Are they or aren't they?

Recently, it looked like Vaughniston was altar bound... but just last week, WENN reported that Jen’s Gal Pals convened to help her get over yet another broken heart:

“Aniston…allegedly call[ed] off her impending marriage to boyfriend Vince Vaughn. The actress is reportedly single again and is calling on best pals Courtney Cox, Sheryl Crow and volleyball star Gabrielle Reese to help her cope with another broken romance….Aniston staged a girls-only get together at Cox’s Malibu, California home on July 24 and has been referring to herself as ‘the new Jen’ ever since.” [IMDB/WENN]

But don’t blink: Just today, celebrity gossip blogs across the nation began reporting that the engagement was back on. However, it was just hours later it was off again. Reputable sources for delicious gossip reported that no one really knows what the f--- is going on:

“To break it down: Life & Style reports engagement, Us Weekly [and] Life & Style reports breakup, Us Weekly counters with engagement report, Life & Style conveniently forgets prior breakup report, points finger at Us Weekly and says, ‘Nana nana boo-boo.’ Yes, denies engagement, our heads hurt too.” [E! Online]

But wait, here’s where it gets reallllly interesting. It appears that Matthew “Homina Homina” McConaughey has been pursuing Jen—professionally and personally:

“Newly single Matt...call[ed] Jennifer. Star Magazine reports this week that Jen recently turned him down—gently after his inquiry but they report Matt is not giving up so easily.... ‘When Matthew called, the source tells Star, ‘Jen told him she was flattered, but she didn’t think it would be right to go out with Matt while she’s dating Vince.’ A friend of Matt’s then tells Star Magazine, “He doesn’t give up when he has his eye on someone. He’s figuring out his next move.’” [National Ledger]

Even if the latter happens not to be true, that’s some good-ass dirt. It’s the kinda dirt I like to role around in. But humor me here… and consider this post an open letter to Ms. Aniston:

Dear Jen,

I only want the best for you, which is why I feel absolute honesty is called for. Now is not the time to be settling down again. Sow some oats, sweetie. Yes, I know.... Vince is boyishly charming -- but let’s face it, as nice as the guy can be—he’s not mature enough for marriage and kids... Why tie yourself down so quickly after your divorce?

Here’s my advice: Tell Vince you need some space. Call Matthew and accept his offer. Girl, you gotta tap that ass. Opportunities like this don’t come along that often and when they do, by God, you have to pounce on them, ravage them, get tangled up in the damn bed sheets and just screw them senseless.... Do it for yourself, Jen. Damn it, do it just to say you did it. And, for God's sake, do it for womankind!

--Joan,
Proud Member of Team Aniston.

P.S.: If you’re really confused by the whole situation, consider the picture below “food for thought.”