It's all starting to make sense...

We were stumped: Why were JLo and her zombie/skeleton hubby Marc Antony invited to TomKat's wedding? Turns out, J to the Lo has scientology roots:

Jennifer Lopez has revealed her father is a Scientologist. The Latino actress-and-singer has said that although she is a Catholic she thinks it a shame that Scientology has such a negative public perception. J.Lo said in an interview with US TV channel NBC6: "My dad has been a Scientologist for 20 years. It's weird people want to paint it in a negative way. I, myself, am Catholic. But it's just sad that people would look at it Scientology in that way." [post chronicle]

I give it three months, tops, and they're both going to be Level 5.

Fare thee well, Sweet Prince...

Such a great loss... such a sad day...

So many people felt a stake in Barbaro's recovery. They imagined his pain, grimaced each time he faltered, took heart as each day passed and he was still alive, making painfully slow progress. The 2006 Kentucky Derby winner's fight for survival was their fight, a symbol of strength, courage and comfort — and, more than anything else, a source of inspiration. He was, after all, winner of the world's most famous race, in a sport desperate for a superstar. For months he seemed, remarkably, to take everything that came at him: good and bad. Finally, it was too much. Barbaro was euthanized Monday after complications from his gruesome breakdown at last year's Preakness, ending an eight-month ordeal that made him even more of a hero than he was as a champion on the track. [yahoo news]

...and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Red Carpet Wrap Up: SAGs

Melissa, it's hard to talk through the bandages, so I'm typing this message to you... You did a fabulous job all by yourself Sunday night at teh SAGs... Now, before I get misty and ruin my eye job, here's a Red Carpet wrap up to whet your appetite for the upcoming Oscars... --Joan.

Joan: I LOVED this dress, however, that big black circle in the midsection is a bit distracting. I don’t understand what the designed was trying to do there… looks like a wart.
Melissa: Yes, I agree, the black circle was very distracting and ridiculous. If I were her, I would have sent it back requesting that they remove the circle.

Joan: Worst dressed by far! Awful Rachel McAdams… what was she thinking!?
Melissa: Along with Ellen Pompeo and Mary-Louise Parker, Rachel McAdams had some company in the worst dressed category. Truly awful, from the shoes, to the dress, to the length, to the pink highlights in the hair. Did she even use a stylist? And if she did, time to fire that person, STAT.

Joan: Loved dame Helen’s dress, but the gold shoes and bag aren’t working.
Melissa: I have to say, for a woman who is 65-70, Helen is pretty smokin’. She does it so well, wears dresses and has her hair done perfectly for a woman her age. She looks gorgeous, both here and at the Golden Globes. I’m curious to see what she dons for the Oscars. It better be good cause she’s totally winning, no doubt about it. I agree with the shoes and bag, very distracting and too bright.

Joan: Loved Anne Hathaway’s black tiered dress… flowing and just gorgeous.
Melissa: I have to admit, Anne’s dress didn’t really stand out to me. I do like it but I’m not blown away. She does look very elegant and classy though.

Joan: I kinda like this shimmery number… but the length was problematic. It should have been down to the floor.
Melissa: When Cate came out to introduce the clip from Babel, I was entranced by the shininess of her dress, I loved the material. I love shiny things. I go dumb when I see something shiny. But the length was also a problem for me. It should have either been shorter, under the knee, or longer where you couldn’t see her shoes. Very distracting.

Joan: What an improvement from 2 weeks ago. She listened to her stylists and looked gawg-geous.
Melissa: Yes! The hair was straight and not a dead animal in sight! Beautiful color. Good job.

Melissa: This was horrendous. I have no words except to say WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING?!?!?!?
Joan: Ugh, I know. She’s a friggin’ mess every which way but loose. And probably loose, too. And when she was up at the podium, the dress was in near danger of revealing her shriveled ta-tas… Just awful.
Melissa: Those things were hanging low, she didn’t wear cups under that thing? Really, she needs to reevaluate who is putting together her looks cause they all suck.

Melissa: Absolutely gorgeous, flawless, classy, and elegant. At 22, she’s more put together that some of her older counterparts. Good work, America!
Joan: I didn’t LOVE it, but it was a good choice. She’s been very smart about her choices. Apparently, her stylist is doing a good job.
Melissa: And that’s it for now. Next up, the big boy, the mack daddy, the Oscars.

Bond, James Bond...Holy Hotness

Channeling my inner geek

Becks no sooner moves to LA and he's going to Disneyland.

David Beckham's first endorsement since the announcement of his move to the US was unveiled today - depicting the soccer star as a dragon-slaying prince for Disney. Beckham's latest makeover as Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty is one of three new Disney-themed celebrity portraits shot by world-renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz for the Disneyland and Walt Disney World's Year of a Million Dreams campaign. Pop princess Beyonce Knowles, 25, is also featured as a demure Alice in Wonderland, sitting in a whirling teacup accompanied by singer Lyle Lovett as the March Hare and actor Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter. Actress Scarlett Johansson, 22, is photographed as Cinderella, wearing a custom-designed Nicoletta Santoro gown and a 62-carat diamond tiara by Harry Winston, worth £165,000. Beckham, 31, who shot his part of the campaign on December 18 at the Spanish resort of Burguillo Lake, near Madrid, said during the shoot: "There were many Disney characters I liked as a kid." [Telegraph/UK]

So, don't get me wrong... I know this is silly... but there's a part of me that's really digging this prince charming thing. Sue me.

Keep your fingers crossed for me

Melissa Rivers will be sans Joan on the red carpet for Sunday's SAG Awards. The annoyance factor will still stay the same though. I'll bet Joan is holed up somewhere recovering from getting tucking, tugged, nipped, and snipped for the Oscars.

Melissa Rivers finally is stepping out from her mom's shadow. This weekend, she'll be providing red-carpet coverage for the first time without her famous mother, Joan. "Live With Melissa Rivers at the Screen Actors Guild Awards" airs Sunday night from 6 to 8 on the TV Guide Channel, with the younger Miss Rivers policing the stars' wardrobes as they walk the red carpet at the awards show. Winners of the SAG Awards, in their 13th year, are chosen by ballots cast by their fellow actors in television and film. The event will be broadcast live on TNT and TBS at 8 p.m.

Katie & Posh's Parisian Romp

Katie is in Paris at the moment. Why does she look weird to me? Her face, it's got so much makeup and looks so much fuller.




And then, of course, the photos of Katie and Posh pop up. The duo attended a party thrown by Armani. Posh is looking quite the fembot she is. Katie, on the other hand, what is she wearing?!?! The velvet suit really is hideous and makes her look about 45. And sheer hose??? *Shudder*

Oscar, Oscar, Oscar

The 79th Academy Award nominations came out this morning. Here’s a wrap up, Joan & Melissa style.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

Joan: I’m surprised Ryan Gosling is nominated. It just seems so out of place. I’m going to follow the Globes lead here and say Whitaker will take it home. A month ago, I would have said Will Smith, but I don’t think he stands a chance now.

Melissa: I can’t stand Will Smith. I would also say Forest although I’m surprised Leonardo was nominated for Blood Diamond and not The Departed. Although in The Departed he was more a part of an ensemble cast.

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Melissa: I’d love to see Alan Arkin win it since aside from Olive, his character was one of my favorites. But I doubt he will. I don’t even know who Jackie Earle Haley is. I would venture to guess Eddie Murphy since he won the Golden Globe.

Joan: I’d love to see Arkin win, too. You never know, he might cause an upset. I think everyone, including Eddie, is expecting Eddie to win.

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

Joan: It’s definitely going to Helen. If not, I’ll shit myself.

Melissa: Yeah, Helen it is. She won the Globe so it would be fitting she wins this. But how awesome would it be if Kate or Penelope won? What an accomplishment at such young ages!

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Melissa: Well, Hudson got the nomination but I highly doubt she will win considering Cate Blanchett is in there. I think she’ll win it unless any of the other actresses cause a serious upset. Oh, I love that Abigail got nominated. Aww!

Joan: Frankly, I hate when kids get nominated… it seems such a waste. They have their entire careers ahead of them. There should be a separate category. You’d think they woulda thought of this already. Since Cate already won, I’m holding out hope for Jennifer.

Achievement in directing

BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE QUEEN
UNITED 93

Joan: I realllllly hope Clint Eastwood doesn’t get it. I’m hoping for a Scorcese win.

Melissa: I think Scorcese will get it. I keep reading about how he’s been nominated all these years and has never won. I’m sure this year they will give it to him. Plus he’s getting up there in age so before it’s too late…

Best motion picture of the year

BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Melissa: This is tough for me to judge since I haven’t seen any of them except for Little Miss Sunshine, which I totally adore. But considering all the buzz around The Queen and Mirren’s Globe win, it might very well win it. Babel won the Globe but I get the feeling the old crusties on the Oscar board will vote for The Queen.

Joan: I think Babel might win. I’m surprised The Departed made it, and Little Miss Sunshine and Notes on a Scandal. I have to say, this is a boring year. And I’m guessing the ceremony will be, too. Let’s hope the fashions don’t disappoint.

Melissa: Amen, me too. Let’s hope these stars get their shit together cause the Globes were a big, huge letdown in the Red Carpet category. Till then…get your Botox on!

Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs

Paula Abdul tries to explain her odd behavior whilst digger herself a deeper grave:

Paula Abdul ... defended her reputation (and sobriety) at a press conference on Saturday, The New York Times reports. The 44-year-old American Idol judge has given several recent television interviews in which she exhibited slurred speech and even appeared to fall asleep mid-questioning. “I’ve never been drunk,” she told television journalists at the panel discussion in Pasadena, California. “I’m not under the influence of anything.” ... On an episode of American Idol last March, when asked about one contestant’s elimination, she responded randomly with, “Simon says because one of them ate pizza and the other one ate salad.” During the same broadcast, she uttered a mixed metaphor involving a moth and a melon, prompting fellow judge Randy Jackson to ask what she had been drinking. [us weekly]

For argument's sake, I did a Google search for said moth/melon metaphor... and came up with squat, zilch, nada. Just saying, is all.

Yeah, that's your problem...

Is this guy for real?

Troubled Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington has fired his longtime publicist in the midst of his public relations crisis.... According to Tvguide.com, the actor has hired publicists Allen Mayer and Kelly Mullens, who are crisis management experts. Mayer has done damage control for clients including R Kelly, Tommy Lee and comedian Paula Poundstone. [imdb/wenn]

So, it was his publicist's fault he spewed such crazy hatred? Hmm. Right. This oughtah help, since we all forgot about R. Kelly's penchant for peeing on young women, Tommy Lee's various nefarious legal situations (namely the little boy who drowned in his pool and that pesky sex tape) and Paula Poundstone's alleged pedophilia. Hey, Isaiah, good luck. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Grey's Controversy Looms Larger

Man, talk about a story with legs. Issiah Washington might be shown the door, after all. T.R. Knight appeared on Ellen after the Globes and discussed the incident:

"Everyone heard it," Knight told Ellen on Tuesday. "I don't know what to say, really, about that....I've never been called that to my face...When that happened, something shifted and it became bigger than myself." [access hollywood]

A Web petition calling for Washington to be fired has been creating even more controversy and it looks like ABC is finally willing to deal with this situation as it should be dealt with. ABC issued this statement just the other day:

"We dealt with the original situation in October, and thought the issue resolved...Therefore, we are greatly dismayed that Mr. Washington chose to use such inappropriate language at the Golden Globes, language that he himself deemed 'unfortunate' in his previous public apology. We take this situation very seriously. His actions are unacceptable and are being addressed."

Oof. So, Washington had no choice but to 're-apologize':

"I apologize to T.R., my colleagues, the fans of the show and especially the lesbian and gay community for using a word that is unacceptable in any context or circumstance...I marred what should have been a perfect night for everyone who works on `Grey's Anatomy.' I can neither defend nor explain my behavior. I can also no longer deny to myself that there are issues I obviously need to examine within my own soul, and I've asked for help."

Everyone needs 'help' these days...for the things they say, instead of admitting they're bigoted... Gibson, Richards, now Washington. I mean, why mince words here, guys...? call it what it is: Intolerance. Don't hide behind 'anger management' counseling, admit you're a friggin' tool and disappear.

I'm sure Papa Joe is so behind this

Here is an ad for Jessica Simpson's new line of handbags. Who idea was this pose? Poor Daisy is all's I gotta say.

Someone needs to put a stop to this behavior, STAT!

Who told Beyonce that this was an acceptable red carpet pose? Showing everyone your armpit is not attractive, at all. In fact, it's not appealing and I swear I get a wiff of armpit every time I look at these photos. First it was the Golden Globes:


Now it's the French premiere of Dreamgirls:



Then it's the UK premiere:









Please, for the love of God, put your arms down.

Hey Joan, remember when we discussed the size of Paul Rudd's head?

Remember when Paul Rudd was on Friends and we had that conversation about how ginormous his head was compared to Phoebe's?


Well, some pics have surfaced from this week's Sundance Film Festival. Here is Paul with Winona and as if it was possible, I'm pretty sure the size of Paul's head has doubled. How does he keep it up???

Crazy Scientology baby on the way

Jenna Elfman is preggo. The Scientology family is growing. Oh, yeah, she's also really insane. Let me remind you of this incident a few months back:

Indie film director John Roecker tells TMZ he was walking to his car with a female friend in LA's trendy Los Feliz neighborhood last Sunday when he was approached by a shirtless man and a tall blonde. "Hey, man, you're making fun of my religion," said the stranger angrily.

Roecker quickly recognized the couple as actor Bodhi Elfman and his wife, 'Dharma and Greg' star Jenna Elfman. Mr. Elfman's ire was apparently drawn by Roecker's self-made t-shirt, which had a picture of Tom Cruise on the front under the caption "Scientology is Gay!" and a 'Stayin'-Alive'-era John Travolta on the back with the words "Very Gay!" For the record, both Cruise and Travolta have said repeatedly they are not gay.

Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said "What crimes have you committed?" and began screaming at Roecker, "Have you raped a baby?" as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic. Roecker says it appears that Bodhi Elfman prepared to take a swing at him, but thought against it.

Bizarrely, Roecker also says that the Elfmans had a young, twenty-something male companion with them whom they continually instructed to move away and cover his ears whenever references to Xenu were made.

Roecker says this is not the first time he has worn a t-shirt that has provoked similar reactions from fellow devotees of L. Ron Hubbard like Juliette Lewis, Lisa Marie Presley, and actor Hal Ozman, who worked on 'Dawson's Creek' with none other than a certain Katie Holmes. Sources at the Church of Scientology's Celebrity Centre say Roecker is no stranger to them. Several non-celeb parishioners have also complained about Roecker's t-shirts.

Bodhi Elfman's rep Jenni Weinman tells TMZ that according to Bodhi "He was out for a Sunday stroll with his wife, when some guy walks by with a t-shirt on, very prominently attacking his religion. Words were extended and Bodhi and Jenna were personally attacked for their beliefs. As they went about their business, the guy continued to try to illicit negative responses from the both of them. As they walked away he continued to scream propaganda and hate at them. Apparently he spent all Monday calling the press to promote himself." [TMZ]

Go Izzy!

Grey's Anatomy's Issiah Washington (Dr. Preston Burke) is apparently a giant weenie. In case you didn't already know, I refer you back to J&M's previous post on his on-the-set upset a few months back, when he threw down with McDreamy and unleashed a verbal attack on T.R. Knight, who then was seemingly forced to 'come out' to the press.

Well, Washington decided to rehash events at the Golden Globes last Monday -- in a completely inappropriate fashion, live and on the air:

During an interview in the press room after the show's best-drama win, Washington denied his involvement in a heated on-set incident in October during which he allegedly used a homophobic slur. "No, I did not call (co-star) T.R. (Knight) a faggot," Washington said. "Never happened, never happened." [abc]

Here's where it gets good... the fabulous Katherine Heigl (Izzy Stevens) came to T.R.'s defense and knocked Washington down a peg:

Rather than soothing the situation, his comments left Heigl seething. "I'm going to be really honest right now, he needs to just not speak in public. Period," Heigl told "Access Hollywood" at a Golden Globe after-party. "I'm sorry, that did not need to be said. I'm not OK with it." She called the comments "hurtful," characterizing the incident as one that should be handled privately among the show's cast and crew. "I don't think (Washington) means it the way he comes off," Heigl said. "But T.R. is my best friend. … I will use every ounce of energy I have to take you down if you hurt his feelings." Knight, who said soon after the October fracas that he is gay, appeared on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" Tuesday to discuss the original incident and Washington's recent comments. "He referred to me as a faggot. Everyone heard it," Knight said of the October squabble. [abc]

Go Izzy. Go Izzy...

Is it legal to 'adopt' an entire city?

Look out Nawlins -- Brangelina's movin' on in!

"Neighbors have seen them come and go and can't be more tickled that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have moved into the French Quarter. "It's great if they're here to stay and to be a part of the community," said Rayna Nielsen, who lives across the street from the early-1830s masonry mansion where the celebrity couple has been spotted in recent weeks....Real estate records for the house, which is near the French Market, show it was purchased for $3.5 million in cash on Jan. 2. Neither Pitt nor Jolie are named in the transaction. Mondo Bongo Trust is listed as the buyer. A real estate listing for the property shows the house has a grand spiral staircase, elevator, gourmet kitchen, a large private courtyard and a separate two-story guest house. It also has private parking for two cars — a luxury in the French Quarter....The celebrity couple has helped raise awareness of the city's devastation following Hurricane Katrina. Pitt, an architecture enthusiast, teamed up last year with Global Green USA to sponsor an eco-friendly design competition to rebuild parts of the city that were the hardest hit by the August 2005 storm. Construction on the project will begin in the Holy Cross neighborhood in the city's devastated Lower Ninth Ward in February or March, said Trevor Neilson, philanthropic and political adviser for the couple. The project will include 12 apartment units, six single-family houses, a community center and day-care facility to be built on 1.5 acres along the Mississippi River, Neilson said." [usa today]

Well, there's no making fun of that. Good on ya, Brad.

Hey, what a surprise!

Firecrotch goes to rehab! Who saw that coming?

According to the gossip website TMZ.com, the actress issued a statement through her representative, Leslie Sloane Zelnik: "I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time." Additional details were unavailable. [la times]

Oh, and guess who might be pregnant again, for the third time in as many years:

InTouch Weekly has now reported the Oops ... I Did It Again singer was ill recently because she might be pregant again. The magazine cited a friend close to Spears as saying: "I've seen her during the last two pregnancies and she has the same look now. She's heavier, but that's not it. It's the sparkle in her eye. She always gets that sparkle when she's pregnant, like she's relaxed and happy." A rep from Jive Records said the rumours were untrue, TMZ.com reported. [news.com au]

More proof that Hollywood is filled to the brim with dumb hos.

Are you watching "Dirt"?

If not, you might wanna tune in for this:

"Jennifer Aniston has agreed to guest star on an upcoming episode of Courteney Cox's new TV drama "Dirt," marking the first time the two will have worked together since their former NBC comedy hit, "Friends," left the airwaves in May 2004. Production on Aniston's guest appearance, the season finale of "Dirt" set to air on March 27, will begin later this week, FX spokesman Jon Solberg said on Tuesday....Aniston has at this point committed to just the one episode of "Dirt," but Solberg said it was possible her part would be written in such a way as to allow her to return to the show in later season." [reuters]

You haven't missed much so far... unless you count a schizophrenic stalkerazzi, a dead cat, a drug-induced and pregnant LaLohan-esque waif who commits suicide, and Courtney Cox pleasuring herself w/a bedside pocket rocket. You might wanna TIVO it... Just saying is all. ;)