Madonna's brother is a douchebag

Look, we all know Madge is a pain in the ass. So what. Get over it.

Apparently, her dbag brother can't 'get over it' -- and since his sister isn't his means of income anymore, he's gone and written a tell-all to earn some more cash off her name. Frankly, this smacks of desperation and while some of it might be true, I'm pretty sure most of it ain't. You be the judge. The dbag was on GMA this morning and had a few things to say...

"The best way to get to my sister is to get in bed with her, you know what I mean? And since I wasn't doing that, and ... wasn't about to, you know, that person -- like I said -- who speaks to her, the last person to speak to her at night, has the most influence. And we both couldn't really exist in the same hemisphere. Guy Ritchie pretty much happened to our relationship, for the most part."

"I'm not taking revenge at all,'' he said. "I'm telling what I consider to be a great tale." Ciccone also said his sister "blackmailed" him into exploring the Jewish mystical teachings of Kaballah in 2001 by withholding a payment she owed him for work he'd done for her.

"Yeah, I mean I -- not very many brothers find themselves on their knees in their sister's dressing room, wiping sweat off of her -- off of her naked body. It's just -- it was an odd situation, and it wasn't -- you know, I couldn't really tell my friends and -- but I wanted to be there for her, and I knew that she needed someone there that she could trust."

"Well, we were living in the same house together. After the divorce from Sean, I mean, it was -- I was the last person she spoke to at night before she went to bed. It was, I was the first person she saw in the morning. We ran together. We had our sourdough toast together, we had our coffee together, you know, and -- we had, we had, we were a very close brother and sister. I mean, it was a bit like a marriage, it was kind of weird, but you know."

I need therapy after reading that. Imagine what's going on in HIS head? Sheesh. Get help, mister.