So that's what that was all about...

Now it's all making sense. I couldn't figure out why Jake G. and Matt M. were so far up in Lance Armstrong's anal cavity all this time. They were wooing him...

Jake Gyllenhaal will fill the bicycle seat of Lance Armstrong in a biopic ... Armstrong told sources at ESPN that Matthew McConaughey had been up to play the part, but lost out to Gyllenhaal. "He said that'’s why he has been spending so much time with them both this summer,"” said the source. However, it seems like there are no hard feelings between Matt and Lance. The fast friends have spent the summer taking vacations to Miami beach together and living as roommates in McConaugheys Malibu bachelor pad. [usweekly]

That's a long way to go for a part, no? And how awkward, the two of them trying to best each other at the same time, under the same roof? I'm sorry, something is so weird about this scenario. And how the hell is Jake gonna ugly himself up to look like Lance? That's a physical impossibility. There's not enough "dream" at DreamWorks to make that happen.