LOST Finale Musings, Part 3.

Regarding Locke and Eko:

Joan: It was rumored that one character would die in the finale. I suppose we’ll find out who in the season opener… but, could it be Locke of Eko? I hope it’s neither, since both characters are integral and supply a good deal to the plotline. Regarding Eko’s spirituality – I was thinking maybe religion will come into play more next season. They bring up fate and faith way too much for it not to. Then again, the entire thing could just be a Truman Show type deal…

Melissa: If it turns out to be a Truman Show type deal, I’ll be pissed. Anyway, it was interesting that Eko told Locke, you cannot tell me what I can’t do. Just like Locke had been going around saying that prior to the plane crash when he was still in a wheelchair. That moment when Locke looks at Eko and says, I was wrong, my insides fell to pieces. How mind-boggling is all this???

Joan: Mind-boggling for sure. I hope those bastard writers have a plan. They say they do, but sometimes I think they’re making it up as they go along.

Regarding Sayid, Sun and Jin:

Joan: OK, what the fuck is with the statue they saw from the shore? What the fuck is with the four toes? I just heard that someone is reporting that the Others only have four toes. How anyone was able to learn that is blowing my mind.

Melissa: I heard that you see fake Henry’s foot at some point, so since I still have it on my DVR, you bet I’m gonna go back and rewatch. Yeah, that statue is creepy! Bet you that is Alvar Hanso, the father of this whole thing. And check this; someone posted an excerpt that’s relevant to this:

Headlong Hall by Thomas Love Peacock

“’The place is quite a wilderness,’ said Squire Headlong: ‘for, during the latter part of my father's life, while I was finishing my education, he troubled himself about nothing but the cellar, and suffered everything else to go to rack and ruin. A mere wilderness, as you see, even now in December; but in summer a complete nursery of briers, a forest of thistles, a plantation of nettles, without any livestock but goats, that have eaten up all the bark of the trees. Here you see is the pedestal of a statue, with only half a leg and four toes remaining: there were many here once.’”

Joan: Holy S! It’s too much of a coincidence to not be plot-driven. The statue on the Lost island, however, didn’t appear to have one toe missing – as the excerpt above suggests. Still, the comparison is creepy. “I don’t know what’s more disquieting: The fact that there’s a statue or that it only has four toes.”—Sayid. You said it, mister. Don't know why, but I can't get The Colossus of Rhodes (one of the 7 wonders of the world) out of my head since seeing the finale. It might not have any connection whatsoever, but you never know...

To you, O Sun, the people of Dorian Rhodes set up this bronze statue reaching to Olympus when they had pacified the waves of war and crowned their city with the spoils taken from the enemy. Not only over the seas but also on land did they kindle the lovely torch of freedom.

Dedicatory inscription of the Colossus

LOST Season Finale Musings, Part 2.

Regarding Hurley, Libby, Desmond:

Joan: Just heard there’s a possibility that Libby’s dead husband David, could be Hurley’s ‘invisible friend.” How they’ll establish this is anyone’s guess, since Libby (and it would appear Desmond, too) is dead. Furthermore, how will anyone make the Libby-Desmond connection? Unless there is a picture of her on Desmond’s boat, leftover from dead David, no one will be able to make the connection. And I was always under the assumption that these connections are meaningful to the characters, not just the viewers.

Melissa: I’ve read that Desmond has been signed on as a regular cast member for next season so I don’t think he’s dead. Michael and Walt have been signed on as recurring cast members so they won’t be regular, thank god as far as Michael is concerned. Desmond turning the key may not have hurt him to the point of death. Turning the key just releases the magnetic pull of this force all at once instead of little by little as entering the numbers do. If the force isn’t dispelled then it would have sucked everything to it, but turning that key released that attraction and everything got released. Hence why the quarantine door went flying. It was flying toward the magnetic force and when Desmond turned the key, it released or reversed the pull maybe. So while the hatch may be in shambles and rubble, I don’t think Desmond is dead. Plus now with Pen’s team finding the island, there’s got to be more emerging from this storyline. The surge of electromagnetism probably made the island visible to the detection devices the snow team was using.

Regarding Desmond, Penelope,
and her father, Charles Widmore:

Joan: Good jumping off point to discuss Penelope. We can assume now that the island is her father’s experiment. Otherwise, how would she have this much inside information? There’s no reason she would assume from her last, short convo w/Desmond that he would be encountering electromagnetism on his “race.”. Frankly, this is winding up to be one of the more interesting plotlines. It’s pretty clear that Desmond’s theory regarding Oceanic Flight 815 is correct: his system failure brought the plane down. But, what the endgame is, is anyone’s guess.

Melissa: Desmond not entering the numbers that one time is totally why the plane crashed. Pretty insane, huh? I wonder if that’s why the little plane of Mr. Eko’s bro crashed as well. Maybe one of the previous hatchmates didn’t push the numbers. I thought for sure that something else huge was going to crash this time around when Locke purposefully didn’t enter the numbers. Maybe it did, I mean, we didn’t see the whole island, only the Lostaways as they shielded their eyes and covered their eyes. So fake Henry must have entered the numbers the time Locke was stuck under the metal doors, huh? Pen’s dad must sooo be the mastermind or one of the main founders of the DHARMA project. Maybe she’s inherited his company is now the head of this all. But since it seems like the DHARMA initiative has folded since its heydays, maybe she’s now trying to go back and investigate everything that has happened as a result of DHARMA’s actions.

Joan: Good points, all. Now that we know fake Henry Gale is “Him” – it’s possible that he knew exactly what to do to make the electromagnetism problem disappear.

Melissa: Maybe the “Him” is actually Pen’s dad, the great mastermind behind all this and fake Henry is like his right hand man onsite.

LOST: Season Finale Musings, Part 1

Oof. The 2-hour season finale of LOST was a mind bender. Since there’s so very much to discuss, Melissa and I have decided to take it slowly, topic by topic/character by character. Buckle your seatbelts:

Regarding Michael and Walt:

Joan: I heard that the actor who plays Michael is not contracted for next season. So, we can assume that Michael and Walt do indeed sail off into the sunset and don’t attempt to rescue their friends. At least until their agents decide to renegotiate. ;)

Melissa: I would be very satisfied with Michael not coming as I hate his freakin’ guts, but there is still a huge mystery that surrounds Walt. From the fact that he’s got some sort of powers, to why Others’ took him (probably to eventually get Jack, Sawyer, and Kate, who they now have), to Mrs. Klugh asking and knowing that Walt has powers and can be seen in places where he really isn’t. But that conniving piece of shit Michael can drop off the planet and I wouldn’t care. Also, we need to know what happens on their boat getaway and where they end up.

Joan: You’re right. I would hope the writers wouldn’t leave the Walt plotline a loose end. Since they spent so much time developing it. Which is how I kinda feel about Ana-Lucia being killed off: How will they find out the connection she had to Jack’s father and Claire’s paternity?

Melissa: It has to come out that Jack and Claire are half-siblings. There are way more connections now than there ever were! With Kelvin being the army guy who made Sayid torture the other guy and who gave Sayid money when they dropped him off in the desert. Libby giving Desmond the boat, which is named Elizabeth. Tons of stuff. Charles Widmore, Penelope’s pop, who is a business man of epic proportions.

Regarding Jack, Kate, Sawyer:

Joan: What is the connection between Jack, Kate and Sawyer? What would be the reason The Others wanted to separate them from the other survivors?

Melissa: I’m stumped there, although what was that look that Jack and Kate gave one another before the bags were put over their heads? Was it a code of understanding? Do they have something up their sleeve? Or is a look of “We’re in this together?” Don’t know. If we go by what fake Henry Gale said and they are the good guys, then they sent Hurley off without hurting him. Hurley is a gentle soul and wouldn’t hurt a fly and they spared him. And we know that Kate and Sawyer have done bad things in the past, and Jack kinda did a bad thing by screwing his dad (but he thought he was being righteous). But further than that, I’m not sure what their connection is.

I'm just a ... Boy?

As is Hollywood isn't incestuous enough... First, TomKat's Suri comes the same day as Brooke's Grier. Now, Gwen and hotty hubby Gavin must share the spotlight with Brangelina:

The No Doubt singer delivered her baby at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles on Friday afternoon (May 26), according to her label representative. Stefani's rep issued a brief statement thatread, "Both mother and child are doing well." Stefani and her husband, rocker Gavin Rossdale, named the child Kingston James McGregor Rossdale; he weighed in at 7.5 pounds. [MTV]

Baby Brangelina is Born!

The Pitt-Jolie brood keeps growing. At this rate, they'll have their own Peace Corps in about 2 years time. This just in off the wire:

Jolie, 30, ha[s] given birth to Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt on Saturday in Namibia...There were no further details available, People reported. [REUTERS]

Shiloh is a name of Hebrew origin meaning, "His gift," per thinkbabynames.com. It also associated with an 1862 Civil War battle, and a Neil Diamond song about a desperately lonely childhood. (Diamond's imaginary friend, however, spelled his name "Shilo.") [EONLINE]

American Idol is finally ova

Holy shit, how much of a douchebag is Taylor???


And what the fuck is this?!?!? Is this Clay? It's like k.d. lang's long lost sister. What a way to dispel those gay rumors, Clay.

Seriously, does anyone give a shit?

The only Spice Girl anyone gives two shits about is Posh, and that's only because she's married to that piece of ass, Becks. So, when this came down the wire, you had to ask yourself: WHO GIVES A SHIT?

Inspired by the springtime flower, former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has named her baby daughter, born May 14, Bluebell Madonna. [People]

Good, maybe Bluebell will grow up and marry Moses and hang with Moxie Crimefighter.

P.S.
Hey, Melis -- don't you have those shoes? --Joan

Rally Round the Chicks

Whether or not their music is your cup of tea, gotta hand it to these gutsy southern gals... Natalie Maines's 2003 comment (being embarrassed to be from the same state as Dubbya) caused so much of a stir, you'd think the Chicks had burned an effigy of the Dope-in-Chief in front of a live audience. The punishment they received for speaking their minds was tantamount to old-school McCarthyism -- and in an age when anything goes no less. Quickly blacklisted by major country stations across the Bible Belt, the Chicks faced a boycott unlike any seen this side of the Mason-Dixon line. Major radio stations (mainly Clear Channel owned) and merchandise chains refused to play/sell their CD. Protests took place outside and inside the concert halls on their nationwide tour. And, believe it or not, death threats were made on their and their family members' lives...all because Natalie Maines decided to exercise her right to free speech. Here we are in 2006, and she's lookin' a bit like a prophet now, eh?

Well, Gals... here's wishing your latest release skyrockets to #1 on the Billboard charts and settles in for a nice, long stay. You done good in my book. ;)

Support Your Local Dixie Chick:
BUY THE DIXIE CHICK'S LATEST CD: TAKING THE LONG WAY, HERE!

Rubbin' Elbows with the Rich N Famous...

Considering how famous Melissa and I are, you can imagine the amount of mail we get. Therefore, I think it's necessary for us to name drop whenever possible. Some may call this "spam" -- but we call it keeping in touch with just a few close friends. ;) --Joan.




Bobby and I go way back. I couldn't attend the gala in the Vineyard, so Melissa gave me the scoop. Nice of Irish to follow up via e-mail.

Gwennie and Blythe are such dear friends. I'll always remember this mother's day challenge. Melissa and I kicked their bony asses in the three-legged race. Suckers! See ya next year, ladies!


Melissa and Bono have been hanging out a lot lately. Now, I'm not one to start a rumor... and you didn't hear this for me, but that Aid thing is just a cover for their torrid affair.

Will you still love me, when I'm sixty --DOH!

Heather Mills is about to become a filthy stinking rich woman. And Sir Paul is about to don yet another title: The Dumbest Beatle. How does someone worth an estimated $1.5 billion not sign a pre-nup??? If you all recall, McCartney's fashion designer daughter, Stella, had some issues with the then Miss Mills and made her feelings quite public. Turns out, Stella might have been the smartest of the bunch. If only dear old dad had listened:

Since the couple is believed to have no prenuptial agreement in place, legal experts have estimated Mills could be entitled to as much as one-quarter of McCartney's estimated $1.5 billion fortune.Mills told Vanity Fair in 2002 she had offered to sign a prenup before tying the knot, but McCartney had refused. "I wanted to prove that I love him for him," she told the magazine. "He said, 'I wouldn't let you.' " Love may be all you need, but in this case, Macca could probably use a good divorce lawyer. [eonline]

It's been a gay ol' time...

Joan: Eight years of Will & Grace have come to an end. And what an end… I have mixed feelings about last night’s series finale. Like most finales, there were some good points and bad. I expected it to be much more emotional than it was, but found myself welling up at only one part…and the tears didn’t flow, just a tiny bit of mistiness. I’m not a big fan of forecasting into the future, but there were some things about the storyline I liked.

Melissa: I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t cheesy or over-the-top dramatic. Well, Will holding a grudge against Grace for two years just cause she decided to get back together with Leo, the FATHER OF HER CHILD, was a tad dramatic. But overall it really wasn’t bad. I liked the mellow nature of it, the pace of the show was good and well done. The part with Jack and Karen singing Unforgettable was a waste of time. And the storyline with Jack and Beverly Leslie was dumb. But at least Jack’s taking care of Karen these days.

Joan: Yes, it seemed like some plotlines were reaching. LOL. You’re so going to tear me a new one when you learn that the Jack and Karen duet was the one part I misted up at. Maybe I’m PMSing? Have to up my meds. I was annoyed by the grudges…since they were such good friends all these years it was hard to believe that disagreement would keep them apart for the better part of 16 years. I found that a little unbelievable. They could have just as easily fast forwarded through the future as friends, their kid growing up and then later marrying – thus making Will and Grace bona fide family. And can I tell you how much I hate the guy who plays Will’s partner? I wished he’d stayed with Taye Diggs. (Who dumps Taye Diggs for that?)

Melissa: Yeah, but remember Taye Digg’s character was an asshole. Vince definitely sounds like a tool though. I couldn’t really buy the grudges for all those years either. Who goes from being inseparable to not even talking or seeing that person in a matter of a couple of years??? I don’t know. But taking it for what it is, the finale was a pretty good one and I am ok with it. Like you said, I was surprised that it wasn’t tear-jerking at all. Probably because ultimately they all ended up together anyway and no one died. And I will rip you a new one: UP YOUR MEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

Joan: I totally deserve that. ;) See, I’m basing the Taye Diggs thing on his hotness alone. I didn’t follow the storyline. I’ve watched on and off for about 3 years. After Leo left, I kinda trailed off. But overall, it wasn’t terrible. I like the whole idea of their kids getting married. Welp, and so it goes. Another one bites the dust.

Melissa: Yeah, Taye Diggs is totally hot but Will had to overlook that when he was turning out to be an ass. I do admit I watched throughout. Even when it started getting dumb, I watched. I watched post-Leo, post-Stan dying and coming back, etc, etc. I even endured the Alec Baldwin episodes and I HATE ALEC BALDWIN!

Joan: Ugh, I heard the Baldwin plotline was just awful. And the Britney Spears guest spot was tres embarrassing. I’ll have to recap on DVD.

Melissa: It was terrible. The Baldwin plotline was really dumb, it was all to lead up to Stan coming back from the “dead” although he had never died. Whatevs. The Brit episode was kinda funny but the fact that Brit was in it made me not enjoy it as much.

Joan: Well, let is be said that TV shows never die, they just go to DVD heaven. The cast member can thank their lucky stars for syndication deals. They’ll be rolling in it for-evah. Until the next series finale…

Melissa: Long Live the DVD!!!! These guys will never have to work again if they don’t want to. The royalties from the repeats and DVD sales will keep their bellies full forever.

J. Blo Preggo

Dang yo, J. Lo is procreating with Marc Skanktony. Weirder things have happened but this is pretty damn weird. Congrats to them.

Jennifer Lopez's greatest wish is about to become a reality! When she walked the red carpet at the ALMA Awards in LA on May 7, the normally fastidiously groomed superstar sported a small bump and tell-tale gray roots in her dark hair, proving what insiders have been telling In Touch: J. Lo is finally pregnant! [In Touch Weekly]

Katherine sluts it up some mo'

The threesome having some fun before Elliott's farewell last night.

Katherine doing what she does best...

Back stage, after American Idol last night, Katherine entertained as she had done last week. Hmmm...Taylor looks hyponotized. Maybe it'll cure him of those annoying tics.

Paula wasted? You don't say!

Paula's wasted on QVC while hawking her shit. Get it together, girl. Well, actually don't. It's highly entertaining for us the way things are right now.


Watch it HERE.

Kudos to that make-up artist

TC and Katie were out and about yesterday, attending one of his kids' games. Looks like a paparazzi caught Katie at a very interesting angle. Question is, was she really preggers and are those real stretch marks or is that one hell of a make-up artiste?

Snarky Sayonara, week 12

*sniff, sniff* Goodbye Chris. We'll miss your Sephora sideburns. You'll no longer have any more opportunites to make Ryan uncomfortable by disclosing that you wear boxer-briefs. Go on, now. Join Fuel. Maybe you can resuscitate them. Well, maybe not. But you can try. That is, after AI gets its claws outta you first, maybe in a year or two. I have Renegade on repeat. You sang a Styx song, dude. STYX. Oh shit, that's hot.

Elliott, Paula wants you to take pictures of her

HAHA! Elliott is such a dork. And what's wit da backwards Samuel L. Jackson Kangol hat, yo???

Last week, American Idol star Elliott Yamin was trying to achieve his goal of a full Hollywood experience by taking snapshots of a Hilton sister at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Unfortunately for Elliott, he took a picture of Nicky Hilton and she wasn't having it.

As she got up to leave, a cabana boy (in a signature Beverly Hills Hotel pink shirt) yelled at Yamin for taking the pictures and told him to stop.

Little did Yamin know, a paparazzi photographer caught him in the act. [TMZ]

Somebody punch this man...

The leftover Idols visited their hometowns this week. Here's Taylor douchebaggin' it in Alabama.

How Katherine saved herself this week

She probably did a little strip-tease for the producers. Here is the TV-friendly version, but you get the idea.

Burnt Toast = Burnt Corneas

Remember crazy Teri? She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...

Snarky Sayonara, week 11

American Idol hasn't been very kind to the uber-cute, Minnie Mouse-voiced Paris. Au revoir, Paris. It was grand while it lasted. It was fun and interesting to see you dress up in various costumes much like a child when they put on plays for his/her parents. You can definitely sing, no doubt about that. There isn't much I can say when the likes of you gets kicked off while the likes of Taylor are speculated to possibly win this whole thing. So ride off into the sunset, Paris. Those training wheels will come off before you know it.

Where was Katie's Guardian Xenu when this happened?

Katie almost had a nip-slip in LA on Friday. Oops... way to look out Tom, dumbass.

(Click on pics for larger views.)

Oh, no she dih-int...

I hope you're sitting, cause this will floor you:

Nicole Kidman

says she

still loves Cruise

I kid you not. She said it. She really did say this shit. And I'm not even joking. You can't make this shit up. I'm telling you.

In a recent interview with Ladies Home Journal (do people still read that?), Nicole Kidman was asked some questions regarding her 10-year marriage to batshit-insane crazy-ass Tom Cruise...and she was very open. Comfortable enough to say the following things:

"He was huge; still is. To me, he was just Tom, but to everybody else, he is huge. But he was lovely to me. And I loved him. I still love him."

"I always knew the rug was going to be taken out from underneath me at some stage," Kidman says. "I didn't think it was going to happen in the way it happened. I had seen my mother battle breast cancer, so I had a fear of my health being jeopardized - that was really where I was thinking mine would come.

"I knew I was going to get hit with something. But I think a divorce, and the demise of what your family is, is a little death in itself." (Mercury News/AP)

Seriously, Nicole. Let it go. Don't waste a second of your life on that dipshit. You got out while the gettin' was good. Just think... if you had stayed, you could look like this:

...So, considering recent developments, you're one very lucky lady.
BTW -- way to trade up.
Good work.
The women of America salute you. ;)

My 2nd Brush with the Same Fame

It was time for my parakeet Patsy (named after the alcohol-swigging cigarette-smoking character on Absolutely Fabulous) to have a friend. So I went to the pet-keeping source, Marc Marone -- Martha Stewart co-hort, host of PetKeeping, and co-owner of Parrots of the World in Rockville Centre, NY.

My co-worker Ellen, co-social director, dear friend, and fellow bird owner (Hello Ollie, Hello Sunshine), made the introduction. As we walked into the store, there was Marc...in the bird room feeding some baby African Greys. The room was filled with every kind of exotic bid imaginable and some very native varieties as well. The noise, and this is something you will have to appreciate in person, was DEAFENING. I couldn't hear myself think, and was so awe struck -- at first I didn't wanna move... taking it in and processing it required so much brain power. Eventually, Ellen and I made it over to the parakeets section. And I learned that my avian vet had been wrong on three counts: Patsy is not en English budgie and --and this is a biggie-- he's not a he.

I had my eye on a little blue male, currently being hounded by the females in the cage. He had a white face and pale blue breast and the typical zebra pattern on the head and wing feathers. It was love at first sight. This was my Edina, (Eddie, for short, and the counterpart to AbFab's Patsy).

After Marc fed his raven, he answered a few of my questions. The feverish exchange took place a bit like this:

[Sound of, oh it's gotta be thousands, of birds screaming, chirping, cooing, etc.]
Me: I have a parakeet whose cere keeps changing color, but my vet says it's a male. [show him picture]
Marc: That's a female you got there.
Me: NO!
Marc: YES!!!
Me: Oh, so I'd better get another female.
Marc: WHY!??
Me: I don't want them to mate.
Marc: They ain't gonna mate unless you put in a nesting box. So, which one ya like?
Me: Well, I kinda got my eye on that little blue guy.
Marc: Ok. [reaches into cage. birds flutter. with superhuman-like speed he nabs the little sucker and I think, for sure, this bird is dead. He pulls it out of the cage and it's all smushed up in his hand.] So, what do ya think? You'll take 'em?
Me: Uh, yeah. I think so.
Marc: OK. I'll put 'em in a box.
Ellen and I: [exchange a look of disbelief.]
Ellen: You sure now?
Me: I think so. He's the color I wanted. And I spotted him first...
[We follow Marc to the register. When we get there the bird is already in a tiny box]
Marc: So...
Me: So, do I need to quarantine the bird?
Marc: Why would you do that?
Me: Well, the book said--
Marc: Book! EH, JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES.
Ellen and I: [Laugh]
Me: So, I can keep them in separate cages next to each other?
Marc: Nah, just throw 'em in there?
Me: But, I don't need to worry about...
Marc: Look -- there's tons a birds in that room -- they're fine!
Me: Very true.
Marc: That'll be $16.97

And... That's how I got Eddie. ;)

--Joan.

The prisoner escapes...

Putting an end to the "shackled in the attic like Mrs. Rochester" rumors, Katie Holmes (very soon to be the new Mrs. Cruise) arrived at the Mi3 premiere all aglow. Sporting the baby weight, she looked smashing (in my opinion the extra pounds suit her...) in a black number and white heels. Course, the PDAs were numerous and quite nauseating. As has been Tom Cruise's recent press junket for the latest installment in the Mission Impossible series. If you need proof of just how nauseating TC can be, watch this. But don't say I didn't warn ya.

The red carpet parade into the premiere was fraught with many a car-jumping extravaganza and the tonsil-touching twosome wowed the crowds by displaying their hot Scientology love for one another. All of TC's high-level operative thetan friends came out to show their support (Jenna Elfman, Lea Remini, Kirstie Alley, Catherine Bell) or maybe they were programmed to come. Who knows...? Enjoy the pictorial diary of events... but remember to keep the antacids on hand. You'll need them. --Joan.

The overly staged arrival...

The kiss no one needed to see...

Katie, still being led around like a child...

Doofus.

Car jumping...