Stepford Wife Thanksgiving Reunion

The Beckhams and Holmes-Cruises got together and pimped themselves and their children out for the paparazzi on Thanksgiving in NYC. I don't know how early they got up to stage this, but poor Suri looks like she was yanked out of her peaceful slumber. Poshbot looks the most put-together, that's cause she is fully dressed and accessorized all the time. Becks just has to flip her power switch to the On position and take her out of the cabinet she sleeps in, like Vicki on Small Wonder. Here is the clan walking around and riding a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park.

Who do I contact at the Scientology Center for a clone?

Cause I need to order one of Suri -- STAT. The child is precious. And it should be a requirement that all children walk around with a cupcake in their hand.

Too good to be true?

I don't wish harm on anybody but this will at least keep the gum flapping to a minimum for a while. Dun dun dunnnnn.... Ann Coulter has broken her jaw and it will have to wired shut for at least a month.

Page Six is reporting that right-wing agitator and controversy-seeker Ann Coulter's jaw is wired tightly shut.

Apparently it was broken, but by whom, no one seems to be sure. We could hazard a guess, but why throw roses yet.

The blogosphere is already aquiver over the idea of a forced Coulter Moment of Silence.

Finally, the Right Wing Barbie Doll has to shut up. This is, after all, the woman who called 2004 VP nominee John Edwards the F-word in 2007 while speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

"I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the 'gay hate word' " so I'm -- so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions."

The rehab reference was a right-wing joke (and we use the term loosely) about actor Isaiah Washington using that word for his Grey's Anatomy co-star T.R. Knight and been forced by the network to undergo psychological treatment.

But her unfunny comments drew criticism from all fields, Democrats, Republicans and gay rights groups.

But here's the best part about the Coulter broken jaw news. No really, this is really good: Seems she has a brand new book titled GUILTY due out in early January and, of course, was all booked on TV and radio talk shows to discuss the "much-needed reality check on a Left gone wild," declares the book's jacket.

Her latest work reportedly exposes and mocks the media's love affair with all things Democrat and all things President-elect Barack Obama.

Too bad Ann won't be able to say a word about her new book.

That's just a gosh darn shame. [The Envelope]

Who is smoking crack around here?

Beyonce and Rhanna look like freakin' fools.

Craziness at the Scientology Center in Hell-A

Good thing shit like this did not go down when Nicole and I braved the crazies and took the tour of this joint. All hail Xenu. Swords and insane people do not mix. I think shooting to kill is a bit much, I mean, couldn't they have just shot him in the leg or something? I wonder if it's the same guard we encountered. He did seem like he was programmed to kill.

A security guard shot and killed a man wielding two Samurai swords Sunday on the grounds of a Scientology building in Hollywood, police said. The unidentified man approached three guards around noon in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, Los Angeles Deputy Police Chief Terry S. Hara said.

The man was "close enough to hurt them" when one of the guards shot him, Hara said. Detectives were questioning the guard to figure out the swordsman's motive and determine whether the shooting was justified.

Surveillance tape showed the man arriving at the center's parking lot in a red convertible, then approaching the guards with a sword in each hand, Hara said. "The evidence itself, it's very, very clear," Hara said. "The security officers were defending their safety."

Detective Wendi Berndt told the Los Angeles Times the man was involved with the church a long time ago. "There was a previous relationship, but it is unclear to what degree," Berndt said.

Calls to Scientology spokespeople were not immediately returned Sunday.

The Celebrity Centre includes a seven-story Norman-revival landmark that towers over the Hollywood freeway and used to be a residential hotel for movie stars. The castle-like facility now serves as "a home for the artist, a place where he can come and learn, attend seminars, meet other artists and even perform at our many showcases and events," according to the center's Web site.

The Church of Scientology was established in 1945 by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. It teaches that technology can expand the mind and help solve problems and claims 10 million members around the world, including celebrity devotees Tom Cruise and John Travolta. [AP]

When did we have time to write a book?

Between the weekly trips to the plastic surgeon, the daily shots of botox, and peddling my crap on QVC -- when did we have time to sit down and pen a murder mystery? I suppose it was only a matter of time.

Product Description
A just-back-from-rehab starlet drops dead while entering the Academy Awards, and the only ones who can solve the crime are Maxine (Max) Taylor and her daughter Drew, fun and thinly disguised versions of Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa. Oscar night. The Kodak Theater. Hollywood. The red carpet is out and Max and Drew are on the job - mikes in hand. Suppose hot young actress, Halsey Hamilton, is trying to reform her image after a bad year of too much partying. She's moved herself, semi-permanently, into rehab. Imagine Halsey's triumphant sober return to Hollywood as she marches up the red carpet, bypassing all the other camera crews, and heads straight for Max. Alas, what if she doesn't exactly march so much as stagger? And then fall down at Max's feet, clutching the bottom of Max's divine Michael Kors gown? Is this a case of one of the most public overdoses on record? Or is it murder?


About the Author
Joan Rivers is a force of nature and one of the hardest-working celebrities in the world -- a comedienne, bestselling author, Tony Award®-nominated actress, playwright, screenwriter, Emmy® Award-winning television talk show host, jewelry designer, fashionista, businesswoman, and, most importantly, mother and grandmother. [amazon]

I liked him better when he had no name...

Um, Prince needs to shut the f up...

Prince has said that he does not believe that gay marriage is "right." The singer told The New Yorker that he disagreed with a liberal "Democrat" view of life, pointing to gay marriage as something condoned by the party that he disagreed with because it clashed with the teachings of the Bible. "God came to Earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out," he said. "He was, like, 'Enough.' "[In the USA] you've got the Republicans, basically they want to live according to [the Bible]. But there's the problem of interpretation, and you've got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn't."And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you've got blue, you've got the Democrats, and they're, like, 'You can do whatever you want.' Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right." [yahoo music]

Does a bear shit in the woods?

People mag thinks they're telling us something we don't already know.


I just have to share this hee-larious convo between J&M gal pal Karen and I:

Karen: Okay, tell me you don't wish you were his kids' nanny! http://omg.yahoo.com/news/peoples-sexiest-man-alive-hugh-jackman/15572?nc

Joan: um, his wife needs him to dress up for her? frankly, isn't him being smokin' hot enough? sheesh.

Karen: Hey, whatever works for them, as long as they’re in it together, is my feeling. Now, him being smoking hot and dressed up means:
-smoking hot cowboy
-smoking hot tough guy
-smoking hot whatever his role is tomorrow
I’d say she’s got the best of EVERY world right there...

Doucheface alert

Again, courtesy of John Mayer. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Douchebag says what?

Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? More pics are coming out from the new CD photo shoot. Verdict: This is NOT BritBrit. The guy that photoshopped this shit either get an award or be fired for misrepresentation.

I want to clone and marry George Clooney

As usual, we're on the same page... The man is perfection personified.

"At some point in our lifetime, gay marriage won't be an issue, and everyone who stood against this civil right will look as outdated as George Wallace standing on the school steps keeping James Hood from entering the University of Alabama because he was black." [eonline]

People need to get the fuck over it and get with it.

I don't know what's more offensive

The poor creature that Maggie Gyllenhall draped over her body or the pube beard her hubby has goin' on. You be the judge.

A Toast to George

I don't know if I'm gonna make it through this post without losing it. I'm still not quite over the death of George Carlin. At the time of his death, he was prepping for his next HBO special and had just found out he was going to be the next recipient for the Mark Twain Prize -- something he would have truly enjoyed. It's just such a damn shame that we were robbed of his genius so soon. I'm glad to find out that a bevy of respected comedians, and friends of Carlin's, gathered to posthumously award him the Mark Twain Prize, which will air this spring for us all to enjoy and pay respects:

The Kennedy Center's posthumous presentation of the Mark Twain Prize to George Carlin had the feel of an Irish wake as a who's who of top comics paid irreverent tribute to the pioneering social satirist on Monday night. Jon Stewart, Lily Tomlin, Bill Maher and Joan Rivers were among those who took part in the raucous event at the Kennedy Center. Carlin was named this year's Twain Prize recipient in June, one week before his death at age 71. Presenters also included Lewis Black, Garry Shandling, Denis Leary, Richard Belzer and Margaret Cho. When they weren't poking fun at Carlin or at frequent target Sarah Palin, comics were praising Carlin's social criticism and his impact on their own careers....Carlin's family looked down from a box at the center's Concert Hall as a parade of video clips spanned the influential comic's career...The Twain Prize, in its 11th year, is produced by Bob Kaminsky and Peter Kaminsky, Mark Krantz, Cappy McGarr and WETA Washington. Event will air on PBS stations April 1. [variety]

How bangs SHOULD NOT look

Oh, SNAP!!!!!

I just knew this shit would air out eventually. I JUST KNEW IT! Finally, the cock's coming home to roost.

Jennifer Aniston is sounding off about her ex-husband's current partner, Angelina Jolie. In a new cover story for Vogue magazine... Jennifer said Angelina's interview with the fashion magazine in January 2007, in which the "Changeling" star revealed details about the start of her romance with Brad Pitt, was tough to read. "There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening," Aniston said in her new interview, which will appear in Vogue's December 2008 issue. "I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss." In the original January '07 article Jennifer was referring to, Angelina told Vogue that it was clear Brad was "with his best friend, someone he loves and respects." But, Angelina's comments about the excitement she felt going to work on the set of "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," where she met Brad, were stinging. "That stuff about how she couldn't wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool," Jennifer said. [omg/yahoo]

And I gotta agree. She's said she's over the breakup -- and has moved on. But when details like this come up, it's gotta remind you of how douchey he was at that time and place. Therefore, she's got every right to defend herself, lest people say it's time for her to move on and get over it. Easier said than done when your ex is gallivanting all over the globe having countless children with the woman who broke up your marriage. Let's face it, he was out of the marriage a long time before Jennifer even knew what was going on. Makes ya angry all over again.

Gotta say, I feel very conflicted about this triangle. Brad and Angie seem like upstanding, giving people and devoted parents. On the surface -- like really good people. But the whole way the breakup went down leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. So, once again -- I'm with Team Aniston.

was i under a rock?

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan came out in September. I musta been under a rock, cause I totally missed it. Now, she's opening up in detail:

Lindsay Lohan is finally speaking at length about her relationship with celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson. Though she first confirmed she and Samantha are a couple during a phone-in to syndicated radio show "Loveline" in late September, in a new cover story for the December issue of Harper's Bazaar, Lindsay tackled the question again, revealing more about her feelings for the DJ. "I think it's pretty obvious who I'm seeing," Lindsay told the magazine, which hits newsstands November 18. "I think it's no shock to anyone that it's been going on for quite some time... She's a wonderful person and I love her very much.... "Ali's known Samantha for a really long time. And she's like, 'Whatever it is, I support you. I probably won't ever do what it is you're doing, but I'm happy for you,'" Lindsay said. "Ali's very mature. I've told her that it's okay to like a boy or a girl if you're comfortable with it and it's something you believe you want to do. And I told her not to be afraid of who she wants to be." While Samantha is the first woman Lindsay has admitted to dating publicly, when asked if she had previously "been with a girl" by Harper's, the actress replied, "I don't know, maybe." Lindsay said she does not consider herself a lesbian, but as for whether she thinks of herself as bisexual, she told the magazine, "maybe." [omg/yahoo]

Uh, riiiiiiight.

Come on Kate... We love ya and you're definitely one of the best actresses out there. And you've always been forthcoming and no nonsense... Which is why we're not buyin' this claim that airbrushing wasn't used on your recent spread in Vanity Fair.

Just a day after Kate Winslet revealed in a Vanity Fair interview that she still feels like the "fat kid," critics in her home country are lining up to claim she still is. But the svelte five-time-Oscar-nominee isn't having it: "Kate is furious at suggestions that her body has been airbrushed," her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. ... "She is in terrific shape and what you see is how she looks or she would never have agreed to pose for those shots," adds her rep. ... "I just didn't want people to think I was a hypocrite and that I'd suddenly lost 30 lbs. or whatever," the youngest ever five-time Oscar nominee said at the time. "So I just came out and said, 'Look, I don't look like that'. I'm not mad at the magazine, but I have no intention of looking like that." Winslet's rep does admit that minor tweaks were done to the actress for the photoshoot but insists the work was confined to skin shades only. "The only retouching was the usual work on skin tone that happens in every glamour shoot," adds the rep. [people]

I don't think they used the photoshop version of liposuction here... But it's obvious these pics have been 'perfected.' You be the judge...

Madonna channels youth once again...

Madonna is yet again trying to suck the youth out of today's pop stars... Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears showed up at one of her recent concerts to help her look young and distract the onlookers from the age that no amount of yoga can erase. (God, this is brutal. I don't even have anything against Madonna. I must be close to my period.)

Rollin' in Dough

Talk about a cast! The first stills from Nine are leaking on the web. (Nine is the new Rob Marshall musical adapted from the Broadway hit.)

Nine is a musical following a film director named Guido Contini, who is in his middle age. He is trying to complete his next film. His main problem is that he has too many women in his life. Luisa, his wife, Carla his sexy mistress, and Claudia, his muse and protege. [imdb]

Though, if this movie isn't a mega-hit, the producers are gonna definitely lose profit -- how can they afford to pay every one of these A-list stars??? Seven of the "nine" accompanying Daniel Day Lewis are: Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Sofia Loren, Judi Dench, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cottiliard, and Fergie (who let her in?)

6 Degrees of...

A co-worker of mine had a celeb encounter in NYC the other day... Enjoy! and thanks, Katie! :)

I was walking up 6th ave. in midtown and 2 men were walking right next to me. Then they stopped and starting talking...I nonchalantly glanced at them and the man right next to me was KEVIN BACON. I looked away and stole a second glance to confirm and sure enough it was the Bacon. He had on a fitted hat and a scarf tied stylishly around his neck. He’s quite tall and very thin and his hair was dark brown. I was too shy/in a rush to get to class to talk to him. Besides, I’m the type of person that leaves celebs alone....

OK, these are cute

Katie and Suri were out, holding a ladybug umbrella, in NYC.

I take it all back...

Last week I posted a shout out to Target for stocking some good-ass tights by Merona. I TAKE IT BACK! The pair I bought musta been a fluke. Today I try on 2 more pairs that I went back to snap up and I felt like I was wrestling a friggin' alligator. Mother f-er.

Try not to look like an idiot

I love Joaquin but didn't he double-check this before being all up-in-our-faces about it? We know he's quitting the biz and he made a bold statement at some event over the weekend. Only, it came out Bye! Good instead of Good Bye! Oh well.

Holy Airbrushing Batman

Jesus...
Whoever airbrushed this musta thought they were working on Jessica Simpson's new CD.
This is no Britney Spears we're familiar with.
Where's the bag o' Cheetos, the Frappacino, the ripped fishnets?

Halloween in Hollywood

The "stars" show off their tricks and treats...

I don't remember Wonder Woman wearing black tights.
Fucks up the outfit altogether. Nice job, douchey.

These two couldn't decide on one stoopit costume, so....

They went with two...

That's Pink, looking the most feminine she has...ever.

Seal and Heidi definitely win. Hands down.

(In case you can't tell... Heidi Klum.)

This is just weird. My guess is Katy Perry had the jacket
and it kinda snowballed from there.

Yawn...

Ugh...

Where's Flava?