Papa Don't Preach

Apparently the American Idol set has been plagued by the latest crazy parent. This time, it's getting ugly. Rumor has it, David Archuleta's dad will be banned from the set. He seems to be quite a handful:

In the case of David Archuleta, the singer's father, Jeff Archuleta, has a much lower profile, being only occasionally and briefly glimpsed in the Idol studio audience. But in the headlines, Jeff Archuleta has become as much a figure as his frontrunner son, with reports of the elder Archuleta upbraiding his 17-year-old until the boy was in tears. The "stage father from hell" angle spiked again this week when Cowell critiqued David Archuleta's performance of "You're the Voice" by telling the teen he'd be "shocked if you picked that song yourself." TMZ.com chimed in with a report that Cowell's remark was a swipe at Jeff Archuleta. [e!]

Entertainment Tonight is reporting that Archuleta's less-than-perfect performance of "We Can Work It Out"...may have been the result of an argument with his father on Monday. Purportedly unimpressed with the subpar quality of his son's singing, Jeff Archuleta "yelled at David during a recording session … and even brought him to tears." According to blog L.A. Rag Mag, this isn't the first time Jeff's lost his temper. Citing a "reliable source," they say he harassed several other contestants when David was competing on Star Search in 2003, and was eventually banned from the set after making intimidating phone calls to some poor 12-year-old girl (she eventually beat David on the show). [ny mag]

Let's hope he does get banned...for good. Big bully.

I smell a spinoff

VH1 is probably trying to figure out some way to give Poison drummer Rikki Rocket his own reality show after learning he has a warrant out for his arrest.

Rikki Rockett...was taken into custody on a rape warrant as he arrived Monday at Los Angeles International Airport on a flight back from New Zealand. The musician, whose real name is Richard Ream, was nabbed while going through customs and taken to Los Angeles County Jail, where he was booked on a felony fugitive sexual assault warrant issued from Neshoba County, Miss. He was released the next afternoon, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department website, and is awaiting an extradition order from Mississippi prosecutors. [e!]

With a name like Richard Ream, how did he not go into porn? (Good line, Helena. ;)

Everybody say Ho!

Someone was wise enough to unearth these pics of George Clooney's gal pal getting fah-reaky in a night club and on the beach. (Watch out George; you could break a hip. She looks pretty limber.) She's fully clothed, but the sentiment's the same. Click here to view a shot of her with her rump in the air felating the cover of a magazine.

Oooh Baby Baby

If you're at all interested or are feeling generous enough to purchase a gift, you can click here to view Jaime Lynn Spears' baby registry. Everyone else can get on with their lives.

Not Buyin' It

Star Magazine is claiming that Angelina and Brad got married today. If it's true, they're the only ones with the scoop -- and that alone is why it's probably untrue. The couple has gone on record to say they have no intentions to marry.

It's official! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got hitched earlier today, Saturday, March 29, in New Orleans. Jolie, who is pregnant with twins, has been dating Pitt since 2005. The couple share four children together: Maddox, 6; Pax, 4; Zahara, 3; and Shiloh, 1. This is Angelina's third marriage and Brad's second. [star]

Today's Loser Award Goes To:

Richie Sambora, who's obviously rehab's poster boy:

Richie Sambora has been arrested on a DUI charge in Laguna Beach, Calif., police confirm. The Bon Jovi guitarist was pulled over about 10:52 p.m. Tuesday night after police said they spotted him weaving on the road, according to Laguna Beach Police Sgt. Jason Kravetz. Sambora was driving a Hummer and was with three unidentified women, one adult and two juveniles. [people]

One of the juveniles was his daughter. Hey asshole -- GET A LIFE!

Idol's Bottom Three: Week Three

By most accounts, last night's Idol was pretty good. Overall the song choices were appropriate and well-performed. The exceptions were:

• Ramilie's awful rendition of Alone (really people, there are other Heart songs to sing. Stop picking this one).
• David A's odd song choice was a yawnfest.
• Jacuzzi's performance was lackluster, albeit it well sung.
• Kristy Lee's "well chosen song" was a bit corny, even though the judges loved her.
• Brooke's mixed up Police cover.
• Jar Jar Binks' too subtle cover of Fragile.

Best last night by far were David Cook (even though he ripped of Chris Cornell's rendition) and Hot Aussie who turned into a friggin' rock god. And f the judges, Carlye was awesome.

So, the Bottom Three might be:















Who goes home?
It better be Kristy.

Headlines that sound dirty, but aren't...

• Keanu Seeks Mediation for Pap Downing

• Pumpkins Hammer Virgin

• Hugh Jackman teams with Virgin for new comic books

• Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon Shows Off Her Twins

It's in the genes

How is this for weird? Brad Pitt is related to Barack Obama and Angelina Jolie is related to Hilary Clinton.

Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society discovered that Barack Obama is distant cousins with Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie, Madonna, Alanis Morissette, and Celine Dion. Obama – who wrote his own Just Like Us captions last month – is also distantly related to six presidents, including George W. Bush. Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found. Clinton... and Jolie...are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718. [us weekly]

Unreal. Talk about 6 degrees of separation. Melissa, I forgot to tell you -- we're related to Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld. Thanksgiving will be interesting this year.

You Gotta Let Love Rule

I usually start my Sunday mornings off watching CBS's Sunday Morning program (cause it's thought provoking and entirely void of crap -- it's like what journalism was intended to be before it got bastardized). This past Sunday featured an in-depth interview with Lenny Kravitz (who is looking so friggin' hot of late, I'm nearly unable to contain myself). I musta been living under a rock, cause I had no idea that Lenny's been celibate for 3 years now. During the interview, he explained his reasons:

There's a purpose behind his decision to stay celibate. "That's a promise I made to God three years ago," Kravitz tells correspondent Michelle Miller. "I believe, in the end, that's gonna help me to find the right person. God's gonna present me with the right person ... so I'm not gonna waiver on that." [orlando sentinel]

Wow. See, Lenny has certainly had enough sex in his life to tide him over...but three years??? He's really taking this vow seriously. And I gotta say: Bravo. And if there is a God, he will put me in Lenny's path so I can help him end that pledge. ;)

So...this is why Lenny Kravitz is this week's HOT PIECE OF ASS.

I need a cigarette

This news sent me into a tizzy. That's right, I said TIZZY!

George Michael hasn't completely lost his faith in America. This summer, the British bad boy returns for his first U.S. tour in 17 years. After performing more than 80 shows in Europe, Michael kicks off the U.S. leg of his 25 Live tour in San Diego on June 17 before heading to 19 other cities. The arena tour will showcase songs from his album Twenty-Five, out April 1 and featuring duets with Mary J. Blige and Paul McCartney. Why return now? Michael, 44, calls it a "rounding off" of his career's first phase. "I don't want to do anything on this scale again," he says. "No more stadiums. I'd like to be the Tony Bennett for my generation." [usa today]

Tour dates and stops for George Michael's first U.S. tour in nearly 20 years:

June 17: San Diego/San Diego Sports Arena
June 19: San Jose, Calif./HP Pavilion
June 21: Las Vegas/MGM Grand
June 22: Phoenix/US Airways Center
June 25: Los Angeles/Great Western Forum
July 2: Seattle/Key Arena
July 4: Vancouver/General Motors Place
July 7: St. Paul/Xcel Energy Center
July 9: Chicago/United Center
July 13: Dallas/American Airlines Center
July 14: Houston/Toyota Center
July 17: Toronto/Air Canada Centre
July 18: Montreal/Bell Centre
July 21 and 23: New York/Madison Square Garden [GODWILLING, JLEV & I WILL BE AT MSG GETTIN' OUR GROOVE THANG ON.]
July 26: Philadelphia/Wachovia Center
July 27: Boston/TD Banknorth Garden
July 29: Washington, D.C./Verizon Center
July 31: Atlanta/Philips Arena
Aug. 2: Tampa/St. Pete Times Forum
Aug. 3: Sunrise, Fla./Bank Atlantic Center

Why you gotta make Jesus hot?

This has long been a moral dilemma for moi. Is it OK to lust after a movie/TV Jesus when a hot actor is cast? Case in point:

CHRISTIAN BALE
Mary, Mother of Jesus (1999, TV)

Who even knew he played Jesus? Is it OK to play American Psycho and Jesus in one career span? But, it's undeniable, he is a hot Jesus. Guess I gotta move to Galilee.

JIM CAVIEZEL
The Passion of the Christ (2004)

Now, this one's tricky. He was very hot, until he actually started believing he was Jesus. Going around saying that since his initials are the same it was destined that he play Jesus. Not to mention hanging around with that wackaloon Mel Gibson. Have you seen this guy in anything since? No. Didn't think so. Mel is like career suicide these days. Watch out Brit!

Dinner for Two

"This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave."--When Harry Met Sally

• Mary-Kate Olsen, din[ed] with pal Nicole Richie and a group of friends at West Hollywood's Chateau Marmont....the starlet smoked some cigarettes – but skipped the food. Richie, meanwhile, was eating: She ordered potato-crusted halibut and asked for a side of carrots and fries – and she gleefully ate chunks of food with her fingers totally unaware of her friends' reactions. [people]

Shocking...

This is one gal I never expected controversy to follow:

The husband of British soul singer Corinne Bailey Rae was found dead in an apartment in Leeds, England, the BBC reports. A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said officers were called to the home where they found saxophonist Jason Rae, 31, Saturday afternoon. In connection with the case, a 32-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of supplying controlled drugs, and was since released on bail, according to police. Reports say that Rae was the victim of a suspected overdose, however, results of a post mortem exam were inconclusive. Police are awaiting the results of a toxicology report, according to the BBC. [people]

Happy Easter

BabiesLo

Jennifer Lopez signed a lucrative deal with People to debut her twins' pictures to the waiting public. They're cute, though I do see a bit of Skeletor in there and that scares me. Let's hope her genes take dominance.

Good-ness Charlotte: Part Two

The sex tape isn't a sex tape at all, but a few pics taken in the 90s by her then boyfriend. This is why it's never, ever safe to put your nasty on celluoid -- moving or still. Believe it will come back to haunt you.

The photos, we're told, were snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. That's right, they are just photos -- no sex tape, fellas! According to reports, 20 photos are making the rounds, but actually it's not quite 20. We're told the ex-boyfriend was pissed at Kristin and then sold the photos to a third party. Classy, huh? The third party got involved in a business venture with another guy and we're told that guy pilfered the pics and they ended up online. [tmz]

Horizontal "Dancing" With The Stars

Drew Lachey and professional dancer Cheryl Burke are wrapped up in the rumor mill, which is suggesting they are having an affair:

The Season Two champion couple had an affair during the show's nationwide tour which ended last month, insiders tell Star. "They didn't go very far to cover it up," one tour insider says. "Cheryl was constantly draped all over Drew. They held hands, had their legs intertwined and were always touching inappropriately." Cheryl's then-boyfriend Matthew Lawrence [Joey's brother --ed.] discovered his girlfriend was cheating when he walked in on the pair, catching them in the act...Sources say Matthew found his girlfriend cheating when he went to retrieve something from her dressing room as the tour hit Jacksonville, Fla. on January 22, an eight-week-long Star investigation uncovered. They say he ran out screaming after seeing Cheryl and Drew having oral sex. [star]

Well, who'd you expect her to have an affair with: Ian Ziering? Please.

Idol's Bottom Three: Week Two

The Bottom Three this week is ify... I'm hesitant to put in Michael Johns (because of his obvious lure, even though all three judges didn't like his performance. I thought it was fine. He could sing the phone book and I wouldn't give two shits). Also hesitant to put in Jason Castro (Jar Jar Binks) because his quasi-feminine/John Travolta looks are popular with the ladies. And even though Brooke wasn't great tonite, she's too popular to end up in the bottom three. So, here's my bet:



As much as I can't stand Amanda, Kristy has to go home.

What you should be watching tonite: MISS/GUIDED

Very funny and underrated gal, Judy Greer (fabulous in Arrested Development and The Hebrew Hammer) gets her first starring role in tonite's premiere of the Ashton Kutcher (not a mistake, you read that right) sitcom, Miss/Guided: "A single-camera comedy centered on a woman (Greer) who returns to her high school alma mater to become a guidance counselor." [imdb] Get the info here!

Judging from clips, it looks promising. And if you're watching reality TV tonite in its place, TIVO it. Don't let me tell ya I told ya so. ;)

This may have just put me off cake

I've never not wanted to eat cake...until now.

When it comes to birthdays, no one celebrates like Eva Longoria-Parker! The Desperate Housewives star extended her 33rd birthday into a wild weekend of fun in Miami. The hit of the party? A Vanilla Rum flavored cake by Edda's Cake Designs bearing her likeness!...On Saturday, March 15, a baker and an artist worked on the cake for three hours using a photo supplied by Eva's camp as inspiration. [star mag]

Ugh. You hafta know the people who attended this party did not think this was cute and gritted their teeth while chomping down on that sucker. I just could not handle being this chick's friend.

Oh, Melissa -- for my birthday cake this year -- can you have the folks at Edda's Cake Designs recreate a scene of me putting my foot in LongWhoria's ass? Thanks much :)

Good-ness Charlotte!

So, you be the judge. Kristen Davis "Sex and the City's" good-girl, Charlotte supposedly has a sex tape. And stills from it are on the web. It really does look like her... but it's very possible it's not. The story keeps developing... Today, Davis came out to deny it's her tape:

Racy photos thought to depict Davis in a variety of compromising positions have also spread across the internet at a furious rate, and the young woman in the photos certainly does bear a resemblance to Davis. Davis denies that she is the woman in the photos. Her rep told TMZ that it is "not a photo of Kristin Davis," and has also stated that no sex tape of the actress exists. But, we've heard this story before...The timing of this latest celebrity sex tape scandal seems all-too convenient, however; the Sex and The City Movie is slated for release on May 30th. Getting the rumor mill to buzz about one of its stars would be an ideal way to promote the film. [ac]

Here's one close-up which is pretty damning. It certainly looks like her... [WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT]

Halle Berry's a Mama!

Halle Berry gave birth to a baby girl, thus commences the formation of an uber race of humans.

Halle Berry has revealed the name of her newborn daughter: Nahla Ariela Aubry. The baby girl, who was born Sunday is the first for the Oscar winning actress and her model boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry. [people]

Happy St. Pat's

MTV's Real World Renunion: Guess Who Game

This meathead cleaned up.
But, how's that thick-ass, grating accent of his?

This loveable hick puffed up.

This once-pretty boy has gone Robinson Cursoe.

Perhaps all the drinking aged her?

Would you want this Jackass living next door to you?

Gotta admit, this is some funny sh!t. Imagine, you're watching American Idol one night -- and you see Steve-O's head pop through your living room wall?

The MTV stuntmeister was arrested Monday on suspicion of vandalism and drug possession at his Hollywood apartment complex after he taped himself bashing holes in the wall of a neighboring apartment, seemingly with a mind to drive his fellow tenant out of the building. [e!]

Steve-O has been posting to his website throughout his 'ordeal'. How, is anyone's guess. Guess celebs [however loosely deemed such] get special perks in LA prisons. Check out his rantings here.

Another one's knocked up

Minnie Driver's knocked up, but keeping mum about who the dad is. She appeared at an Oscar party recently obviously preggars, but didn't announce it until her appearance on the Tonight Show.

Minnie Driver is expecting her first child, joking her morning sickness is so bad it actually occurs "morning, noon and night." Driver, 38, revealed her pregnancy Thursday on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno after Leno quipped that it looked like she had gained weight from too many trips to the Hometown Buffet. ...The British-born, Emmy-nominated actress did not say who the father was. ...When her second album, Seastories, was released last summer, she told PEOPLE, "Much of this album is about someone who I loved very much and still have a great, wonderful friendship with even though it didn't work out." [people]

Two crazies walk into a bar...

This is the perfect set-up to a bad joke: Britney Spears and Mel Gibson meet for dinner at an 'exotic Russian restaurant.'

Only on Planet Britney. On Saturday Britney Spears started the day with another visit from her sons Preston and Jayden, and ended the evening at an exotic Russian restaurant for a dinner meeting with Mel Gibson. The actor and the pop star – once neighbors in an exclusive Malibu community – were part of a two-hour group dinner at the Romanov restaurant in Studio City on Saturday. "It was exciting to have both of them here together," says one restaurant source. "We heard they hit it off and that Britney seemed excited." [people]

And the stripper's down!

Idol threw us a curveball last night. Instead of casting off Christi Lee "My Ears Are Bleeding" Cook, they got rid of David "Lap Dancin'" Hernandez. We could have done with him at least another week. But, that's what these few beginning weeks are for -- throwing the dead weight out of the dingy. So, David... it's back to Dirty Dick's with ya. Just think -- you can have an Idol-themed performance and instead of opening for Hans und his uber pecs, you'll be the headliner...

“I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done in my past,” Hernandez told reporters on Thursday morning. “The only thing I was worried about was my song selection.” Hernandez, who was sent packing this week following his performance of The Beatles’ “I Saw Her Standing There,” is confident it was his performance — and not the rumors from his past — that ended his “Idol” ride....“I was genuinely shocked. I really didn’t think I’d be going home,” Hernandez admitted. “Based on all the things the judges have said about my vocals, I thought I would be in the bottom three, but I didn’t feel like I deserved to go home. But everything happens for a reason.”...“I would like to have an album released in the next year,” Hernandez said. “I would even love to do Broadway. I’m keeping my options open.” [msnbc]

On Broadway you say? Hmm. Perhaps Puppetry of the Penis is having a casting call...

I guess the exhaust pipe isn't doing it...

Posh famously remarked recently that Becks' member is as large as a exhaust pipe. But I guess they still need to spice up things occasionally:

The couple visited the Pleasure Chest adult superstore in Hollywood at the weekend. A source said: “David grabbed a small shopping basket and stocked up on some goods. Victoria was very vocal, cracking jokes constantly. “They seemed to know exactly what they wanted and after asking an assistant where items were, they grabbed what they came for.” [the sun/uk]

Crap. Why didn't that assistant share what was on the bill? Let's hope it included lube.

I smell a lawsuit cumming

Oh man... If these celebs don't get their lawyers on this STAT they're nutso. (The blurbs on the covers are pretty friggin' funny though. The Lindsay one looks more like Elizabeth Hurley. The JLo one looks about 50 years old.) I never wanna get famous. The idea of some creepy guy buying a doll that looks like me for sex is just too much to handle.

Check out the whole line of celeb sex dolls here.