newton and Bo Derek. They can self-flagellate themselves while they count their money and laugh all the way to the bank. Cry me a river, fucko.

And the bride wore white...?

As of June 15th, there was some speculation that Nicole Kidman might be sporting a baby bump:

According to reports, the actress was seen...with quite a belly, Kidman usually has a tight tummy, which sparked speculation that there may be baby number three on the way. An eyewitness informed Star that she spotted Kidman attending yoga classes...sporting a pair of jeans and a shirt that exposed her stomach. [post chronicle]

But these rumors died down as preparations for her nuptials overshadowed the possibility her her being with child. However, connections are now being made concerning a little detail mentioned during the lead-up to the weekend's celebration:

According to The Australian, ...her gown, a romantic, flowing "colour-of-chalk" ensemble flown in from the US, where it was hand-made by celebrity fashion designer Balenciaga, had to be altered at the last minute by a local haute couture designer who was rushed to the scene, because it didn'’t sit perfectly on the slim star. [hindustan times]

If you notice, the one full shot that the couple released features Nicole holding her veil in front of her stomach... hmm... Well, only time will tell. Less than 9 months time to be more precise. ;)

Pay Up or Shut Up

Man, TomKat just kills me. Just when you thought they couldn't possibly manage to make themselves look even more opportunistic and greedy, this comes off the wire:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes refused to sell pictures of their new daughter Suri, after the photos were offered to the media and failed to get a significant price, according to media reports in the US....According to Fox News...a photo shoot of Suri was offered to photo agency WireImage. Photos of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt were reportedly sold to People magazine for $4 million, but pictures of Suri Cruise produced not more than a $3 million bid. At that point the offer for the photos was reportedly rescinded. [imdb]

Isn't it just like Tom to be competing in a contest no one else is vying for? I bet the fact that Nicole Kidman's wedding was such a grand affair is just burning his Scientology ass raw. He's probably spotting Katie 24/7 on the bench press: FEEEEL THE BURN, KATIE! TIME'S A WASTIN'! WE NEED TO FIT YOU INTO THAT SIZE 2 WEDDING DRESS, STAT! Sick bastard.

Ding, dong, the witch is outta there!

Finally it's happening. The grossness that is Star Jones is leaving The View. She is set to announce her departure this week. Can I get a Hallelujah, girlfriends? But it's not all good news since she'll be replaced by Rosie O, which is another realm of grossness right there. Between nag-hag Joy Behar, Republician Bush-lover Elizabeth Hasselpuke, and ancient dino-Barbara, I can't catch a break. Now Star and her hubby, Big Gay Al can sit around and dress each other up in boas and tutus and shit.

Star Jones Reynolds will announce her departure from "The View" this week, Access Hollywood learned.

A source close to "The View" told Access Monday that Star Jones Reynolds will leave "The View" in July and will announce the departure on the show this week.

As a result, the much discussed face-off between Star and incoming co-host, Rosie O'Donnell, will never occur.

O'Donnell is not joining the gals until September. [Access Hollywood]

Just added: Star is now saying that she's been fired from The View. Who cares??? All's that matters is you ain't gonna have to see her face no mo'.

Contrary to speculation that she's unhappy about the upcoming addition of Rosie O'Donnell – one of Jones Reynolds’s most vocal critics – to the show this fall, she reveals exclusively in this week's PEOPLE magazine that the departure was not her choice.

"What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season," she tells PEOPLE. "I feel like I was fired." She adds that she was told her contract wouldn't be renewed just days before news leaked that O'Donnell would be joining The View. [People]

Well, the Pope settles that one...

So, just how did Nicole Kidman get married in a Catholic church if she was a divorcee? Normal procedure requires the divorcee to 'annul' her marriage, to imply that her marriage never existed -- in the eyes of God. Annulment is rather difficult to manage, since most legitimate reasons for annulment include a marriage not consummated or unfulfilled wifely/husbandly duties -- all of which are pretty damn hard to prove. But, it seems Kidman lucked out on this one. And here's why:

In fact, Kidman didn't need an annulment for one simple reason: in the eyes of the Catholic Church her 10-year union with Tom Cruise, a renowned Scientologist, never happened. The original wedding was performed in the Church of Scientology and wasn't recognised by the Catholic faith. The divorce granted to the couple in 2001 was a legal rather than religious procedure for Kidman. So Kidman would only have had to have obtained a licence from the Catholic Church saying that she was legally free to marry and that the Church had not recognised her first marriage. [bbc]

Let's hope Katie's taking notes... ;)

Another R.I.P.

The Jack Russell from Frasier has died. Woof in peace, dude!

Moose, the feisty Jack Russell terrier who played Eddie for 10 years on TV's Frasier, has died, his trainer Mathilde Halberg tells PEOPLE.

"He was 16-and-a-half years old, and he just had an incredible charisma and was a such a free spirit," said Halberg. Moose, considered the Lassie of the '90s, died Thursday night of old age at Halberg's Los Angeles-area home.

Moose retired from showbiz when he was 10, and, although he also played a starring role in the 2000 Frankie Muniz-Kevin Bacon feature My Dog Skip (as the older Skip), he was best known for stealing scenes from Kelsey Grammer on the long-running Emmy-winning NBC sitcom.

"He was always trying to put Frasier in uncomfortable circumstances," said his trainer, who had rescued him in the early 1990s. [People]

Marriage, Aussie Style.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have officially tied the knot. And, it was no private affair. No detail was spared for this couple's nuptials. They married in haute couture style. Here are just a few of the highlights:

Veiled and wearing an ivory gown designed by Nicolas Ghesquiere for Balenciaga, Kidman was every bit the princess bride as thousands of well-wishers lined the streets. She exchanged vows with Urban in a traditional Catholic ceremony at the Gothic-style Cardinal Cerretti Memorial Chapel at St Patrick's Estate, Manly. [Pictured below]...Security around the estate was tight. But Kidman thrilled hundreds of onlookers as she arrived in a vintage cream Rolls-Royce and wound down her window to wave and thank the cheering crowd....It's believed they will spend their first night as husband and wife in their new apartment in Sydney's Walsh Bay, before heading off on their honeymoon, expected to be in Fiji or Bora Bora. The couple will live in Tennessee, where Urban owns a house in country music capital Nashville. [Herald Sun]

Aww, yeah.

Hah! According to a People poll, more women (and most likely some men) prefer Luke Wilson over his brother, Owen. No doubt, it's because of Owen's notorious reputation as a lothario. Who knows what you'll catch? And you can't tell me that f'd up nose of his doesn't resemble a penis. Sorry, Melissa. We all know you have a thing for the Butterscotch Stallion (may he ride free into the waning sunset), but the case is closed: Luke is the better Wilson.

Who would you date?
Luke Wilson		70%
Owen Wilson		30%

As requested :)

Here's an adorable picture of Daddy Seal and his too-cute son, Henry. (Seal and Heidi are giving Brangelina a run for their money. The race is on! PROCREATE!)

One for the honker

Isn't it amazing what a simple nose job can do? She's now "officially' prettier than her annoying and trashy ass sister. Probably smarter, too -- although not by much.

Insert Foot in Mouth

Ok. It's time for some serious damage control (scroll down for insensitive posting):

Aaron Spelling, the man who created television dramas including Charlie's Angels, Starsky and Hutch and Beverly Hills 90210, has died at the age of 83. The man listed in Guinness World Records as the most prolific television producer, died at his Los Angeles mansion on Friday, days after suffering a stroke. [telegraph]

Therefore, I have this to say:

The scoop on the Kidman-Urban Nuptials

This weekend will see Nicole Kidman's wedding day--to a normal man (I'm going to try to ignore the pictures that Melissa posted below... we've all done things in our past we're not proud of. I remember a boyish pixie cut and some awkward-looking class pictures.) Kidman and Urban will be getting hitched in Aussieland, far far away from the Hollywood papparazzi:

[Kidman] will reportedly wear a long white gown with Victorian-style high collar during what is being called a "traditional Roman Catholic ceremony" at an old Gothic chapel overlooking the sea in the Sydney suburb of Manly. The 200 guests dine on organic food under a huge white tent after the wedding. Guests include her adopted children with Cruise, Isabella, 13, and Connor, 11; Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, Russell Crowe, Naomi Watts, Hugh Jackman and Lachlan and Sarah Murdoch.... Kidman's wedding this time around is a far cry from her Scientology-based nuptials with Tom Cruise in 1990, a marriage that ended in annulment five years ago. [post chronicle]

Hmm. Scientology-based nuptials. Hmm. I wonder what that entails... Let's refer to the official web site of all things Xenu:

What is a Scientology Wedding Ceremony?

Scientologists recognize marriage as a part of the second of the eight dynamics of existence. The second dynamic includes all creative activity, including sex, procreating and the raising of children.

Marriages are consecrated in the Scientology religion using one of several different ceremonies offering varying degrees of formality. Each of these ceremonies includes traditional vows of loyalty and devotion.

Scientology wedding ceremonies have considerable meaning to all who attend. For example, a basic concept in the Scientology religion is that reality is created by agreement. The wedding is a gathering of family and friends who, during the ceremony, are asked to give their agreement to the union and its lasting happiness. This is not considered rhetorical or symbolic, but a tangible and important contribution to the future of the couple by the group to which they belong.

A Scientology minister performs Scientology wedding ceremonies. With similar protocol to weddings in other churches, with the bridal procession, the traditional role of the father of the bride and best man, and the traditional seating of the respective families and friends. Above all, however, Scientology weddings are joyous celebrations of the new union.

My, that's rather vague. I guess we'll have to wait for this ridiculous spectacle to find out just exactly what is a Scientology wedding:

"Tom has encouraged Katie to embrace our faith and they have both agreed to a Scientology wedding service," a source at the religious center says. [aceshowbiz]

He's just a complete doofus.

Has someone carved a giant chunk out of Tom Cruise's head...you know, the part that contains his long-term memory? If I were his adopted kids, I'd be feeling pretty shitty about now:

Tom Cruise, whose fiancee Katie Holmes recently had a baby girl, says he would like to have 10 children. "I always wanted to be a father. I remember my whole life, I wanted to be a father. So I'm hoping maybe I have 10 children," he said. [nzherald]

Hey, asshole: remember these two kids...? Look familiar? Huh?

Is this evil?

Aaron Spelling is recovering...after suffering a stroke over the weekend, publicist Kevin Sasaki said Wednesday...the 83-year-old TV titan had the stroke Sunday and was currently under a doctor's care at the family's Holmby Hills estate.... The publicist said he was uncertain as to the severity of the stroke, adding that, as far as he knew, Spelling was showing no signs of paralysis. Spelling has remained at the home since the incident and is reportedly fully conscious and resting comfortably. [eonline]

It might be evil, but I'm gonna say it anyway:

TORI, YOU DID THIS TO DADDY.
You and that D-List Canadian actor carrying on like two horny teenagers...
Breakin' up marriages all over the damn globe.
Sure, ol' Aaron's seen better days.
Sure, it's possible he died 10 years ago...and no one knew.
Especially your mother,
too busy wrapping gifts in her gift-wrapping room.
Let's face it, this is your fault.

OK. I'm done. No, where's the line for the bus to hell?

This is hell:

And this:

Riding that gravy train...

Oh, for the love of God, hasn't Kevin Federline's 15 friggin' minutes of fame expired yet? Everyone knows, except for BritBrit, that ol' KFed is just milkin' his sugar mama for all she's worth. Knockin' her up and down to keep himself around, so as he can laugh all the way to the bank. Love? My big white ass.

But I digress...

KFed's cooked up some bogus sponsorship deal with Virgin Mobile and Americans for Common Cents, to -- and I hope you're sitting -- save the penny. Yup. Never mind the genocide in Darfur, the war in Iraq, the homeless... KFed's all up in the penny like it was two skanks at Scores. (I can't joke too much, though, this completely vapid and less-than-altruistic sponsorship on his part does actually sponsor a charitable organization -- and has nothing to do with KFed's brand new CD... Well, unless you can't the sickening exposure it grants him as publicity.)

At the penny-centric hizzy-fest, KFed proclaimed:

"Man, I feel good about the penny!"

And, I'm telling you right now -- if that becomes a popular catchphrase, someone's going to have to go down.

For a complete synopsis of the event, click here... If you want to watch the video, click here... And, be ashamed of yourself if you do.

The Baby Boom Continues...

Their brood keeps getting bigger with the announcement of yet another baby on the way: Heidi and Seal announced they're expecting. No doubt, the child will be stunningly beautiful. Them's some kick-ass genes.

"It gives me great joy to announce that Heidi, Leni, Henry and I are expecting a new addition to our ever increasing family," Seal said in a statement to E! News. "We all feel both excited and fortunate to be able to share this experience once again." [eonline]

And, just in case you're not up on all things Klumtastic and Seal-a-rific, here's some background on the couple du jour:

[Seal] and Klum were pals for awhile before finally making a romantic connection in February 2004, shortly after Klum split from her long-term boyfriend, Italian racing executive Flavio Briatore. [Klum] was pregnant with Briatore's child when she started dating her husband-to-be and has frequently said that Seal...has always treated Leni as if she was his own little girl... Their first child, Henry (full name Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel), was born in September in Los Angeles. [eonline]

Is Nicky Kidman aware?

I hope Nicky Kidman did her research and/or reads this blog cause I've got some news for her: this is what Keith Urban used to look like. Holy shit, what the fuck, who, what, when, where, how, and WHY? I'm fuckin' stunned. I'm afraid Nicky Kidman may be marrying another freak show.

TomKat: The Two-Headed Monster

Here is the latest creation from the Scientology Labs.

Who's prettier?

I'm confused...I thought Nicky Kidman was straight.

The crazy is baaaaack...

TC is in Tokyo promoting MI:3, complete with finger guns and Japanese Wadaiko drum beating.

So, who knew?

The only thing I ever knew about Dustin Diamond was that a mutual friend of Melissa and I hated him with such fervor you'd think he'd actually physically wronged her in some way. The annoying nerd from Saved By The Bell was really just too low on the radar to even consider, lower than D-List shall we say...

But last week, this happened:

Diamond, best known as geeky Screech Powers on the 1989-1993 teen comedy series "Saved by the Bell," is selling T-shirts with his photo on them to try to raise $250,000 so he doesn't lose his gray two-story house under a foreclosure order. [YAHOO]

...and dammit, if I don't feel bad for the guy. Turns out, his loser parents took him the the cleaners... now, he's broke. He appeared on Howard Stern last week to announce his t-shirt idea. Course, Howard couldn't resist touching upon a not-so-little rumor concerning Dustin's 'private parts'. Apparently, Screech is packin': about 10+ inches. His fiance was brought in to confirm. Just something to ponder.

Headlines a Plenty

Seriously, there's so much wrong here... where to begin? I don't know what's worse... the obvious bruise on the thigh (no doubt caused when she was trying to hold the door to the local Starbucks open while holding Sean Preston, her sidekick and a glass of clear liquid which might or might not be vodka....) or that thing on her head which is supposed to resemble a hat. Never mind the Lauer interview, the fact that anyone could go out in public like this is the real scoop.

It's OVAH... Part Eins, Zwei, Drei...

You know, I'm going to just stop rooting for couples I actually think have a shot or the ones I find particularly palatable (interpret: not annoying). Case in point: Zach and Mandy. The engagement ring was barely out of the box before this couple turned sour. And now it's splitsville for the pair. Just goes to prove, Hollywood couples are doomed. DOOMED. I tell you, from the very start. So, really, why does anyone bother???

Us Weekly West Coast Editor Ian Drew says, ""They both decided that after two years, Mandy was a little young. Zach was ready for something different and they wanted to just kind of test the waters a little bit. It was an amicable break."" A source tells the magazine, ""Mandy was very young when they got together and she wanted to see what's out there, now that she's a woman. Zach was mature and realized it is time to let her do that."" [NY POST]

Um, not for nothin' folks, but... didn't y'all know this shit when ya started dating? I mean, it wasn't like she was gonna catch up... Pah-lease. Rumors surfaced online that Braff was seen chatting up Jessican Simpson post-Mandy split. Honestly, Zach... Have some dignity.

You learn something new everyday...

You know, everyone is intrigued by a circus freak. As disturbing as the sideshow may be, you still gotta pull along side and take a gander. That's why when I heard this little tidbit of information about a well-known actor, I had to doublecheck its veracity... Low and behold: this shit's true!

Andy Garcia was a conjoined twin!!! "Born as a conjoined twin. His twin was no bigger than a tennis ball and was surgically removed. All that remains is a scar on his shoulder." [celebrity wonder]

Natch, I had to share this newsworthy item with a few friends. Thus ensued much hilarity:

Pegs: Oooo! Just imagine if there'd been TWO Andy Garcias....
Nicole: That would be very wrong.
Pegs: Awww. I like Andy Garcia. He seems like a good guy.
Nicole: UGH! I hate andy garcia. He's such a hack.
Allison: I like him too....what’s your beef Nicole?
Nicole: Ok. So, someone’s playing a joke on me right... This many people can’t like him.
Annie: I actually LOVE Andy Garcia.
Nicole: Jesus christ. It’s like I’m in a bizarro world.
Karen: I like him too...
Nicole: Ok. It’s the apocalypse.
Pegs: Yes. One of the Four Horsemen is: “An unusually large segment of the population confesses their fondness for Andy Garcia.”
Nicole: Lol. Well, just let is be known that I hate him and his conjoined tennis ball twin.
Pegs: LOFL! “...I hate him and his conjoined tennis ball twin.” That’s funny! And taken out of context, it’s friggin’ hysterical!

Confirmed Bachelor?

For the sake of femalekind, Matthew McConoughey is single yet again. His split from gal pal Penelope Cruz was announced today:

"Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz "have decided to split," Cruz spokesman Robert Garlock told The Associated Press Friday.

...Cruz and McConaughey, 36, parted ways four weeks ago due to busy work schedules, People reports." [ABC NEWS]

Proof that this much hotness needs to be divvied up amongst the womanly population and not wasted on one woman. Thank you, Matthew. Your generosity doesn't go unnoticed. Call me. ;)