The Dark Underbelly of Disneyland: EXPOSED!

After much debate, Joan and Melissa decided to pay the $63 admission and officially pop their Disneyland cherries. At first was proving to be a very fun and happy experience... dare we say, we were "magically" caught up in its spell. Every "cast member" aka "staff member" was sickeningly nice -- to the point of insanity. (No one's that nice... NO ONE.) After a while, the New Yorkers in us became vomitous...

Up until hour 6, we were having the time of our lives (let the following pics speak for themselves). But, as night darkened Disney, an ominous tone was set... and it went from being the Happiest Place on Earth to the Most Miserable Place on Earth -- FAST.

Here are some things no one tells you about DISNEYLAND:

• Plushies don't roam around freely, they're guarded. And BTW, Melissa's afraid of them.
• There's "Stroller Parking" -- rows and rows of unguarded carriages filled to the brim with Disney paraphrenalia -- and that shit's expensive.
• The merchandise is the same in very store, for the most part, except for the friggin' towel Melissa wanted and didn't get the 1st time around -- so we had to hike our asses back to Critter Corner and snap it up.
• Frontierland and Tomorrowland suck ass.
• Pocahantas is a bitch: Homegirl didn't want nuttin' to do with us.
• Freaks a plenty: from transgenders to self-mutilators for all the world to see.
• Kids can eat healthy but adults can go f themselves.
• At night, it's even more crowded than in the day time -- if that's even possible -- and the tough part is, murder isn't legal.
• Cinderella's Castle ain't no castle, it's an "arch".
• Pooh and Tigger? Definitely gay.

Would we take back the experience? Never. Would we go back? Willingly? Oh, hell no.

Wishing upon a star...

Joan's grabbin' Eeyore's ass.



"QUICKLY!" --Melissa



"Now I want one that goes up and down." --Joan



"This was the greatest idea ever." --Melissa


Oh yeah, we found out why Pooh's happy all the time...


"QUICKLY." --Pocohantas


This used to be a man...

And these used to be normal earlobes...


And last but not least, what most people don't know and what most will never find out... Quite possibly, the most dark thing about Disney... Pooh and Tigger get it on...