Joan and Melissa: Gimme the Gold, Bitch

Joan and Melissa wax poetic on this year's
Primetime Emmy nominations.
The ceremony airs this Sunday -- check your local listings :)

MELISSA: let's do this
JOAN: Outstanding Comedy Series
JOAN: oooh, this one's tough
JOAN: my gut reaction is the office.
but, entourage and rock are also contenders
JOAN: and ugly betty
MELISSA: i vote for the office, hands down.
i don't watch rock and got the first season of entourage
on DVD but haven't watched yet. i love ugly betty,
but it doesn't compare to the office.
JOAN: yeah, i'm thinking office. but watch, 2 1/2 men will win. wtf?
MELISSA: omg, if 2.5 men win, i'm gonna freakin' faint
JOAN: i don't know one person who watches that shit show
MELISSA: me neither, yet it's so damn popular

JOAN: ok. next category: Outstanding Drama Series
JOAN: house
MELISSA: i say House, but i'll bet Sopranos takes it since it ended
JOAN: god, please no
MELISSA: i know
JOAN: enough w/the fucking sopranos.
not to mention that let down of a finale.
MELISSA: but if it doesn't win now, it'll never win
JOAN: true. i hope they don't play that card.
MELISSA: but they will
MELISSA: they always do
JOAN: grey's doesn't stand a chance this year --
it's gotta be house.
MELISSA: sooooo over grey's
MELISSA: even tho i've never watched it!
JOAN: lol. it was good.
JOAN: i hope it gets good again

JOAN: what's next? ahh yes:
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
MELISSA: STEVE CARRELL
MELISSA: no ifs, ands, or buts
JOAN: it better be
MELISSA: i cannot wait for the new season
JOAN: if charlie fucking sheen wins, i'm losing my shit
MELISSA: don't even say it
JOAN: ricky gervais is a dark horse here --
since extras won't be returning.
MELISSA: but it's prolly got such a limited audience
JOAN: he's well-liked though, in the industry
JOAN: alec baldwin on the other hand...
MELISSA: god, i hate alec baldwin
JOAN: may have kissed it goodbye
when he called his daughter a little pig
MELISSA: true
JOAN: i like him on rock.
MELISSA: i don't watch that so...
JOAN: u need to watch. u will love.
MELISSA: but on anything else i've seen him in, hate him
JOAN: tina fey is amazing.
MELISSA: so annoying
MELISSA: love fey

MELISSA: ok, Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
JOAN: enough already w/keifer sutherland
JOAN: there are other actors
MELISSA: i want hugh laurie hands down
JOAN: i'm going anti-soprano and hope for hugh laurie, too
MELISSA: but again, with sopranos ending, i'm afraid it'll go to james
MELISSA: with the fucking nose whistle
JOAN: and the high voice.
JOAN: ugh.
JOAN: dennis leary might pull this one out... never know.
JOAN: i wouldn't be surprised
MELISSA: i've never seen rescue me, you?
JOAN: yes, it's actually pretty good.
MELISSA: really? peg loves it!
JOAN: i know. rightly so. it's good shit.
MELISSA: ha, well i'll be a monkey's uncle
JOAN: will ya now?
MELISSA: i so will
JOAN: let's skip miniseries
MELISSA: ya
JOAN: no one cares about that shit

MELISSA: Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
JOAN: TINA FEY BETTER WIN
MELISSA: SO OVER DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
MELISSA: i'd love to see america pull it out
JOAN: god, no shit. i wouldn't know it was still
on if it didn't keep getting nominated.
MELISSA: but she won last year, no?
JOAN: i think so, yes. i remember the maria menunous incident
JOAN: lol
MELISSA: oh right
JOAN: dumb twat
MELISSA: douchebag
MELISSA: yeah, i'd love to see tina take this one
MELISSA: i think me and tina can hang
JOAN: weeds is getting so much hype though -- it might be MLP
MELISSA: i wanna see it so bad but i don't have HBO
JOAN: i'm not loving it.
MELISSA: you watch?
JOAN: i rented season
MELISSA: ah
JOAN: not impressed
MELISSA: no good?
MELISSA: i want to get the DVDs
JOAN: it has its moments
JOAN: but, it gets tired after a while.
MELISSA: interesting...

JOAN: so, that brings us to Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
JOAN: fucking sopranos bs again. edie falco has enough awards...
but i don't have any leanings in this category at all. i'm gonna say sally field --
based on body of work.
MELISSA: weirdly, patricia keeps winning this
category for the last few years, right?
MELISSA: no clue why since i don't know anyone who watches medium
MELISSA: but might pull it out again
JOAN: i saw one ep when i was in london
(so much american tv btw) and it was good.
MELISSA: NO!
JOAN: scouts honor
MELISSA: i'm gonna say minnie driver just for her role
of Lorraine Finster on Will & Grace
JOAN: lol. fair enough

JOAN: k, now the most important category on here
JOAN: Outstanding Reality-competition Program
MELISSA: oh shit, so much to choose from...
JOAN: idol!!!
MELISSA: it's between idol and project runway
JOAN: i love proj runway and dancing w/the stars
JOAN: but it's gotta be idol, right? can it not be?
MELISSA: it will be idol
MELISSA: no doubt
JOAN: phew!

JOAN: Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
JOAN: Pivs
MELISSA: DWIGHT
JOAN: but i'd like to see rainn wilson win
JOAN: lol
JOAN: def dwight
MELISSA: OMG dwight fucking kills me
JOAN: that ep with the beet farm -- omg.
JOAN: genius
JOAN: he really does deserve to win.
MELISSA: he does
MELISSA: the eppy with the penis flasher?
MELISSA: and the sketch is him
MELISSA: omg
JOAN: LOFL
JOAN: when he gets the faxes from future dwight
JOAN: lol
JOAN: good shit
MELISSA: so fuckinig good

JOAN: Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
JOAN: wow, LOCKE
JOAN: i want locke... but i bet it's shat
MELISSA: LOCKE BETTER FUCKING WIN
JOAN: cause shat happens
JOAN: no no, it will be the heroes dude
MELISSA: hate shat
MELISSA: for reals yo
JOAN: LOVE SHAT
JOAN: stop
MELISSA: NO!
MELISSA: omg, nicole
JOAN: he's so hee-larious
MELISSA: what is going on today?!?!?
JOAN: LOL... I SWEAR
MELISSA: we are off
JOAN: he's so tongue in cheek.
JOAN: come on, shat rules.
MELISSA: no no
MELISSA: i can't
MELISSA: he doesn't
MELISSA: he's uber-anoying
MELISSA: annoying
MELISSA: i'm sorry
JOAN: accept the shat into your life.
MELISSA: i will not
JOAN: it will change you
MELISSA: it won't
JOAN: lol
JOAN: agree to disagree...
JOAN: but you're wrong.
MELISSA: yup, whale's vagina
JOAN: when in rome
MELISSA: lol

JOAN: Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
JOAN: PAM
MELISSA: YES!
MELISSA: she better win!
MELISSA: love her
JOAN: and if it's not Jenna Fischer... someone's goin' down.
JOAN: I really like Jamie Pressly though, she's a riot on Earl
MELISSA: if it's conchata (who?), all hell's breaking loose
JOAN: everyone's raving over vanessa williams.
MELISSA: she is good on ugly better
MELISSA: betty
MELISSA: plays her role extremely well
JOAN: eh, blow me. it better be pam.
MELISSA: ditto

MELISSA: Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
JOAN: nods for grey's
JOAN: that could get ugly
MELISSA: i don't wany anyone to win here
JOAN: lol
MELISSA: fuck them all
JOAN: i'm gonna cxl out grey's altogether here --
bec they all had better seasons than last year.

JOAN: k, now this is my fave category...
and only because the intros before the nominees
are announced are so friggin funny:
Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
JOAN: Obviously, my heart belongs to The Daily Show...
but I bet Colbert will take it this year... either way... i'm happy.
JOAN: any of these could win, and i'll be happy.
so glad leno's not nominated. conceited prick.
MELISSA: Hate LENO
MELISSA: with all my hearty
MELISSA: heart
MELISSA: so annoying
MELISSA: OMG, hands down, CONAN
MELISSA: no doubt
JOAN: really???
JOAN: not jon???
MELISSA: colbert annoys me in large doses
JOAN: NOOOOOOOO
MELISSA: i like jon too
JOAN: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?
MELISSA: but conan cracks ma ass up
MELISSA: I DON"T KNOW!
JOAN: I FEEL LIKE WE'RE SO FAR APART
JOAN: HOLD ME
MELISSA: I KNOW
MELISSA: :(
JOAN: lol
MELISSA: let's hug it out bitch
JOAN: lol
JOAN: hug it out bitch.