Katie: Super-sized

With the amount of size that Katie has on TC, why doesn't she just crush him like a wee lil' cockroach? I know she's about 5'8" and he's 5'7" but he does wear lifts a lot of the time they go out and are seen in the public eye. She's also wearing heels and seems to be standing in front of him but he can't be that far behind, I mean, he's holding her hand as if she's going to get away. I wonder if Katie likes it when TC takes her out on walks.

So...they didn't tie the knot?

WTF? I'm getting so confused, not to mention sick and tired of these two. Today, People mag is reporting that Anna and Howard had a commitment ceremony and exchanged vows. It wasn't a wedding, no marriage license was drawn up. Well, I'm at the point where I officially don't give a flying fuck.

Anna Nicole Smith and her longtime lawyer and confidant, Howard K. Stern, held a commitment ceremony in the Bahamas Thursday, her attorney, Michael Scott, tells the Associated Press.

"It was low-key, on a boat," a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE. "It was a simple ceremony, exchanging vows."

According to a press release issued by TrimSpa, the diet-product company for which Smith is spokesperson, the couple "made a commitment before God to be there for one another, to be each other's strength during this difficult time. Although the ceremony was officiated, it was not a wedding and no marriage certificate was issued." [People]

I see what's going on here.

What kinda weird-ass Scientology voodoo was done on Katie's ass? Since she will be playing Posh in an upcoming movie about Posh and Becks, all the life and weight has been sucked out of Katie's body and she's been left gaunt and pale. Paging Wednesday Addams.

Baby-daddy becomes hubby

Anna Nicole and Howard have made it official -- they tied the knot.

Anna Nicole Smith married her long-time attorney and close confidante, Howard K. Stern, this morning just shortly before 10:30 am in Nassau, Bahamas. The wedding occurred only 18 days after the death of Anna's son Daniel, 20, from an accidental drug overdose in her Nassau hospital room on September 10.

In a world-exclusive report, an eyewitness tells Star that Anna, 38, and Howard, 37, tied the knot shortly before 10:30 am on the morning of September 28, while sailing on a white catamaran off of Nassau!

"There was heavy security around the yacht, plus extra speedboats to deliver more supplies as needed (including unlimited Dom Perignon champagne) from the mainland to the catamaran," says the eyewitness, who adds that the wedding party celebrated the union afterwards by having a swim party around the yacht — "and Anna was wearing a pink bikini! Later on, she changed into a colorful, one-piece suit with a wrap around her waist."

Two days before, on September 26, Stern appeared live on the Larry King Show via satellite from the Bahamas, to announce that he was the father of Anna's newborn daughter Danilynne Hope, that he and Anna "love each other" — and that the duo would get married "at some point."

Apparently, that point arrived much sooner than later. A source adds: "Stern was making all the arrangements in the days before the wedding."

This is apparently Stern's first marriage, but the third for Smith. She was a teen bride with Billy Wayne Smith (Daniel's father) in Texas in 1985; they divorced two years later. Smith then married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall in June 1994. He died in 1995, and Anna — who recently became a legal resident of the Bahamas — is still battling in court for her share of his estate. [Star]

The Hoff: Super-sized

I've said this before and I'll say it again: we need to get Chuck Norris in here and roundhouse kick the Hoff right in that smug mug of his.

Ready for a showdown???

The original dude that claimed to be Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy isn't stopping at anything after Howard K. Stern's admittance on yesterday's Larry King Live that he is the baby's daddy. Larry Birkhead is demanding a DNA test to prove that he is Dannielynn Hope Smith's father.

Larry Birkhead, the photojournalist who came forward during Anna Nicole Smith's pregnancy and claimed to have fathered Smith’s child, tells Us Weekly that he stands by his story. Smith gave birth to a baby girl, Dannielynn Hope, on September 7, but has been mum on the identity of the father. Last night, her longtime lawyer, Howard K. Stern gave an interview to CNN's Larry King Live saying that he is the "proud father" of the child.

In an exclusive interview with Us, Birkhead calls Stern's comments “laughable." He adds: “I am not surprised he would say this but I am laughing at it. Larry King didn’t even believe Howard."

Birkhead also tells Us that he is willing to take a DNA test anytime to prove he is the father. “I have asked for a DNA test and I welcome it." There is no word on whether a paternity test will be administered, but Birkhead is already confident as to the outcome. “I am in good spirits this morning because I know I am the father of the child," he says. "I look forward to having a relationship with my new daughter.” [Us Weekly]

Larry's post on his website:

Makes a great stocking stuffer

The George W. Bush Butt Plug.

BREAKING: Anna Nicole Smith's baby-daddy revealed

It's finally out and while it's kinda shocking, it also really isn't. On today's edition of Larry King Live, Howard K. Stern, Anna's lawyer, revealed that he is the father of her new baby girl who was born just three days before Anna's son suddenly died. Howard has been by Anna's side since day one, he was a permenant fixture throughout the trainwreck of a show on E!, The Anna Nicole Show (which I loved and thoroughly enjoyed). He would follow her around like a puppy dog and cater to her every whim. He admits that he's been in love with Anna for a very long time now.

Attorney Howard K. Stern said on "Larry King Live" that he's the father of Anna Nicole's newborn baby.

The revelation sets up a potentially nasty paternity battle. Stern appeared Tuesday night on "Larry King Live" disclosing his belief that he is the father. The statement is in sharp contrast to comments by Larry Birkhead who has told TMZ in the past that he is the father. Birkhead has asked for a paternity test and it is unclear whether Anna Nicole will oblige.

Stern said on King's show that he has been in love with Anna Nicole for along time and hopes the feeling is mutual. [TMZ]

Tori Spelling ain't the brightest candle on the cake

Despite being preggers, Tori still attempts to ride a bike. Let's hope the baby looks like her horndog hubby who also isn't the sharpest tool himself.

Are you really that shocked?

I'm not.

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has been secretly battling hepatitis C — a serious viral infection of the blood, often associated with used needles, the New York Daily News reports.

In an Access Hollywood interview airing tomorrow night, Tyler, 58, admits that he was diagnosed three years ago but "I've had hepatitis C for a long time, asymptomatic."

"I've been pretty quiet about this," says the admitted former drug addict. "The band took a break about three years ago. … [My doctor] said now is the time, and it's 11 months of chemotherapy" — actually, interferon, which strengthens the immune system — "so I went on that, and it about killed me." Tyler adds: "You know, it really hurt. It was a bad, bad period. I'm in AA, and I tried to go three, four, five months with nothing, and it about killed me."

As Tyler underwent interferon therapy, his marriage of 18 years to fashion designer Teresa Barrick suffered. The couple, who have two children, divorced earlier this year. "I had a little problem at home, to say the least," he says, "and I would run upstairs at night, you know, to put the kids asleep and wake up at 3 in the morning with a nosebleed — you know, just passed out from the interferon, the treatment. It's a shot and pills and all of that. But the good news is I stood the test of time."

About 4.5 million Americans suffer from hepatitis C, which can cause lead to scarring and cirrhosis of the liver. "It's the silent killer," Tyler says. "I may go on Oprah and talk about this."

Tyler isn’t the only celebrity to suffer from hepatitis C. In 2002, Pamela Anderson announced that she had contracted the disease after sharing tattoo needles with ex-husband Tommy Lee. [Us Weekly]

Turn that frown upside down

What's gettin' you down, TomKat? Not enough vitamins today to lift your spirits?


Oh, but WAIT! You spotted the cameras and now K-I-S-S! Right next your embarassed daughter no less.

What's in the water up in Hollywood?

Seems like all the preggo celebs right now are knocked up with twins. WTF? Something seems suspicious, does all that Botox have a side-effect resulting in multiple births?

Patrick Dempsey and wife are expecting twin boys. Looks like McDreamy Jr. I and II are on their way.


Next up, we have P.Diddy who knocked up his baby-momma, Kim Porter, with twin girls.


Then we have the boy/girl twins of Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels. Did they use David Crosby's boys again? *Shudder*


Elvis Costello and Diana Krall are expecting twins too. They know the sex but aren't telling the rest of the world.


And last, but not least, is Marcia Cross who is also gonna pop out two pups.

I come bearing a bag o' bones

These chicks must think it's hot for us to see every rib on their body through their tissue-thin skin.

You gotta get with my friends

For Katie Holmes, it pays to have friends in high places. Or does it?

Katie Holmes is reportedly set to play Victoria Beckham in a film about her husband David's life....Tom Cruise suggested the story of the football star's rise to fame to Paramount film studios before they ended his contract, and they quickly optioned the film before parting ways with the 'Top Gun' star. Katie, 27, is said to be "moved" at the possibility of playing former Spice Girl Victoria, who she has become good friends with after the 32-year-old mother-of-three gave her advice while she was pregnant with daughter Suri.... The quartet have become very close friends and the Beckhams would only be happy about their story being used if Tom and Katie were involved. "Katie is perfect to play a young Posh and has been working on her accent." [lifestyleextra/uk]

Um, is anyone else finding this a bit odd? Subtract the bit about the Beckhams and the future Cruises being close friends... that's just weird in and of itself. What do you think their conversations are about? Does this mean the Becks are/becoming Scientologists? And never mind the biopic on David Beckham (does the world really need one?) But, Katie Holmes to play Posh Spice? Who's gonna play Ginger Spice, Michelle Williams? Is James Vanderbeek (sp?) going to play Becks? Did hell just freeze over?

Melissa, Hide Your Eyes

If you're eating something, don't read this:

Rosie O'Donnell shocked co-star Julian McMahon when she bared her breasts during a love scene when her shirt kept getting in the shot. ...[Rosie] guest starred on... Nip/Tuck as a lottery winner who ends up bedding her plastic surgeon....the director tried to shoot around a tube-top they made her wear, but had to keep yelling "cut" because a bit of the top could be seen in the shot. O'Donnell immediately pulled the shirt down to her waist, shocking her co-star. McMahon, who plays sexy surgeon Christian Troy on the show, looked down and told her "nice boobs." [imdb]

This is Melissa's worst nightmare come true. One of her favorite shows now sullied by the presence of her most-hated nemesis. I'm not sure she'll be able to recover. Will this put her off Nip/Tuck for good? Only time, and Julian McMahon's sweet ass, will tell...

BAM!

You have to love this. You have to. Bam is letting it all hang out and Jessica's rep is going to suffer for it. The Jackass cast appeared on the Howard Stern show this week and Howard managed to get Bam to sorta admit to a little flagrante delecto with the tacky songstress:

Howard asked Bam if the rumors about him and Jessica Simpson sleeping together were true, but he wouldn’t confirm...or deny them. Howard then pointed out, regardless of whether or not these stories were true, he felt Bam’s association with Jessica made him a legend to his fans, because he didn’t think people would ever believe he could get a girl of that caliber. Steve then mentioned he and Nicole Richie once made out, but that she only wanted to do it as a way to get media coverage for something other than her weight. [stern]

So, maybe Bam's encounter with Jess is the reason she's been wearing such bulky sweaters of late? Perhaps Jessica has a little Bam in the oven? Hmm?

Make it stop... please...

There are no words... No words...
KFed's employed:

The Associated Press reports that the former back-up dancer has just signed with Five Star Vintage clothing to be the face of the company's holiday clothing line. [usweekly]

Seriously, she better be in costume...

There's no excuse for this do:

Angie's rubbing off on him...

So, not a big deal. Evs. But Brad got a new tat. And it's reminiscent of his "not-his-wife-unless-everyone-can-get-married" live-in mate. Only thing is... it's so damn small no one can tell what it says! Prize to the person who's able to reveal what this tat says!!! (Just kidding, we don't have that kind of budget... )

Gwennie Steps Out

How fab does Mrs. Martin look? God, didn't she just give birth? How they snap right back into shape...

Polar Opposites...

How crazy is this? After all Ana Nicole Smith has been through in the last few weeks, now this:

Anna Nicole Smith was forced to sell photos of her son Daniel Smith taken the night before he died in order to pay for his funeral expenses. The family portraits were taken in a hospital room in the Bahamas two days after the birth of Anna Nicole's daughter and hours before her 20-year-old son was found dead. Photo agency Getty Images sold the photos to US publication In Touch for $400,000 after a fierce bidding war. [imdb]

Who knew she was this destitute? After the E! show, I figured she got some cash back. Really, I know I'm not in the majority here, but she deserves to have that lawsuit be settled in her favor. It's not like she's asking for everything -- she's asking for 1/2 of everything... which is a whole damn lot. That guy had more money than God.

To the other extreme... Brangelina are donating oodles of cash to yet another charity:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have handed out $1 million each in a whopping charity splurge. The organizations who will receive the amazing hand-out include Global Action For Children and Doctors Without Borders. [imdb]

Amazing. Gotta give 'em props.

Hey Joan, David needs Depends

What's up with Duchovney? Did someone have an accident?

I like these two together

I'm liking the couple that is Jenny and Jim. These two are probably big-time goofballs with one another. You know they compete to see who can burp and fart the loudest. I'm tellin' ya: the couple who poops in front of one another is a couple who stays together.

Don't cry for me Argentina

Nicole Kidman waving from a balcony looking very picturesque. Where's Keith? Probably getting his highlights touched up.

That's HOT!

Who knows if the source is reliable and, really, who cares? Kirsten Dunst is kissing and telling -- up a storm! Now that her relationship with hotty Jake Gyllenhaal is over and done, Kirsten's letting it all hang out...

"Jake and I couldn't last. He's a stay-at-home boy and I'm an out-on-the-town girl. We tried to spice things up--we had sex in cars, in the bathroom and even by the sea. The only place we didn't have the guts to try was in a walkway in a hotel because we thought we might get kicked out if we were caught." [news of the world/uk]

Jeez. Mom must be soooooo proud.

Girl, if you gotta 'spice things up' with that hot piece of Brokeback ass, then something's seriously wrong with you. I'm just saying is all.

Who knew?

The latest in a long line of Tom Cruise defenders is...
Victoria Beckham (also known as Posh Spice).
Who knew she and Becks had anything to do with Cruise and cohorts?

...VICTORIA ...[and]... DAVID BECKHAM are close pals of Cruise and HOLMES and insist criticism of their scientology beliefs and their parentage of baby SURI is unfair. She says, "People say he's strange or whatever but he's not, he's just a genuinely lovely, caring person. "And Katie? She's one of the most down-to-earth celebrities I've ever met. I couldn't imagine a better person for Tom." She adds of four-month-old Suri, "I haven't seen Suri in the flesh yet, just in pictures and she looks so beautiful, the spitting image of her dad. "Tom calls me all the time and he's so in love with that little girl, he'll phone just to talk about her." [contact music/uk]

Odd. Eh, who cares? Here's a picture of her smokin' hot hubby...


Incidentally, Victoria's knocked up again -- they're going for their 4th.
Apparently, they shag like bunnies.

Hot Damn!

Gotta hand it to Brad and Angie... They've decided to get married only when it's legal for everyone else in the country to get married, too. Fabulous! Kudos to them. Gotta respect that. I hope the hold to this promise...

"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the cover boy told the magazine in its October issue, according to the Associated Press. [eonline]

Headlines we could give a rat's ass about

Seriously, what amounts to news these days is astounding. Case in point:

Police recover Lindsay Lohan's handbag, reported missing from UK ...
(416 stories on google news)*

Um, who gives a shit? If we hear one more goddamn story about "LaLohan"... What's all the fuss about anyhow?

50 Cent rapped for traffic violations
(272 stories on google new)*

Traffic violations? Has he gone soft?

Dogs Cramping Schiffer's Style?
(156 stories on google news)*

Oh, suckah please. The only time Claudia mattered was when everyone was trying to figure out why in God's name she was dating David Copperfield.

NOW, THIS... THIS IS A HEADLINE WE CAN WRAP OUR MINDS AROUND!

Dutch priest admits to phoning in bomb threat to Madonna

Someone's going to need to go to confession...



* as of this morning.

Suri's For Real...

As you all know by now, Suri Cruise made her celluloid debut this week. And, she appears to be a 'normal baby of normal size'. Damn, I gotta take back everything I said about this kid now... cause she's friggin' adorable! She's quite possibly the cutest baby on the planet. But, if you're worried -- fret not -- I haven't gone nice yet.

Notice the hair. That's an awful lot of hair for a kid of 3 or so months (when these pics were taken).

Notice how much she looks like her mom, Katie... I'm still doubting paternity here....

Overall though, this is one cute kid. So, I give. Until the next weird-ass story about TomKat reaches the surface. --J.

Crocodile Hunter Hunts His Last Hunt

Today we learned of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin's death—aged 44, and not how you thought it was gonna happen either. Although he tempted fate numerous times with various deadly animals, he died in a pretty bizarre way—all of the circumstances had to be “just so” for his death to have occurred.

“In the end it was a stingray that did in the internationally famous khaki-clad nature star of Crocodile Hunter fame. A run-in with the sea creature in waters near Australia's Great Barrier Reef killed Irwin on Monday...stingray attacks are typically defensive and rarely fatal--unless a barb, a jagged part of the stingray's stinger along its spine, punctures a person's stomach or heart. Irwin apparently suffered the latter fate--a shot to the heart. "He came up on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole in his heart," John Stainton, Irwin's longtime director and producer, told reporters in Australia.” [E! Online]

If you’re not a fan of Animal Planet or have been living under a rock for a few years, then you might best remember Steve Irwin from his last controversy (pictured above). He brought his newborn baby into the crocodile pit with him—in front of a crowd of onlookers. He then proceeded to feed the crocodile raw meat, whilst said infant dangled precariously in his other arm. Stupid? Yes. But the damage control he had to do post-episode proved that he wasn’t really sure what all the fuss was about. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

Look, I’m already on the bus to hell, so don’t get your panties in a bunch while you read this... I’m not going to sugar coat this story… He was gonna die an animal-related death, the question was not if, but when. And a fairly short time ago, I said it, too. And I also said: I wanna see the tape. (Which I take back... That was a bit much... I do it all for the funny... Sometimes the funny goes too far. So sue me.)

Now, some of you might be wondering: Why such hatred for the Croc guy? I didn’t hate him... It just annoyed me to no end that someone who was supposed to be caring for (he was the head of Australia Zoo) and promoting the sanctity of wildlife would be so brazen as to interfere with wildlife as much and to the extent that he did. In his work, I didn’t see the respect he claimed to have for wildlife... I saw a desperate attempt to exploit wildlife in a need to gain personal notoriety.

This is just an opinion... and opinions are like a-holes—everyone’s got one and they all stink. Did I wish him any ill will or harm because I didn’t care for his line of work? No. Of course not... but, the fact remains: Mess with the bull and you get the horns. Life is dangerous enough—don’t f--- with nature.

Another one bites the dust...

I'm beginning to think that Jessica Simpson is the new Winona Ryder. Meaning, she's sucking the life out of every talented man she crosses paths with... (I'm talking to you Zach Braff). Now, she's on to soil the image of guitarist/singer/songwriter John Mayer. I mean, what could they possibly have in common? What? Does she regale him with talk of bra shopping and spray-on tans? Does her silly faces and clip-on hair attachments really get his juices flowing? Can it be as simple as "MMM, I got me some of that?" God, I hope so. And if that's the case, John -- do it, get it over with and move the fuck on.... Look at him (above) -- all white and pasty -- as if she's draining him of his life's blood... Sickly and diminished in appearance, I'm sure his talent will be next! Jesus H Christ -- SOMEONE STOP HER!!!

John Mayer's official website crashed yesterday, after the Grammy Award winner reportedly posted a mysterious message related to his new relationship with Jessica Simpson. ...The singer simply had written "I'm really enjoying this song" and posted an image of Public Enemy's album cover for their song "Don't Believe The Hype". ...News broke about the budding relationship between the stars, who are both suffering from a bought of laryngitis, on Tuesday....Simpson is reportedly telling friends she is in love with the singer. A source close to Mayer tells Us Weekly, "They've only gotten together a handful of times over the last few weeks. But yes, they've made out." A Simpson source tells the magazine that the couple have yet to consummate their new relationship. [imdb]
"The two singers have known each other for several years and last year both attended Clive Davis's pre-Grammys party in Beverly Hills. Although Simpson has been linked to Jared Leto and her Employee of the Month costar and Teen Choice Awards cohost Dane Cook, Simpson has not officially dated anyone since her November 2005 separation from Nick Lachey." [People]


Sidebar:
Even the public agrees this couple is not palatable (According to a People Mag poll):

Are Jessica and John a good match?
Yes		19%
No		81%