Happy New Year!

This bitch is crazy...

What's happening in Hollyweird? Is everyone going frickin' nuts? It's like they're so bored they have nothing better to do than to hook-up, break-up, hook-up with someone else and get engaged... Check this shit out:

Actress Tori Spelling is engaged to her new boyfriend Dean McDermott, just four months after separating from her husband Charlie Shanian. The former Beverly Hills, 90210 star and writer/actor Shanian split in September after just 14 months of marriage - the same month McDermott filed for divorce form his wife Mary Jo Eustace. Spelling, 32, and McDermott, 39, met earlier this year while filming TV movie Mind Over Murder in Canada. In a joint statement to America's People magazine, Spelling and McDermott say, "We're so incredibly happy and in love. We cannot wait to start our lives together." McDermott has one child Jack, seven, from his 12-year marriage to Eustace. [IMDB]

I refer you to our previous post on J&M.

Happy Holidays...

Wishing you and yours

a very happy holiday
and a happy new year!
Joan and Melissa...

I'm getting verklempt...It's OVAH, Part Shrek

Mike Myers and his wifey are getting divorced. And right around the holidays? Can the timing be any worse?


The Myers split from wife Robin Ruzan was announced Friday by his publicist. No reason was given, just the promise, as expressed by rep Ina Treciokas in a statement, that the pair "remain committed and caring friends." Myers, 42, and Ruzan, about 41, per IMDb.com, wed in 1993, one year before the comic left Saturday Night Live and moved onto movie fame in the Austin Powers and Shrek franchises.

A writer and occasional actress, Ruzan is best known as the daughter of Linda Richman, who as played by Myers in drag on SNL, frequently became verklempt (i.e., choked up) while hosting "Coffee Talk." The Myers-Ruzan union was a low-profile one, attracting scant attention from the tabloids. In 2004, the New York Daily News, however, did note "whispers that their marriage [was] faltering." Myers and Ruzan met at a Chicago Blackhawks-Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game in 1987. At the time, he was a Canadian-born Second City performer; she was a Windy City resident--and errant-puck victim.

Sometime after the game, Myers informed the Toronto Second City troupe that he wanted to move to Chicago. "'Why do you want to work [there]? You're doing so well in Toronto,'" Second City producer emeritus Joyce Sloane told Myers, she once recounted for CNN. "He said because I'm desperately in love." [Yahoo]

This will be one funky baby

Wondered why it took this long....she seemed so baby crazy for such a long time. Finally nabs her man, and they cool it. I guess this will put her solo career on hold for a bit. But boy, this kid will be funky fo' sure. ;) --J

Gwen Stefani confirmed reports of her pregnancy Wednesday night while onstage at her final U.S. tour stop in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. "I want you to sing so loud that the baby hears it," the 36-year-old singer told the Bank Atlantic Center crowd during a sing-along to her song "Crash." She patted her famous-but-expanding midsection at the end of the show. " [MTV]

Wedding Bells for King Kong Lass

Always thought she got the raw end of the deal in the Heath Ledger split. It's nice to see one of Hollywood's "normal" stars getting a piece of happy, for a change. --Joan.

King Kong beauty Naomi Watts is reportedly set to wed her beau Liev Schreiber. The couple have enjoyed a low-key relationship, with British-born Watts only recently breaking her silence on the romance. And while representatives for the screen stars have yet to comment, pals say Schreiber has already proposed. A source says, "Naomi not only said yes, but she wants to get married as soon, and as secretly, as possible. Liev doesn't want to waste any time. He is absolutely thrilled Naomi is going to marry him. He says it's something he's been wishing for almost since their first date. And he's already told her that he wants to have lots of babies. Right away!" [IMDB]

Oooh, that smell...

Many of you may have found yourself in a similar situation and wondered what to do. Perhaps the following conversation and provide some clue, some advice, some hope...

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.


Uma: So I have a quandary. I need your help on this. Ashamed as I am to admit this, I realllllllly love the JLO scent, Glow. But I refuse to buy it and own that tacky ass bottle. So, would it be really tacky... If I bought it and changed bottles. Then never admitted what perfume I'’m wearing? LOL.

Oprah: Ok... chickie... sometimes, I swear, we share one freakin'’ brain!!! I had the SAME-ASS problem a couple of months ago. I was in Sephora and was sniffing around and sniffed Fantasy...the new (oh dare I say it?) Britney scent. Out of curiosity, I sprayed it on and wanted to see how it was going to react and smell on my skin for the rest of the day. I fell in love. Every time I got a whiff, I loved it more. But, of course, the quandary was that it was freakin'’ BRITNEY!!! And I couldn'’t have that. I had a friend smell it, too, and she was like, 'oh my god, that'’s really nice, what is it???' So I had a confirmation that I wasn'’t the only one who liked it. I hesitated and told her it was Brit-Brit. I said I reeeeeally wanted it but couldn't bring myself to own one of her scents. She said, buy it and wear it but don't tell anyone what it is. So, that'’s what I did. Fortunately in my case, nowhere on the bottle does it say anything, much less her name. It'’s on the bottom. So, moral of the story, if you like it and it smells good on you, buy it and wear it, but don'’t tell anyone what it is.

Uma: Lofl. I am dying. I can't believe you did the exact same thing!!!! Unreal. Ok. I'’m convinced now and I have to buy it. But trying it out on your skin is a good idea. I'’ll go to sephora and do that. Always full of good advice. Seriously though ...— how friggin tacky is this bottle??? Am I supposed to wear that bauble???? What is it???

Oprah: I know! leave it up to her to tackify something that so does not need to look tacky and can look so much better. I mean, the possible designs of a perfume bottle are virtually endless and she agreed on this?!?!? Well, it is J.Lo, after all. But I remember smelling this when it first came out and was pleasantly surprised at how good it smells. Definitely try it out on your skin, cause it reacts differently on everyone. Spray it on and walk around for a little while, cause the amount of time it'’s on your skin and temps also make a difference. It doesn'’t hurt asking if they happen to have sample vials either. If they do, take one and this way you can wear it for a few days before you commit totally. I smelled Moschino's Cheap and Chic I Love Love recently and thought I really liked it until I went back a few weeks later and resprayed it on and couldn'’t even stand the smell at that point. I thought I was going to puke every time I got a whiff. It's so weird how one time I liked a scent and another time, I couldn'’t even stand it! The same quandary continues for the Sarah Jessica perfume Lovely. I really like it but it'’s Sarah Jessica!!! I might cave though cause I'’m using that sample vial I got from you that you got from the Lucky event... Here'’s the bottle for the Britney one I got:

Uma: That'’s so true... I put on Stila'’s Cream Blossom and hated it, then liked it hours later.Yet with Jade Blossum, I loved it in [friend that will remain nameless] and not so much on me. Ok. The bottle for Moschino'’s Cheap and Chic I Love Love looks like a sex toy... Lofl. I like lovely, but it'’s a little strong for me. And I'’d rather buy SJP'’s than JLO's. It's D-list vs. B-list. I smelled the britney one at sephora and was surprised. It is very nice. A little strong for me, but nice. If I got it, I'd have to dab it on. Not spray. I'’m so sensitive to scents, so when I find something I like...i pounce on it. Just this JLO thing has been irking me.

Oprah: It's kinda like jeans, once you find a pair that fits your body like a glove, you need to jump on it. Same with perfumes, if there's one that you really like and smells good on your skin and is the concentration you prefer, then get it. Just remember, it's our little secret!!! LOL!!!! ;P It'’s so freakin'’ funny, you owning J.Lo and me owning Brit. Are we total hypocrites or what!?!?!? LOL!!!

Uma: Total hypocrites. Oh, but it's so damned funny!!!

I'm trying to decide if this is a good idea...

...or a bad one. There are a number of things that can go wrong here. Still, I must admit to being intrigued. See why:

"Thanks to two clever rental websites, it's now possible for you (or that hard-to-please fashionista on your holiday gift list) to carry the $500 or $2000 bag of your dreams - and to swap it out for a brand spanking new model every month - for a fraction of what it would cost to buy all the latest must-have bags outright.




At From Bags to Riches, purses are grouped by category - Madison Avenue, Palm Beach, Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills and Monaco Runway - and rentals run from $20 a week to $190 a month (the latter for two super swanky bags). You can rent a Balenciaga Motorcycle bag (which sells for $995 in stores) or an embroidered and bejeweled Valentino Duffle (worth $2,655) for $73 a week, or check out a Donald Pliner Darcy hobo (retail value: $275) for a mere $30 a month. (www.frombagstoriches.com; 1-877-FROM-BAGS)



At Bag, Borrow or Steal, meanwhile, there are three levels of membership: Trendsetter, Princess or Diva, which run from $20 to $100 a month for a minimum of three months. Here, you can nab a black Chloe Paddington (retail: $1,995) for $150 a month, swap it it for a chocolate leather Fendi Spy bag (which would set you back $2,495 retail) for $200 the following month or carry a metallic J. Lo satchel or pretty Kate Spade evening bag for just $20 a month. Want to rent more than one bag at a time? No problem. Your Chanel wish is BBOS's command for an extra $15 to $75 per month. (www.bagborroworsteal.com; 1-866-922-BBOS)" [Yahoo]

Pictured from Top to Bottom are: The Dior Detective, the Chloe Paddington bag, and the Marc Jacobs Quilted Stam.

No one's cooler than Viggo...

...this man ROCKS! --J

The Lord Of The Rings star Viggo Mortensen refuses to apologize for his recent attack on President George W. Bush - maintaining the political leader is a "beast." The outspoken actor hit out at Bush after his controversial handling of Hurricane Katrina, but also disagrees with the President's Iraq policies, gossip site The Scoop reports. He fumes, "I'm not anti-Bush; I'm anti-Bush behavior. In other words, I'm against cheating, greed, cruelty, racism, imperialism, religious fundamentalism, treason, and the seemingly limitless capacity for hypocrisy shown by Bush and his administration. Cindy Sheehan (peace activist whose son was killed in Iraq) and how badly Katrina was bungled are two shots to the heart. I hope the beast does fall down soon." [IMDB]

It might not be OVAH...

Looks like things might be back on for Renee and Kenney... although, I ain't buying it. --Joan

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney have added more mystery to their shock marriage split by meeting up for secret romantic dates in New York City and Connecticut. Diners and waitresses who have spotted the former couple enjoying each other's company at out-of-the-way restaurants report the pair look like they are still together. But they did split - after just 128 days of marriage - when Zellweger filed for divorce, citing fraud among her mysterious reasons. One diner, who spotted the couple at intimate Italian restaurant Mario's in Rock Hill, Connecticut, says, "They just kept looking at each other... They were cuddling during their meal." Friends claim their secret dinner meetings are a sure sign the pair are planning to scrap divorce proceedings and reconcile. [IMDB]

Chugging Cooking Oil is Good for You...No Really...

In the latest installment of Dr. Tom Cruise, C.F.U.D.o.S. (that's the abbreviation for Crazy Fucked Up Doctor of Scientology)...

Cruise is now weighing in on the benefits of drinking cooking oil, yeah -- you read that right -- for first relief workers at Ground Zero. Here's a more detailed description of Tom's Scientological panacea:

"The Scientology devotee has urged emergency services victims to give up their medication and inhalers as part of a 'purification rundown,’ which favors sauna sessions, ingestion of cooking oil and large doses of niacin as cures instead." [Hollywood.com]

That's one kooky bastard. --Joan.

Tom's little girl is growing up so fast!

Wow, she's turned a whooping 27.

"Blow out the candles, Katie. Attagirl."

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes greeted the season in style Thursday in New York, as they celebrated her birthday with dinner, a private trip to the FAO Schwarz toy store – where Tom entertained with handstands – and a late-night ice-skating adventure in the rain, PEOPLE reports exclusively.

After the midtown feast with a group of about a dozen people, Holmes's pre-birthday celebration (she turns 27 on Sunday) continued at Fifth Avenue institution FAO Schwarz, which was closed to the public by the time the Cruise contingent arrived around 9:30 p.m. The toy store was ready for them, too: festooned with balloons tied to small white tiger dolls and 7'-tall stuffed giraffes.

But the real show was put on by Tom and his pregnant fiancée, with both of them performing on top of the store's giant piano – jumping, bouncing, trying to tickle out a tune on the ivories. At one point, Tom did a handstand. Katie must have approved: She clapped and laughed before the couple embraced and shared a long, 30-second kiss.

The emporium also had a surprise in store of the birthday girl: cupcakes with candles, which she blew out with Tom's help. The party then moved downstairs, near the videogame area, and by 11:30 p.m., the pair were ready to move on, thanks to a caravan of four SUVs.

But the night wasn't over. Despite some nasty rain with some sleet thrown in, Tom and Katie took to Central Park's Wollman Rink (the same one that King Kong and Naomi Watts use onscreen in the new movie epic) and skated, in between hugging and kissing.

They remained on the ice for about half an hour, after which Katie took refuge inside while Tom continued to skate a little longer. Around 12:30 a.m., the group left the park and returned to the hotel – hopefully to get the mom-to-be into some dry clothes. [People]

Weird, but I would think that it's a terribly bad idea for a woman who is 5 or 6 months pregnant to be ice-skating on solid, rock-hard ice. Perhaps their level 6 operative thetan baby is immune to such ordinary human circumstances? --Melissa

"He chose you, honey! From all the women in the world to be the mother of his only living son!"

RandyandMoss.com's latest creation.

Tom Leads the Blind: Katie

Making the case for restraining orders...

Melissa and I have noticed an interesting, albeit disturbing, trend in the TomKat relationship: Tom's power over Katie. The body language is clear, Tom has the upper hand in this couple. But at times, the upper hand seems to cross a line...he often looks as though he's leading Katie around like a guideless child. We've presented a photo diary, from the beginning of their relationship to the present. You be the judge. We think you'll agree that the case has been made and it's time for Katie to file a restraining order. --Joan

This begins our new J&M installment: Tom Leads the Blind: Katie.

One of the first batch of pregger/soccer mom pics of Katie being led by TC, November 2005.
(At first, it looks as though he's 'presenting her to the world', but on closer inspection, you can see this is all about him. She's his 'prized possession'. Emphasis on 'possession'.--J)



"Put your arm across your stomach, Katie. Remember that we're pregnant." (These are from a couple of days ago, December 14, 2005.) [These pictures kill me...it's like he's teaching her to walk. In his mind, she needs constant guidance and tutoring. Sickening.--J]




And he holds onto her like she's going to run away. "Stay put, Katie. Don't disappear out of my sight." At the War of the Worlds premiere. [Look at how strongly he latches on to her, he's pressing her arm so tight...too tight. Like he doesn't know his own strength.--J]


"Come along, Katie, remember to look both ways before crossing the street."


"Raise your hand with mine, Katie. Why? Don't ask why, just do it!" [Again, this is all about him. They've just gotten engaged, but his body language spells out 'CONQUEST!" --j]



"Stay close. Remember, no more than arms' length away, Katie. You don't want to learn the hard way. Don't know what I mean? Just ask Nicole." [It's almost as if, her demonstration of affection has to be topped by him. You'll notice, he's very rarely picture 'in back' of her. He's always up front, showing his 'status'.--J]



"Look down, Katie. Don't look at the cameras unless I tell you. Come on, it's not that hard to just obey me." [This is very early in their relationship, and the rules have already been set...--J]


"Stay on the pathway, Katie. Don't stray."


And of course, how can we ever forget the Oprah debacle??? This was the first sighting of Katie, the rag doll. [Frightening. Sure, they're laughing... but when paused like this, you can see Tom's manic side come to the forefront. The last picture, now famous, illustrates that roughness, mentioned above. Katie appears uncomfortable, although she's smiling...you can sense the tension underneath.--j]

I'm never washing my hand...

12/6/05.
An Evening with President William Jefferson Clinton.
A speech to kick off Hillary Clinton's
2006 senate campaign re-election.
Special Guest: Ben Folds.

It's been a good year for Clinton sightings for me. I've been lucky enough to see Clinton speak twice in as many months. Barely having enough time to recover from the excitement of the Hofstra Presidential Conference, I was off to a campaign fundraiser at, of all places, Crobar in Manhattan's Chelsea.

The trendy night spot packed in a throng of young liberals, waiting for more than an hour on line to gain entrance. Once inside, it took a long time to find a good spot to view the stage, but we managed...snagging a good view from stage right. I snapped the photo above... not too bad. ;)

Clinton spoke for about 15 minutes, in jovial tones and with off-the-cuff ease. Had the crowd in the palm of his hand. After speaking, he shook hands. Myself included. I'm never washing my hand. ;)

--Joan, aka Nicole

J & M on the Golden Globe Nominations, Part II

...continued from last post...

[Left: Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale and Steve Carell with HFPA President Philip Berk at the 63rd Golden Globe Awards Nominations Announcement Courtesy Getty Images]

Melissa: Now onto to the TV categories: Best show…you know my pick. Hands freakin’ down: LOST! If this show doesn’t win, I’m turning off my TV. Joan?

Joan: I think Lost will win, no doubt. The others really don’t stand a chance, pardon the pun. And are they serious w/the Commander in Chief bit??? It also got best actress, which will probably go to Arquette, based on the Emmy showing. Still, I think she’s crap. Melis?

Melissa: Best Actress…geez, I don’t watch any of these shows so I have no idea. Like you said, Arquette based on the Emmy. Best Actor…I so, so, so want it to be Matthew for LOST, cause there really isn’t any other answer, but I’m so afraid he won’t win. If he doesn’t then I’m thinking it’s probably going to be between Keifer and Hugh Laurie. House is a great show and Keifer’s been around forever doing 24, which I’ve never even seen an episode of but people and the critics love it. Wentworth is super-hot but he’s new to the race and won’t win. Your picks, Joan?

Joan: I agree with you. Fox was a nice surprise, but he won’t win. I have a feeling it’s a toss-up between Sutherland and Dempsey. I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy a few times, and I’m not impressed.

There are some very odd choices for Best TV Series: Comedy… Namely, Everybody Hates Chris??? Has anyone seen it? Does anyone care? If Chris Rock isn’t in it, I ain’t watching it. This will go to Housewives or Curb. I doubt there will be much of a contest between the others. Melis?

Melissa: Right on about Everybody Hates Chris, if Rock ain’t on it, I don’t care to watch it. I’m blown away that it’s a nominee. Were they reaching when they selected it??? I’ve never heard of Weeds and no one I know has ever uttered the name, so I’m assuming a lot more people haven’t heard of it as well. Curb is critically acclaimed although I’ve never seen it myself. Plus the Seinfeld connection. It stands a good chance. Entourage is loved by all who have seen, I’ve never seen it. but HBO shows tend to do really well with the award shows. My Name is Earl is bad, bad, baaaaad. I’ve seen a bunch of episodes cause I love Jason Lee and the premise sounded good, but it’s bad and getting worse. So no chance of it winning. Desperate Housewives will take probably it, unless Entourage does. Or Curb.

Best Actress in Comedy or Musical…it’s crazy all 4 housewives were nominated. I’ve never even seen one episode or even a part of an episode so I have no way to tell who is the best. I’m thinking maybe Felicity because of the Emmy. But that would also kinda be unfair and not give another housewife a chance. But who knows. Unfortunately the odds are against Mary-Louise, plus again, I’ve never heard of Weeds. Best Actor in Comedy…I would absolutely be giddy if Zach won. I love him! I do also love Steve Carell in what I’ve seen him in other than The Office cause I’ve never seen The Office. But he rocked in The Anchorman. Charlie Sheen and Jason Lee don’t stand a chance. Joan?

Joan: Have you seen 40-yr-old Virgin yet? If not, you must. It’s so friggin’ funny. I must own it on DVD. I think he stands a pretty good chance of taking home the award, since he’s had such a good year. I think it’s most likely between him and Braff, whom I adore. I’m really annoyed by the Best Actress category; I hate when they don’t give other shows the kudos they deserve…and there’s no reason why Eva Longoria deserves a nod; she’s awful. I think it will go to Huffman, twice possibly on award night.

Well, that about does it for me. Closing thoughts, Melissa?

Melissa: Totally agree with the 4 nominations for the Housewives. It’s unnecessary and unfair since they took up 80% of the category. I can’t close till I put in my two cents about the last category: Best performance by an actor in a supporting role in a series, mini-series or motion picture made for television. I would love it if Naveen won for LOST, of course, but I’m afraid he won’t. I don’t think Jeremy Piven stands a chance in the company he’s in. Paul might get it since he’s getting really, really up there in age and they may honor him. But other than those two, I don’t really have a feeling about the others. Joan?

Joan: This is an odd category…quite a mish-mosh. I think it will ultimately go to Newman. And believe it or not, Piven has garnered a lot of respect amongst Hollywood big shots for his role on Entourage. I can’t picture the real estate agent from Grosse Point Blank winning, but stranger things have happened.

Ahh, well, Melissa… another award show, another face lift. Time for that appointment w/Dr. 90210.

J & M on the Golden Globe Nominations, Part I

12/13/05 saw the official announcement of the 2005 Golden Globe nominations. For a full list of nominees, visit the GG site. Now without further ado, Joan and Melissa wax philosophical on the latest selection of Hollywood nods...

Joan: The 2005 Golden Globe nominations came in this morning, and the picks are somewhat surprising. Melissa, what are your thoughts on the Best Picture Drama nods?

Melissa: I’ve only seen A History of Violence, which was really good. Haven’t seen the others. I think Match Point isn’t even out in the general market yet, I think the premier just happened a few days ago. Brokeback just seems so self-indulgent. I prob won’t see it. I really wanted to see The Constant Gardener but never did. I heard mixed reviews from people who have seen it. Have no interest in Good Night… How about you, Joan?

Joan: Well, being the political junkie I am, I did rush out to see Good Night and Good Luck. It’s not your average film, and I agree it could have been better. But, it was directed well and the lead performance was uncanny for its depiction of Murrow. Match Point is getting a lot of good buzz, and I’m an Allen fan so I will try to see this before the awards. As the weeks have gone by, my interest in Brokeback has increased. I’m definitely going to see it after the landslide of nominations. My curiosity is fully piqued. I’m not a Cronenberg fan, so I might skill Violence. As much as I love Viggo… I saw Gardener – it’s a hard film to watch, but really poignant and important.

Moving on: Best actress is a bit shocking, huh?

Melissa: Again, the only one I’ve seen is History, and Maria Bello was very good in it. She really nailed the role of a wife who finds out all these disturbing things about her husband really well. And I must add, the sex scenes between her and Viggo were Unfaithful quality, à la Olivier Martinez and Diane Lane. Holy smokes! I haven’t seen the others, but I know people who’ve seen North Country and said Charlize did a good job although her gorgeousness still came through the mining, blue collar worker she was supposed to be. That was distracting, some people said. I love Gwennie and she’s pretty consistent and I have great interest in Proof. Memoirs is supposed to be epic and I’m sure the beauty and poise of Zhang Ziyi will be breathtaking. What do you think, Joan?

Joan: Don’t get me started on Unfaithful, thinking about it makes me need a cigarette. So, Charlize didn’t ugly herself up enough for an Oscar nod, you think? She probably figures one hag is enough for my career. I missed Proof. It was gone so quick… maybe it will be on DVD pre-Oscar. But she is wonderful, and I sure this role is no exception. I’m surprised by the Maria Bello nod, only because she’s been in so few notable films. There hasn’t been a lot of buzz about her before or after Violence. She must have been quite good. I heard that Memoirs is beautiful to look at, but really very boring. I still want to give it a try.

Moving on the Best Actor Drama… Ron Howard was really determined to snag that nod for Russell Crowe, by re-releasing Cinderella Man. I don’t think this is enough to earn him the Globe, though. I think the award will most likely go to Hoffman (long overdue) or Strathain. Melis?

Melissa: Again, I haven’t seen any of the films for Best Actor Drama category! Russell is probably a safe bet, we all know he can act and from what I’ve heard, Cinderella Man was great. I didn’t see it though. I just don’t like films involving sports, especially boxing and football. Hoffman is consistent and a co-worker of mine saw Capote, said he did a good job with it. But I have no idea myself. Heath is way, way too young to win. He still needs to prove himself even if his performance in Brokeback is good. I have no idea who the other two from Hustle & Flow and Good Night are. Unfortunately, I’m not much help in this category.

How about your pick for Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy? I think Walk the Line will take it, especially with Cash and June Carter’s deaths within the last year. But again, I haven’t seen any of the nominees. I’m so sick of hearing about The Producers. I know, I know you love it, but I’m just so sick of all the buzz. Ok, ok, I get it…Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, blah, blah, blah… I hate period pieces (Pride & Prejudice) and I’ve never heard of Mrs. Henderson Presents.

Joan: Pish Paw, Melissa! Have I not raised you to love thy comedian! Anything Mel Brooks is OK in my book. A lot of people are having trouble w/this film version though… Not since the early days of the Hollywood has the musical been translated or perceived well by audiences. I can’t wait to see The Producers, and I’m biased – so I’m sure I’ll love it. I love period pieces, but I’ve no desire to see either of these. And Kiera Knightly rubs me the wrong way. I don’t know why. I just want to smack her. I think you’re right – Walk the Line will win this category. Hands down.

Now, for Best Actress Comedy/Musical…I’m shocked by the Sarah Jessica Parker nod. The Globes LOVE her; this is the only explanation. I like her work, too… but come on now… Her and not Diane Keaton? Odd. And Laura Linney could take a dump on film, she’d still get a nomination. Enough already. I think Reese will win, and she’s another one I can’t stand… I don’t like perky. Although I heard she does a fine job. Melissa?

Melissa: Judi Dench is always up there, and is she like the Susan Lucci of the Globes? I’m not sure if she’s won or has been snubbed, but if she’s been snubbed in recent years, they may give it to her cause she’s older and has had a quality career in film. Sarah, in no way, shape or form, should win this. I did hear The Family Stone is good, but she needs more experience in film. She rocked it in Sex and the City, but hasn’t done anything worthwhile on the big screen. Keira is ok, I can see how you would want to slap her. It’s something with her jaw and teeth and the way she bears them. But Pride has been done and done again. What’s the need? It’s a waste of space in this category. I’m afraid Reese, although she should get it, may be overlooked cause I’m not sure the stuffy suits can see beyond her Legally Blonde roles.

Best Actor…hands-down Johnny Depp needs a freakin’ award already! The man has proven himself time and time again. He so deserves it. What else does he need to do to win something?!!? Cillian has no chance. I’m so sick of Pierce. God forbid, Nathan should win. That shrill and over-dramatic acceptance speech will force me to shut off the tube. Johnny’s only competition in this category is Joaquin, who is also solid and consistent and intense. What do you think, Joan?

Joan: Alas, I think Johnny may go home award-less yet again. This one goes to Joaquin, for sure. Besides, it would be a shame for Johnny to win for Wonka. I thought for sure he’d be nominated for The Libertine – they rush-released it for nothing. Must see that, btw. I’m surprised by the Brosnan nod. I’ve never considered him serious enough to be nominated for anything. But he sure is fun to look at. Yum.

Now, Supporting Actress Drama … Michelle Williams? Um… did they get that right? Is Pacey nominated in the Supporting Actor category? What the shiz is going on here??? I’d put my money on Shirley or Frances. Even though Rachel Weisz has a chance, and was quite good. I don’t think she’ll pull through. Melis?

Melissa: Scarlett may be a contender seeing as how Lost in Translation got so much buzz, but I don’t think Match Point has the time to garner enough buzz for her. Shirley may be overlooked cause who’s seen In Her Shoes?!!?!?! Michelle isn’t taken seriously enough due to Dawson’s Creek although I’ve heard her performance is flawless. I’m thinking Frances McDermond is gonna get it. North Country got tons of buzz and great reviews and Frances is just a solid actress.

Best supporting actor…I’m so sick of George Clooney this, George Clooney that. I never thought he was anything great. NEXT! I adore Will Farrell but again, I don’t think the committee will take him seriously enough for him to win. Bob Hoskins doesn’t appeal to me. Matt Dillion…he’s still around?!?! I think Paul Giamatti’s gonna get it cause he’s good, proved that in Sideways AND got snubbed for Sideways. He’s overdue. And you, Joan?

Joan: Well, I hope you’re right and that Giamatti gets it. He’s so amazing. There are few actors of this caliber. (Speaking of fine actors: I’m surprised that Ralph Fiennes was not nominated for Gardener. That’s a huge oversight.) Clooney gained a lot of weight for Syriana, and for some reason this tends to impress people. I still think Giamatti will win.

The Best Director fight will be between Ang Lee and Speilberg, ultimately Speilberg will win the match. If Woody wins, I will fall off my chair. And I doubt Allen will be nominated for the Oscar – he’s got that Polanski-like stain on him. In your eyes, who will take the award home, Melis?

Melissa: Peter Jackson is great, as we saw with the Lord of the Rings flicks. I keep hearing amazing reviews of King Kong, which I was not expecting AT ALL. I have no interest in seeing it though. But Peter did sweep all the categories with the LOTR so they may not choose him to win this year. Woody is too quiet in a category where he’s up against Speilberg and Jackson types. George Clooney definitely won’t win as a director. I agree, it’ll be down to Ang Lee and Speilberg, and we all know who the big dawg is.

...continued in next post...

The Big Expansion

Wowza! Aretha's always been a pretty big girl but lately, she's pretty freakin' HUGE. Here she is at the "Tom Joyner's 'Mistletoe Jam' Comes to Detroit" event on December 10, 2005.




I sent Joan these pics and after getting over her disbelief at the current state of The Queen of Soul, Joan had this to say:

"Holy s — u know you’re fat when patti labelle looks like kate moss, standing beside you." (in regards to this:)



Disclaimer: The comments expressed within are not affiliated with the producers of J&M. J&M is a wholly owned subsidiary of Blogger.com and cannot be held responsible for ranting, ravings, unPC-chatterings et cetera. J&M are not anti-weightist, pro-weightist, but are pro-Plastic Surgery, of any kind. Thank you.

SUCK it up, Kate. And NO, I'm not talking about the coke.

The grown woman that Kate Moss is stills blames her junky BF (ex now?) Pete Doherty for her coke-snorting bust. Uh....how 'bout GROWING THE FUCK UP? --Melissa

Pete Doherty is reportedly planning to write a book about ex-sweetie Kate Moss. She's not happy. "He's a user in every sense of the word. He makes me sick," the model said of her recently-arrested ex. "Yes, I loved him, but I was taken in by his little-boy-lost routine. He has nearly cost me everything." [MSNBC]

"...taken in by his little-boy-lost routine"????? Seriously? Are we in high school? Why would a 30-something-year-old successful woman want anything to do with a little-boy-lost routine??? BLOWs my mind. That's right...B-L-O-W-s, Kate. --Melissa

"The buzzing? Oh, that buzzing... I'm just comforting my fetus."

Now, who knows if this is true or not; it's a delicious piece o' gossip regardless. How psycho are these two? Must have been TC's bright idea to comfort their fetus with a vibrator. That baby's on the right path to normality. Riiight... --Melissa

Katie Holmes thrown out of film over vibrating device

Katie Holmes was thrown out of a California cinema when a vibrating gadget she was clutching disturbed fellow film fans.

The fiancee of superstar Tom Cruise was holding a buzzing aid against her pregnant stomach, as she believes it is comforting to the foetus.

But it failed to soothe the nerves of audience members, who quickly tired of the humming device. "People didn't care that she was a star," a witness said. "They just wanted to see the movie." [SouthFlorida.com]

Holy crap, the break-up machine is out of control!

Nicole Richie and DJ AM are no longer together. Hopefully, she won't get any thinner after this, that would be really scary. --Melissa

Nicole Richie and her fiance, Adam Goldstein, have called off their nine-month engagement.

Richie's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, confirmed to The Associated Press on Wednesday that the couple have split. She said the breakup had been in the works for several days, but would not give any further details.

The split was first reported by "Access Hollywood" and Us Weekly magazine.

Richie, co-star of the reality series "The Simple Life," and Goldstein, a professional club DJ who goes by the name DJ AM, had dated for a year before becoming engaged last February. [Yahoo]

TC: King of the cold-hearted fools

FilmThreat.com has compiled its list of the 50 Coldest People in Hollywood. Topping the list is TC and following at a close second, his BabyMamma/Pet Puppet, Katie.




Go HERE to see who else made the list. A quick overview includes Paris (understandably), Courtney Love (DUH), Jessica Simpson (Double DUH), Hillary "Horse Teeth" Duff, and Dakota "Don't Look Directly At the Child" Fanning.

It's OVAH...Part "Oh, I give up"...

Another one bites the dust... I didn't even know they were separated in the meantime, never mind separated for four years. --Melissa

Actress Valerie Bertinelli and her rock star husband, Eddie Van Halen, are divorcing after 24 years of marriage, Bertinelli's publicist confirmed Tuesday. "Yes, that's true. They have been separated for four years and it's amicable," Bertinelli spokeswoman Heidi Schaeffer told The Associated Press. She said the actress would have no further comment.

A divorce petition Bertinelli, 45, filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Tuesday cited irreconcilable differences. The couple wed on April 11, 1981, and have one son, 14-year-old Wolfgang Van Halen. According to the petition, they separated on Oct. 15, 2001. [SF Gate]

It's OVAH...Part 384,382,984,912 and counting...

Christina's hubby filing for the big D: divorce. After seeing The Anchorman, I developed a new appreciation for Christina, she kicked ass in that flick. --Melissa

TMZ has learned that actor Johnathon Schaech has filed for divorce from his wife, Married with Children star Christina Applegate.

The papers, filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, cite irreconcilable differences as reason for the split. TMZ has also learned that Schaech, the star of the film That Thing You Do, is represented by high profile divorce attorney Laura Wasser.

Applegate, star of such films as The Sweetest Thing and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, was most recently seen starring on Broadway in Sweet Charity.

Calls left for representatives were not returned at press time. [AOL Entertainment]

Kidman's Country Boy

Hindsight is always 20/20. Such can be said about Nicole Kidman post Tom Cruise. To make a long story short: she got while the gettin' was good. People are even talking now about the reason she chose to adopt: so she wouldn't have to be subjected to that silent birth crap. Well, it looks like Nicole's gone back to her roots, and appears to be settling down w/fellow Aussie (albeit country singer) Keith Urban. (And can I say: "Yum.") There are recent rumors of a pregnancy, following quickly upon the heels of their apparent engagment. Kudos Kidman -- that's what I call trading up. ;) --Joan

Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman and country music singer Keith Urban are officially engaged, according to Entertainment Tonight.

Sources close to the Australian stars had confirmed the engagement.

This latest development adds further weight to speculation that Kidman and Urban are expecting a baby. Pregnancy rumors began last month when People magazine ran a picture of the couple appearing happy, in love and with Urban's hand protectively on Kidman's stomach.

A few weeks before that, People ran a picture of Kidman wearing a diamond ring on her wedding finger while walking through a Boston street with Urban. (Miami Herald)