Is California ready for another psycho governor?

My Brush with Fame

Yes, yes it's true. I, Joan, have had yet another unbelievable brush with fame. It's a long story... I'll sum up.

It's rarely mentioned in conjunction with my name, but I'm an avid birdwatcher. [I promise, this relates to my story.] About three days ago, a green parakeet (much like the one in this picture) began visiting my songbird feeders. As it's nearing September, I'm naturally concerned that the first frost will be this bird's demise.

A friend (Thanks Ellen!!!) suggested I call Marc, at Parrots of the World, a well-known store on LI. (You may know Marc Moronne from his frequent appearances on Martha Stewart Living. Marc's a bevy of valuable animal knowledge, specializing in parrots.) Marc suggested a method of trapping the bird safely. I'll let you know how that goes. He was more than willing to chat and gave me some good advice. In any case, I may end up with a new pet. Wish me luck ;)

Melissa was so impressed by my "brush with fame" that she urged me to jot it down here. And now you know...

Coming Next Week: The Parakeet Saga Continues...

This is the End, Beautiful Friend, The End

October 2nd, 2005: The official end to one of the prettiest couples to have grazed the Earth.

A private judge has signed off on divorce papers, dissolving the marriage of the former golden couple.

"Judgment of dissolution is entered," the brief document reads. "Marital or domestic partnership status is terminated and the parties are restored to the status of single persons."

The paperwork was signed by Pitt, Aniston and their lawyers and approved by retired Judge Jill S. Robbins. The couple went to Robbins to help keep the proceedings private. The judgment was entered Friday and becomes final Oct. 2--exactly six months after Aniston filed for divorce in Los Angeles Superior Court. Neither actor can remarry before that date. [E!]

Read more here.


Well, Melissa. After having read the Vanity Fair piece, I'd say Jen's well rid of him. Pretty or not. Sounds like he was a real piece of work. Unfortunately, the link I provided is not the full article. But you won't be disappointed if you rush out to your local newsstand and pick up a copy before the month is up. Very enlightening. --Joan.

Tori Amos @ Jones Beach 8/17/05

Weather was fab for the beach -- perfect. Tori was alone; no band mates. Just her and 5 gazillion pianos. ;) She had on a long, flowing white Goddess-ensemble (pretty sure that's it in the pic to the left, from thedent.com)--looking very Grecian, w/her red locks loosely tied back. Her hair has grown quite long, so the "costume" was complete. I don't think she ever ages.

She really didn't speak much between
songs,which was a shame -- cause her
stories and anecdotes are so fab.
She did tell one really adorable story
about her daughter. This is not verbatim,
but: "My daughter left us all behind tonight to be hold
court in NYC. She said to me before she left, 'Mommy,
I think it's realllly rotten that you have to be that
piano/singing lady tonite when you could come to see
Beauty & the Beast w/us.' So, I told her, 'Darling, and
who do you think is paying for those tickets?'"

In her "Piano Bar" section, she did two Beatles' covers,
the crowd thought she was taking requests. She quieted
them down and said: "Listen, you're all fucked, cause
I know what I'm doing." Someone yelled out: TOTAL ECLIPSE
OF THE HEART! And she stopped and said: Hmm, now that's
not a bad one. Come to NJ tomorrow and I'll
have it ready." (Something like that...)

For the most part, the set list was all old stuff --
quite a treat. She even did Silent All These Years...
I pulled out a pen and paper from my purse
and scratched down the set list...

ORIGINAL SIN
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES
'MY LITTLE GIRL'??? (seem improvised, and maybe an import.
She did this right after the story I mentioned above.)
AMBER WAVES
PRETTY GOOD YEAR
MARIANNE
JAMAICA INN (odd, odd version. Nothing like the CD)
COOL ON YOUR ISLAND (beautiful)
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
IMAGINE
BARONS OF SUBURBIA
JACKIE'S STRENGTH
LIQUID DIAMONDS
CARBON
THE BEEKEEPER
CLOUD ON MY TONGUE
SILENT ALL THESE YEARS
NEVER SEEN BLUE
HEY JUPITER

--Nicole, aka Joan

Fab review, Nicole! I love that she did Imagine...man, I would love it if she did that at the show I'm going to. I'll be posting my review for the September 14th San Diego show. --Nuray, aka Melissa

Wah, wah... I'm a mediocre talentless hack, Wah!

OK J to the Lo, whatever the fuck that shit means... you've officially pissed me off. Face it honey, there was never an Oscar in your future -- you'd be lucky if you scored yourself an MTV Movie Award for Most Unbelievably Shallow Female Performance. So, cry me a river, Jenny. --Joan

Jennifer Lopez believes her over-exposure in the media has prevented her from having a more diverse movie career. [RIGHT, CAUSE CHOICES LIKE GIGLI HAD NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH IT.--J.] The 36-year-old Latina beauty found it easier to convince directors of her suitability for a role when she was an unknown - leading to parts in films including Out Of Sight and Oliver Stone's U Turn. However, in recent years stories of her diva-like demands and romances have made it harder for film-makers to distinguish between fact and fiction. Lopez says, "In the beginning, I was a blank slate. I got to work with all these great directors because I was just a girl who came in there and did well in the audition. Then when I became famous, I was being offered movies that I could star in but that's all I was being offered. When I think I should be seeing the big directors, they don't even consider me. They see me as a sexy singer and too much in the media." [IMDB]

Great, a new term we have to remember...

...at least until it goes out of fashion 5 minutes from now. Looks like Cruise's antics (deemed cute and quirky by some, psychotic and irrational by most) have coined a new phrase:

Tom Cruise's chair dancing antics on Oprah Winfrey's chat show have made such an impact on pop culture that "jumping the couch" has now become a well-used phrase. The Mission: Impossible star became the focus of relentless mockery in May, after jumping on Winfrey's couch and punching the air while yelling about his love for Katie Holmes. And the moment has now spawned a term, which was recently added to website UrbanDictionary.com. The definition of the term jump the couch reads: "The defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise's behavior on Oprah. Sample usage: 'My new boyfriend Benny... jumped the couch and started rubbing spicy brown mustard on his body at my family reunion.'" [IMDB]

I have to say, for the five minutes this phrase will be popular, I will be using it every friggin' chance I get. Like now:

"Francis got so hopped up on Fun-Dip at the KKE, that he jumped the couch and dive-bombed the coffee table."

Good times. --Joan.

Did I miss the 5 o'clock crack give-a-way?

Melissa and I are hooked like junkies on this site: www.silverjewelryclub.com Rather than be greedy and keep it to ourselves, we're sharing this addiction with you -- and rest assured, ladies -- it will become and addiction! We've already gotten our first shipments and are quite pleased... so get, while the getting's good! It's sure better than the crap I'm always pushing on QVC! Enjoy! --Joan

Dear God, They're At It Again...

Like salt and pepper, rum and coke, like a needle to a junky and crack to a pipe -- Pam and Tommy have found their way into each other's arms again. I'm getting chokd up just thinking about these two crazy kids... I think they're gonna make it. --Joan

"“We’re crazy in love,” Lee tells People magazine in its Aug. 15 issue. “We’re going to take things slowly and see where they go.” .... Meanwhile, Anderson has brushed off reports that she’s getting back together with Lee." [MSNBC]

Airing Jude's Dirty Laundry

Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, Nanny Wright... you naughty girl. Can't blame a lass for making the most of her 15 minutes, can you?

"Daisy Wright... is set to tell all on US television....[she] is going to speak out about her covert canoodles with love rat Jude on three shows.

"Jude is a huge star in America and I will be able to explain how I was left with no choice but to tell my story," quotes the Sunday Mirror. "...because I lost the nannying job I had been doing well for a year simply because he and I had been sexually involved."" [MEGASTAR UK]

Dammit, why don't I have satellite! --Joan.

Fret not, Joan, you don't need satellite! The nanny is coming to regular television...and I'll be watchin'! --Melissa

The London Mirror reports Daisy Wright will soon grace U.S. couch potatoes with her presence by dishing about her month-long dalliance with the actor on "Extra," "Good Morning America" and, oddly, "The Tyra Banks Show." "I want people to see what the real me is like," the publicity-craving ex-caregiver tells the paper. "Jude is a huge star in America and I will be able to explain how I was left with no choice but to tell my story because I lost the nannying job I had been doing well for a year simply because he and I had been sexually involved." [MSN]

The Butterscotch Stallion: Cease & desist

DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT! I should have freakin' ordered my shirt when I first posted about this instead of procrastinating! --Melissa

"The Butterscotch Stallion" rides no more [ 8/3/2005 ]

We have been served with a cease and desist by the Stallion's people. The shirt is no longer available. Any shirts ordered previous to this date are in the mail and will arrive in 2-3 weeks. [Randy & Moss]

This is so LAME!

Apparently, Maddox thinks Brad is his Daddy.

Angelina Jolie's son, Maddox, calls Brad Pitt "daddy." According to Us Weekly, while filming an Edwin Jeans commercial for the Japanese market in Lancaster, Calif., Maddox started crying for Pitt, yelling, "Where's my daddy?" In addition, Pitt and Jolie are serious about building a family, a source told the mag. Pitt's name was left off adoption papers for little Zahara Jolie, whom the actress recently took in from Africa, only because his divorce is not yet final, Us Weekly says. [Page Six]

Whatever happened to these days?

Normally, I don't care about celeb break-ups cause they are so plentiful and inevitable but this one makes me a little sad.

Actually this makes me sad too, perhaps sadder than the marriage demise... Why is his sweatband not on his head and why isn't it neon green?

This is so wrong

I don't where this pic is from, but it's a damn shame.

People Are Scary...

Current eBay auction is listing a piece of popcorn that looks like Mickey Mouse. It's not so weird that the seller listed it I suppose... What's weirdest is his Buy It Now price: 5,000 bucks.

'Scuse me, while I kiss this guy...

...and now, from the annals of 'WHAT THE FUCK?" comes a truly random story about guitar legend and master acid tripper, Jimi Hendrix. Apparently, it has come to light that Jimi

"lied about being gay to get out of the U.S. Army and pursue his true love -- music, according to a new biography of the rock legend....He claimed he was discharged after 13 months after breaking his ankle in a parachuting drill, but military records showed he was discharged for "homosexual tendencies." According to the records, he told the base psychiatrist he had sexual fantasies about his bunkmates, grew addicted to masturbating and was in love with a member of his squad." [Reuters]

More proof that Hendrix was waaaay ahead of his time, not only evidenced by his irreverent stylings but his well-crafted ability to make and excuse. He was here, he faked being queer...oh, you know the rest. --Joan

I hate stupid girls...

How desperate do you have to be to put up with this shit? Honestly, the man is an incorrigible cheat...he will always be. There's no fixing him. Stop being young and foolish and move on. --Joan

Actor Jude Law and his fiancee Sienna Miller reunited on Friday for the first time since July 17, when the hunk admitted he had an affair with his children's nanny - sparking speculation the couple are working to save their relationship. Miller stopped wearing her engagement ring following Law's admission he enjoyed a month-long fling with Daisy Wright, 26, three months after his romantic Christmas Day proposal...she finally agreed to meet...at his retreat in England's rural Cotswolds region, amid reports of a reconciliation. An insider tells British newspaper The Sun, "Jude and Sienna had a good talk. They both love each other, but Jude knows it will take a lot for Sienna to forgive him. He is desperate to marry her and have children and he is trying to prove that he won't cheat again. The fact that Sienna agreed to even meet him was a step forward as far as he was concerned. He's more confident they will get back together now." [IMDB]

Have children??? Have children??? Oh, you mean like he did with Sadie -- three times -- and then didn't hang around for the actual child-rearing bit? He should be stricken sterile. --Joan

What I don't get is why, why, WHY are celebrities in such a hurry to get married??? Are they desperate? Do they think they are going to die alone? Whatever happened to living together? That's basically kinda like being married, but easier cause if one person cheats or wants something else, they can just part ways. Seems like a marriage certificate puts all sorts of pressure and rushing into a marriage is absolutely stupid...especially with someone like Jude, who's been called a "sex addict." Hollywood has given the act of cheating and deceiving one's significant other the name of a "disease" or "disorder." Point is, the man just wants to fuck around. Sienna is the moron if she goes back to him. And if there's any truth to what Star magazine is reporting...she's already 6 weeks preggers with Jude's baby. --Melissa

Sienna Miller is six weeks pregnant with estranged fiance Jude Law's child, according to an American magazine. Star claims the couple told their parents the happy news just two days before revelations Law had an affair with his children's nanny emerged. The pair split following the claims, and Law's admission he slept with Daisy Wright while filming movie "All the King's Men" in America last year - but they reportedly met in private in England for secret talks in a bid to rescue their relationship. Miller has refused to comment on the pregnancy claims. [IOL]

And more...

Additionally, Star reports that during Jude Law's marriage to Sadie Frost, the mother of his three children, Jude cheated with no fewer than six women - a model, a celebrity's assistant, two A-list stars, a rock star's ex-wife and a lap dancer. [The Superficial]

The Butterscotch Stallion: The T-Shirt

Get it HERE.

The Butterscotch Stallion: Nuts & Chews only

From Star magazine. (Probably not the most reliable source, but still entertaining as hell.)

Oh, please. Boo-freakin'-hoo.

Paris is suffering the dilemma of being engaged to the scion of a fabulously wealthy family: her ring is too big.

"[Hilton] started complaining how heavy her 24-carat ring was and that her finger hurt," a source tells the upcoming issue of US Weekly, which reports that fiancé Paris Latsis, heir to a Greek shipping fortune, "got her a more manageable diamond-less platinum Cartier band for everyday wear." [MSNBC]

And Male Paris' mother (and the millions of other Greeks in Greece) apparently have been living under a rock for the last year...cause no one had any idea of Paris' venture into porn with A Night in Paris. When Male Paris' mother found out, the shit hit the fan and she was not pleased with her son's choice of fiancée. The news made it to the cover of a Greek magazine (appropriately titled Very Sorry) and the rest of the Greek people were appalled...and then went to search for the video on the web, downloaded it, and Rick Saloman made millions more. Ahhh....ain't love grand? --Melissa

Another one (possibly two) bites the dust

From MSN.com:

The New York Daily News claims the "One Tree Hill" lovebirds, who are both 23, are on the verge of implosion a mere three months after tying the knot in a romantic seaside ceremony. "The marriage is all but done," an insider insists to the paper. "They are separated, and she is going to file for divorce imminently."

Not so, counters Bush's rep, who asserts to MSN Entertainment, "They are not separated." (Murray's mouthpiece tells us she doesn't comment on his personal life.)

The pulchritudinous pair, who met on the set of their WB drama, had been dating less than a year when Murray slipped an emerald-cut, pink and blue diamond-encrusted ring he helped design on Bush's finger. Before getting down on one knee, he reportedly filled their penthouse suite with hundreds of candles and dozens of roses and spelled out a romantic message in lights on the hotel's tennis court (the sentiment remains a secret). "It's a really, really important moment for a woman, so I wanted to do what I could do to make it special," Murray said of his elaborate question-popping.

The co-stars' April 16 nuptials took place beneath a rose-festooned altar at a hotel in Santa Monica, with Sophia tearfully telling an equally weepy Chad, "I feel safest when I'm in your arms." The actor later called the wedding "the best day of my life."

And in more not-so-surprising news...Renee Zellwegger and her country-hubby may be on the rocks as well.

From E! Online's Teddy-Bear Casablancas:

And that, my little sourpusses, sure includes the rumor that Renée Zellweger is breaking up with musician Kenny Chesney, whom R.Z. married, like, what, 15 minutes ago?

"I don't know anything about it," said Renée's flack, sweeter than pie, "I just saw her, and I'm sure it's not true."

Nevertheless, whether it's fueled by Chesney freakazoid fans (who've never made a secret of their displeasure over the terrifically blessed K. marrying the Oscar winner), sources from Chesney's hood--i.e., the music biz--are putting it out that the couple is busting up.

So glad to hear it ain't true. It's not, right, Renée?

The Nanny Diaries, Part 2

To the left, the nanny in question, Miss Daisy Wright. And she's one to kiss and tell:

[Daisy] describes Law...as "a masterful lover who made my whole body tingle." The result, she said, "was mind-blowing rampant sex ... amazing, wonderful."

The initial seduction, she says, took place over a bottle of wine. "The next thing I knew, he was kissing me. ... We kissed and kissed for what seemed like ages. ... The next thing I know, we are dragging each other upstairs to his bedroom, kissing and then, in the bedroom, ripping off each other's clothes." [It apparently started on a pool table.--Joan]

The bliss was eventually interrupted at dawn, when Law's son walked in on the pair in bed reports People Magazine, saying, "Daddy, I'm having a bad dream."

According to Wright, "Jude said, 'It's all right, darling, go back to bed.' The next thing I know, Jude was kissing my neck and all over. ... It was fantastic, he was just great. It was just what I needed."

When the child later informed his mother about what daddy was doing, Frost fired Wright, the Mirror reported." [BOSH (blog) and People.]

Well, this paints Jude as a complete and total prick. If I were Sienna, I'd be counting my blessings I'd found out sooner, rather than later. Creep. --Joan

Sienna's not doing too badly herself...she's been spotted making out with Orlando Bloom, which personally doesn't do anything for me since I think Bloom is one of the most effeminate celebs out there right now and I do not like girlie-men, but it ain't too shabby either. --Melissa