Xenu's Greatest Hits, Volume 666

TC has bought Katie an iPod downloaded with 300 of her favorite tunes. The article says 300 of her favorite tunes but I don't really believe that. I so think it's 300 of his favorite tunes. The iPod was a gift for when she in labor and she can ONLY listen to the music on her headphones in order to keep the laboratory...uh, I mean, delivery room silent. --Melissa

Tom Cruise has given pregnant Katie Holmes an iPod packed with her fave tunes - to help her keep schtum during the forthcoming birth of their child, UK tabloid The Sun reports.

The thoughtful gift comes after the delivery to the couple's home of six-foot "birthing boards" reminding Holmes to keep her trap shut during the delivery. The Church of Scientology - of which Cruise is a member - believes that mum screaming during the sprog-dropping process is traumatic to the infant. Accordingly, one of the boards reads: "Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

A source close to the couple told the paper: "Tom gave Katie an iPod loaded with 300 of her favourite songs. He wants her to listen to calming music — but to use earphones so there's no noise in the delivery room." [The UK Register]

And for absolutely no reason:

Ryan Seacrest: gay or not? Part 2

Here is some more confusion about Seacrest's gayness. We reported confusion after seeing these pics, but this was some unknown, dime-a-dozen stripper up in LA.

Now looks like Ryan is getting cozy with Teri Hatcher. These pics look pretty damn awkward and highly staged so we have no idea what's really going on. --Melissa






The story from Us Weekly goes like this:

Teri Hatcher and American Idol host Ryan Seacrest engaged in an unholy union of lip-mashing on a Malibu beach on March 25, after a lunch of lobster and oysters at a nearby restaurant. Hatcher sported an American Idol baseball cap, which she turned around backwards for their face-sucking session. Who says romance is dead?

"They were immersed," says an eyewitness, who noticed Hatcher massaging Seacrest's neck. "Every now and then, they'd embrace."

"Teri frequently laughed loudly at Ryan's jokes," says an onlooker. "They were very animated with each other."

Look at the cue cards, Katie, and don't make a sound

Scientology promotes mothers to have a silent birth. No screaming while pushing a watermelon out of a quarter-sized hole. O-kay. And no epidural. Good luck with that, Katie. And in order to keep Katie focused during the birthing process, TC has arranged for posters to be plastered on the walls where Katie will be birthing their alien spawn. She will be able to look at them while in labor. --Melissa

Tom Cruise's pregnant fiancée Katie Holmes will be reminded to keep her vow of silence during birth — by signs plastered around their home. The couple — following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth — had the posters delivered to their Beverly Hills mansion.

The 6ft placards will be placed so Katie can see them in labour.

One reads: "Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

Dawson's Creek actress Katie, 26, must "keep mum" and will not even be allowed painkillers when she has the couple's first child due any day. Friends — believed to be Scientology elders — were pictured carrying the huge white boards through the gates.

The "birthing boards" will also tell staff and visitors to stay silent.

Followers believe it is traumatic for babies to hear their mother scream or groan when giving birth. They think it can cause "psychic" damage, which takes years of therapy to overcome. The cult's creator, sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, once said: "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child."

The doctrine stresses newborns cannot be poked or prodded for medical tests or spoken to for seven days.

Katie began dating Tom, 43, last year. She was well-known for her Catholic beliefs but quickly fell pregnant and is yet to wed. [The Sun]

HOLY CRAP, more ridiculous nonsense: Not only do the tenets of Scientology dictate that followers such as Katie Holmes go through the birthing process in silence (without her friends and family present), but it has been said that she is not even allowed to hold her newborn for the first 24 hours of its life.

"Scientology's strict rules dictate that mothers shouldn't coddle their kids or even treat them with conventional medicine when they're sick. "It's a lot for an expectant mother to be worrying about," says a friend of Katie.

Star magazine talks about how children of Scientologist parents are raised; "The tyke will be minded by a Scientologist nanny, and contact with non-Scientologist family members will be limited. This could be heart-breaking for Katie's Catholic parents, Martin and Kathleen. If they express skepticism about their daughter's new religion, they may be cut off from the child via formal "disconnection." [Celebrity Baby Blog]

Watch out, she's gonna blow!

On Saturday, KH took a stroll in Beverly Hills near TC's mansion. I'm surprised she's walking alone, unsupervised, in the dark no less. She had her baby shower at the Scientology center earlier that day. She looks like she's ready to drop that baby any second now. Hope the silent birth goes well for her. BTW, loving the shoes. Are those Rockports, Katie? --Melissa

Straight Up

Look, as annoying as Paula Abdul can be there is no way I'd continue to watch American Idol if they replaced her with Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson:

American Idol producers came close to firing judge Paula Abdul earlier this month - and wanted to offer her job to Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson. Tensions on the set of the hit TV show were running high and producers were considering firing the former singer for her erratic behavior. A source tells American magazine Us Weekly, "Paula was being very difficult. (She was) crying all the time and arriving late for meetings." The stress from the situation drove Abdul seek medical attention and she was treated for "exhaustion and dehydration." According to the source, executives from the show discussed replacing the troubled judge: "(They) liked Jessica (Simpson) a lot. And some were pushing for Britney (Spears)." Neither star ended up meeting with Idol producers and they decided to keep Abdul - for now. Abdul's representative denies the allegations: "Paula is always a joy on the set and everyone loves her. If they were looking at Britney or Jessica, that's news to me." [IMDB]

The producers are heading in the wrong direction if they wanna replace her. How about someone with actual talent this time?

Don't label him crazy just yet...

...give him a chance... when polled, 49% of NYers don't by the official story as investigated by the 9/11 Comission. Makes you think, huh?

Actor Charlie Sheen refuses to accept the official explanation behind the terrorist atrocities of September 11, 2001, and believes the US government covered up what really happened... claims New York City's Twin Towers fell as the result of a "controlled demolition." Talking on US radio program The Alex Jones Show on the GGN network, he said, "It seems to me like 19 amateurs with box-cutters taking over four commercial airliners and hitting 75 per cent of their targets, that feels like a conspiracy theory. It raises a lot of questions. A couple of years ago, it was severely unpopular to talk about any of this. It feels like from the people I talk to, and the research I've done and around my circles, it feels like the worm is turning." Sheen also cast doubt over the plane that smashed into the side of the Pentagon in Washington DC. He added, "Just show us how this particular plane pulled off these maneuvers... It is up to us to reveal the truth. It is up to us because we owe it to the families, we owe it to the victims, we owe it to everyone's life who was drastically altered, horrifically, that day and forever. We owe it to them to uncover what happened." [IMDB]

An interesting site to peruse, if you're inclined to agree w/Sheen:

http://www.911truth.org/

CNN Poll created in response to Sheen's comments:

Created: Thursday, March 23, 2006, at 17:04:53 EDT

Do you agree with Charlie Sheen that the U.S. government covered up the real events of the 9/11 attacks? Yes 84% 35186 votes No 16% 6822 votes Total: 42008 votes

This QuickVote is not scientific and reflects the opinions of only those Internet users who have chosen to participate. The results cannot be assumed to represent the opinions of Internet users in general, nor the public as a whole. The QuickVote sponsor is not responsible for content, functionality or the opinions expressed therein.

The Color Purple

You know, once in a while a story comes down the pike that is so utterly perfect that you realize: you just can't write this shit. That's how I felt when I came across this seemingly ordinary story about a fight between a landlord and his leaser. Ordinary, you'd think. Every renter occasionally has a gripe with their landord, and vice versa. But this is no ordinary renter...


For some reason, Prince decided to rent a multi-million dollar mansion in LA (pictured above, click to see larger) at $70,000 a month instead of just buying it. Lord knows, he's got the cash (dolla dolla bill, yo). I guess Prince was a little confused about the alterations a renter could legally make to the property they live in. After all, he is Prince and who's going to argue with royalty. That is, until you get a look at the remodeling his highness did: (click to see larger)

According to the lawsuit...[Carlos] Boozer claims Prince did an unauthorized extreme makeover to the 10-bedroom, 11-bath property, including "painting the exterior of the [house] with purple striping, 'Prince symbol,' and numbers 3121." The latter digits, of course, represent the name of Prince's latest album, which hit stores Tuesday. Interior renovations included "removing carpet in master bedroom and installing purple monogrammed carpet," per the suit, as well as the more curious installation of plumbing, piping and excavation of "a large hole" for the presumed purpose of a private beauty salon. [eonline]

A beauty salon??? But I digress... Bloggers have been having a field day w/this story... and the comments have been funnier than the story itself. Case in point:

Carlos Boozer is a lying dick. Prince is one the five funkiest people who ever lived. Case dismissed.
by flubby on 03/21/06 11:59 AM

Perhaps if C Booz Multifamily I LLC purified itself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, we could find a peaceful resolution.
by Mr. Poopy Pants on 03/21/06 02:26 PM

Prince: Just in case you're reading these comments, if you want to redecorate a small row house on the North Side of Pittsburgh drop me a line. The space is nice, but it lacks funk.
by Sarcastro on 03/21/06 02:42 PM

I swear, I giggled for about an hour after reading through the multitude of articles that have surfaced once this report hit the web. Sometimes life if funnier than fiction. Game: Blouses. --Joan.

Ban de Soliel for the Level 6 Operative

Yeesh... maybe a little self-tanner?
Or cover that shit up.
I'm gettin' sun-glare off your pecs.

[photo: people]

South Park Controversy Deepens

So, get this. We all know how bizarre Scientology is. In the last year, that point has been driven home time and again. Some months ago, Melissa and I posted some reports regarding the health practices preached and condoned by Scientologists (i.e. vitamins in lieu of synthetic pharmaceutical concoctions, etc). We also touched briefly on some cases of deaths stemming from the nontraditional remedies Scientology requires their members to try, regardless of what licensed professionals might have to say about their patients' conditions. Here's a scary compilation of such deaths.

Now it seems that Issac Hayes himself is under such risky care, considering his present medical condition. Hayes suffered a stroke in January of this year. And since that time, has allowed Scientology representatives to speak on his behalf:

Isaac Hayes didn't personally quit "South Park" because he was miffed at the show poking fun at Scientology. Someone else sent the notice for him.

Foxnews.com reports Hayes suffered a stroke on Jan. 17. At the time of his so-called sayonara to the Comedy Central show, "he was hospitalized and suffering from exhaustion" and friends say he was in no condition to issue a press release.

The New York Post says fellow Scientologist Christina Kimball -- a fashion exec for designer Craig Taylor -- is responsible for issuing the release.

Hayes, 63, is now home recovering from the mild stroke, which may have affected his memory and speech. [The Courier Journal]

As much as I hate to source Fox News, they did break this story... so, I have to give credit where credit is due:

As recently as early January, before his stroke, Hayes defended the "South Park" creators in an interview with "The AV Club,"” the serious side of the satirical newspaper, The Onion.

AV Club: They did just do an episode that made fun of your religion, Scientology. Did that bother you?

Hayes: Well, I talked to Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker] about that. They didn't let me know until it was done. I said, 'Guys, you have it all wrong. We're not like that. I know that's your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that [expletive], you know?' But I understand what they're doing. I told them to take a couple of Scientology courses and understand what we do. [Laughs.]...

"Isaac's been concentrating on his recuperation for the last two and a half, three months,"” a close friend told me.

Hayes did not suffer paralysis, but the mild stroke may have affected his speech and his memory. He's been having home therapy since it happened. [Certain reports claim that this home therapy involves vitamins and heating pads... right, that outtah do the trick].

Yesterday, E! reported that Hayes was indeed the one who issued the statement, but this bit of info comes from yet another Scientologist spokesperson. Therefore, we're less than convinced.

In closing, it's pretty clear now that Issac wasn't the one who was all uptight about Matt and Trey poking fun at Scientology (or any religion for that matter) on South Park. Because he forked over his right to speak for himself to those loony Xenu haters, this controversy developed. Add a sprinkle of Tom Cruise fervor and you have yourself a bona fide juicy bit of gossip. We're sure this story will continue to snowball out of control, so stay tuned. --Joan.

But he ripped off the Chili Peppers too

I'm surprised no one said anything when Chris performed "Higher Ground" a couple of weeks ago when it was Stevie Wonder week. His performance was a complete rip-off of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' version and yet the judges and everyone else were loving it and praising him for being original and making the song his own. Now fans are all up in arms of his rendition of "I Walk the Line," saying he copied the band, Live's, version of it. --Melissa

"American Idol" chat rooms were buzzing Friday over a controversy surrounding Chris Daughtry's version of "I Walk the Line."

Judges praised Daughtry for making the song his own when he performed the Johnny Cash tune on the Fox network show.

But some fans say the version wasn't Daughtry's, but ripped off from one done by the band Live in 2001.

One fan posted a message saying, "I just want to punch him in his bald head." Another reads: "This guy is a rip-off. Judges are plain dumb." And a third message says, "Live singer Ed Kowalczyk called and said that he would like his vocal style" back. [Yahoo]

Snarky Sayonara, week 5

Cluck, cluck, Chicken Little, AKA Lil' LI, AKA Lil' Levittown, AKA Kevin "Hasn't Hit Puberty Yet" Covais. You are finally leaving us, it couldn't have happened fast enough. Now go back to Levittown and get back together with that girlfriend you dumped thinking you were going to be famous and hot shit. Looks like you ain't, so don't lose touch with the little people, for you are a little person yourself. Now don't sulk, fluff those feathers, and straighten out those glasses: sad Levittown needs a pint-sized hero and you may be just who they are looking for.

Trey and Matt RULE!!!

Looks like the South Park duo are gearing up to fight the good fight and go on with the Scientology-bashing.

The creators of South Park appear ready to fire back at Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology following a dust up earlier this month that included soul singer Isaac Hayes quitting the series.

On Wednesday's ninth-season debut, Hayes' character, Chef, pops up in an episode which creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are devoting to his mysterious return to South Park. They are expected to poke fun at his religion, Scientology.

While details are scarce, Comedy Central officials say the duo are putting the finishing touches on the episode (Wednesday, 10 pm) - which, like many others, is being written and animated in less than a week.

Last fall, the show - which, in nearly a decade on the air, has managed to poke fun at almost every religion - ripped Scientology. In the episode, one of the space-based faith's biggest proponents - Tom Cruise - was skewered. Hayes was allegedly insulted by the show and quit, according to reports.

Last week, the network had planned on re-airing the episode, but it was pulled at the last minute, after Cruise allegedly threatened not to promote his new movie, Mission Impossible 3, which is produced by Paramount, a division of Viacom, which owns Comedy Central.

Reps for Cruise have denied the reports. [NY Post]

UPDATE: On a recent appearance on Letterman, Matt and Trey called for an MI3 boycott, and fans are following suit...unless they get what they want.

I just threw up a little in my mouth

Seriously, what the fuck is this? Is this really necessary??? TC and KH and his kids went to the World Baseball Classic. KH and TC feel need to make out while other people recoil in disgust. They can do whatever it is they want but I just really don't think I need to see these two making out and trying to prove to the world that their relationship is real and steady. I'm sure his kids reeeeeally appreciated this gesture.





And I'll leave you with this... Happy Friday!


Looks like TC is back to bullying the South Park boys à la Isaac Hayes:

Tom Cruise got Comedy Central to cancel Wednesday night's cablecast of a controversial "South Park" episode about Scientology by warning that he'd refuse to promote "Mission Impossible 3," insiders say. Since Paramount is banking on "MI3" to rake in blockbuster profits this summer, and Paramount is owned by Viacom, which also owns Comedy Central, the tactic worked.

The "South Park" episode, "Trapped in the Closet," pokes fun at Scientology and shows Cruise, John Travolta and R. Kelly (who is not a Scientologist, but has a song called "Trapped in the Closet") literally in a closet. The episode, which first aired last November, was set to rerun Wednesday night, but was mysteriously pulled at the last minute.

Now, hollywoodinterrupted.com reports Cruise went straight to the top - to execs at Viacom - and warned he'd boycott the promotion for "MI3" unless the "South Park" episode was pulled.

Series creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker have been told not to discuss the matter - to avoid embarrassing Cruise as they did Isaac Hayes last week when Hayes, also a Scientologist, quit his role as the voice of the Chef character. Hayes claimed he couldn't stand by while "South Park" made fun of religion, but Stone pointed out that Hayes had cashed plenty of checks while the show made fun of Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Stone hinted that Hayes was pressed to quit by his minders in the Church of Scientology.

A rep for Comedy Central, asked if Cruise was responsible for the "Closet" episode being yanked, attributed it instead to Hayes' resignation, saying, "In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for." But TV insiders weren't buying that explanation. Now the question is whether Comedy Central will ever again air "Trapped in the Closet" and whether it will be included on the DVD of the show's ninth season.

Cruise has a history of playing hardball. He is allegedly responsible for the missing sex scene his fiancée Katie Homes filmed (before she started dating Tom) in "Thank You for Smoking," which opens today.

And who will ever forget the way Cruise shouted down Matt Lauer on the "Today" show when Lauer argued that some people have been helped by prescription drugs? [Page Six]

Say it ain't so

Just what's going on with 80s hasbeens lately? It would seem they are desperate for some press. First there's this:

Yanni is facing a domestic battery charge after he was arrested at his Florida home in the early hours of Friday. The star...denies hurting his 33-year-old girlfriend Silvia Barthes during the dispute at his Manalapan house. Barthes, who is sporting a cut lip, told police officers the musician shook her, before throwing her on the bed and jumping on top of her. [imdb]

and then there's this:

David Hasselhoff's estranged wife Pamela Bach has pleaded with a Los Angeles Superior Court judge to grant a temporary restraining order against the star....according to entertainment news website TMZ.com the restraining order was not requested on grounds of domestic violence. The pair, who have children Taylor-Ann, 15, and Hayley, 13, together, have reportedly been ordered to keep apart, and granted custody of one child each. The court papers are confidential, because they contain detailed "mental health" papers. [imdb]

I'm sorry...I...I just can't go on living in a world where the Hoff and Yanni are potential abusers. Or the fact that those pictures were ever taken. Damn, just when I cut my therapy down to 2 sessions a month. Back to square one. --Joan.

Chocolate Salty Xenu Balls

Are you ready for the ultimate in hypocrisy?

Soul legend Isaac Hayes has quit animated TV series South Park after accusing the show of promoting intolerance and bigotry. Hayes, a Scientologist, has played Chef on the hit cartoon series since 1997, but feels he can no longer stomach the show's take on religion. He says, "There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begin." The 63-year-old singer released a statement yesterday, severing his ties with the series and controversial co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In it he fumes, "Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored. As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices." Stone has fired back at Hayes saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians." Last November South Park satirized the Church of Scientology and its celebrity followers in a top-rated episode entitled Trapped In The Closet. In the episode, a cartoon version of Scientologist Tom Cruise locks himself in a closet and refuses to come out. Stone adds that he and Parker "never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and, to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin." Parker has previously said the show had avoided the controversial topic of Scientology out of respect for Hayes and his religious beliefs. He explains, "Finally, we just had to tell Isaac, 'Dude, we totally love working with you, and this is nothing personal, it's just we're South Park, and, if we don't do this, we're belittling everything else we've ripped on.'" [imdb]

I guess Issac forgot that the episode that catapulted South Park to noteriety involved a satire on Christ. He took the job anyway...yet, so many years later he suddenly decides that South Park's religious spoofs goes against his moral fiber. As Matt Stone stated, it was only until Scientology was spoofed that this became an issue for Hayes. Just what in hell goes on at these Scientology centers? They're all mad, mad I tell you! --Joan.

3/17/05: OH, IT GETS BETTER, FOLKS... (See Melissa's post just above this one and scroll down for the crazy TC reaction to the South Park debacle.) But, what makes this story even better, is the statement released by Matt and Trey:

While the "South Park" creators didn't directly comment on Comedy Central's decision to pull the episode, they issued an unusual statement to Daily Variety indicating the battle is not over.

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

The duo signed the statement "Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu." [Variety]

I'm telling you, these wacko Scientologists just may have messed w/the wrong people this time. If anyone is ready to fight to the last punch, it's the co-creators of South Park. They're not embarrassed by anything and have nothing to lose. Good Luck, Tom.

Snarky Sayonara, week 4

It won't be the same without you, Beauty Queen Melissa, AKA Whory Whorison. You offended by wearing shirts that showed your belly and we winced. You forgot the words to the Stevie Wonder song and we winced. You claimed to be a beauty pageant participator and we winced. But we waved goodbye without a wince.

May your future be bright and this is how we (and the 13-year-old boys who voted for you) will remember you.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Joan here. Just back from a quick stint in Washington D.C. with a report on EyeSpyCelebStyle.

Unconfirmed Salma Hayek sighting aboard the plane. But that counts, don't it now? ;)

Stayed at the frou frou Four Seasons in Georgetown. Everything you would expect from a uber-star rated hotel. Fine art in the room, phone in the bathroom, mini-bar de manufique, high-end amenities (L'Occitane Lemon Verbena, mmm)...











Exiting the front entrance through the main lobby for a dinner on Pennsylvania Ave., Lionel Richie was making his way in--coming from the direction of the hotel's spa and gallery. Prince was in town, as well, and anyone who's anyone knows his preferred hotel is the Four Seasons in Georgetown. Much to my disappointment, I didn't catch a glimpse of the funkmaster himself.






On the walk back from dinner, spotted Jerry Springer dining semi-al fresca in a restaurant just across from the Four Seasons.





On the way home, at my gate, there's DMC of Run DMC waiting to board the plane. I guess that means Spinderella was flyin' the plane...


So, there's my random celeb sighting report for the month of March, 2006. Stay Tuned!

Snarky Sayonara, week 3

The final 12 was chosen last night on American Idol. We had to say good-bye to these four:

It was a pleasure, Kinnik. You neither brought out any feelings of anger or annoyance nor did you make us feel any joy with your presence on the show. You were perfectly devoid of any personality or flair and now you must go.

Ayla, Ayla, Ayla...you were portrayed as the perfect girl. Father, a Massachusetts State Senator, mother, a local television personality. And on top of that, you are set to attend Boston College on a basketball scholarship. And you're very tall and thin on top of it. Did you fall victim to the phenomenon called Girl-Hate? Whatever the case was, keep strutting your stuff in those high-heels even though you're 7' 2" barefoot.

Good-bye, Fred Savage, AKA Kevin Arnold, AKA can't remember your real name. It was swell. Don't sweat it. I'm sure Paul Pfeiffer and Winnie have been awaiting your return so you guys can get back to playing your Archies' records down in the rec room.

And finally, Gedeon, so long. I actually started liking you more and more each week even though you frightened the daylights out of me, made me scared down to the depths of my very soul, made my heart scream with fear. You have the smile of a jack-o'lantern but the voice of a smoky, old Motown soul. You made me want to throw my hands up in the air and yell "Hallelujah." You said "God bless you" after each judge's comment. You made a painting of a record with the earth on it, signifying that music unites us all. Yet, I still think you have bodies buried in your backyard. Are you not the most enigmatic contestant that American Idol has ever had? I think you may be, Gedeon. Go now and go proud.

To Swag or Not to Swag

Doh! Picture this: You're a celeb (or your Paris Hilton) and you attend an award show or some-type event. Natch, the parting gifts are sweeeeet. And you ain't had to pay for shit since you've been a mainstay on the pages of US magazine and, let's be honest, you've gotten quite used to the celebrity swag. Well, don't get used to the star treatment -- cause the IRS has been plotting against you:

Guests who took home gift-packed bags from Sunday's 78th Annual Academy Awards ceremony may have to pay $30,000 in taxes on their new acquisitions. The bags, which included a $7,000 Victoria's Secret underwear set and a coupon for Lasik surgery, are worth approximately $100,000 each. And unfortunately for the celebrities present, the Unites States Inland Revenue Service has declared that the bags given to Oscar attendees count as taxable income. IRS commissioner Mark Everson quips, "We want to make sure the stars 'walk the line' when it comes to these goody bags."[imdb]

Now, I've never been a fan of celebrity swag -- it makes no sense for people who can actually pay for these high-end products to get them for nothing. Yes, I understand the concept of a walking billboard, but come on. These gift baskets have reached absurdity...upwards of $100,000 each. But... and I can't believe I'm saying this... they shouldn't be taxable. These baskets are gifts. Not prizes, gifts. And you shouldn't have to pay tax on a gift. So, frankly, the IRS is being just as greedy as the stars who line up post-show to grab their designer goodie bags. But, seriousness aside... the following Onion spoof is pretty friggin' funny ;) --Joan